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feel so bad about something
Old 04-05-2018, 05:09 PM
  #1

my good friend has a big project she has been working on for her business. hasnt been able to talk, text, or get together for weeks now. i miss her. she texted me tonight, about something medical, and i asked she if she had time to talk because i miss her.
she snapped back at me with a long list of all the things she has to get done in the next week.
i wrote back that i am sorry. havent heard anything back.

she is really stressed out because of her business project. under financial pressure. i get she is busy. it makes my heart ache though. i feel terrible.

i just miss her. ever since she started her own business last year, she is always busy. i feel like i dont matter to her any more.

i am trying really hard to leave her alone, and not text her or call her. i just miss her so much. it seems like all i do lately is make her mad at me (last week she texted me to say hi, i asked her if she had time to talk at all, and she gave me a similar list of all she had to do.)
i feel terrible that i bothered her with such a dumb thing.
i guess i wanted reassurance from her that i am still important to her, but all i got back was a list of things she has to do.
i just miss her.


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Old 04-05-2018, 05:34 PM
  #2

I'm sorry you are not feeling validated by this person. Hopefully she eventually contacts you. It hurts when we find out we are not important enough to be called or talked to in person by someone. I get it. I definitely would move on from such a thoughtless person.
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Old 04-05-2018, 05:36 PM
  #3

She and i have been best friends for several years, i dont want to dump her. i must miss her.
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Old 04-05-2018, 05:59 PM
  #4

She sounds incredibly stressed and probably feels guilty that she doesn't have time to be the friend she used to be right now. If she's your good friend, maybe just letting it ride for a bit might be best. Friendships sometimes ebb and flow for a variety of reasons and it sounds like she has a ton going on. She's not being very kind with her words, but some people handle stress very badly. She's still making some contact (with her text), and it sounds like she doesn't want to completely lose you, but she doesn't have a lot of time to devote to you right now, either.

As for you, I'd stop apologizing and don't feel bad about what you're doing. If you want to keep her, continue dropping texts, but I wouldn't ask about talking right now. You might need to let her be a friend on hold for a bit.
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Old 04-05-2018, 06:03 PM
  #5

My guess is that her quick texts are a way for her to stay in touch because she does value you but she really doesnít have time for a phone conversation. Itís hard to tell tone from a text....did she really *snap*, ie say ďleave me alone, look at all I have to do!Ē or did she say ďI just canít, this is what I have to doĒ.

One way is annoyed, the other is just laying out why she canít talk. If she texts again try responding with a quick ďso happy to hear from you!Ē with no expectation of a chat.

I know itís hard when you miss your friend but itís also really hard to start a business. Hopefully there will soon be a time when she can take some time for you too.


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Old 04-05-2018, 06:16 PM
  #6

I guess I just donít get it...if you have time to text ó you have time to talk, donít you?

Maybe she doesnít have the emotional energy to talk...but still ó if you all are good friends, I donít get why she is pushing you away ó you are part of her support network!

I guess you could send a text and tell her that you miss her ó maybe invite her to lunch or dinner out to catch up. I mean, sheís got to eat! Then leave it up to her.
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Old 04-05-2018, 06:23 PM
  #7

Quote:
I guess I just donít get it...if you have time to text ó you have time to talk, donít you?
I don't! I often shoot off texts to my friends to touch base and send some thoughts, but I wouldn't have time to talk at that moment for many reasons. I can shoot off a text in less time than it takes to even dial someone's number and have them answer. Talking, especially with a close friend, can take a long time!!
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My thoughts
Old 04-05-2018, 07:02 PM
  #8

To me when she texts to say hi she's thinking about you. She doesn't have time to talk, but she wants you to know that she has been thinking about you.

There are so many times that I can text with friends all at the same time rather than talk. I can grade papers, get ready for work, and even go to the bathroom while having a texting conversation while I feel like I can't do that talking on the phone.

Another thought is that maybe she feels like she doesn't have time to particularly talk to you fully. When I talk to a friend, I hate to say it but, I talk for a long time. When you call me we probably talk for at least a half hour if not an hour. I talk way too much, but it stems from being alone all the time.

I would text her that you miss hearing her voice and that you want to get together soon. See how she responds to that.
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Old 04-05-2018, 07:26 PM
  #9

She sounds very busy and stressed, but she should at least be willing to spend 5 minutes talking on the phone or send you a text now and then to let you know she is thinking about you! Have you tried sending a text to her just saying something like thinking about you and hope you are having a good day? You could also send a thinking of you or friendship card to her with a little note. If you try these things a couple of times and still no response, sadly it may be time to move on. I am very sorry. My friendships are incredibly important to me and though I know my friends are busy, I do at least expect an answer to a text or a phone conversation for a few minutes now and then.

(((HUGS)))

Nancy
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Not Nice
Old 04-05-2018, 10:30 PM
  #10

It was rude of her to snap at you. Being busy doesn't make it OK to be impolite to a close friend.

I understand how you miss her, but I would back off for now.



Last edited by travelingfar; 04-06-2018 at 11:38 AM..
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Old 04-06-2018, 03:36 AM
  #11

Thanks for the thoughts everyone.
Normally she is extremely caring, loving, vey interested in things going on with me, etc. We spend a lot of time laughing and talking. I know she is under a lot of pressure the past few weeks. She is having a hard time making ends meet. I will back off, and maybe next week send her a little card with a “thinking of you” note in it.
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Old 04-06-2018, 03:47 AM
  #12

Like others mentioned, I think her texting you is a way to keep in contact. I am in a very busy season in my life also (working 65-70 hours a week). I understand that it's hard and that you miss her, but she is trying to reach out just by texting.

Also, texting is easier for a busy person because they can do it when they find a spare 3 minutes instead of having a 15-minute phone conversation.

I would suggest continuing to text her, maybe send a card, and try to set up a dinner or coffee date with her next month at a low-key restaurant.
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Old 04-06-2018, 05:42 AM
  #13

As someone who has been in a constant state of overwhelm lately I think I can address this. Your friend feels guilty for not having time and would choose to be a friend as her first priorty. At this point though, her work must come first. Be patient, back off; she'll come around in time. Don't dump her over this!
BTDT
(I just sent a similar list to PT and to someone I love this past week! It helped me to just get it out there. Friends allow friends to vent and are there for them.)

Last edited by trasie; 04-06-2018 at 06:17 AM..
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Old 04-06-2018, 07:32 AM
  #14

i got a sweet email from her this morning.
all is good.
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