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CatLove 01-07-2021 03:13 PM

Embracing new friends
Other than my best friend, I feel like my whole life I’ve been on the outside of friendships. I think it’s because I was choosing friends as opposed to letting friends choose me. I’m tired of trying to get people to like me so from now on I’m going let people come to me.

I’ve been friendly with two parents, and another substitute teacher that I’ve known for quite a while. These people actually reach out to me on a consistent basis. They’re also not connected to any of my current friends/acquaintances. These are the ones I’m going to focus on!

happygal 01-07-2021 03:30 PM

As a substitute
Teacher i can add that i would love a new friend. Subs have no home base, often yearn for a sense of being part of a school, wanted, accepted, and enjoyed.

I think your new perspective on fostering relationships will be fruitful. Enjoy your associations.

Englishish 01-07-2021 03:52 PM

That sounds like a solid plan and a productive use of your energy.

jazzer 01-07-2021 03:59 PM

I hope that works for you and is a good idea to try. Unfortunately, it never really worked for me. I have found that if I don't make the effort to get a friendship going the people I would like to be friends with don't bother either.

CatLove 01-07-2021 04:04 PM

I find itís a slow process, Iíve known these ladies for 3+ years and I know them all through, work makes a difference I think.

NJ Teacher 01-07-2021 04:05 PM

Sounds good to me...
When I first started teaching, most of my friendships were based on workplace relationships. Several of us started at the same time, and we naturally grew together as friends. We used to have dinner at each other's homes once a month. It was great, especially since I wasn't from the area. Parents also were very kind to me as a young teacher. Several remain long distance friends to this very day.

When I re-located, my first school in my district gave me more close friendships. After the district restructured and my friends were transferred to a different building and I wasn't, some of the friendships survived and some sadly, did not. I did not form the close friendships in my new school that I had before the restructuring. I made a third move in the district, but was older. As my previous friends retired or had formed new friendships, I always felt like an outsider. I was also single in a world of married people, and many of these people had more money and differing lifestyles than me. I did feel left out many times, often at the hand of the one person I did consider a friend, which was hurtful.

Fortunately, I have a neighbor I consider my best friend, and her sister and brother-in-law have included me as family. I would like more friends, and did make plans to join a local social/service club, but Covid put the cobash on that for now. I also joined a hiking group, and while I made no lasting friends there so far, the people who go are nice and it is fun to be out with a group. I also have that on hold, and I also miss people I have become friends with at the gym.

I like your thinking. I hope you have many good times with your new friends.

CatLove 01-07-2021 04:13 PM

I think itís important women to form friendships because we are usually the last ones standing.

I think Iíd be happy with three or four close friends. Right now I have one person I would consider a close friend. My mom was my other best friend she died in February. I have a lot of people Iím friends with through work but not close friendships where you text or talk often outside of work.

anna 01-07-2021 07:00 PM

You have an excellent plan to build friendships CatLove. It sounds like it will work. I read a book years ago called Quiet and it really drove home to me why I have the friends I do. It is a lifelong endeavor to be happy with yourself ,your friends and your life. I'm sure your plan is perfect for you:)

hand 01-07-2021 08:06 PM


I think itís important women to form friendships because we are usually the last ones standing.
CatLove I agree with you. My friendships have enhanced my life. I like your plan.

CatLove 01-08-2021 05:52 PM

Thanks everyone!

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