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Fear & Loathing in Special Education

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Thoughts From the Recliner Part II

Posted 01-19-2011 at 02:01 PM by Speced9

What's the worst part about recovering from surgery at home? BOREDOM.

I feel like a kid the third day of summer break.

"Mom, I'm bored!"

I'm so bored in fact, that I'm considering getting one of my colleagues at school to set up an iChat video conference between me and my class. Ah, isn't technology great? Can't you just see the astonished (and scared) little faces of my students during that little activity? I could even multiply the effect by one thousand if I have my colleague connect their end to the computer projector. Then I'd come across as

THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ!



So, let's hope, for my sake, that that happens. Otherwise, I'm likely to wither away from nothing to do. You see, here it is day two after surgery and I've come to the realization that recovery from hernia surgery is not about the pain. It's not about the flexibility. It's not even about the cleanliness of the incision site. Nope. It's all about what they DON'T talk about.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE POOPY.

There, I said it. It's all about the poopy. My recovery success is all based on how much and how often I can create. They don't tell you this in the informative hernia surgery pamphlet you know. Why? Because I think it's one of those things that people can only understand through their own personal experiences. It's like trying to explain a religious experience. It's Zen-like.

The only thing they tell you post-op is

"do not strain".



Don't strain? DON'T STRAIN? Well that just makes an impossible situation even more impossible doesn't it? Yet, they are correct. Straining involves pressure. Pressure involves tension. Tension leads to pain. Incision pain, and that's not a good thing.

So, producing the poopy becomes a little exercise in hope, self-affirmation and mental visualization for me. As I sit, I must focus on many things at once. Thoughts and pictures flow through my subconscious like a hippy on a peyote trip.

don't strain! easy does it!

come on now poopy! go to the light!

do, or do not. there is no try.....

Get Yoda out of your head!

You can't poop with Yoda in your head!

So, dear Reader, do you see my plight? How can I go from being a teacher who really doesn't think too much about the poopy,

(i.e. "Johnny! You've been gone for ten minutes to the restroom! What exactly took so long?"

Johnny gives you an astonished look.

"Uh.... I had to poop." )

to a surgery survivor who is obsessed with it?

All I can say is this-

Take all the time you need Johnny, and keep Yoda out of your head.
Posted in Teaching Related , Life As I Know It , TMI (You Had to Be There)
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