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pdxteacher's Message:

Oh man, I so hear you. Those parents who arenít ever satisfied are tough. For what itís worth, with some of those parents Iíve tried to send home an IEP questionnaire a few weeks before the meeting to get a feel for what the parent wants. Iím not saying I write what the parent wants above the identified needs of the student, but if I can show the parent Iím trying to meet them halfway it sometimes works.

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Discussion Review (newest messages first)
apple annie 08-17-2018 03:17 PM

This is a mom who thinks she runs the show. She may want all kinds of things for her kid. That doesn't mean she will get them or that they are what is best for him in your classroom setting. You need a broken record phrase for her every time she starts demanding things that you won't do and don't think are appropriate or necessary, like a daily detailed report. You are certainly not required to do that and don't have time to try. Every time she asks for something crazy, I would say, "We don't do daily reports." Period. If she wants to continue demanding it, just repeat, "We don't do daily reports." Don't apologize, explain or rationalize. "We don't do daily reports. Report cards go home every nine weeks." She will continue demanding a report. You repeat the same information, with a smile, and without apology. "The first report card goes out Oct. 11." When she finally lets that go, then you can offer to share with her how you will communicate with parents between report cards. And when she then starts to tell you how you should change that or make exceptions for her, do the broken record again. Bottom line is that it's YOUR decision how you run your classroom. You're not there to make her happy. If she can GET happy, great. But your responsibility is to do what you know - in your professional opinion and with your professional experience - is best for your student.

peanut21 08-17-2018 09:10 AM

Create a sensory diet: At certain times, have him jump on a mini trampoline, do wall pushups, any number of things. Google sensory activities. It doesn't have to be items that you buy. He could take a walk around the school with the aide, etc. If you schedule them, then you can head off some behaviors. For instance, at 9:30, 11:30. and 1:30. etc/

Tell her that you would be remiss not to teach her child some coping strategies and to shape his behavior, other wise, he will not be learning and your job is to teach him and hold him accountable, so that he will be a productive citizen, etc, etc.

WalkDontRun 08-16-2018 07:05 PM

I wish I had some words of wisdom but I am just hoping to make it through year 16 as a special education teacher with my sanity intact! I have experienced similar situations and each year seems to get a bit more challenging.

Kinderkr4zy 08-16-2018 06:09 PM

Yikes. Your situation sounds a lot like what a teacher at my site is dealing with. She teaches 2-5 severe autism but the kid in her class has mild autism with severe emotional and behavioral problems that mom insists they she just allow and excuse. She refuses to allow her child to be in the EBD class even though the real issue impairing his ability to access the curriculum is his behavior that has nothing to do with his very mild autism. To be honest he doesn't present as autistic to me, he has no verbal impairments, doesn't stim, and doesn't have sensory needs. What he does do is tear up his paper and run outside when the teacher gives him work and he punches people and screams out profanity for hours when people tell him to wait his turn or to ask before taking another students toys.

And mom says...why does everyone insist on triggering him. His BIP says that people telling him to do things is a trigger.

Um why does he come to school if no one can ever ask him to do any thing? Having to do things in order to learn and grow is literally the point being at school right?

Sadly his classmates are mostly nonverbal with severe autism and intellectual disabilities. So he has a class full of victims.

SoCalTeach 08-16-2018 05:50 PM

Last year I had a mother who was known throughout the district headquarters. She formally complained that my partner and I did not follow his 504 plan (that was already longer than the list of accommodations for students with IEPs!). Heís got ADHD and behavior issues. Because the district doesnít want to hear from her again, his updated 504 gives him 2 weeks to turn in any assignment or project. Mom is at school ALL THE TIME. I feel sorry for his teachers this year.

pdxteacher 08-16-2018 05:02 PM

Oh man, I so hear you. Those parents who arenít ever satisfied are tough. For what itís worth, with some of those parents Iíve tried to send home an IEP questionnaire a few weeks before the meeting to get a feel for what the parent wants. Iím not saying I write what the parent wants above the identified needs of the student, but if I can show the parent Iím trying to meet them halfway it sometimes works.

MsOwl100 08-16-2018 04:43 PM

It is sad and I tend to open my mouth at meetings just for the benefit of the kid.

"Life has demands and consequences. Some day, at some point in his life, he is going to (hopefully) have a job and his boss will place demands on him (much like his teachers should be able to) and when he fails to meet those demands because he's never learned to do so because you won't let us teach him that skill, he will have a negative consequence and there will be nothing you can do to stop it." ...keeps running through my mind.

Lilbitkm 08-16-2018 04:26 PM

Unfortunately, these are the students we tend to call ďparent impaired.Ē Whether the student is special ed or not, some of them are just so inhibited by their parents.

I had an extremely bright, high performing child last year who was so held back by her parents, in so many ways. It really is just so sad.

MsOwl100 08-16-2018 04:11 PM

I'm getting a student who is moving from the Elementary school to the middle school. His mom hated the elementary school Emotional Support teacher because she did not believe that her child should be made to do work or be held accountable for his actions because he has MILD least that is the diagnosis. I've spent some time with this child and what I am seeing is some decently severe anxiety mixed with lots of learned behavior. She doesn't like anything the school district has done but offers no solution. We already had a meeting to prepare for this school year. I was told horror stories, so I was surprised when I thought the meeting was going well. It did...until the last five minutes. Mom asked who his teacher would be for the year. My director of spec ed said, "We had some retirements and some movement within grade levels. We want to make sure everything is settled and we match him with the best teacher to meet his needs." Mom gets up, storms out saying, "You've got to be kidding me. You're kidding me, right? You actually employ teachers that can't meet his needs."

During Extended school year, she came to pick him up and he was in the gym with my classroom aide because my kids work for free time in the gym. I stayed back in my room with the 2 who didn't earn it. She asked me what training in Autism my aide had. I told her that my Aides are both appropriately trained and have had a lot of experience with students with a number of diagnoses." She left my room and went directly to the superintendent because I didn't pull out a list of specific training my aides have had. First of all, the district pays the aides just above minimum wage. They are trained by me...on the job. I am not at fault for that and I work with what I have.

She wants:
No negative consequences...natural or otherwise. There were actually big issues last year because this child stole from another child and the affected child said he did not want to be friends. She actually wanted the school to force the other child to be his friend. Umm, no. He refuses to work and she does not want him held in at recess or have to do the work at another time, nor does she want anything taken away from the child.

She wants him to have "sensory breaks". She demanded to see my collection of sensory items and I didn't have enough for her liking (most of my students have emotional/behavioral issues, not sensory/Autism issues. I never had need for them. I asked her what kinds of things he liked so that I could order them. She replies with, "He doesn't really like any of them and won't willingly use them." So...again, tell me why I am buying them if he doesn't like to use them and why on Earth would I force him to use them if they are not helpful to him.

She wants a detailed daily note home...each assignment, if he did it or not, what strategies were tried, what tone (I am not kidding) the prompt was in. Nobody has time for that. Get him a TSS.

He is my first IEP of the year and I dread doing it because I put a lot of work into them and she will cut it all down anyway.

The child himself isn't an issue. I had him during Extended School Year. She is a problem...and a problem I will have for the next 5 years as I have my children 4th - 8th grade.

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