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Fear & Loathing in Special Education

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Thoughts From the Recliner Part I

Posted 01-18-2011 at 05:08 PM by Speced9

Okay, so the surgery's over. I'd love to say that a lot of crazy things to blog about happened, but they didn't. Actually, it was a pretty pleasant time. Kudos to the great staff of medical personnel who took care of me. So, I figured I'd just document my experiences in case anyone has to go through what I have in the future. We'll just call this


January 17, 2011

8:00 am
It's pre-op time. The only thing worth mentioning is the four different people who came in to ask me my name and what I was having done. My wife chuckled after the third person came in and asked. I would have laughed myself, but alas, it hurts to do so.

9:00 am
My surgery nurse comes in with a Sharpie in hand. She tells me to initial the place on my body where the doc will do the cutting. Given the area is MY GROIN, I end up having to violate myself. I wanted to write "cut here", but she was adamant about the initials.

9:15 am
I'm walked into the operating room and get introduced to everyone. After the pleasantries, I'm given the obligatory sedative and WHOOSH I'm in the recovery room an hour later. Man, there's nothing better tasting than Lorna Doone's and a Diet Pepsi after surgery.

11:00 am
I'm home and in the recliner. The wife has fixed me some oatmeal and toast and I'm a semi-happy boy. There's a pain and slowness to my body that I suspect will be much worse by tomorrow. As for now, I'm feeling comfortably numb and am not having any trouble getting up by myself to go to the bathroom. I don't think I'll be attempting the stairs today. Right now I have everything I need downstairs- my soda, my laptop, my iPhone, the remote and a very willing pair of females at my beck and call (i.e. my wife and daughter)

2:00 pm
My first jolt of tremendous PAIN. My wife, whom I appreciate dearly, has decided to catch up on her soap opera since she's off work. I'm feeling nauseous, dizzy, irritable and ornery. This should subside by 3:00 pm when the show is over.

6:30 pm
I just coughed. All I can say is


January 18, 2011

7:22 am
I was awake until 1:00 am last night. As the night went on, the pain got worse. At this point in time, I think it's more gas pain than anything. How do I know? Every time there's a gas leak, there's pain relief. It goes a little something like this:


So, I ended up watching the movie, The Messenger with Woody Harrelson and two Behind the Music episodes, Leif Garrett and Boy George. It's amazing how dorky I thought both of them were when they were popular, and how interesting I find them now. Weird. It must have something to do with the anesthesia.

All in all, the pain isn't as bad at this point as I thought it would be though. I am able to get up and walk around for 5 minutes at a time. I'm also able to go up and down stairs without much trouble. Slow and steady wins the race. So, it's safe to say that I can take care of my needs while on my own, which leads me to this thought-

I've had quite a few people offer to come over and stay with me while my wife and daughter are at work and school. Wouldn't it be funny to accept any and all offers to do so and have a party? It would be interesting to see how fast someone would leave once they figured out they really weren't needed. I'd also like to take those "call me if you need anything" people and request some stupid stuff.

"Yeah, Jack, it's me."
"Yeah, yeah, sure. I was just wondering if you'd bring me a few things."
"Sure, whadya need?….."
"Well, let's see….. I'd like a pair of Dockers® Khakis, size 30 x 30, a new garden spade, some of those mini donuts, an autographed picture of Miley Cyrus and a couple of those Clapper® light switches."

3:45 pm

I've never prayed while pooping, but today was the day.

6:30 pm
Okay, so I'm doing pretty well here (knock on wood). I think I can sum it up in one quick list:


1. Get off your feet, preferably in a recliner. Lean back and put those knees up. It's really the most comfortable and beneficial position.

2. Breathe. That is, breathe while doing anything that puts pressure on your incision. This includes getting up, sitting down and farting. For those things that you can't breathe during, namely coughing, a well placed hand over the incision site is a must.

3. Don't be afraid to move around. Getting up may be slow and painful (like my first marriage), but it must be done. You'll be a better man by moving forward (This was also helpful after my divorce.).

4. ICE, ICE BABY. Icing that incision site the first 24 hours must make a world of difference. I've seen where some recommend icing 20 min. on, then 20 min. off. My icing was constant these first 24 hours. That ice pack was my woobie.

5. Keep up the humor, but DON'T LAUGH. It hurts. Still, there's something funny about having half the bushes trimmed, half a groin and stomach colored orange ala Betadine and permanent marker points guidelines left on your nether region.

So, I'm feeling like the possibility of returning to school on Monday is high. The only thing I have to make sure of is that I can tolerate sitting in a chair normally. That hasn't come yet. Trust me, I tried at dinner tonight. It was a no go at this point. Hmmm....I'm wondering if a recliner in my classroom falls under the medical necessity agreements in our contracts...
Posted in Teaching Related , Life As I Know It , TMI (You Had to Be There)
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  1. Old Comment
    musicbug's Avatar


    Get well soon. Be very careful, and yeah, call the guys and have a party. It's so much better than watching soap operas.
    Posted 01-19-2011 at 03:57 AM by musicbug musicbug is offline

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