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ElizabethJoy's Message:

Quote:
I don't know what grade you are and I've only taught younger kids(second grade and pre-k), but would giving him a job maybe help? Something "important" that he could be in charge of?
I agree with this. I've found it super helpful to give 'bossy' kids an area of special responsibility and then teach them to be a 'good' boss- kind, thoughtful etc. And then when they are bossing someone when it's not their job, I can say 'you are not the boss of the lego/playground/glue sticks' or whatever it is.

Bossiness is just the demonstration of immature leadership skills. I wanna nurture the leadership part!

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Discussion Review (newest messages first)
SeaGlass 11-26-2019 01:10 PM

my kiddo....."Who are you in charge of?" or "What is your job?"

That usually takes care of it. Sometimes I hear my kids telling each other when someone tries to be the teacher.

ElizabethJoy 11-24-2019 04:46 PM

Quote:
I don't know what grade you are and I've only taught younger kids(second grade and pre-k), but would giving him a job maybe help? Something "important" that he could be in charge of?
I agree with this. I've found it super helpful to give 'bossy' kids an area of special responsibility and then teach them to be a 'good' boss- kind, thoughtful etc. And then when they are bossing someone when it's not their job, I can say 'you are not the boss of the lego/playground/glue sticks' or whatever it is.

Bossiness is just the demonstration of immature leadership skills. I wanna nurture the leadership part!
forkids2 11-22-2019 07:11 AM

I don't know what grade you are and I've only taught younger kids(second grade and pre-k), but would giving him a job maybe help? Something "important" that he could be in charge of?

Lakeside 11-20-2019 07:07 PM

I find that kids want to be in control for one of two reasons - either they are used to being in control at home, or they feel they have no control over their lives and are grasping for it.

Try to figure out which it is for this kid, and if it's the first one, remove him from the situation every time he bosses the others. - If it's at recess, he must play something else, if it's during group work, he has to do his own, etc. He has to make the connection that that behavior will not result in the other kids doing what he says.

If it's the second, try to find a more appropriate way for him to feel empowered - something truly useful that he can do, and be in charge of. Present it during whatever small window he's not bossing someone, and keep reminding him when he does get bossy.

In either scenario, he needs to be taught replacement behaviors - the right way to make a suggestion during play, a strategy for calming any anxiety he is feeling about other kids' behavior, etc.

Maybe happen to read something at storytime about bossiness as well?

Zia 11-20-2019 03:56 PM

Not surprisingly, I'm with Sbkangas on this! I tell those kids, "You're not his mama or his teacher. You need to worry about yourself and not what the other kids are doing." Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

I don't bother with charts for something like this...it's waaay too much work for me. I'm not even sure how that would work? He gets a sticker for every hour he doesn't boss someone around?

Eventually, the other kids start ignoring it and the kid realizes his power is gone. Just stay the course and broken record him!

Sbkangas5 11-20-2019 03:03 PM

I approach kids like this in two ways.


First, of course, it's about them minding their own business. My refrain is "worry about the choices you are making, not the choices others are making". And I'll say it over and over and over. If you are wanting to use a chart or something, I would make it positive by stating "focuses on own behavior" or something like that. I, personally, never use charts so I'm not sure how well that would work.



Second, it's about training the other kids not to react. He is not the teacher, they don't have to do what he says or listen to him. He's probably getting a reaction (and you are probably sick of others tattling that he's being bossy). Help by giving them a refrain to say to him and then walk away. It can be something as simple as "you aren't the teacher" and then ignore or walk away. Take away his audience and it takes away the reactions he gets.


Good luck!

Hoosier68 11-19-2019 06:26 PM

Hi, we have a student in our class that will boss the other children around and he will not stop. He will literally continue to boss everyone even when the teacher and I tell him we have the situation handled and it's not his job to be in charge. We are at our wits end. Any suggestions would be great. I've contemplated a chart, but he does best with positive reward and I don't know of a positive way to spin this. We already use a positive chart for his staying on task and making sure to use his best handwriting. I would really appreciate any advice you all can give.




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