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SummerRose SummerRose is offline
 
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Drove home in tears
Old 11-08-2017, 02:11 AM
 
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The title is correct today I drove home in tears. At least I waited until I was in my car and out of the parking lot before I erupted, but it was all because of an unruly parent and no support from administration. I felt so disgusted after the meeting I had to leave early. The parent had a 1 pm meeting with all the paras in my room, myself and the principal. She came in 30 minutes early with a MORC representative and both of them were very nasty and rude to me. They watched and complained about everything they felt I wasnít doing right. They came in the middle of the students music therapy session which is their time to unwind and relax after lunch. The MORC representative kept antagonizing one of my students we will call P to get a reaction out of him to prove a point to the parent that he was violent. Before this meeting the MORC representative came a few weeks earlier to observe a student we will call G, during this observation the representative claimed P hit G. G was never hit nor mistreated in my care, but this MORC rep had to prove a point. She kept getting into his personal space and I know thatís one of his triggers. The third time she went in his space he raised his arms and I knew he was about to hit her in the back as she had her back turned to him. I came to him before he could connect and gently put his arms on the desk. This student also likes to wander as there were new people in the room and he got up to investigate. I led him by his gait belt and redirected him to his seat. In the meeting with the principal the parent seriously fixed her lips to say she had ďfear in her heartĒ because I was abusive to P. She said he never had on a gait belt and I yanked him. First of all, student P wears a gait belt all day for his safety and ours. Secondly, I have a wonderful relationship with all of my students the affection they show me even though they are non-verbal is astounding. I would never mistreat any of my kids so it hurt to the core that she would say that even if we all knew she was lying. I said all of this to say I believe I need to quit teaching. Everyone said it would get better after my first year, but Iím deep into my second year and feel more stressed than ever. I literally drag myself out of bed every morning and try to do the best I can do with what Iím given, but it still is not enough. Administration was a yes man to the parent giving them everything they asked for, but it is all things I have to do. Iím tired, unsupported and drained. Iíve been trying to find a new position going on 7 months now, but they are all given to the favorite seasoned teachers while Iím not even considered. I have one of the hardest positions working with adults 19-26, non verbal, and multiple behaviors. Iím not going to be moved because no one else wants this position. I feel stuck and more often than not I leave work get my car and ball my eyes out. Someone please help this drowning new teacher that wasnít even blessed with the luxury of having a mentor. I definitely would have talked to them about this situation.

Sincerely, I spent all this time and money in college to come out and hate what I do for a living.


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(((Hugs)))
Old 11-08-2017, 02:19 AM
 
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It sounds like you are doing an amazing job in an extremely difficult position. Have you looked for a different position in another district? Having a supportive principal will make all the difference. You deserve a placement where you feel at home.

A better teaching position is out there for you. Sending good thoughts that you find it soon.
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So sorry
Old 11-08-2017, 02:40 AM
 
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It sounds like you have a real connection with your students and a keen awareness of their needs.

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. It may be time to try a new position somewhere people will appreciate how hard your job is and will support your efforts.
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Old 11-08-2017, 03:52 AM
 
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Iím sorry you are dealing with this. I can say that the old saying, ďWhat doesnít kill you makes you stronger.Ē Is true. Some of my worst experiences with parents has made me a better teacher and person. Hang in there and try to grow from this experience.
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no energy
Old 11-08-2017, 04:35 AM
 
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Wow! You will have no ounce of energy left for any battle. I am so sorry. I know what it feels like to feel overwhelmed.

I just want to comment on how, and I don't know if I get this right, someone like some rep (MORC?) could allow themselves to "observe" in your room. They were being intrusive or were being a distraction when they were allowed in. If they were to observe, they should've been with some admin on a limited time. How did no one stop this person from disturbing? I would consult a union rep regarding this if you haven't done so yet. I know you barely have the energy.


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Old 11-08-2017, 05:12 AM
 
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Forgive me, as I am not special ed and all districts work differently. Don't you have someone up the chain you can go to? Not at your school but at the district office? Someone there who could give you guidance and assistance in something like this?

I do think that most beginning teachers have no idea how to advocate for themselves. We all agree to way more than we should, not understanding the long term ramifications. Not a personal problem, but an experience problem. Make some phone calls and see who else is in your department. Ask questions and get some help.

Sorry you are dealing with this. It does sound unfair.
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Old 11-08-2017, 05:39 AM
 
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I don't know what a MORC rep is, but why was this person permitted to interact with your students? The whole thing sounds hinky AF.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.
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Old 11-08-2017, 07:46 AM
 
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SummerRose, I'm quite surprised you even took the position in the first place. I would have worked retail or something 40+ hrs a week than do that position. Driving home in tears almost daily or even this one time isn't the type of job you deserve! I feel for you!

I know they always say don't quit one job until you have another lined up, but that sounds absolutely miserable!!! Can't you just go ahead and quit anyway?

Last edited by MAsped; 11-08-2017 at 01:58 PM.. Reason: spelling error fix
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Old 11-08-2017, 08:43 AM
 
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Take a deep breath.
You are doing a job that very few people can do.

Please remember these words "never resign when a leave of absence will do."

Do you have a Union?
Can you have a rep sit in on all meetings with P and parents.
They won't be able to contribute to the discussion but they can stop the disrespect.

Sometimes the Union can help facilitate a transfer to a different teaching position.
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Heart-wrenching
Old 11-08-2017, 10:25 AM
 
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Even as a former battle-scarred special ed. teacher, I found your message to be one of the hardest to read. First of all, please don't start driving until you have at least stopped crying - we don't want to read that you've been in an accident. You can blame your spineless administrator and the dysfunctional system for your unfortunate predicament.

As you continue with your job search, you may want to make arrangement to meet with the special ed. directors (district and county level) in all of your surrounding areas for the purpose of introducing yourself and letting them know that you are available for hire. Bring a copy of your resume, letters of reference and your best enthusiastic smile to these meetings. I've always had the best luck with personal connections.


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Old 11-08-2017, 01:10 PM
 
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I could not do the job that you do. Kudos to you for lasting this long, and it sounds like you are doing an excellent job. Is there a grade or subject that you would like to teach? I cannot imagine teaching adults with behavioral issues. Peaches and Pears is right; very few people could do this job. It will look great on your resume. I would consider switching districts, or finding a private school, even if it means a pay cut or a long commute. Your mental and physical health are important. I hope you get the support you need.
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Leave of absence
Old 11-08-2017, 03:22 PM
 
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I would apply for a medical leave or other leave and look for another position... even subbing for a while to get known..
it will be impressive that you even tried a position like this... I don't think any one would think badly of you for leaving
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Old 11-08-2017, 04:16 PM
 
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I'm so sorry you're dealing with so little support in a very difficult position. Ugh. I would leave and I would let the P know why. And I would let the Superintendent know too. Those kids deserve better (than the admin is providing) and you were/are an angel to have done this as long as you have. Take that leave and go on to your next job. Good luck to you!!
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Old 11-08-2017, 07:40 PM
 
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Thatís exactly what Iím trying to figure out??? I asked why they needed to come in if we were already having a meeting. Then they said I was rude by asking that question so as to not upset them anymore they were allowed in. They claimed they had the right to observe, but observe doesnít mean interact with my other students or antganise them. I feel thatís where administrators should have stepped in and handled the situation, but theyíre so keen on pleasing parents even if their requests are unrealistc. A MORC representive is someone that works with the families of special needs stuents in order to give them the best care possible in school and after the graduate at 26 years old.
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Old 11-08-2017, 07:44 PM
 
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Im trying so hard to leave Iíve applied to other districts I am now looking to go out of state as there are no available positions at the moment. At this school everybody has known each other for 40+ years so their needs are always met while I have to fend for myself itís stressful and these posts are my way to vent. Thanks to everyone who gave advice you guys are giving me more support than my administration does. Oh and by the way I have spoken to the director of special education, my union rep and the principal numerous times about issues Iíve been having and nothing is resolved. We just have meetings they escalate and weíre back working together the next day. Exhausting and unproductive!
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Old 11-08-2017, 07:50 PM
 
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I wish I could quit @MAsped, but I have to support myself.. honestly retail isn’t looking so bad right now, but as I only have 2 years under my belt I need to keep working plus I’m under extreme pressure as I have a family member in the same district saying I’d be dumb to leave a position for less money. As I typed that it seemed dumb to stay and I’m mentally exhausted everyday.
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Feel so bad for you
Old 11-09-2017, 02:49 AM
 
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Oh Summer, that sounds so horrible. I remember when I was starting out I had a position where I went home crying every night and doubted my abilities to be a teacher. I even cried, in front of the kids once, I just couldn't help it. I sniffed and told them it was allergies. In my case it wasn't that my admin didn't care, but quite frankly there were even bigger problems than my classroom that they were dealing with.

I remember talking and not having them listen until I said. "You know I don't HAVE to be here." I said it very calmly. The look on the principal's face was priceless. She knew it was going to be very difficult to find a replacement for my position and it would have be even more difficult until they did. Suddenly my problems were going to be a problem for her. Attitude totally turned around -- changes were made -- not huge, but made things more manageable for me.

Of course, I knew I did not want to go back to that school -- and I was at the point that I was ready to walk away, so it was easier for me to say that.

Anytime, I've had a bad day at school I remind myself that it was nothing compared to that year.

Good luck. It sounds like any school would be lucky to get such a caring teacher as you.
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Old 11-09-2017, 04:39 PM
 
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Summer Rose, I myself nearly cried reading your post... I am so sorry that you have been going through a rough time. While I myself am not able to offer you any advice or suggestions, I hope that what others have said here has offered you a bit of comfort.

Did I understand correctly that this was supposed to be a parent meeting? Aren't meetings with parents supposed to be held in private and handled confidentially? How is it that a parent was allowed to come in, with a team of other individuals, and "observe" other students in the way you described?

Maybe I am confused, because I am not sure what a MORC representative is?

In any case, I hope that things eventually work out for you, to where you find yourself in a better work situation. In the meantime, I hope you are able to take care of YOU by doing some nice things for yourself... treat yourself to a mani/pedi, go out to your favorite restaurant, enjoy a good movie and popcorn at home... any small thing to help rejuvenate your spirit.

Know that you are an angel for doing what you do on a daily basis. God bless and take care.

EDIT: I just read one of your previous responses explaining what MORF reps do.... but are they school officials or are they with an outside agency?
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Work less
Old 11-10-2017, 07:42 AM
 
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I totally understand. You are putting out more effort than anyone in the picture.

Do what you can for your students. Never lean on those a## ##### in admin. Document important facts dates and times

You are a warrior. Do not quit your job while upset. Crying is normal. I've said in meetings that I'm human, not perfect, and doing my best every day. In response to stupid allegations just never be alone with students. Your paras have your back and you have theirs. Special ed parents can be horrible people. Some fish for lawsuits.

Do not quit. Go get a massage. Find a hot tub. Self care is number one sweetheart.

One last thing, the time to worry is when you have no more tears. Don't let the world wreck sensitive smart you. This field is for the strong and caring. Those students NEED you.
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Old 11-15-2017, 09:42 PM
 
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Please take this advice or don't take it at all if you dislike it. I would try to stick it out the rest of the year. Then you can make a clean break after the year ends.

If you can't, go on leave. Take a day off and read about FMLA and do it if it's an option for you. It's okay if you leave the school now for good. Trust me, there will be other opportunities in some form or another. There has to be since you have to make a living.

If you are stubborn and really want to continue with your job, you must reach out to others and have lots of patience with everybody including yourself. You must talk with others heart to heart and ask for support.

If you are fairly young, move onto something else. This too will pass, so plan an exit strategy. Maybe go back to school? Get a job helping students in another way, such as research, psychology, or curriculum.

I had a similar situation as yours, but I was 51 at the time in my 18th year of teaching. I was miserable, and my situation at the time was a nightmare. I was really depressed, and I am still getting over it even though I am not there anymore!

During that year, I would walk into a Seven Eleven in a morning before school and envy anybody who was working there. The man or woman behind the counter could get through the entire day at least at their work. I left during the summer. I sub now and have a weekend job. I do have more freedom. So remember, you have plenty of options.
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