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sportsmom88's Message:

You are nicer than me. I would stop asking her how she is.

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Discussion Review (newest messages first)
Lottalove 04-02-2019 05:49 PM

Most of the time when someone asks me that, I assume it is just a rhetorical question as a form of greeting and they are not really asking for an honest answer. I almost always answer "Fine" and give a greeting in return. That return greeting may or may not include a "how are you?" too.

And, truthfully too, it may be hard to hear, but unless you are a close friend or colleague, I don't really want the long answer either. That may make me a jerk but we all know we have limited time at school and time is money. I am choosy as to how I spend that time. My goal is to bring home as little work as possible.

I am sorry that your feelings were hurt but you might reconsider how you see (or how she might see) the question.

MKat 04-02-2019 03:08 PM

Don't ask her how she is. Just say "good morning" or "hello" or "nice to see you today" or some other greeting that doesn't require an answer.

I'm sort of flummoxed by the idea of expecting people to ask how you are or that asking people how they are is the only way to be nice or polite. Especially when you don't want them to answer?

I do get that conversations should be reciprocal and it seems like maybe that is the real issue here.

My inlaws all say "how did you sleep?" when they greet each other in the morning. I have no desire to tell them about my sleep or to know how theirs was unless there was something noteworthy. I had to train my husband not to ask me that every morning and reassure him I'd keep him informed if there was exciting news overnight. It drives me nuts. They probably think I'm rude.

a guest 04-02-2019 02:57 PM

I'm just the opposite of you! I would rather someone not ask me how I am! I guess I'm just a private person and don't care to share any details about how I am doing!!
I guess you can consider yourself lucky that she doesn't ask how you are doing because she probably would half listen/not care. Sad she feels the need to brag on herself to feel good.

TchrFvr 04-02-2019 06:04 AM

If she is actively rude to you, maybe you could just avoid her. But otherwise, I'd just say a polite hello and keep moving past ("...Hi, nice to see you, gotta run, have a few things to copy/to do/people to talk to...") Maybe she really needs some nice person to greet her, even if only briefly...who knows what her life is like outside of school hours.

SwollenAnkles 04-02-2019 05:38 AM

I would stop asking her. She does sound self observed with her bragging. I have a bragger, name dropper person at my work. I donít talk to her at all and I donít care how she is doing unless she is dying, then I hate her so much I may be happy. I am an introvert so chit chat is not what I seek. I donít usually ask people how they are because I donít want the conversation, but hen that leads to my worry of, ďam I caring enough?Ē I will think about how you feel it is rude and try more, or maybe make it clear that I donít really want people asking how I am.

travelingfar 04-02-2019 02:43 AM

I know a few self centered people like that, so I understand how irritating she must be.

I have a friend in Zumba class who talks endlessly about herself and has never asked me a question. I don't chat with her much anymore because I get tired of hearing it all.

whiteturtle 04-02-2019 02:29 AM

If she were burdened and her answers told you she was so stressed, she needed to talk (as in having a loved one ill or something similar), I would forgive it. In this case though it seems that she brags, which tells me she is probably just self absorbed. I would be polite but that's about it. If you stop asking, she will seek you out if you are important enough to her. If not, oh well... I wouldn't worry about it.

Boymom21 04-01-2019 11:01 PM

I try really hard to always ask. To me, if you donít ask itís like saying the other person isnít as important. I get sometimes it turns into a story, but I make a point to ask before walking away. I find it very rude.

SwollenAnkles 04-01-2019 09:12 PM

This is actually something I worry about. Do I ask people enough how they are? People ask me all the time. It usually turns into a conversation though. I say something like, ďOh, I woke up with a back ache.Ē Then they will talk about the time they had one and what they recommend to help. But I donít always straight out ask them how they are. At the store when the checker asks me how I am I say fine, and you? I am just not a, ďHow are you?Ē kind of person. I am more of a, ďGood morning hope your day goes great.Ē I figure if they want to tell me how they are then they will. Maybe they donít want to talk about it? Anyway, I worry about this, ďAm I doing my part in caring?Ē : confused:

elspeech 04-01-2019 08:46 PM

If you want to try to make a point, after she answers you, say something to the effect of "I'm doing great too. Thanks for asking." and see if she gets the idea that she is not reciprocating.

GraceKrispy 04-01-2019 08:35 PM

She is thoughtless. I'd stop asking her as well.

There is this one woman who is on the bus with me quite often. She gets excited when she sees me and waves and we talk. I always ask about her-- or just listen to her talk about herself. She never asks about me. I know everything about her, her husband, her trips, her new things, etc etc. She doesn't even know my name or what I do. She's never asked, so I've never said it. She introduced me to her husband and it never occurred to her that it was awkward because she didn't know my name

At this point, I just find it amusing. But I also don't see her every single day and I don't work with her.

MathWA 04-01-2019 05:25 PM

Staaap asking her how she is. To have a friend someone needs to be a friend and she is not your friend. She is self absorbed and you deserve better friends than her. They are out there so just keep looking.

PEPteach 04-01-2019 05:10 PM

I sometimes get upset by people like this, too, but I try to just think of it as their issue. She is a coworker and acquaintance. Not a friend. If that's how she wants to handle relationships, then that is her choice. Try not to waste your time/emotions getting upset my it, because it won't do any good. Her behavior is a reflection of her, not you.

With these people, I try to still be polite, ask how they are casually but don't expect anything back, and then just let it roll off my shoulders.

MAsped 04-01-2019 04:54 PM

The moment you realized that she'll never ask you how you are, you should have stopped asking her. She doesn't deserve your kind treatment.

Once you stop asking and I hope you do, if she even has the audacity to tell you how she is, I'd quickly say, I've got to go and then leave.

sportsmom88 04-01-2019 04:25 PM

You are nicer than me. I would stop asking her how she is.

Boymom21 04-01-2019 04:18 PM

I have a coworker that will NEVER ask how I am. Thatís fine, but when I ask her, sheíll go into details bragging, etc. She will never ask about me though. I probably shouldnít ask how she is, but Iím too nice. Just kind of hurts my feelings I guess. Or maybe I just think sheís rude.

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