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eliza4one's Message:

Your DH has some issues. I think you know that.

I would NOT tell him about ANY job I apply for. Period. Leave him out of it. He is/has been a drain on you and (it appears) on society.

Get a job. Build your own self-esteem back up, and live a life you can be proud of. With or without your DH and/or his approval.

I've read enough of your posts to know that you are a good person at heart. Having a spouse with issues can change one's self.

Focus on you. Leave your DH out of your decision making w/regards to jobs. If you happen to get a job that includes health insurance, take it. If not for your DH, than at least for yourself.

I wish you the best.

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Discussion Review (newest messages first)
Starr 08-26-2019 12:59 PM

Good luck on the job interview!

travelingfar 08-26-2019 09:25 AM

President Obama has said that he has no issue with it being referred to as Obamacare, so I will continue to call it that.

JanetL 08-26-2019 09:23 AM

Good luck, Jazzer! I hope you get a great job!

GraceKrispy 08-26-2019 09:07 AM

Good luck on your interview!

Remember, no one else defines you. YOU define you.

Do y'all mind if I jump in and ask that we refer to it as the Affordable Care Act?
What?? It has another name? Who knew?

amiga13 08-26-2019 09:04 AM

....just received a call for an interview that I will attend
Good for you and good luck!
teachnkids 08-26-2019 08:21 AM

. just received a call for an interview that I will attend despite my husband complaining that the place is too far away.
Good for you! Now go knock that interview out of the park!!!

Just curious, how far away is it that your DH days it's too far?
jazzer 08-26-2019 08:14 AM

Thank you. I still don’t understand why some of you keep saying I don’t want to work. I have explained many times that I only stopped being full time a couple of years ago and have been constantly trying to find new ways to earn money. Just recently I am finding that it would benefit us if I make even more.

The whole point of my post was to say that I don’t think my age should be a factor in looking for employment but my husband does. You all have proven that He is wrong. Now I can prove it to him. I have been sending resumes non stop and just received a call for an interview that I will attend despite my husband complaining that the place is too far away.

cruxian 08-26-2019 07:33 AM

Do y'all mind if I jump in and ask that we refer to it as the Affordable Care Act?

teachnkids 08-26-2019 07:01 AM

I started out telling you to do what YOU wanted and get a job.

BUT. when you started with the Medicaid and only working so many hours and not wanting to stand on your feet and not wanting the 9-5 grind and not wanting to be an employee etc. that's when I got angry!

There is a huge difference between Medicaid and Obamacare. Others have mentioned the differences, do I won't repeat them. I sure would know if it was costing me $$ though for insurance!

I'm not sure I buy the whole Obamacare mistake, because your DH is worried about making too much money. But what still remains is you and your DH still want to sit back and relax while still getting money. Nothing in life is free. Excuses don't fly with me. Just ask my former students, my kids, and various family members who have too many excuses. You have the power to change things!

51 & 63 are not too old to work or reinvent yourselves! Uber is a great gig and your DH should maximise that. You are 51 and could start a brand new career if you wanted.

I'm done. You don't really want advice you want our support. I'm sorry, but I can't give that to people who aren't willing to help themselves.

amiga13 08-26-2019 06:46 AM

Here is my personal progression through this thread.

I started off sympathetic and wrote a kind post wishing you well.

Then I read that you and your husband choose not to work and have Medicaid. I wrote a very negative response stating my beliefs that work is what people do—not necessarily for fun—and Medicaid is for the needy.

You responded with explanations and corrections and justifications. You said your feelings are hurt.

I guarantee if you get a full-time job (like most Americans) you will have less time to post on a teacher board and might even gain some self-respect.

Very few people love working. I don’t know anyone who wants a job in which they will be “on their feet” all day. Many of us struggle with anxiety and illness, yet we forge onward. The people I respect take responsibility for their own lives. It’s called growing up. It’s not too late at any age—even 51. I’m in the process of creating a new life for myself—and I’m 68.

I advise you to take the time and energy you put into feeling sorry for yourself and expecting others to take care of you into a job search. Knock on doors if you must. Don’t give up, grow up.

annie_g 08-26-2019 05:48 AM

Obamacare is not free. How do you not know what type of health insurance you have? It sounds like you are very disconnected from your financial situation. I would advise you to make sure you know all about your finances so you don't end up being one of those women who have no idea what is going on with their money if your husband dies before you. I don't really understand his comment about having a secure retirement when he is already 63. The time to have been saving was a long time ago.

I'm sorry you felt attacked. You posted that you were on Medicaid despite having a high net worth. This is bound to upset people for several different reasons. Seriously, your husband sounds like he has some issues. I hope your house sells soon.

kahluablast 08-26-2019 05:24 AM

Sorry Jazzer that you didn't get what you were looking for when you posted here. I watched in silence. Once again, this does happen to most of us at least once or twice because while we like to think it is a discussion, people jump based on what is written, or how it is written and then the whole band jumps on top.

While I don't think 51 is too old to find a new job, I do think that it can present barriers - based on the field, the situation in the specific location, and background of the person looking. I think we have all seen the news casts showing people in their 50's who get laid off and then can not find employment due to being "too experienced." I like to think though, that a person who really wants to work would be able to find something. Maybe not in a field they want or for the money they want, but that might just be a dream. First you have to find someone willing to talk to you.

I wish you luck, and that that luck comes soon. It does sound like your dh could pick up his uber driving if nothing else works out. Personally, that is what I would push. He thinks you are too old to find a job? Put that back on him. If he can make that kind of money driving, then the miles on the car are worth the issue of not having enough money to get by until the house sells.

I wouldn't take his crap. My dh is a pretty negative person, too, and believe me, I don't take his crap. Sometimes causes me a lot of stress, but not as much as if I try to shoulder that burdon.

LazyLake 08-26-2019 05:21 AM

Well, a few good things have come from your post/problem.

Everyone needs to look at their possible future spouse's job history and work ethics before commitments are made.

We, as women, need to be prepared to fully self sufficient in the job department-always.

We also need to be fully aware of all finances-where the money goes.

We need to "look ahead" to our own futures to make sure our future is secure.

Women can't always leave these things only for a husband to decide.

I guess we can thank you for teaching us some valuable lessons through your post.

jazzer 08-26-2019 05:04 AM

I do know but was very upset yesterday and had the two names mixed up in my head. My whole situation has been stressful and the nastiness I have received here just made me more upset.

Maybe it is best that I just leave this forum. Nothing good ever comes from me posting here so I don’t know why I do. None of us really know each other or our character. We only get the information that is posted on the page. There is usually much more to the story than what you see.

For those of you who were trying to be helpful without being nasty, I do appreciate it. I have worked full time most of my 20 plus year career and only was part time the last couple years or so due to circumstances. I have always been looking to increase my workload ever since.

My husband is not a bad person. He volunteers for several organizations such as an animal shelter, a botanic garden, and one which involves working with foster. children. He just has some strange insecurities and ideas about age. He is 63 and feels like he has been in decline in some ways as far as energy and memory and says I will start feeling it too. He claims he is just being realistic in that job opportunities will cease to exist as we age with age discrimination and other issues.

LazyLake 08-26-2019 04:48 AM

Through all of my confusion I gave the wrong information. I double checked and we are actually on Obama Care, not Medicaid.

Whatever, but it seems like one would be fully aware if he/she were making monthly insurance payments. Seems like one would also be aware of which insurance coverage one has when making doctor/procedure appointments because they always ask for specific cover information to see if the place accepts your coverage when making appointments, checking in the day of the appointment, etc. Statements you received afterwards would also make one fully aware of type of coverage.
travelingfar 08-26-2019 04:25 AM

You didn't know whether you were enrolled in Obamacare or Medicaid??? I find that hard to believe. One has monthly payments, and the other one doesn't.

If it is true you need to step up to the plate and get more involved with your finances and health care decisions.

Sprite 08-26-2019 03:51 AM

For a bit we were on Obama care. It was full coverage insurance and it was over $1500 a month. We did it because we had too. Iím in Illinois too. It was through BCBSIL - PPO.

Thereís a phone number you can call for help.. and a marketplace website.

Hang in there! Things always have a way of working out.

jazzer 08-26-2019 02:50 AM

When I say doesnít have the temperament to be an employee, I am just talking about my anxiety level. As a self employed teacher, I still had clients I had to make happy, students to deal with, and principals as well. I did a pretty darn good job of it and had many of my client schools for 5 plus years with some students having me as a teacher for that long. As an employee I was extremely anxious about getting observed and not doing things right and would have anxiety attacks. As a self employed teacher coming in on contract, I didnít get observed.

My husband, well, he says he doesnít have the temperament to be an employee, but would do it if he really needed to. He really did work full all of those years, many of them in retail, but had a lot of different jobs due to life circumstances. He always had steady employment. He substitute taught for 11 years and was at his entertainment agency for 20 years before he decided to retire. At the time we could afford for him to do that and thought it would be fine.

Through all of my confusion I gave the wrong information. I double checked and we are actually on Obama Care, not Medicaid. I had Medicaid stuck in my head for some reason because my husband did apply and we were accepted, but we went on Obama Care instead.

sisterwoman 08-25-2019 08:50 PM

From what you have written, it seems that your husband has never had much luck with keeping a job. Yet he seems to be dumping the responsibility on you with one hand and putting you down with the other. I cannot tolerate someone who doesnít want to work to take care of themselves and their families. This idea of ďdoesnít have the temperament for being an employeeĒ is a load of crap and an insult to all of the hardworking people on PT. I donít think you are a bad person but you have made some poor choices and allowed him to lead you down a very negative path. I wish you the best but have a very hard time with the attitudes.

eliza4one 08-25-2019 07:34 PM

Your DH has some issues. I think you know that.

I would NOT tell him about ANY job I apply for. Period. Leave him out of it. He is/has been a drain on you and (it appears) on society.

Get a job. Build your own self-esteem back up, and live a life you can be proud of. With or without your DH and/or his approval.

I've read enough of your posts to know that you are a good person at heart. Having a spouse with issues can change one's self.

Focus on you. Leave your DH out of your decision making w/regards to jobs. If you happen to get a job that includes health insurance, take it. If not for your DH, than at least for yourself.

I wish you the best.

eagles23 08-25-2019 07:07 PM

but according to my husband, my options are limited due to being 51.
This is the line that jumped out at me. I am a few years older than that and I know I am still very hireable. 51 is a number and shouldn't define your ability to find a job. You (either one of you) could get a full-time job somewhere. It might not be your dream job, but it would come with a paycheck. Good luck with your job search! I hope you get to prove him wrong!
Izzy23 08-25-2019 06:19 PM

Well, a quick Google search will show that you can qualify for Medicaid even if you own a house or a car. The point of the program was to give people in poverty health insurance - not force them to sell off all their assets first. What good is health insurance if it makes people homeless?

The income limits and the amount of savings you can have and still qualify for Medicaid vary by state. But my guess is your income has to be very, very low to qualify (like under 20K a year for the 2 of you), which is why your husband is pressuring you not to work. I don't understand how the inheritance doesn't count as income, though maybe there's not enough of it left to matter any more.

It sounds like you have decided to not work and instead live a meager lifestyle, in exchange for free health care. That is one way to game the system. I don't consider it fraud. But I think you will regret it 10 years from now, when you have no money at all. You are still in your prime earning years. You should be saving for retirement and living a better life than this.

It's your choice, however. Now you know that not everyone will respect it.

annie_g 08-25-2019 06:12 PM

Jazzer, you can't really think that it's okay for you and your husband to be getting health insurance for free? You are 2 able bodied adults. Fine if you want to live a minimalist lifestyle, but not at the expense of someone who truly needs help. You own a home, apparently have other assets, and have inherited money. Surely your sense of ethics and morality tells you that you should not be getting government benefits intended for people in need. It's not really a matter of whether they will let you have them. You are literally taking them away from someone else. If you qualify for Obamacare for a low cost, then so be it. Why didn't you take that option? I highly suspect your husband is not being honest with you about a lot of financial matters.

teachnkids 08-25-2019 06:11 PM

. I come here to vent and get perspective and always end up getting raked over the coals. I should know better than to keep posting here.
Well that's because many of us have worked the 9-5, and beyond, grind for years instead of milking the system.

You & DH may not have lied, but I can assure you there was creative work going on here. I know people who have way less than you clearly have and they get $0 from Medicaid. If I filled those papers out with the exact same financial picture as you I would not get a cent. Stop drinking tea Kool aid your DH is feeding you. You believe everything he says to be the truth.

Your not looking for a high paying job. Find a job with benefits that pays your bills. Based on what you say it sounds like McDonalds would fit that description. And thise who are looking for jobs, in my circle, are busting their a$$es taking jobs doing whatever they can to make ends meet and not limiting how much they earn because of wear and tear on them or a vehicle!

People who don't want to work should have planned better. Cancel your house purchase and use your deposit money to live on, but please stop mooching off the government!

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt, but I stand by all my responses because I've worked for every nickel I have.
jazzer 08-25-2019 05:55 PM

We are under contract for a home in our new town contingent upon the sale of our home. If it takes too long to sell, the seller can pull out and we get our earnest money back.

No addictions. My husband just went about a different way to do things.

I taught full time for almost 19 years. Some of that as a school employee, and some of that with my own business. So my employment history is not spotty except that I was self employed for many years.

Again he gave the state all the information they asked for and they did not care about our assets. We had tax returns to verify how much we were making. We hid nothing. The system sometimes does strange things.

I have made some mistakes and probably should be more in tune with some oh his decisions for us, but I have had enough of this battering. I come here to vent and get perspective and always end up getting raked over the coals. I should know better than to keep posting here.

There are people who have degrees who canít find high paying jobs. What about the people with teaching degrees who end up spending 10 plus years subbing because they canít get full time positions because they donít know the right people. There are people with masters degrees who canít find high paying work. These people make x amount of money a year and Medicaid approves them because of that. It is not always about dire need or they would asked deeper questions about hardship.

It was not my idea to apply for it. I should have researched more when my husband did, but we did not lie about anything.

musiclover 08-25-2019 05:32 PM

"the one we are currently under contract for."

Are you saying that you have already purchased another house?

Your post is unsettling to many of us here, and your thinking is flawed.

* You are not entitled to Medicaid, no matter what you believe. You could be charged with fraud for taking it knowing that you have financial means. You might be convicted of cheating the government.

* Your husband has a very spotty and erratic employment history. You mention this fact many times. Is there something else going on here? Addictions? Mental illness?

* You should absolutely finish your degree. There are plenty of teaching jobs and a teacher shortage in many places.

* You and your husband have terrible money management skills, and very flawed thinking about earning and spending. You need to run to the nearest bookstore and buy the Dave Ramsey course.

* What happens when you run out of his inheritance? Or when your husband passes away? Does the money come to you?

As teachers many of us work more than one job, and support ourselves, our spouses, and even children. We often work 60-80 hours a week AND do not receive any government assistance.

Starr 08-25-2019 04:29 PM

I understand it is hard to rock the boat.

Change is scary.

But I hope this thread has given you something to think about. In any case, it sounds like getting a job and becoming more independent would be emotionally healthy and satisfying for you.

Good luck. Hope you come back soon to update us with good job news. And don't let your husband's choices drag you down into a lifestyle that (deep down, I am sure) does not sit right with you.

anna 08-25-2019 04:22 PM

I agree with those who question your husband's judgement and your willingness to follow along. I'm sorry you are in this situation and hope you find the courage to be self sufficient and independent of a man who seems to belittle you in order to control you.

GraceKrispy 08-25-2019 03:59 PM

I should probably disengage from this now.
I should, too, but I can't stop thinking about the entitlement that is rife in this situation. What does that mean, that neither of you have the "temperament" to be employees? Neither of you likes being told what to do? You don't like the boundaries that come with being an employee? Lots of us don't have that temperament, but we need to be employees. Also, if I'm understanding this, you have plenty of money that is not liquidated currently and you are just looking for enough of an income stream to stay afloat with food, gas, any entertainment you might want, etc., because everything else (insurance, housing, debt) is covered. So you're not a step away from homeless, like many of us have been. Not even close. It's just that the timing isn't working out to keep you above your comfort zone.

I recognize that some of the feedback you've gotten here can be seen as harsh. But I hope you also recognize how entitled (and unethical) this seems to those of us who have struggled financially in life at one time or another (or currently, for many of our PT friends). As I recall, it's not urgent that you need to sell/move, but it's a preference you have.

I get that you don't want to make waves with your dh and you have said you should have looked into options but didn't, content to let him steer your life boat. But the fact that so many of us are calling you on this situation and the thinking around it says something.

I do still wish you the best, but I'm having a really hard time with this. Obviously, that is my problem. But it looks like I'm not alone. After my first post, I wasn't going to come back because I really did NOT want to know anything else. I should listen to Annie's wise words and disengage.
Clarity 08-25-2019 03:34 PM

are not considering the option of leaving him?

Okay, then just tune him out. You might want to give him one or two warnings, such as, "I cannot be part of this drama right now. Can you just go on without me? See you later." Then leave. Or "Sounds like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed. I'll give you a few moments to pull yourself together. Call when you are ready to address me in a respectful way." And then leave for a while.

Take a piece of paper and pencil and draw a line down the center. On one side, write your DH's opinion of you and your job prospects. On the other, write T or F, based on whether what he says is true or not.

FYI, my brother's MIL was 51 when her last child graduated from HS. She had been an Army nurse, so she told her husband she wanted to return to work part time. He laughed at her and told her she was too old. She applied anyway, and within nine months, she was the night supervisor for the next 16 years. You can do the same for yourself. You will definitely not know until you do it. Hubs does not want to know that you have more options than he does. You need to do this for yourself, not to prove him wrong.

PrivateEyes 08-25-2019 03:13 PM

First, you might want to look at temporary employment agencies. I have been hired for full time business positions three different times after being placed by those agencies in temporary positions. I feel this is a particularly good route if you don't have a great resume, think age might be an issue, or feel you don't interview well.

Secondly, 51 isn't that old. You have 16 years left before retirement age. There's plenty of time to get that certification. I went back to get my add-on endorsement as a media library specialist at 57, got a media specialist job at 58, and am now beginning my second year in the library. I've never been happier and I feel its the best thing I could have done. Could I have done it earlier? Sure, but I didn't. Next year you'll be 52. You can't start any earlier than now.

LazyLake 08-25-2019 03:02 PM

My husband quit the 9 to 5 grind years ago

I had decided that I did not have the temperament to work for someone else

He does not have the temperament to be an employee either.

Wow is just about all that I can say.

Sorry, but I don't feel sorry for your situation and can see why your husband's brother in law was not in favor of sharing their home with you.

I do think your husband is using you in a way that will work to his favor in cheating the system, and you have joined in that way of life, over the years, also.

You both, only now seem worried about all of this because things are no longer working in your favor and it seems that you both will need to put forth some effort to work 9-5, like so many other adults have done all our lives. I hope you have success in finding a job. I seriously doubt that things will change. I predict you both will continue to find a way to cheat the system.
annie_g 08-25-2019 02:35 PM

Without working, I doubt you will have enough to retire comfortably on. It honestly just irritates me that I pay hundreds of dollars a month for health insurance while some work the system and get it for free. I should probably disengage from this now.

teachnkids 08-25-2019 02:13 PM

. He claims there were no other self employed insurance options.
Absolutely wrong!!!! Time to get back to reality and realize he's encouraging you to use the system while you are both capable of getting jobs.

He wants to plan for the future so that we have enough in later years when we can no longer work and can enjoy a full retirement.
It's called get s job!!!! Drive more for Uber! People make really good money doing that! Wear & test on the make enough you can buy a new car. You get any job you want with benefits and stop milking the system.

I'm angry! When my DH was laid off and I did not have benefits we struggled for 2 years. We would have qualified for all kinds of aid...nope DH was too proud. Never collected a penny!
jazzer 08-25-2019 01:58 PM

Yes I am willing to use my degree in a different setting and have a resume up on several job sites. An employment service might be a good idea.

twin2 08-25-2019 01:54 PM

Are you willing to use your degree in another setting? Perhaps put a resume on one of the online job finder sites or go to an employment office to see just what's out there.

Starr 08-25-2019 01:48 PM

I encourage you to continue to pursue employment options, then, just be prepared for your husband to be annoyed. Because you will likely lose those health benefits. In the long run, though, it is better to be self sufficient. And 51 is not that old!!

GraceKrispy 08-25-2019 01:46 PM

I agree that you are certainly not too old to get a full-time job. Many places around here actually prefer "seasoned" employees for jobs at places like McDonald's and Starbucks (which would offer benefits, as others have said).

Many of your posts have led me to believe you let your dh call all the shots and he doesn't always seem very respectful of you. Surely this situation doesn't feel all that ok to you, even if it does to him. It's ok to make some of your own decisions. My kids were on Medicaid briefly at a time we really needed it. I was so thankful it was there for them. But I felt terrible about it the whole time and was relieved when we were able to get ourselves into a better position (although it was a huge bummer how it put us into a worse financial position for a while). Looking only at current income stream is a loophole in the Medicaid system. You've said in other posts that you guys don't need to work due to a generous inheritance, so him saying you do need to work AND you getting Medicaid is confusing.

I think he has a low opinion of himself and is projecting it onto me.
I think you are right on with this comment. The collection of things you've posted about him and your situation make me think he's just trying to keep you down with him. But you let him, so I guess I have nothing to say about that.

eta: I took too long to post and you've posted in the meantime. I see you have addressed some of the things I've said in this post and recognize your part.

He claims there were no other self employed insurance options.
Oh my gosh! Of COURSE there are other self-employed insurance options! Do you really think all people who are self-employed use Medicaid? It honestly wouldn't have even occurred to me to apply for Medicaid in the first place in your position.
Claire 08-25-2019 01:45 PM

Real talk here. I wouldn't stay with someone who wasn't willing to work just as hard as I was to keep us afloat. Or someone that wanted to snap their fingers and make all the decisions. Not good for you.

jazzer 08-25-2019 01:41 PM

He did disclose all of our assets, but apparently, the state didnít care about the assets. All they cared about was actual income.

All I want to do is work more. When my music education business ended I bought a travel agency franchise and worked very hard but had no success. Then I got a bunch of different teaching jobs that were sufficient for a time. Now it appears we need more. He may not want to work, but I certainly do.

Yes I should be more active in some of the decisions. I am at fault for that. However, I know he was fully honest on the application and was shocked we were approved. He claims there were no other self employed insurance options. Maybe I should have checked that myself.

I am define negligent in letting him make all of these decisions and not questioning enough.

travelingfar 08-25-2019 01:34 PM

I'm not sure why you think that being 51 will impact your job search. Plenty of people in their fifties get jobs. It shouldn't be an issue.

You can't control your husband's attitude, which is awful, but you can figure out how to generate some income and take care of yourself.

cruxian 08-25-2019 01:32 PM

Jazzer, I'm sorry that you're going through such difficulties. When you typed that when you move, "We will probably look at different options," I hope you mean that you will definitely look at other options. There have to be other options available. Maybe you should research them and not your husband.

Teach 5 08-25-2019 01:32 PM

The house is already paid for so why would it be so stressful to wait for it to sell? It takes time to sell a home.
Medicaid? Seriously! With all your resources! I know plenty of self-employed people that pay for their health insurance. Is it expensive yes? But youíre gaming the system and itís not fair to those that are paying or those that are truly needy.
51 is not too old for getting a full time job. People do it all the time. I got my last job at 58.
I think that you both just donít want to work. Complaining that you both wouldnít make good employees. Iím fairly confident that most of us would rather be our own boss but someone has to work.
Your husband sounds like a piece of work. Good luck with him.

Izzy23 08-25-2019 01:26 PM

Why don't you just start subbing? The pay is decent and you can work as little or as much as you want. Plus, they are always, always desperate for subs. You'd get hired in an instant.

Honestly, the way every idea is shot down makes me wonder if your husband is depressed. He doesn't seem to want to work and I worry he is pulling you down with him. At 51 you are still very young and can do a lot. There's no reason to give up yet!

annie_g 08-25-2019 01:26 PM

You canít change your husbandís behavior but he might have made you liable if he wasnít honest in his Medicaid application. Everything Iíve seen says you have to disclose all assets. Do you really feel okay with getting these benefits?

Starr 08-25-2019 01:26 PM

If you do get a full time job, you can get benefits that way.
I know even a part time job at Starbucks comes with benefits. That's what my brother did for close to a year when he was between jobs and needed health insurance.
Like I said before, this is probably the real reason he is discouraging you from doing so. Nothing to do with self esteem issues.

jazzer 08-25-2019 01:22 PM

No, it is not what I wanted. My husband was the one researching . At the time we needed the new insurance, I was working full time being self employed. I chose to be self employed because it was an opportunity available to me.

Once that no longer worked out, I have been trying different things to work full time again hoping to continue being self employed. However, I now might have to become a full time employee again and will try at age 51. I have been self employed for 11 years so I donít know how hard it will be to find something full time, but I will try.

I canít change my husbandís attitude. I canít change him setting up Mecaid. We will probably look at other options when we move out of state.

travelingfar 08-25-2019 01:19 PM

It is appalling that you collect Medicaid with the financial resources that you and your husband have.

Starr 08-25-2019 01:14 PM

With that info, it makes sense why your husband is discouraging you from getting a full time job....
Agree with the others that while it may be legal (thru a loophole) it is not really ethical.
Maybe you need to be more involved with your joint finances....there are self employment healthcare options, just not as cheap, of course.

amiga13 08-25-2019 01:12 PM

My husband claimed we had no other options.
Working for a paycheck and paying for healthcare is an option. Many Americans do it. Just because your husband chooses not to work doesnít mean taxpayers should have to pay for his health insurance.

I have a friend with a severely disabled daughter. My friend has to stay home to care for her daughter. Itís a very hard jobóboth physically and emotionally. Believe me, she would rather be working outside the home. Her daughter qualifies for Medicaid, but she does not. Arenít you proud of yourself that you work the system better than the truly deserving?
annie_g 08-25-2019 01:08 PM

I agree with Amiga. It actually sounds like fraud to me. I am the biggest bleeding heart liberal you will find and totally support having safety nets, but this bugs me. Two able bodied adults choose to work very little to qualify for Medicaid. *smh*

jazzer 08-25-2019 12:56 PM

My husband claimed we had no other options. We researched similar self employment insurance to what we had and nothing was being offered anymore. The ,last thing we were trying to do was beat any system.

amiga13 08-25-2019 12:51 PM

I wish you wouldnít have shared that you donít pay for insurance and receive Medicaid. I hope the loophole closes that allows you to collect and I hope that Medicaid serves only the needy and those who truly deserve it. I despise people who choose to earn less than they are capable of earning so that they can receive services paid for by taxpayers like me. Sure, you found a way to beat the system, but that doesnít make it right. I donít know how you sleep at night.

GraceKrispy 08-25-2019 12:50 PM

So, you have zero debt - cars, house, etc. You receive Medicaid for insurance. You earn money teaching English online and your husband can make $2,000 a month driving Uber.
He could make $2,000 a month driving for Uber but did not want to put too much wear and tear on the car so he has been averaging $10,000 a year.
Wow, you are in a position that few people can claim. Free medical, no debt, and own a home. I have to wonder if your dh is purposefully keeping things lower, income-wise, to keep the benefits you currently have. I have so many thoughts about this, but will keep them to myself.

I totally get the frustration of not having a house sell quickly. We've sold two houses and both time it took way longer than we felt it should. Once it took 8 months, once it took a year. In both cases, we were paying double housing (since we had to move). Actually, in one case, we were paying triple housing (don't ask). And we had very little money and it was incredibly stressful. I wish you great luck in selling the house, and I hope your dh is more supportive of you. From previous posts, I'm not sure that last part will happen, but I wish you the best.
jazzer 08-25-2019 12:49 PM

We hardly spend any money that we donít need to. I have not bought new clothes in over a year. He could make $2,000 a month driving for Uber but did not want to put too much wear and tear on the car so he has been averaging $10,000 a year. I was making about $10,000 a year but had to quit my park district job because we thought we would be moved by now. He claims it is not enough.

He wants to plan for the future so that we have enough in later years when we can no longer work and can enjoy a full retirement.

Miss Binney 08-25-2019 12:42 PM

So, you have zero debt - cars, house, etc. You receive Medicaid for insurance. You earn money teaching English online and your husband can make $2,000 a month driving Uber... what on earth are you spending money on that you need more? Maybe you need to evaluate your monthly spending?

jazzer 08-25-2019 12:26 PM

They base ďneedĒ solely on amount of yearly income. They donít take net worth into consideration. My husband found that this was our only choice when our self employment insurance company stopped covering our state. We looked for other companies that offered the same type of thing and they no longer existed due to the change in Obama Care. We were self employed at the time and made the minimum amount of required income. My husband is the one who set it up and claimed that it was that, Obama Care which also costs little to nothing, or no insurance since no one was offering self employment insurance anymore.

As far as needing to move is concerned, we do have some assets, but they would have to be liquidated over time. The idea is to sell our home and buy one that would be a third of the cost in a lower cost of living city. We would pocket and invest the money left over from the sale after purchasing the cheaper home.

Plus, property taxes for us in our current home are $4,000 a year. In our new location they would be only a few hundred a year on homes in 5he price range we are looking in and the one we are currently under contract for. We would save several thousand dollars a year and live a little cheaper.

My husband was wanting to buy a $20,000 trailer but I nixed that idea. We are not that desperate.

Believe me, his attitude of thinking he and I canít get better jobs is annoying and frustrating. Believe me, I am applying to many things to see what I can do. I canít seem to change his thinking though. Maybe if someone were to hire me for a decent paying job he would wake up and see he is wrong.

Claire 08-25-2019 12:26 PM

Why do you have to move? If your house, cars, etc are all paid for and you have inheritance money for day to day living why can't y'all just stay put? I guess I'm missing something...

Also, rentals are sky high here right could rent your home and make an good income and still move.

I guess I'm not understanding why if you are all set where you are, and it will put you in financial issues to move, why move? Also, 51 is far from too old to get a full time job. At this point, if you need the money, it doesnt matter if your husband would be good at being an employee....people do what they have to do to survive. Goodness knows my husband doesnt love his job (he works in a state prison) and I have wanted to quit a million times but that's not an option.

annie_g 08-25-2019 12:03 PM

We are currently on Medicaid so we donít pay for our insurance.
I honestly don't understand this. How can you qualify for Medicaid if you own a home and apparently are not in financial need? As someone who pays a huge amount each month for health insurance, I am perplexed. Don't you have to prove some kind of need? Really kind of shocked by that. I'm not trying to offend, but I thought Medicaid was for people in real need, not people who choose to work less.
jazzer 08-25-2019 11:55 AM

We are currently on Medicaid so we donít pay for our insurance. This is probably not something I should be broadcasting though as we still have a high net worth. We just donít make a lot income wise.

Oddly, he also does not want us to go over the amount of yearly income that would disqualify us from getting Medicaid though I guess if I got a higher paying job, he would not mind. We used to have self employment insurance that we paid for independently until the company no longer served customers in Illinois. With Obama Care, we could not find a similar type of insurance so plied for Medicaid.

annie_g 08-25-2019 11:44 AM

He does not think he would ever get hired for a full time job.
Well, he definitely won't if he never applies for one.
annie_g 08-25-2019 11:41 AM

With the holidays coming, maybe you can a temporary retail job at someplace like Target or Kohl's. Something to look into.

annie_g 08-25-2019 11:39 AM

I think you need to think about your future, too. I think I remember that your husband is several years older than you? Is he close to being able to collect SS? Getting a full time job with benefits might give you some security now along with future higher SS and/or pension. I don't believe 51 is too old to get hired. What about health insurance? A job could help with that. Hopefully you guys have IRAs or 401ks.

crazy4catz 08-25-2019 11:38 AM

Wow! Your DH sounds like a downer! Is he like this about everything? Iíve heard Millennials arenít buying homes. That could be why there are so many available.

jazzer 08-25-2019 11:20 AM

We lowered the price of our home a few weeks ago. Upon further research of those companies that will buy outright I found that though they are not really doing anything illegal, they are scams because they offer 30 to 50% less than the home’s true worth. We spent $12,000 to make it move in ready and get a good price. If time goes by and we get really desperate, that may have to be an option though.

He will drive Uber more, but feels that there is no point in getting a $10 an hour job because it won’t be enough. He does not think he would ever get hired for a full time job.

He can make $500 a week driving for Uber on weekends, more than he would make with any other part time job, and probably more than I could make with the options available to me unless I truly look for a full time job that is education related but not teaching such as in the area of music administration like I did years ago.

annie_g 08-25-2019 11:09 AM

I'm sorry your husband isn't very supportive of your job hunt. I would take whatever you can get for now - private school, retail, whatever. Maybe think about selling your house at a lower price for a quick sale. He should be looking for a job, too. It's good you have no debt, but it sounds like you both need some kind of job to get by.

jazzer 08-25-2019 11:01 AM

I will be looking into everything. Starting with part time teaching positions and music stores for private lessons, then trying office jobs like customer service, secretary, etc.

I might try retail after that, but I think I would be terrible at it and I canít stand for long periods of time so that will be last ditch effort if nothing else works out.

I also am approved to teach online through a company called Outschool which serves homeschool students and have a class up that people can register for. I will see if anyone signs up for that, plus I may add another class.

amiga13 08-25-2019 10:43 AM

jazzer, Iím so sorry. Iíve only sold a house twice in my life and think itís an incredibly stressful process. Your husband feels tons of pressure and so do you. Last time, a little over a year ago, my real estate agent was absolutely fabulous and things went well, but it still made me ill, physically ill.

I have 2 off-the-wall suggestions for you and understand if you toss them right out.
1. I am not religious but someone here recommended buying a tiny statue of
Saint Joseph to bury in the yard. It was inexpensive and I did it.
2. Since youíll be leaving your area eventually, have you considered getting a retail job for now? Stores often like ďmatureĒ help.

I continue to think of you and wish you good luck.

Starr 08-25-2019 10:40 AM

Sorry he is making you feel bad about yourself.

Why don't you look into jobs at private schools? Sounds like you just need something for a year or two. I agree, it doesn't seem worth it to invest a lot of money and time to get certification for a public school position that isn't a long term path for you.

jazzer 08-25-2019 10:34 AM

My husband never really had a true corporate job with a 501k benefits. He got a degree in theater, then a masters degree in university student affairs type positions. He had one such position when he was married to his first wife way before we met, then he got laid off and she got a teaching position at a university in Maine where there were few opportunities for him.

After that he was only able to get retail type jobs for a while. After he got divorced in 1996, he moved back to the Chicago area and got a sales type job that he held for about two or three years before getting also off. This was still before we met. His last 9 to 5 was training for a sales position but he was let go after the training. When I met him, he had been subbing and performing as a clown and costume character for an entertainment company making decent money. That was 16 years ago. He does not have the temperament to be an employee either.

His inheritance changed our financial situation. He struggled to get “real” jobs making real money, and our financial situation caused me to make different decisions than I might have otherwise made. I think he feels that he was never able to make a lot of money but was good at managing the money he had, which is true. He wants me to believe that I was never capable of making a lot of money either because I chose not to Finish the last few classes for my certification and go the public school route.

He doesn’t seem to believe that I would be in a different situation if I had made different choices. He would rather believe that I am as inept as he thinks he is and that I would be living with my parents if I had never met him. I hate to think he is right about that.

At 51, I don’t think it is going to help to finish my teaching certification. I won’t get hired at a public school for the first time at age 51. I can easily get a private school job, but they don’t pay much. However, according to him, we would be fine if I just made 22,000 a year like I used to with my business.

Starr 08-25-2019 10:26 AM

I agree he is projecting his own anxieties and feelings on you.

I say, continue to apply and look anywhere you are interested in. Just maybe don't give him all the details, if he asks, you can reply "I'll let you know when something works out" or simply "You never know/it doesn't hurt to try."

travelingfar 08-25-2019 10:23 AM

Why don't you start by taking the few classes you need to get your teaching certificate?

teachnkids 08-25-2019 10:22 AM

Seems to me your DH is expecting you to bail the 2 of you out, but not supporting you.

Why is he not getting a full time job?

Why did he retire from corporate world without the security of retirement income? My DH retired in May and I'm still working. I don't technically need to, but I enjoy the extras & flexibility my income provides. That being said, my DH made sure we had the $$$ saved before he retired.

Ignore him...go on interviews, get a job doing something, anything to get away from his negativity.

jazzer 08-25-2019 09:42 AM

I wanted to thank those of you who wished me happy birthday a couple of days ago and appreciate that you remembered my situation with the house.

Unfortunately, after two months on the market, three open houses, and about 15 people seeing it, there have been no offers yet.

My husband is freaking out because some research on a town website showed that our suburb has 80 or so more homes up for sale this year than last year at this time and the amount of people buying has stayed the same. Other suburbs near us have had a slight increase in homes up for sale as well but not as many as ours.

He also read from a realtor in our area that 70% of people she was working with who put their homes up for sale weíre planning to leave the state, which is exactly what we are planning to do. Our realtor says that the overabundance of inventory is a national trend right now and her office has had meetings about it.

He worries that we might not be able to move until next spring. We are under a little pressure financially because of this.

I am not sure where to go now. I made a big mistake years ago in going the private school route and then later the route of my own music education business so I never finished my certification. I was only a few classes away from it, but didnít need it for my business. I had decided that I did not have the temperament to work for someone else and was better off as a business owner with clients.

A few years ago I started gradually losing my contract schools that had been with me for 5 plus years due to climate changes, changes in administration. Nothing within my control or my fault. This is when I decided to start my travel agency franchise which failed. I since have been teaching English online and taught some music lessons at a local park district.

My husband quit the 9 to 5 grind years ago and substitute taught and worked weekends for an entertainment business for parties. He made good money for a while then got a sizable inheritance.

The entertainment business changed a few years ago leaving him not much work, and we didnít need 5he money anymore so he retired from subbing.

We have no debt. Everything we buy is paid off in full from our home to our cars. We make several credit card payments a month and never owe anything.

However, we are now in a situation where we really need the proceeds from this house sale to re-invest otherwise we will have to liquidate some assets until we drain to zero.

He is driving Uber and that with my online English teaching brings in some money, but we need more. I am applying to various part time teaching situations, but according to my husband, my options are limited due to being 51. He does not think either of us would be able to get a full time job anywhere. We enjoyed the freedom we had working for ourselves, but may have to make some other decisions to get us through.

It is very frustrating for me because he has zero faith that I can make any kind of significant money yet yells at me for trying to get interviews, especially if they are not right down the street.

I am not sure what he expects. He says I need a full time job, but at the same time says I could never get one. I was in Music administration and worked as a journalist before I started teaching so I have other skills, but it has been a very long time since I have done anything but teach.

I think he has a low opinion of himself and is projecting it onto me. We will get through this somehow though.

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