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Fear & Loathing in Special Education

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We Have to Stop Meating Like This...

Posted 10-20-2011 at 03:08 AM by Speced9

The new job means new experiences, namely, a crap-load of meetings. It's been at these meetings that a new PET PEEVE has reared its ugly head.

Picture this- You're at a meeting first thing in the morning. As the discussion proceeds, in walks Miss Lucy Late. Miss Late, as you guessed, is ALWAYS LATE to these early morning meetings, but that isn't the peeve that I pet. As a matter of fact, Principal Ermaline Early, who is always early, bugs me just as much as Lucy Late. In all fairness, I must also bring Mrs. Sally Psychologist into the mix because she shares similar attributes with Principal Early and Miss Late. So, what do these fellow colleagues have in common that drives me insane?

THEY'RE ALL MEETING EATERS, or as i like to call them,
MEATERS.

This is my pet peeve of the early morning meeting. All three go about things differently though. They each have their own unique characteristics and styles for driving me insane.

The least peeving is Principal Early. She's pretty low key. Her meeting food of choice is a yogurt.



She chooses this food item not because of its naturally low noise levels, but for the fact that she is perpetually on a new diet every day of the year. Each morning she starts the day with major will power (hence the low fat yogurt as a breakfast choice), but ruins the diet daily with a secretary delivered lunch from some nearby fast food joint. It's a success-in-the-morning/failure-by-lunch vicious circle that I've seen her go round and round on for about five years now. The peeving part of the yogurt is well….IT'S YOGURT! Yogurt is just one of those foods that tends to stick in the corners of the mouth. Add conversation to that and I have the constant reminder of what it was like to watch my grandma eat tapioca pudding.

Next in line is Miss Late. She's on the perpetual diet as well, but her food choices fall into the noisy-as-hell category. There we are discussing achievement test data amidst the crunchy, munchy sounds of apple slices, granola bar wrappers and baby carrots. To make matters worse, Lucy likes to use her food items to emphasize points while talking. You know how some people will use their hands to talk? Yeah, well, just imagine that, but substitute the hands and fingers with apple slices and carrot sticks. You just know a point is important to a person when they're pointing fruits and vegetables at you.

The Queen of Peeve is Sally Psychologist though. She brings the eating thing to new levels. It's not the grossness factor, or noise levels that puts her in the top meater position. Her reign as Queen Meater is based on the complexity of the food she brings to the table (literally). Her breakfast comes in stages. She comes into the meeting with her black psychologist bag which contains the morning meal. Watching her bring the components of her breakfast out one at a time is like Mary Poppins pulling the coat rack out of the carpet bag. She'll start with a Tupperware container of mixed fruit. Once that is down the hatch, she'll pull out a yogurt (not Principal Early's low fat kind I might add) and a little baggy of granola then proceed to mix them together with a plastic spork she obviously lifted from KFC. Then, to top off the meal, she has some kind of breakfast sandwich from McDonald's. Given that she always eats the Mac's biscuit last, I can only assume that she has some kind of heating element in that bag of hers.

As you can imagine, the other participants in the meeting always seem to have a shift in attention while all of this eating is going on, especially with Sally. I mean, come on, which is more exciting, fifth grade scores in science, or what Ol' Sally's gonna pull out of the bag next? Yes, I admit that I'm curious at certain points in time too, but mostly, I'm irritated by the whole thing. My breakfast is made and eaten AT HOME. How do I do it? It's a novel idea actually. I get up EARLIER. Unbelievable isn't it?

Actually, I'm hoping that Sally Psych brings lunch to an afternoon meeting some day. The other day, as she was eating her three-course breakfast, my mind began to wander and I began to imagine Sally's afternoon meeting meal. I figure she'd start with a salad, or soup from a Tupperware bowl. Just before she finishes it, she'll pull out one of those metal butter cups with a tealight candle underneath and light it up with a grill lighter. After she finishes the salad, she'll bring out some bread (kept warm by that heat lamp) and a few pats of butter. Then, she'll bring out the main course consisting of a full pound of KING CRAB LEGS. That'll shoot the crunchiness factor of apple slices and carrot sticks right out of the freaking' water won't it? You can only imagine as well the power her statements would have as she points a giant crab claw at the other meeting participants.

I figure that will be the ultimate attention getting meeting meal. The Magnus Opus for the MEATER. I'll be ready for that one though. I'll just wheel in the dessert cart.

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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    chronicfun's Avatar

    freakin hilarious!

    I have the same peeve! I hate meaters (love that term). When I taught we had a Nancy Knowitall who liked to use big words in the wrong context while slicing (yes, she brought a very sharp knife to school for this!) not just one apple but two! She'd gab 'n slice through the whole damn meeting.

    Love the visuals!!
    Posted 10-20-2011 at 03:20 AM by chronicfun chronicfun is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Ilvtching's Avatar
    I will admit I have been a meater (love that term) I am always the one that brings food for EVERYONE though! I am a baker so I bake fresh goods and bring them for the meeting.

    I have also been known at whole staff meetings to bring myself a muffin...that way when certain staff members talk I stuff my mouth full so I don't say what I REALLY think of them!

    Thanks for the laugh this morning!
    Posted 10-20-2011 at 04:31 AM by Ilvtching Ilvtching is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Tounces's Avatar

    meaters

    This is a great post. I cannot stand meetings with food. But, our staff decided to take turns bringing in food for everyone else. No reimbursement for the cost either. We have a large group too. Last time I spent a few hours getting my portion of our team's treats. This included a special trip to the store, preparing the snack-fruit salad, and then paying for it all along with the needed spoons, napkins, bowls. Then I had to lug it to the meeting. I went to the usual place on the first floor, waiting with the other member of our "group". More on that later. Found out they changed the meeting to the third floor. Lugged it up there. Good thing I came in 1/2 hour early. Set it up. I wasn't hungry because I eat before I go to work. My commute is about an hour so I don't wait til I get to school to eat. Pick up after the meeting. Find that the treat isn't even half gone! They supposedly didn't eat it because they didn't know what it was.?? Did I forget to make a sign for it? I work in the land of the hotdish-please. That's MN to you who haven't heard of hotdish. It is whatever is on hand to eat all goes into one big pot. Oh, the rest of my team? Two of them scheduled an out of building workshop together and didn't supply a treat. The other one came in late. She did bring in some gross cookies. They were chocolate chip she said. They looked all bumpy and practically round. She puts in weird ingredients and uses only things like free roam chicken eggs and stuff like that. I once ate a brownie from her. I couldn't even finish it. Who can screw up brownies? After that, I know not to eat her "goodies". To top all of this great idea of bringing in treats for meetings. Our AP doesn't want anyone bringing in anything to do on the side of our meetings. I like to keep busy myself while at boring meetings. I'm really busy and its frustrating to me to waste time like that. So how does eating and going up for seconds and talking about who brought in what to eat, if someone can get the recipe to gross cookies etc. not be considered doing something else at meetings? Thanks for letting me rant on your blog.
    Posted 11-29-2011 at 08:01 PM by Tounces Tounces is offline
 


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