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Languages2 06-11-2019 01:57 AM

Emotional struggles
Hi everyone,

I just finished my first year of teaching as an ELL teacher for grades 3-5. I've been looking for a new job the past few months and wasn't able to find one for ELL. I have just been offered a middle school foreign languages job, and a few years ago I would have been ecstatic about the opportunity, but now I'm just depressed about leaving my kiddos. I've been looking to leave because with the current immigration policies, our district isn't getting any new ELL families, and my position might be cut in the next year or so. I know that financially changing to a more stable job is the right thing for me to do, but I'm struggling with the fact that I feel like I did more good as an ELL teacher and that I won't be able to impact students lives in any way with having my groups for only 9 weeks.

I think that a second part of my struggle is that I love to teach reading and I won't be able to do that in my new position. For years all I wanted to do was teach languages, and now it seems worthless compared to what I did with my kiddos this past year.

Lastly, and this is totally a personal issue, my boyfriend just graduated with a degree in elementary education and I'm now jealous that he will always have students who "need" him. I don't see my new position in that way. This past year, through all of the ups and downs, I've known that my kids needed services, and that made those downs a lot easier to swallow.

I know that I don't have to stay in this position forever, but having to make the change for job security is really hurting right now. I just needed to get everything off my chest.

Sorry this was so long!

Kinderkr4zy 06-14-2019 08:30 PM

I think that you are doing th right thing in making a change that provides you with stability.

That being said I know how important and valid it is to feel like you work is valuable and contributing to positively to those in need. Infact I think many here understand that since most of us get up and go to a low paying, thankless job each day and havent quite yet be we choose to do something worth while with our lives.

But know this, even as a foreign language teacher you will still be needed. How many students will be able to talk to others and create bridges in their community because of what you are teaching them. How many will be able to cultivate friendships and bonds that help others and give back because you gifted them with your teaching. Language opens doors and is the fabric of understanding and enlightenment and you give them this. Your work will still have value. Your students still need you.

What your really need is to change your POV!

I have a friend who teaches in a high poverty and trauma school and she says that she stays because her students need her and deserve the best. I don't work in that environment, but you know what? My kids still need me and still deserve the best. I still have kids that struggle, and that come in with baggage and the belief that they cant learn, or arent smart. I get kids who are so angry and have so much social cognitive distortion that they think that everyone in the world is out to hurt them-these things exist here too. I can be the one to make a difference, Even though they arent poor or high trauma it doesnt mean that they don't need something that I have to offer because they arent getting it at home. They are always fed and even dressed in name brand clothes-but that doesnt mean anyone has ever given them what they need deep down to succeed and heal.

The same can be true of you-all content aside. You cant have something powerful to offer them, everyday that can still be a game changer for them.

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