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broomrider broomrider is offline
 
Joined: Sep 2008
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broomrider
 
broomrider's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,802
Senior Member
I feel driven to comment
Old 09-03-2019, 11:32 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #12

You've had some well meaning comments about work-life balance on here. However, in my experience the first year of teaching any new position (and I've had several different teacher jobs in 40 years) is very difficult, stressful, time demanding, and overwhelming.

If your relationship could not stand up to the fairly normal stresses of a new job, could it withstand first year of marriage stresses, family illnesses, periods of unemployment, injuries to one of you, children, ill or handicapped children, bankruptcies, etc. There are many everyday conflicts in priorities during every marriage. Being able to adjust, being willing to adjust is hugely important to staying together through thick and thin--and it does get thin.

My husband and I marked our 50 year anniversary in June, so this is from experience. I don't know what led to the breakup, it's often "it takes two" but not always. It may be best to discover before you marry that there are things that you together cannot survive as a couple. The stresses of a new and demanding job are easier than the many tragedies that a couple can face--hence the warnings in the wedding vows. We have both given space and time to each other, taken what we need from each other, and forgiven fairly often.

Mourn the loss of your relationship, indeed, but consider that you may have also gained some insight into what it takes to keep a marriage from each of you, to each of you.
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