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twin2 11-16-2019 03:42 AM

Update-- Grandma going to tutor
I took the time to assess a very resentful granddaughter who was likely embarrassed and extremely frustrated about her math struggles. She truly had shut down. It was hard to tell what was truly a lack of knowledge or a refusal. I decided that we needed to start with subtraction with borrowing. My daughter was livid. She couldn't believe that we needed to go back that far, but was desperate and agreed to allow it.

We also started with learning multiplication facts. She has been improving slowly, but I do not believe she practices at home. Her mother definitely is not helping. We recently started on multiplication of three digit numbers with two digit numbers and long division with a single divisor and no remainders. This seems like our spot to be working on. My daughter has started to complain that we are not working on seventh grade math, so I just added in addition of integers, which is not our focus yet, but will do at the end of each lesson, keeping it very basic until she is comfortable.

I have been defending my thoughts that we truly need to build the basics before we can even think about seventh grade math. My daughter claims she talked to the teacher (the one that won't respond to her emails) telling her I am working on elementary math with her and the teacher supposedly said she should still be able to do the work if we just give her a calculator. Whoa, the girl doesn't even know what operations to do with the calculator in a given problem. I showed my daughter an example of seventh grade math, and told her the skills needed to solve that problem. I showed her from our sessions and from the assessments the various things she doesn't understand. My daughter replied that Math is all about learning formulas. I need to teach her the formulas. I keep telling my daughter I will work in some of the seventh grade stuff as I see fit, but she just isn't ready for that yet. I need her to trust me.

My granddaughter is becoming more confident and we have passed the refusal stage. As long as her mom doesn't put a stop to our sessions, I think we will see some growth in time. Once she masters the math facts, I believe we will move more quickly.

Youthcantknow 11-16-2019 06:30 AM

Go Grandma!
It sounds like you are doing exactly what your granddaughter needs. She's still receiving instruction in seventh grade math at school, after all. Meanwhile, even if she masters those formulas her mother is so fond of she still won't get the answer correct if she makes basic fact mistakes while solving them. She's also more likely to grasp those earlier skills more quickly because she's older and has more experience with numbers, so you should be able to move through the underlying skills relatively quickly, building her confidence and her understanding at the same time. I think you're doing great!

dutchgirl 11-16-2019 07:17 AM

You know you’re giving her what she needs. Mom is dealing with embarrassment that her daughter doesn’t know the basics, and mom doesn’t understand how important those basics are to being successful in more advanced math.

I think people understand that you learn to read by sounding out, but then recognize basic words and don’t need to sound them out. Why don’t people recognize that math is the same way?

I’m sorry you’re having to struggle with her disapproval of how you’re helping. Good luck lovin’ on them both!

seenthelight 11-16-2019 08:48 AM

If mom is getting defensive, have you considered Slyvan or Kumon for a little while. We all know you’re doing the right thing, but you’re her mom. May be she needs to hear from the “professionals” that this is the right approach. She’ll also quickly see that not only are you a professional and not just mom, but you are also saving her a boatload or money. Our local Sylvan costs $4,000 starting.

twin2 11-16-2019 02:06 PM

I think I'm just irritated that we've allowed her to get so far behind before doing something about it combined with the fact that my daughter is not confident in me.

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