Good feedback from others and good for you for being concerned with confidentiality for this student.
I think you should leave a separate document detailing the actions needed to be taken for certain behaviors (like a behavior plan, but be sure to write it simply and clearly). You don't have to specify anything that will break confidentiality, just be objective and clear about what behaviors require what reactions. I wouldn't insert it in the lesson plans because you want to be sure to point out its importance as a separate document.
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Should I just lay it out there with the facts. If this happens that is what you do, do this to prevent him from doing that, don't call on him or pressure him to participate or do anything that might piss him off. If he refuses to to leave the room for lunch or recess do this. Never ever do A,B or C.
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Yes!
The data collection is much trickier. I think it's honestly a lot to expect a sub with 23 kinders to do when the sub hasn't been part of it before and doesn't really have experience with that particular data collection. As you said, the paras don't even do it. You might get some data, but I don't know that you'll be able to trust its veracity. If you can explain the exact behaviors to code and give a sample (NOT one of his true samples- just a made up sample of what the behavior tracking should look like), that might be helpful. A picture is worth a thousand words! Is it for sure that the admin is expecting the sub to track them in your absence?