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When you are not one of the cool kids
Old 11-10-2017, 06:03 AM
 
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There is a group at my school that socializes - at times with drinking involved - with our administrators and I cannot decide how I feel about that. On the one hand, I have no desire to be in that loop, but on the other hand, I feel that their friendship with our leaders outside of school gives them preferential treatment in school sometimes. Plus they have all of these inside jokes and stories that I am not a part of...again I don't know if I want to be included or not. I am very happy at my job so this is more of an observation and less of a vent I guess. Anyone else see something like that at their school - and how do you feel about it?


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My new P
Old 11-10-2017, 06:55 AM
 
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He is a jerk, and is so obvious about preferring the company of the under 40 crowd. He will walk right past a senior staff member to talk and joke around with the younger ones. I heard he curses like a sailor around them.

For the most part I am glad I am treated respectfully (although I don't trust him) and don't wish to be part of his gang. But it doesn't feel good to be on the outside. I/we are getting used to it, and just do our jobs as best we can.

As far as going out with him socially, I hope they don't. That crosses all kinds of boundaries.
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Old 11-10-2017, 07:15 AM
 
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That doesn't happen at my school, and I'm glad because it sounds concerning. Our P and AP will sometimes attend faculty socials/events, and it's fun to be able to interact with them socially, but that's a place where all are invited so it's not a singled out/preferred group.
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Is is possible
Old 11-10-2017, 07:23 AM
 
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It may be your principal and those few teachers are high functioning alcoholics. There are plenty of them around.
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It's Not Uncommon
Old 11-10-2017, 09:17 AM
 
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for some of the worse principals to fraternize with what I call their "inner circle" of friends. As others have noted, their pals are usually in a lower age bracket (more naive and insecure) who IMO are in the circle for selfish reasons. New teachers who are politically-inclined are especially fond of developing such close relationships with the boss (I see them as aspiring to be future principals - yuck!).

Here are some disgusting examples:

Spending a day in the wine country (Napa) getting drunk and being pampered at an expensive spa. 2-hour ride by limousine no less!

Spending a night out in San Francisco for dinner and a musical.

Imagine being stuck in the car for several hours and having to listen to endless backstabbing jokes and other unintellectual conversations about nothing. Definitely not cool if you have any conservative views.

Someone should write a book on this disgusting subject!


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Old 11-10-2017, 02:26 PM
 
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Yep, I spent 13 years not being one of the in crowd, so I get it. I didnít really want to socialize with them, but still it hurts to always be on the outside. Glad I retired!
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Old 11-10-2017, 05:04 PM
 
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My previous P had some teachers that she spent time with outside of school. It was a little different though. She'd been in the district forever and was a teacher here prior to becoming the P. So she had teachers she'd been friends with prior to becoming a P, including one of my teammates.

This was not a "new, young crowd" situation at all...in fact, it was pretty much all of the oldest teachers in the building. On the one hand, I can see how it's unprofessional for a P to have outside of work friendships with staff. On the other hand, it also doesn't seem reasonable to expect someone to give up a 20 year friendship just because their job title has changed.

I knew I was not in the "in" crowd, but I never felt disrespected or like I was at any kind of disadvantage professionally at school. That said, my teammate who was friends with the P has said she's actually enjoying feeling "challenged" by the new P this year. She said she'd gotten complacent because previous P was her friend and had honestly gotten to a point where she felt bored with the job.
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Old 11-10-2017, 07:57 PM
 
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I invite my entire staff to a Happy Hour (we call it Domain 5, a Charlotte Danielson joke) every pay day. Literally everyone is invited...custodians, secretaries, aides, etc. I also put the invite up on FB and tag those who retired or changed schools. I don't know how to be more inclusive!

It's pretty much the same group each time...but anyone could join us. I think if people at my school feel left out, they should join us. There's no "in" group. There's a group who choose to attend. And yes, my P often goes. We have fun and I refuse to feel badly about it. I like socializing...others don't. And that's fine. But I don't like the idea people who don't want to are feeling left out. That's a choice.

Again, this is how it happens at my school and I am aware other schools have a more "secret society" sort of thing going on.

ETA: A few years ago, a brand new teacher got my email about meeting for Domain 5 and she was panicked! "What data do I bring? I don't know how to prepare for Domain 5, I've never heard of it!" Hahaha, it's margaritas, stand down.
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Old 11-10-2017, 08:52 PM
 
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Yes, we have it at my school too. I am not part of the in crowd and sometimes it does hurt but at the same time I am not the type to go out and drink. I also notice that this crowd makes back-stabbing jokes about all kinds of nice, sweet teachers at our school so I don't want to be a part of that. I try to be nice to everyone and keep most of my friendships outside of school. I love my job and students and that part keeps me happy.
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I think it is unprofessional to go drinking
Old 11-11-2017, 10:17 AM
 
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with the P as a teacher. I did do it a couple of times in my youth, but in my defense, all of the teachers were invited to those functions. It was a common practice w/ that P. A coworker, friend, of mine drank too much 1 night and an AP there insisted on driving her home. A couple of teachers tried to intervene, but he insisted on driving her. He raped her. We were all pretty young and what happened was kind of unbelievable nowadays. It was in the days where many women
were too embarrassed to say anything. She did tell the main P who encouraged her to just keep quiet about it for her job security. She seriously worked in the same school for 2 yrs after that in a big school b4 he got transferred. He made her skin crawl. I felt so bad for her. The main P did make sure he stayed away from her after that. He probably did the same to many other young girls. Reasons not to socialize/ drink w/ the P...He might be a perv..Nowadays more women would tell. It was a different time and place. Our P has 1 good friend like that now. The best P I ever worked for had good boundaries. We both got along really well, but did not socialize outside work related activities ever while I worked there. Once I moved, she always met me for lunch when I came back to visit. She did not talk badly about any1 and was just a super nice person.


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Old 11-12-2017, 05:11 AM
 
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Zia, that is funny about the new teacher! Something I would have done haha
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Old 11-12-2017, 08:23 PM
 
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My P has a few events each year- usually at her own house- where everyone is invited. She calls them pool or garden parties. They are quite fun. I attend a couple each year.

But that's pretty much it. I'm glad we don't have the whole exclusive thing going on. And I wouldn't care to hang out with coworkers every Friday anyway. I have my own friends
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Old 11-13-2017, 05:46 AM
 
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Two thoughts: nothing good happens after midnight and going drinking/socializing with your colleagues just isn't a good long-term idea.

Most educators have a family that gets put on the back burner so much of the time. Why would you want to ask them to sacrifice a few hours to go drinking with coworkers?

I never got involved with the social crowd at my school beyond the sort of mandatory yearly parties and even those were painful. In the end, more bitterness and hard feelings come from these experiences and it gets carried back to school and distracts educators from their jobs.

I had one principal (married) who was overtly in love with a gorgeous young teacher and although she flirted and lead him on, nothing came of it except HUGE repercussions from the upper administration when some told them stories about his behavior.

How about: be nice to one another, work hard, go home to your friends and family and mind your own business? Wouldn't it be nice to work like this? It used to be more like this. Really, when I began teaching, the thought of going out drinking was unheard of. I recall, about twenty years ago, being shocked overhearing a young teacher tell others "I got so wasted last weekend." Things started to change around that time.

Last edited by connieg; 11-13-2017 at 11:29 AM..
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Old 11-14-2017, 02:36 PM
 
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When I taught full time, I used to go out with a couple of friends after work and knock a few down. That was during my sixth year in education. I would see some administrators come in now and then. At that time, I had some loose lips as I was buzzed. I felt bad about this, and I completely stopped (grinding halt). I hated the idea of spreading rumors at school. I left full time education after about 18 years.

Since then I don't socialize with anybody in education after my sub work. I have a couple of friends in education I see every couple of months, but don't drink alcohol with them. They don't work at the same site as me anymore either. And, I don't drink alcohol at all anymore. Alcohol makes problems worse.

After my sixth year in education, school became a very difficult and stressful job, so I never went to Xmas parties or school social gatherings, etc. I never saw the point in this, and I tried my best to fly under the radar as much as possible.

I never wanted to be one of the "special ones, the elite, the A-team, or the cool ones." I simply don't care about that nonsense. I only cared about what kind of work I was doing in my classroom.
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Old 11-14-2017, 05:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Two thoughts: nothing good happens after midnight and going drinking/socializing with your colleagues just isn't a good long-term idea.
Happy Hour usually ends around 6.

Quote:
Most educators have a family that gets put on the back burner so much of the time. Why would you want to ask them to sacrifice a few hours to go drinking with coworkers?
Because I need social time that doesn't involve my kids. They also have events that don't include me. I'm an adult in addition to being a mom.

Quote:
And I wouldn't care to hang out with coworkers every Friday anyway. I have my own friends
I feel so lucky to have so many coworkers who are also friends.
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