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Saying sorry
Old 11-13-2018, 10:48 PM
  #1

I say sorry so much. Too much. I take the blame for stuff that isnít even my fault and say sorry because itís a habit and I want everything to be happy and no one to be mad.

Iím done! Today I would have said sorry to a friend, but it wasnít my fault and it was just her not following up on something. I solved the problem, but I think she still blames me. I think she expected me to follow up. She didnít tell me to, so no sorry from me.

Iím hoping tomorrow she isnít grumpy about it. Iím holding my ground though and not taking the blame to make her feel better.

This actually feels great. I need to do this more often. I feel more free and I think itíll cause people around me to take into consideration what is really going on. Of course, I will own up to my mistakes, but not take the blame for others. Sometimes I feel like a doormat.


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Sounds Like a Good Plan
Old 11-13-2018, 11:03 PM
  #2

Don't be a doormat anymore.
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Old 11-14-2018, 02:05 AM
  #3

Good for you! You're beginning to stand up for yourself. Keep it up.

I'm like that too - want everyone to be happy and things to go smoothly, but I'm getting more contrary in my old age and you're right - it is freeing to not always feel bad and worry about things.
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Old 11-14-2018, 04:51 AM
  #4

I, too, used to over-apologize. I thought it was a good way to end problems. A few years ago a dear friend pointed out that maybe always apologizing wasnít a good idea and she explained why. So now I try to really think before I jump in and apologize. And I completely agree with forkids:
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...it is freeing to not always feel bad and worry about things.
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Old 11-14-2018, 04:52 AM
  #5

I think that's great. Of course we should apologize when we've done wrong, but there's no reason to apologize if you haven't done anything. We can't take responsibility for others' actions.

As a side note, I work with someone who constantly apologizes for no reason. I hesitate to ask her for things (which fall under her job role) because she always apologizes profusely for me needing to ask for something and I don't want her to feel guilty for something she didn't do wrong! So, others sometimes appreciate it when you don't apologize over nothing, as well. Plus, your apology will mean more when you don't give it for no reason.


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Me too!
Old 11-14-2018, 05:28 AM
  #6

To avoid conflict and make everyone feel better I reactively apologized. Surely it must be my fault, right? Then I faced a family tragedy that forced me to reevaluate my part in problems. If I had no part in the problem I had no need to apologize. In fact it wasnít helpful if I apologized. I am not responsible for every bump in the road or misunderstanding.

I have learned a few things. Old age has its advantages.

Free at last!
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Sorry
Old 11-14-2018, 07:05 AM
  #7

Good for you as this is very empowering. Also, learning to say ďnoĒ and walk away is good for the soul.
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Old 11-14-2018, 05:54 PM
  #8

I instinctively apologize. Iím Canadian lol! Someone bumped into me at the store and I said sorry (she did too though). I too am trying to be more aware and not apologize when I donít need to.
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