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I am friendless
Old 10-27-2017, 06:45 PM
 
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I am friendless. That is very hard for me to admit. The ladies that retired when I did moved out of the area. It is very hard to make new friends at my age. I have tried to be open and start conversations with people I donít know. That is way out of my comfort zone but Iím doing it. I have even try meet upís but it seems that the activities are either way out of my price range or involve hiking which I am not able to do. How do you make new friends? It seems that most people my age are coupled up and not able to do things without their spouse. I donít want to dating service. I would just like someone that I can go to movies with or an occasional lunch or good conversation


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Me too!
Old 10-27-2017, 07:20 PM
 
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I have tried very hard since I moved to another 16 months ago and yet I do not have anyone to call here and do something with. Well that is not completely true. I am friends with the lady who was our real estate agent. However she is so busy we only manage to get together a few times a year.

I volunteer once a week and am casual friends with the other volunteers. But none have become that special friend I am looking for.

I had a neighborhood party and met everyone on my block. I have had lunch a few times with a couple of neighbor ladies but one is very busy and the other has a very sick husband, so neither have time for me on a regular basis.

I went to National Night Out early this month and met one lady I need to call. Maybe that will develop into something.

I get together with previous teaching friends from time to time. But this involves a 45 to 60 minute drive for me each way.

Oh Sonoma, I wish you lived near me. We could go to lunch once in a while and maybe see a movie together as well. I would love it so much.

I guess we just have to keep trying.

I took a class recently hoping to meet someone. Turned out I was the only person who registered for the two hour class so I only met the teacher. She was young enough to be my daughter so no real potential there.

Try try again.

My husband and I are doing a trunk or treat Tuesday night for Halloween. Maybe I will meet someone there. One can always hope.
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Old 10-27-2017, 09:23 PM
 
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What about volunteering at a library, museum, hospital, homeless shelter or Humane Society? How about a book or gardening club or something else in which you have an interest? Do you belong to a church? If so, become involved in a small group or join a committee that interests you. How about taking a class at your closest community college?

I wish I lived close by! I would love to do some things with you!


(((HUGS)))

Nancy
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Making Friends in Retirement
Old 10-27-2017, 09:27 PM
 
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Yep...isn't it amazing in just a few months/years after retirement your social circle closes? I feel like everyone's "dance card is already filled". Work friends have moved on, retired friends are busy adjusting with their new lives. My husband and I have reached out socially many, many times over the past 10 years...not much reciprocity...dinners, weekends away with us paying for food and the majority of the vacation rental, tickets to football games, concerts, lectures, etc. Both of us were in public service so volunteering is OUT! Did the church building leadership jobs too. Lots of active support of various charities, leadership, gala fundraising, etc. I'm busy with my grandkids but pretty lonely for just a girlfriend to shop, wine (whine), or go to a movie with. I get it. Thanks for being vulnerable and putting your thoughts out there❤️. We've thought of moving but our grandchildren are nearby.
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Old 10-28-2017, 02:40 AM
 
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I am actually having the opposite experience...maybe it's my small town, or maybe it's that I am more of a group person...

I have joined a number of groups, just for fun. They meet regularly. There is overlap in these groups--several people are members of more than one group. I knew many of these folks before retirement.

Here is my list of ways to meet people, but I know every community is different. However, maybe one of these will work for you.

-The gym. I go to aquafit most mornings, and yoga occasionally. There are lots of regulars, and we all watch out for one another. The classes I attend are mostly retirees.

-Knitting group at the library, and knitting group at a local fiber studio. Lots of the same people, but some different ones. We have a couple of parties a year, and some luncheons. There is wine at the fiber studio...and at the library we have a read aloud during the last half hour of our meeting.

-Part time job (paid) at a local museum. Nice staff, and interesting volunteers. Plenty of activities that are free or cheap for staff.

-Book discussion group at the library. Some overlap with the knitting group.

-Delta Kappa Gamma (teacher sorority). Many old (and young) friends in this group...mostly colleagues from my previous life as a teacher.

-Substitute teaching. Surprisingly, I have found this to be low stress and fun, and I get to see all my old friends who are too busy to socialize during the school year.

-Church and prayer group. I used to be very active in church, but now just go to Mass on Sundays and attend the prayer group. Nevertheless, I know these people very well.

-Lifelong learner (OSHER) classes. I meet lots of new folks at these, and occasionally make a good friend.

-Friendship Family program at local college...families are connected with an international student. They come over for holidays and other activities. We have followed many young people through their 4 years, gotten to know their parents and siblings, and now have friends to visit in interesting parts of the world.

-Friendly neighborhood--I let neighbors with kiddos know that I am a teacher. I sometimes hire kids, and sometimes invite families for an activity (like viewing the eclipse). When I take a walk, I notice the kids' new treehouse, or let them tell me the "rules" of Calvinball. Since my grandkids live in Houston (pretty far from NH), I get my "kid fix" this way. They even invite me over to give them lessons on things that they are curious about (like how a toilet works )

Not right now, but in the future I expect I will find some friends at the local senior center. I have gone over there from the gym with friends a few times to drink coffee or play mah jong.

Although I am not socializing with many particular individuals or couples, I feel like I have a lot of "social capital" and could find a friend to talk to about something serious if I needed. If I have extra tickets or want to do something particular, I am certain there would be somebody I could invite. Since dh has been sick, I have felt very supported by my friends from all these groups.

Maybe one of these will spark an idea for you. I have plenty of social interaction in these ways and don't feel a lot of need to do much one-on-one socializing.


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I just wrote
Old 10-28-2017, 09:10 AM
 
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a long post and ended up deleting it when I was making corrections.

Sonoma, I feel the same way. My DH and I were just talking about this very thing today.

Recently, we have invited 2 different friends to do something w/us and we were turned down by both of them.

We haven't found anyone to socialize with in our town and we have lived here over 25 years.

We have tried classes, exercising, volunteering, church and it has all been to no avail. We are nice looking, pleasant, etc., however, friendless, too.

I don't know what the answer is.
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Old 10-28-2017, 09:58 AM
 
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It's amazing so many of us are in the same boat. Sonoma - how courageous of you to put that out there. Look how many people you've touched and how many responded. Doesn't seem like it should be that hard does it? Maybe we should name sections of the states we live in - one of us might live fairly close to someone. I live an hour away from Yosemite.
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Old 10-28-2017, 10:21 AM
 
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I agree that we should let others know where we are located. I'm one hour east of Indy. Two hours away from Columbus, OH.

I've made some new friends through BSF. We text a lot & once every couple of months we meet for lunch. I joined a gym & have made some friends there,but we just visit & encourage each other.

So thankful for all my PT friends.
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Old 10-28-2017, 11:00 AM
 
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I feel the same way. I have one friend that I used to work with and we were pretty close, but sheís still working so she doesnít have much spare time. We meet for coffee every couple months but thatís about it. Fortunately, Iím pretty introverted and a homebody, so itís not too big of a deal. And my husband is retired so we can go out to lunch or a movie together. But it would be nice to have a girlfriend to go out with occasionally. To be honest, itís not a big enough deal for me to pursue it, but if it happened it would be nice.
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Old 10-28-2017, 11:39 AM
 
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I'm northeast of Houston TX.



Last edited by Catdog12; 10-29-2017 at 11:24 AM..
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Old 10-28-2017, 12:46 PM
 
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Quote:
I would just like someone that I can go to movies with or an occasional lunch or good conversation
(((Sonoma))) I wish we could do those things together.

Right now Iím on friend overkill because everyone wants to make sure Iím okay. But in Spring I hope to be packing up and moving to a strange new town all by myself. I imagine by then youíll have a plethora of friends and Iíll be asking you for advice. Good luck!
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Old 10-28-2017, 01:10 PM
 
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I agree! However, I am getting a roommate on Tuesday and am grateful for the company. Being single and childless is very hard, but I try to remain positive and hopeful for the future.

I am in the Denver, Colorado area.
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Old 10-28-2017, 02:02 PM
 
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I moved to another state after I retired, so I had to make new friends. I went to the town library website, and found that it was the center of activity. They have 2 knit groups, a games group, book clubs, speakers, a bluegrass music night, and so much more. I am there at least 3 times a week, and have found some good friends, too. Also, with my Silver Sneakers through a Medicare supplement, I have been able to join 4 gyms. I can use the pool at one, yoga at another, exercise at another, and always someone to get to know. I'm in NC, and will go to lunch, if you are ever this way!
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Old 10-28-2017, 02:36 PM
 
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I feel a lack of friends to just hang out with too. I have plenty of social activities, where the group size ranges from two to about ten people. But none of those people I've met in those activities have become friends. I had imagined that I could become friends with a few individuals, and that we might arrange to get coffee or go out to eat when the activity ended, but that has never happened and I've recently become resigned to it not ever happening.

I've never been good at making friends though. Too shy and quiet.
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Finding new friends
Old 10-28-2017, 03:20 PM
 
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Some great suggestions have been offered by PPs. Here are my two cents...
Right after I retired, I joined my local division of CalRTA, California Retired Teachers Association. It works to protect our teacher pensions here in CA as well as being a social organization with monthly luncheons, speakers, programs, and fun activities. Something to consider if you live in CA. Take a look at CalRTA.org online and you can find the local division closest to you. Newcomers and visitors are always welcome.

At the first luncheon I attended, I had no idea who would be there. I simply went, found an unoccupied seat at a table, and sat down. A few minutes later, someone I'd never met before happened to sit down next to me, and voilŗ, a new friend! That was five years ago in which time my new friend's husband died, her daughter was married, I survived cancer, and my mother died. It was great to have a good friend who understands during all those life changes.

Please keep trying! I'm sure there are many people who would love to be your friend. I know I would! You just have to connect with them. I am in SoCal, and I'd love to meet for lunch if anyone else is within driving distance.
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Old 10-28-2017, 09:09 PM
 
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Isn't this Board beautiful? Here we all are sharing intimate feelings and lo and behold. Many feel the same way. Courageous move, dear sonoma. Clearly you struck a nerve that many connect with.

I can't think of anything other than what so many have suggested already, but I hope you will not give up. You may not find a truly best, best friend, but you may find someone to invite out for coffee once in a while and get to know. This can sometimes lead to meeting another friend and another and another. I hope that is your experience and that you have the patience and faith to keep trying. One thing I know is that friendship isn't always 50/50 every single interaction. It waxes and wanes even with BFFs because each of us is moving in unique directions at different times.

If you don't meet a special BFF, then at least you will be doing things you enjoy whether it's a cooking class, sewing/knitting/crafting circle, library volunteers, square dancing, church group/choir/lector/altar server, etc. Your life will be made up of things that are important to you and -- who knows - you may meet someone special along the way.

Good luck to you and don't forget how important you are to us. Look at the activity you generated with your post!
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Old 10-28-2017, 09:25 PM
 
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Ruby Tunes, I'm in SoCal too, and I would love to do lunch!

I understand sonoma so well, and many of us seem to be going through similar experiences of being friendless. My best friend happens to be visiting me right now for a week and we discussed this very topic just yesterday. She moved 8 hours away almost 4 years ago, and it hasn't been the same for either of us since she moved. We are like sisters, know each other's problems and secrets, and used to do many things together. After she moved away, it was hard to adjust for both of us. She still hasn't found anyone that she considers a friend; the women she knows are merely acquaintances. She now lives in a very small town where it is very hard to make friends. Everyone is too busy living their lives. She is a very outgoing person, but she is having a hard time and is very lonely.

For me it has been somewhat easier because I live in a big city and there are many opportunities to meet people. Like lisa53 I joined groups. I still only have one close friend nearby and a couple semi-close friends, but I try to have enough people around me to make me feel that I am not invisible and alone. I consider myself an extroverted introvert. I enjoy being around people for short periods of time, but like to be by myself too. Right now I'm part of two book clubs, a walking group, a tai chi group, a Zumba class, and since I retired I have taken all sorts of (free) classes through adult continuing education. I see the people in those groups anywhere from once every six weeks to twice a week depending on the group. We have a good time when we are together as a group, but afterwards everyone goes her own way.

I realize that online groups including PT help fill a gap for many of us.
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Old 10-29-2017, 06:36 AM
 
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Me too! I retired 4 years ago and miss the friendships I had at school. We spent so much time together going through the good and the bad. When I retired, I left those friends behind. I have struggled to make friends with others, but it seems that it never works out. I do go to yoga classes 3 days a week, while working part time 3 days a week. I have acquaintances, but everyone is always busy with their own life. My DH is retired and we enjoy having our time together now, but I do miss those close friends!

Thanks for all the suggestions everyone has given. I'm going to search for more opportunities!
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Old 10-29-2017, 06:44 AM
 
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I highly suggest getting involved with your library. Volunteer, join groups like book clubs, and attend their other programs.

The other way is if you are religious, get involved in a church. Again, volunteer, join a women's group, or other groups.

Both of these are low cost and wonderful ways to connect with people.
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Old 10-29-2017, 06:50 AM
 
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I highly suggest getting involved with your library. Volunteer, join groups like book clubs, and attend their other programs.

The other way is if you are religious, get involved in a church. Again, volunteer, join a women's group, or other groups.

Both of these are low cost and wonderful ways to connect with people.

Have you thought of volunteering at a senior citizens center or nursing home. You may not meet a best friend, but people who need friends and would look forward to seeing you!
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Old 10-29-2017, 07:23 AM
 
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I admire you for admitting this. It is all too common. I have many casual friends but no bestie. I have my husband and we do a lot together. Both sisters live nearby but we ebb and flow in terms of closeness. I try and reach out to those I find easy to talk to but I am not a comfortable entertainer and I actually enjoy being alone much of the time. I am always afraid if something happened to my dh iíd Be sorry for not cultivating and preserving friendships.
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Old 10-29-2017, 09:37 AM
 
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For me, being a member of a group (taking part in an activity, volunteering) is being with people and maybe even connecting with them, but it is not the same as being friends with them. It sounds like some of you feel that knitting or exercising or doing whatever with people makes them your friends, but to me friendship is more than that.

I thought those kinds of activities could lead to friendship, but so far that has not happened for me.
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I thought I was the only one...
Old 10-29-2017, 11:18 AM
 
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I retired and am a part of two groups that meet once a month for lunch or an outing. My dear retired friends, one was a best friend from elementary school, another friends for 40 years, all left the state and moved away. This is common in NJ. I had other friends who are younger and are still working. My family is several states away.
I started to volunteer back at my old school. I like that a lot. No responsibility but hang with my old friends. I am thinking about joining the senior center. I expect to join activities but don't know if it will lead to real friends.
Sorry we are not in the same area Sonoma, we could go see movies or hang out over coffee.
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Old 10-29-2017, 11:48 AM
 
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I'm single, and often lonely, too. I do have a few friends, but they're married and very busy with their lives, so we only get together a few times a year.

Having a chronic illness (rheumatoid arthritis) is sometimes very isolating, as well. I'm often too tired to go out in the evening. I used to be very involved with dancing, but the casual friendships I formed there have mostly fallen away, along with my ability to dance.

I'm hoping my health continues to improve, and that I can get out more socially.

I hope you find a good group of friends, Sonoma. Don't give up. I'm sure they're out there, waiting for you, too.
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Old 10-29-2017, 11:53 AM
 
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There are times in our lives when circumstances align to take us away from friends.
I agree with Nancy. Volunteering is a great way to meet people and find connections.
After I retired, I was able to go to the gym frequently. I liked the water fitness classes. Many people use the pool because of joint and other health issues. There were several retired teachers. I struck up a conversation with one and just like that we decided to form a book club. It was just us the first meeting, but it grew to three and then four, eventually eight. I found that lots of swimmers meet for breakfast, birthday lunches, happy hours, movies, etc. Check with your insurance to see if you have Silver Sneakers. It will allow you to join a health club like the YMCA, LA Fitness, etc. for free.
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Old 10-29-2017, 12:13 PM
 
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That is exactly what I mean. I do belong to several groups. But none of them have lead to any friendships. There is a difference. It has been very validating to know that I am not the only one in this situation. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me
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Old 10-29-2017, 02:02 PM
 
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I agree, groups and close friends are often two different things. Daydreamer - welcome to our small leaky boat! I am just so happy that we have this board. I think it is a little harder when you're single. Married people have a certain amount of built in companionship, and they are involved with spouses and often grandkids. When you're single, single you really have to make sure you find a connection SOMEWHERE. Fortuanately when I lose one friend God seems to bring another along!
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Old 10-29-2017, 06:29 PM
 
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I'd love to meet you for lunch! Are you in the San Diego area? I recently reconnected with my long ago college roommate and have promised her I would visit her where she lives in SD when the weather is cooler. She is a retired teacher, too. I could meet you for lunch when I go there for a few days if you're in that area.

Or, if you would enjoy visiting the Palm Springs Coachella Valley area where I live, we could meet for lunch here! It is usually lovely November through April, but too hot the rest of the time. Please PM me and let me know! I wrote this here so others reading this thread see that PT get togethers are possible.
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Old 10-30-2017, 11:06 AM
 
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Quote:
I wrote this here so others reading this thread see that PT get togethers are possible.
Yes, I'd love that! I have met two other PT'ers before. It is so much fun meeting people who you've known from ProTeacher in person.
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Old 10-30-2017, 10:12 PM
 
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If anyone comes to the gold country (not the wine country!!!) let me know!! I'm still working but dreaming retired!!!
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Wine country
Old 11-14-2017, 04:06 AM
 
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My daughter lives in the wine country and goes through this a lot.

She makes mom friends, as she is a single young mom, but she too has this problem. I do myself for that matter.

I know whatever troubles me has, or is, troubling someone else.

I HAVEN'T read all your responses, but this is what I would try. Go to the movies alone. Strike up conversations with others who are there alone. Seriously.

Do the same with restaurants. Actually go up to someone dining alone and simply ask if they'd like to share the table. I challenge you to do this. God has a plan for you. Just try it.

With the holidays approaching people who are alone often feel down. Look for those sad faces and strike up a conversation. People get left, lose partners to death, etc.

Pro Teacher is like a family for me. Teaching can be all consuming and we need a sounding board. Don't give up, you know the old saying, you can count your true friends on one hand. Be well.
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Sprite Sprite is offline
 
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Joined: Mar 2017
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Old 11-15-2017, 05:11 PM
 
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I hear you.. sometimes I feel like I have no one.. but I do have many people in my life. I have a chronic illness and it makes things hard.. I can feel very closed off and crabby. I just wanna run home and get in bed with my cats and husband.. and even then that sometimes is too much.

For me.. and maybe for someone else out there... being open to others is a big thing. Taking people up on their offers ..even if it is a big group who's offering.
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