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hand's Message:

I am pretty huggy with family, friends and former coworkers. But a handshake with people I donít know well. The funny thing is even though my family and extended family hug a lot, my sister really doesnít seem comfortable with it. Even though I see her often, I respect her feelings.

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Discussion Review (newest messages first)
SusanTeach 04-06-2019 06:13 AM

I didn't grow up in a touchy-feely family, but my DH did. I think through the years I realized that I actually LIKE hugs. Now I find myself hugging a lot. I live in the south and it's definitely more common here than where I grew up (outside of DC). Seriously. Here it seems like you meet someone and say Hi. Then when you leave, you hug them!

I do try to be mindful of people who I know don't like it, but otherwise I'm pretty huggy.

Zia 04-05-2019 07:55 PM

Quote:
I'm with Zia on this one!
Seriously though, Sbkangas: what don't we agree on?? You are my most twinning person I've ever not met!
Sbkangas5 04-05-2019 06:06 PM

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With kids and people I love, 100%! With randos, I am awkward. A handshake is too weird and manly, so I don't know what to do.

I do think there should be a universally understood time limit, though. When hugs go on too long, I'm all GET ME OUT OF HERE. 3 seconds seems my max!
I'm with Zia on this one!
Song of Joy 04-05-2019 02:41 PM

Touch is one of the 5 Love Languages. I hug relatives and lady friends at church. Some of the widows at church receive meaningful touch only that one time a week.

I don't hug men, but offer a handshake instead.

crazy4catz 04-05-2019 02:27 PM

Iím a hugger!

PPCDTeacher 04-05-2019 02:22 PM

i am very touchy and huggy

Jasmine2010 04-05-2019 01:48 PM

I am the touchy, huggy type but my husband is the opposite.

BioAdoptMom3 04-05-2019 12:03 PM

In general I am a huggie type of person, unless its someone I don't know well or someone I know does not like hugs.

Nancy

Cinderella00 04-05-2019 11:22 AM

No, I prefer to not be touched. I've always been like that. I don't even hug my parents.

amiga13 04-05-2019 10:59 AM

Quote:
I don't feel compelled to hug someone I just met....
I think I might have been misleading when I said I hug and/or give a gentle pat on the upper arm or back. I have NEVER hugged someone I just met. I hug people I care about. In fact, I’m kinda grossed out that anyone would hug someone upon introduction. Ick. I guess I didn’t understand the question.

However, I have given or been given a hug after a first meeting where we bonded and/or had a meaningful experience. When the pulmonologist explained DH’s cancer and recommended Hospice for him, at the end of our conversation he hugged me—it was spontaneous and welcome.
ZipLine 04-05-2019 10:06 AM

I hug my friends and family, but I don't really consider myself a "huggy" person. My former students and I hug when we see each other. Now that I am older and retired, I feel it's fine to do that and a way to let them to know I care about them and am happy to see them. I don't feel compelled to hug someone I just met (e.g. a DF's husband who I just met for the first time).

WestCoastTch 04-05-2019 08:07 AM

As other people mentioned, I'm far less huggy now than when I was younger. I always hug my parents, grandparents, and aunts in greeting. Culturally, as part of my raising, a handshake was expected when greeting or meeting someone while I was with my parents or another relative. I remember at a very young age being at my parents' side at a wedding and receiving that training, but hugging wasn't part of it. I recall the women hugging if they knew each other, but men always shook hands and/or patted each other on the back.

I hug my husband about 5 times per day. He is super huggable.

MKat 04-05-2019 07:48 AM

I am not huggy, but do hug willingly when it is called for.

What I absolutely HATE is kamakaze backrubs. Do NOT touch my shoulders!

Coopsgrammy 04-05-2019 07:43 AM

I lean to the "huggy" side. I totally understand when someone doesn't want to be hugged. My DSIL hates any kind of affection. My DS, on the other hand, hugs more than most are comfortable with. I am somewhere in the middle.

Keltikmom 04-05-2019 07:25 AM

I used to be a big touched...constantly touching peopleís arm when I was talking. Also, a big hugger, especially with kids.

Like Greyhoundgirl, Iíve gotten less touchy as Iíve gotten older. Some of it comes from an awareness that there are people who donít like to be touched, so I err on the side of caution.

amiga13 04-05-2019 07:23 AM

Quote:
How do I embed a link in a word instead of posting the entire ink?
When you hit reply, look up. To the left of Quote you will see a globe and a link. Use that.
Renea 04-05-2019 06:34 AM

Amiga, I completely agree with you! I would hate to give up hugs because they seem to mean even more to me now. Tome a hug says, "you matter and this moment matters." There is research that supposedly supports the need for consensual hugs in our lives as a means of reducing conflict and enhancing relationships. I now that can feel sincere communication in a hug.


http://theconversation.com/the-power...onflict-104318


side note:
How do I embed a link in a word instead of posting the entire ink?

amiga13 04-05-2019 06:15 AM

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There is so much strife and discord in the world it's important for me to bridge the divisions and simply share the moment in agreement.
Beautiful, Renea, just beautiful.

This thread makes me so sad. I think it’s usually pretty easy to tell (distance, stiffness) when someone doesn’t want a hug and I would never invade their territory, but I think a good hug says more than words. When my old friends come 500 miles to visit, our hugs convey our delight at seeing each other. My hugs say, “I care about you. I’m happy to be your friend.”

I hate the side hugs I see on TV. I get where they come from, but I’d rather not hug at all than experience a fake hug—I mean, have you seen teens give side hugs and simultaneous eye rolls? And don’t get me started on air kissing. If you wanna see fake, watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills greet each other: always stiff nanosecond hugs and double-sided air kisses without an ounce of warmth.

Man, I hate to give up hugging.
Renea 04-05-2019 05:52 AM

I've was a bit reserved when I was younger but as I've aged I often hug more frequently. I've always hugged my family and friends but I've extended the circle of people I hug.

My DIL is a lovely "hugger'. She gives long and sweet hugs accompanied with "I love yous" and expressions of gratitude. I love her hugs because they seem to come from her soul. A sweet 84-year-old lady at church gives the best hugs as well and she seeks me out just to give me one of her hugs. A Bible study friend of mine passed away unexpectedly and her husband sits next to us in church. I always give him a light hug when we share the Peace knowing that it's really from his wife. He actually reaches to hug me first now. My sons give me really good long hugs now that I'm "elderly" and it feels so wonderful.

Touch is important to people but if I sense a stiff reception I won't hug again. The last thing I want is to make someone uncomfortable. What I want most is for people to know they matter and hope they feel it in my hugs. There is so much strife and discord in the world it's important for me to bridge the divisions and simply share the moment in agreement.

Lottalove 04-05-2019 05:09 AM

I am huggy but choosy. I also teach MS/HS SpEd so we constantly talk about boundaries and such.

But the PPs reminded me also, I am getting pretty gun shy about handshakes as well. I am not a germaphobe per se but I wash my hands a lot and make the students do so as well. I would almost rather hug than shake hands.

h0kie 04-05-2019 05:07 AM

With family/friends, hugs are fine.

Theyíre not my favorite, but I can tolerate them. However, with people I donít know or donít know well, no.

My old Headmaster would bring in a masseuse from time to time for head and neck massages. I never signed up, because as my DH told my coworkers, ďMrs. h0kie doesnít like to be touched.Ē Heís not wrong.

However, teaching little kids, Iíve gotten used to them invading my bubble and Iím generally okay with it.

Additionally, DS is ALWAYS in my bubble. Just me. And Iím perfectly fine with that.

SwollenAnkles 04-05-2019 05:06 AM

This made me realize Iím a bit stand offish. PT is making me realize some things about myself. The mother say their was a post about asking how someone is doing. I am not one to do that. I have been trying all week to do that and I have felt happier.

I am a little huggy if I know the person and know they like hugs. Usually though I am not the initiator unless it is a kid that is needing one. Not a snuggler either, too hot and sweaty. You stay on your side, I stay on mine.

GreyhoundGirl 04-05-2019 04:51 AM

Iíve found Iíve gotten less touchy and huggy as Iíve gotten older. Not sure what thatís all about.

MACMama 04-05-2019 04:32 AM

I don't like hugs, especially when there is no warning. People see that as cold and uncaring, but really I prefer my personal space not be invaded. I find myself more and more avoiding group gatherings just to avoid the hugs.

travelingfar 04-05-2019 04:12 AM

I'm fine hugging family members and close friends. I need my personal body space with other people.

javamomma 04-05-2019 03:03 AM

Oh my goodness. Yes yes yes.

I will hug, pat a back or shoulder etc. I have to remember not everyone likes that

choppie70 04-05-2019 02:36 AM

With my family and kids, yes!

But I do not like it when people other then kids or family hug me.

I can't even do close talkers.. they make me want to scream!

whiteturtle 04-05-2019 01:32 AM

I am a hugger with my family and with children. If a friend is upset I hug them if it seems to be what they need.

juliet4 04-04-2019 11:17 PM

No...kind of make me feel uncomfortable. My ex in-laws were crazy huggers and kissers and I loved them so it was ok. I grew up in a stoic Irish family. You know, buck up on your own if you are upset!

Ima Spedtcher 04-04-2019 10:59 PM

Here it is standard to greet people with a hug and an air kiss to the cheek, or honi (forehead to forehead, nose to nose, to share breath), but more commonly hug and air kiss.

I am not a touchy feely person, but it is a part of where I live. I have been known to hide from people in stores just to avoid hugging- mostly after a work out and I stink.

hand 04-04-2019 08:41 PM

I am pretty huggy with family, friends and former coworkers. But a handshake with people I donít know well. The funny thing is even though my family and extended family hug a lot, my sister really doesnít seem comfortable with it. Even though I see her often, I respect her feelings.

2teach2 04-04-2019 08:29 PM

I don't mind getting a hug. I don't often initiate, unless it's someone close like my mom or kids.

Ima Teacher 04-04-2019 08:18 PM

Nope. Stay out of my bubble.

SusaninNJ 04-04-2019 08:10 PM

Yes, usually.

Gigi814 04-04-2019 08:01 PM

No, I am not.

Zia 04-04-2019 07:55 PM

With kids and people I love, 100%! With randos, I am awkward. A handshake is too weird and manly, so I don't know what to do.

I do think there should be a universally understood time limit, though. When hugs go on too long, I'm all GET ME OUT OF HERE. 3 seconds seems my max!

KatieViolet 04-04-2019 07:48 PM

Iím not usually one to initiate touching, except for with my immediate family. Even close friends, extended family, I donít usually initiate that. But for most, I donít mind at all hugging back. Iím pretty reserved.

Haley23 04-04-2019 07:41 PM

I am a reserved person, and because of this people tend to assume I don't like hugs. I actually do, though!

I do have a few friends who definitely don't like to be touched or hugged, and I respect their wishes. A few weeks ago I was going to have dinner with my former team; we still get together to catch up about once a year. I reminded myself in the car not to hug one of them when I saw her!

amiga13 04-04-2019 07:11 PM

Yes, I am. Iím so much more aware of my propensity to hug in these sensitive times. A neighbor told me her cat died last week and, without thinking, I gathered her into a hug. And I noticed recently that I often touch/lightly pat the upper arm/back of the person Iím talking with. I guess I should stop.

eagles23 04-04-2019 07:06 PM

No, I am more of a fist bump kind of girl.

anna 04-04-2019 07:03 PM

I am a huggy type. Are you?




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