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Shut the front door, and of course, put that in your juice box and suck it.

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Shut the front door, and of course, put that in your juice box and suck it.
Old 06-01-2011, 02:47 PM
 
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I love that Oreo commercial where everyone's substituting random sayings in place of cursing, like shut the front door, and then grandpa's Franklin Delano. That reminded me of my all-time favorite that someone on PT posted (sorry, I don't remember who to give credit to) - "Put that in your juice box and suck it." I need more sayings, just because I'm in one of those moods. Anyone have anything good?


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Old 06-01-2011, 02:48 PM
 
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How about all that and a bag of chips?
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Bart Simpsons classic
Old 06-01-2011, 02:58 PM
 
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Eat My Shorts
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sayings
Old 06-01-2011, 03:03 PM
 
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We just bought those Oreos a few days ago and we must've said that saying over and over while we were eating them. Cracked me up.

I can't think of other sayings, but that one I love.
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Old 06-01-2011, 03:06 PM
 
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Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That ####'ll come back with you.
from the movie Hangover


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A monkey nibbling a penis is funny in any
Old 06-01-2011, 03:09 PM
 
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language.


We saw The Hangover 2 yesterday and I couldn't stop laughing at that.
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cheese and rice
Old 06-01-2011, 03:12 PM
 
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I say "cheese and rice!" all the time. I also say "shut the front door." Good stuff!
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Old 06-01-2011, 03:14 PM
 
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Would you like some cheese with that whine? Gosh I wish I could say that at school!

I forgot all about the "put that in your juicebox and suck it"!!!
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Old 06-01-2011, 03:35 PM
 
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This might be a dumb one but "eat my grits" is all I can come up with. At least that is clean enough for PT.
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Old 06-01-2011, 03:39 PM
 
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Never get into a pi$$in' contest with a skunk.


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Old 06-01-2011, 03:52 PM
 
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Well, I learned one when I was a kid, (you can tell what kind of neighborhood i lived in by this one), "It's hotter than a wh%$# sittin' in church with a $5 j&* waiting outside. " And, another one I heard when i was a little kid was "If a$#^&*#s could fly, this place would be an airport." It's amazing I can remember stuff like this, from when I was a kid, but couldn't remember a lot about math.

Of course, it probably didn't help that one block up was the neighborhood drunk,(who I learned many many curse words from late at night as he'd scream them until midnight) and two blocks up were the neighborhood women of the night. No wonder momma used to make one of the older boys ride bikes with me to go visit my friends anywhere in the neighborhood. (I lived around 5 boys, and was the only girl for about 4-5 blocks.) I'm surprised she ever let me out of the house.

Sometimes when something is really hard, I will say, "Holey, moley, Batman!" And, when our spin instructor works us to death, I say, "Yep, that's a real bu^^ burner!"
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Old 06-01-2011, 03:54 PM
 
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My favorite is: don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!
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Can you tell I'm from the south?
Old 06-01-2011, 04:01 PM
 
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There are quite a few colorful expressions in my family. I'll fully admit I don't know what all of these mean!

"Sapsucker" (no idea what this is - my dad said it all the time when I was growing up)

Busier than, or madder than, a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest, or busier than a one-armed paper hanger (I'm assuming this means wallpaper)

"The sun don't shine on the same dog's butt every day"

"So good it'll make you smack your mama" or in another variation, your MIL

"He/she won't hit a lick at a snake"

"He/she got beat with the ugly stick"

"Rode hard and put up wet"
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I <3 Cats...southern here, too. ;)
Old 06-01-2011, 04:08 PM
 
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I have to agree that I've heard a couple of these. My 7th grade history teacher used to jokingly say to one of the boys in my class that he must've been beat with the ugliosis stick.

And, I remember hearing "So good it'll make you smack your momma" quite a few times. lol

And, sadly, I remember a commercial jingle from New Orleans that I used to hear on tv all the time when I was little girl. I never went there, but I sure did know where "Rosenbergs" was located, because I used to walk around singing it all the time, like a little walking billboard.
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Old 06-01-2011, 04:12 PM
 
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Oh, my! I have so many of these! Daddy was a farmer, and so my family grew up in the country, in the Texas Panhandle. Yee-haw! My fave that I say all the time was already posted by Viola--don't let the good Lord split ya...

My next favorite is "Dumber than a salt lick." Man, could I have said that at school just about every day!!!
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One I remember hearing
Old 06-01-2011, 04:19 PM
 
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when I was younger was "Now that will blow your hind leg smooth off". I always chuckled when I would hear it used. Went almost 25 years before I heard it again and I have caught myself using it quiet often.
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Not really funny ones, but...
Old 06-01-2011, 04:55 PM
 
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I'm a total Cali girl, but I have a lot of sayings and people often ask if I have southern roots. I don't. My grandma is from Colorado, and she got me started with a lot of them.

- I'm busier than a one-armed paper hanger.
- ____ is slower than molasses in the middle of winter!
- ____ uglier than a mud fence.

I'm not sure why my mother allowed me to watch Mommy Dearest on television as a kid, but I remember watching it several times in stunned horror. At SST meetings I always sit at the head of the table because nobody else wants to. I call it the "Joan Crawford Seat" and I have been known to use "her" quote:

"This ain't my first rodeo."

I love that quote. I don't often use it because it is kind of rude, but if the context is lighthearted I let 'er rip.
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Love love love
Old 06-01-2011, 05:01 PM
 
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"Who you calling Cootie Queen you Lint Licker!?"

Also my few that I use: Son of a Biscuit Eater & Fudge-Bucket
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My favorite
Old 06-01-2011, 05:08 PM
 
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is~ I'd rather be pi$$ed off than pi$$ed on.
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Fonzie said this....
Old 06-01-2011, 05:09 PM
 
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"Up your nose with a rubber hose!"
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Old 06-01-2011, 05:11 PM
 
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My MIL is the queen of sayings and one of them is....Gotta call a man about a horse (I think it has to do with going to the bathroom) and chickie the cops. I think she made these up actually, they don't make sense to me but they do to her. If I can think of the others, she has a lot of them, I'll post them.
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Old 06-01-2011, 05:14 PM
 
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Mother fffffather sister brother!.. that's what I say instead of mother effer..

Whelp.. I'm out, like granny panties in low rise jeans!
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Old 06-01-2011, 05:34 PM
 
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Oh, and this one is very inappropriate...I'm off like a prom dress...
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Old 06-01-2011, 05:48 PM
 
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A neighbor used to say, "I'm so thirsty I'm spitting cotton."
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Old 06-01-2011, 05:51 PM
 
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weezeeanna, you reminded me of a saying my ex-husband used when he didn't want to cuss in front of the children --- "Son of a bean biscuit!" I hadn't thought of that one in years.

zdebgo, my great-aunt used to say "Off like a herd of turtles." She drove a really old car...


My dad used to say ---"If you had another brain, it would be lonesome." The older I get, the more I believe he was correct.... My memory is toast!
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was it
Old 06-01-2011, 05:54 PM
 
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NoElephants who came up with "Put that in your juice box and suck it."? I LOVE that phrase!

Some I know and love;
It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra.
Opinions are like a$$holes, everyone has one.
You can't fix stupid.

remembered another:

I'd rather be a smart a$$ than a dumb a$$

Last edited by chronicfun; 06-02-2011 at 03:25 AM.. Reason: added one more
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Old 06-01-2011, 05:55 PM
 
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The man about a horse thing your MIL didn't make up. That's a very old saying, but usually men say it from what I have seen. I don't get the reference behind it.

She may have made up the second one as I hadn't heard that before.

I say things you probably wouldn't think cool: Gracious me! Goodness gracious! Gosheroonies! Oh me!
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From the South too!!!
Old 06-01-2011, 05:55 PM
 
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I have to put my big girl panties on and deal with it! Also, from the grandparents....madder than a wet setting hen
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My mom used to say
Old 06-01-2011, 06:37 PM
 
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to my sister and I when we were little and in trouble. "**insert last name** girls ####s gonna hit the fan!!" My best friend from grade school will still say it just to make us both laugh. We actually heard it quite often. I have no idea where she got it from but I can't wait to use it on my DD!!
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Dumber than...
Old 06-01-2011, 07:08 PM
 
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a box of rocks.
He's not (dumb, weird, etc) it's just the way he combs his hair.
He's a good egg. (My Dad's favorite)
Aw, shhhhh(ugar) my Mom would say. I didn't get it until I was much older.
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I use
Old 06-01-2011, 07:44 PM
 
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a lot of these phrases and the kids crack up...plus I had to pull out the old avatar
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Old 06-01-2011, 08:00 PM
 
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How about, "BAM!" Like NeeNee Leakes from Housewives of Atl.


You know what commercial I think is hysterical...is the one for Orbitz...where the family is on vacation on a beachy area...The parents start saying,"Our son is an architect...our daughter is a genius....the wife goes.."you look fantastic.." Then the hubby goes..."you look like a BBBBeach Angel." The wife goes.."WHAAAA" laughing...I don't know why but it cracks me up...
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Old 06-01-2011, 08:25 PM
 
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Got these from my brother:

When the Lord was passing out brains you thought He said trains and asked for a slow one.

Colder than a witches' titty in a brass bra.


Not sure if this was what you were lookin' for but I always thought they were funny.

Last edited by HBteach; 06-01-2011 at 08:26 PM.. Reason: explanation
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Old 06-01-2011, 08:26 PM
 
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Holy Guacamoli!
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"Bless your heart."
Old 06-01-2011, 08:42 PM
 
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She's dumb as dirt, bless her heart.
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Old 06-01-2011, 08:54 PM
 
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That'll go over like a turn in a punch bowl.

Went over like a fart in church.
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Old 06-01-2011, 09:37 PM
 
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What the French.....toast?
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Old 06-01-2011, 09:51 PM
 
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lol! funny thread!

It was yogi who said the juice box one- I think she said her teenaged daughter said it!
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Old 06-02-2011, 12:52 AM
 
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I have heard that often. As a child I would hear adults talking about neighbors and no matter what they said as long as the speech was ended with bless their heart it was okay.
Later a college teacher spoke about this he said no matter how much you gossip about someone as long as you say bless their heart it was considered okay.
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Old 06-02-2011, 02:41 AM
 
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These are fun to read! I remember my mom saying "if wishes were horses all beggars would ride"
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Old 06-02-2011, 04:24 AM
 
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It's hotter than a blistered d*** in a wool sock!!!
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Old 06-02-2011, 04:52 AM
 
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Quote:
What the French....toast?
I'll have to remember that one.
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There are lots of good ones here
Old 06-02-2011, 04:54 AM
 
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So many of them I've never heard. Must be a regional thing. I've got to write several down.
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Love it pteach55!
Old 06-02-2011, 05:04 AM
 
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DH says that all the time. Once in awhile I find my self in a P!$$'N contest with that skunk. It never pays off.
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Old 06-02-2011, 05:14 AM
 
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From the Orbitz gum commercial...keep your dirty mouth clean.

You son of a biscuit eating bulldog

What the french, toast?

You think I wouldn't find out about your little doodoo head cootie queen?

Who are you calling a cootie queen you lint licker

Pickle you, kumquat.

You're overreacting!

No, Bill, overreacting was when I put your convertible into a wood chipper, stinky mcstink face!

You hoboken!



Cootie queen and lint licker are my faves. What the french, toast??!!!
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Old 06-02-2011, 07:13 AM
 
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My fave -
He was first in line to get brains, but held the door for everyone else.

Not the sharpest saw in the toolshed.

You can't fix stupid and you can't reason with crazy.

Can't find his butt in the dark with both hands.

If brains were money, he couldn't even buy penny candy.
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Well,
Old 06-02-2011, 09:25 AM
 
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butter my butt and call me a biscuit.

Loved these!!
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Ha!
Old 06-02-2011, 02:00 PM
 
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The butter my butt thing is pretty good.
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Fish
Old 06-02-2011, 02:07 PM
 
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At the beginning of the year, I kept hearing "fishies" being said by my students. Turns out the actual phrase is:

What the fishies!

Which is a substitution for another f-word. They sounded like such innocent fish comments until then...
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Old 06-02-2011, 03:21 PM
 
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What the fuh-gou-ee!

This has been a fun thread!!
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Can't believe it took me so long to read this
Old 06-02-2011, 03:27 PM
 
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But when the count on posts got to be so high, I had to see what was really going on.

Oh man, did my Dad have some goodies. I just hope I can remember some of them.

You're/he's/whatever's about a half a bubble off plumb

Slicker than a booger on a boot

Hmmm, there had to lots more.



Aw, fiddlesticks!

and there's always,

Good golly, Miss Molly and
Good Grief, Charlie Brown
Holey Moley
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Hilarious!
Old 06-02-2011, 04:03 PM
 
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I guess I'll SH*# in one hand and wish in the other...and see which one fills up faster.

My brother still says this one!!!
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Old 06-02-2011, 04:22 PM
 
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I just remembered a great one my grandfather passed on to my mother whenever we would say "I wish I had this", this was the response...

If wishes were fishes, we'd all have a fry.
If horseturds were biscuits, we'd eat til we die!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
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Not PC, but never intending to be racist...
Old 06-02-2011, 07:14 PM
 
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I've been a vegetarian all of my adult life, but when I was a skinny kid my parents used to worry that I wouldn't eat meat. My dad always said, "Eat...it'll make you grow hair on the bottom of your feet so you can walk soft like the Indians."

When I started dating, he used to toss me a quarter and say, "Keep that between your knees. If it falls, use it to call home."
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Another one...
Old 06-05-2011, 03:48 PM
 
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My hubby has one
Old 06-05-2011, 07:23 PM
 
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for when someone is trying to convince you of something that isn't true: He's peeing on my boot and telling me it's raining.
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Dad's saying
Old 06-07-2011, 03:06 PM
 
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In reference to something that is messed up

"It's all honked up" or "Don't honk it up"



Also in reference to a mess to clean up:

"Look at that zewg" "Clean up that zewg" (His own word I believe)
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