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I so love Christmas
Old 11-09-2017, 08:36 PM
 
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I realize why I love Christmas and the few weeks leading up to it. This isn't a sob story, just the facts.

My mother is or was a high functioning person with Borderline Personality Disorder. For her, it meant that she had very little sense of self and had to live through fantasy and others. The rest of the year was very strange but Christmas was awesome.

She fit into a role at Christmas and it made it easier for her. The traditions and expectations, while she tired of them, gave her a structure she needed. We did everything the same way each year, down to the order in which we placed the vinyl records on the record player. For a kid this was wonderful. It all served to give her a path to follow for six weeks or so.

Her moods were volatile and unpredictable the rest of the year, so the Christmas season smoothed these and everyone knew what to expect. Things got very unstable when my father died so I'm most thankful for Christmas memories from 3 to age 9. These are the most formative. I realize now, too, that my dad kept things on an even keel, too.
I am more conscious of building memories for my grandson. For example, tonight we made a bonfire and I taught him how to toast marshmallows. He loved watching the fire! (I also snuck in safety lessons, too)

My mother inflicted a great deal of harm but at least I can be thankful for her Christmas spirit five or six weeks out of the year.


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Sweet Memories are Good
Old 11-09-2017, 08:40 PM
 
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I am glad you have these good memories of your Mom and Christmas. Thank you for sharing your story. It is bittersweet. I am sorry your mom suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder.
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Old 11-10-2017, 03:12 AM
 
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Thank you for the kind words. It is hard around holidays. It is one of the most cruel mental disorders. The sense of emptiness and fear of abandonment is so terrifying for her, yet she can't get along with others enough to be active in groups. If I were to visit her, she would assume I had ulterior motives and thr es no convincing her otherwise.
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Old 11-10-2017, 08:11 AM
 
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I get this urge to make things and collect pine cones. It was a regular craft factory at our house from November until Christmas
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Old 11-10-2017, 08:51 PM
 
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How wonderful that it was Christmas when things were bright and cheery! In a world of turmoil that created such pleasant memories for you!

Nancy


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