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Mr. Surprising Update
Old 06-12-2011, 10:34 AM
 
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As you may or may not know, I live at home with parents. My parents went away for a few days out of town so Mr. Surprising said he'd come on the 2nd day they were away (as he thought he had to work that first night, which was Tuesday night). Turns out he worked Wed. night last week so he came over Tuesday night. We ordered Japanese take out (he loves sushi) and he played my piano. He LOVE playing piano and is very good esp. since he knows many songs by heart.

He even stayed overnight and we slept in my brother's old bedroom because I have a twin bed and that's a queen. It was so nice! Then on Friday, we saw each other again. Played mini golf, which he won. We agreed loser would buy dinner, which was me by 2-3 points (close game), but we both wanted something different. I got a calzone and he got Taco Bell. I offered to pay for his meal, but he wouldn't let me. We both fell asleep on the couch and at 2am, I said I better go home (as my parents are old fashioned and don't like me staying the night, I know you think, yikes, I'm a grown-up) but it was raining pretty heavily so I called them and told them I was staying here and would be there in the AM.

When we finally got to bed, he was like "this was a good idea." We got a little hot and heavy and at one point I just gave him a look and he said "what?" and I forget what I said (either thanks for letting me spend the night, I really like you, or I don't know. Ha, which I could remember what I said). I was just so in the moment happy. I almost wanted to say "I love you," but I'm kinda glad I didn't. I know I really, really like him but I'm not sure I'm 100% ready to say "I love you" although I've thought about it a few times before. He says he really likes me but we haven't said that yet.

Left in the AM after we cuddled a little bit. All in all it was a great 2 times of surprise sleeping together with Mr. Surprising.


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Good for you
Old 06-12-2011, 10:53 AM
 
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I hope things continue to go well for you two.

How often do you get to see him?
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interesting
Old 06-12-2011, 11:10 AM
 
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You time together sounds interesting. I would continue to enjoy your times together and see where the relationship goes. I hope it goes to a happy place.
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Old 06-12-2011, 11:58 AM
 
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Milyn - our time together sounds interesting in what way?

Since we have such opposite schedules w/him working nights and me working during the day (him having to sleep during the day), we see each other 1-2 times a week.

Wish we saw each other more, but I'd be exhausted all the time if we did.
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Old 06-12-2011, 01:30 PM
 
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I have read all of your posts but never commented. Your posts are some of my favorite on PT just because you have so much enthusiasm; I think I would like you if I met you. I've read what others have said about Mr. s being "not that into you" and never said anything because while it's true most new relationships are more intense and you *make* time to spend with each other, I have known couples who started off slowly. One couple I know who now has a great marriage went through several years of dating others too before they became serious about each other. Each relationship is different, and if you're happy and it works for you, that's what matters.
The part that is strange to me, though, is that you won't have sex but you will share a bed overnight, "get freaky," and "hot and heavy." I'd say I don't understand that but I do- I was Like that when I was 20/21. Because of religious beliefs I wouldn't have sex but I did just about everything else. Now I think I was missing the point. I thought of the sex act itself as a line not to cross, when now I see that it's so much more of heart attitude. If I could go back I would not sleep in the same bed, not give blow jobs. And honestly the sleeping all night in the same bed happened only once because my boyfriend couldn't do it! I didn't really get it then but I do now. The blow jobs on the other hand started happening a lot. And I am surprised he is ok with sleeping in the same bed without something mire happening- men's bodies are not made that way when they have an attraction!
Do you think there's a possibility he's sleeping with someone else? Is he a virgin like you? Mine wasn't sleeping with anyone else when we were together but he was definitely not a virgin and had no desire to have a long relationship without sex. In our case we ended up married when I was 21. Without the sex issue I know we would have waited longer and I am not sure that if we had waited longer we would have actually gotten married because there were some real compatibility issues that came into light almost immediately.
Again, everyone's situation is different and I'm not trying to tell you what to do- I don't know him or you, obviously. But from my own experience there is simething off with your relationship, and I think you should think about what you really want from it.


 
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Old 06-12-2011, 01:45 PM
 
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I'm not going to try and flame you but I have also followed your posts and I am also curious as to why you believe that getting freaky, hot and heavy and sleeping in the same bed are acceptable but having sex is not. Sleeping in the same bed can be just as intimate as sex. Sleep is such a vulnerable state. Also I am concerned that you let him sleep over in your parents house if your parents are so obviously agaisnt that. You should probably respect your parents enough to tell him he can't stay the night.

I know people have told you in the past to wait for him to say he loves you before telling him you love him. I, however, feel like that's really a cop out. If you decide you do love him or just feel like it's the right time to say so and he hasn't said it yet, just do it. You'll feel a lot better and may open the door for him. Maybe he's scared to say he loves you because you might feel like he's trying to get into your pants.
 
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Old 06-12-2011, 01:55 PM
 
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To be a little more clear- seeing each other 1-2 times a week is not a serious relationship. That doesn't mean it couldn't turn into one later, but there are lots of ways to spend more time together if that's what you both want. If you're happy with the way it is there's nothing wrong with it, but I do not understand why you are sleeping with him in a bed, for the reasons I said in the last post. Or, more accurately, I don't know why he is sleeping with you unless you are doing a lot more than sleep and assuming you are I would really think about it and why you are doing it. If I could give my younger self advice it would be have sex or be committed to non sexual relationship- don't push the boundaries and do everything but. There's not much of a point (in my opinion.)
Really, I understand the Duggars, the I Kissed Dating Goodbye, courtship models where you keep relationships in a group, friendly setting until you are ready to consider marriage. I also understand people who have no problem with sex within a relationship. but I am believing more and more that " Christian dating" is set up for failure. My opinion- tame it for what it's worth
 
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Old 06-12-2011, 02:24 PM
 
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I don't get why people have to comment about us sleeping together and the no sex thing.

I just posted this because I had a fun time with him this week, and that's it.

I know what I'm doing and I'm glad I haven't given in to having sex with him.
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Old 06-12-2011, 02:43 PM
 
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I'm very confused. On the one hand, when someone posts something, especially something personal, they are opening themselves up to opinions of all kinds. On the other hand, it seems like the PT community is usually so supportive and excited about other people's dating posts. Why not PinkSparkle?

I'm sorry PinkSparkle; I'm excited for you! And I do enjoy reading these posts; I hope things work out for you guys!
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Old 06-12-2011, 02:53 PM
 
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I am sorry if I offended you. You're right that you didn't ask for opinions; i just noticed something that struck a chord with me and thought maybe you could benefit from what i and some of my friends learned the hard way.I'm approaching 40, separated from the husband i've been married to since I was 21, considering divorce (simething I NEVER thought I'd do,) mother of aeveral girls, one becoming a teenager, and am in a stage of looking back at my life and what I would do differently if I could, what I would advise my daughters to do. Some things seem more clear from the outside when you're not emotionally invested. Some perspective becomes changed with time. For the record I think it's great that you haven't "given in" (I too believe sex belongs in marriage and I definitely wouldn't be having sex with someone I wasn't even sure I loved) just don't think you should be sleeping with him either, especially at your parents' house. But it's your relationship, you're an adult, you can do what you want. I won't comment any more and wish you well with Mr. Surprising.


 
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Old 06-12-2011, 03:17 PM
 
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I too am sorry if I offended you but you did ask what made your time with him interesting. To me, that was the interesting part... why sleeping in the same bed was ok when sex wasn't.

As to Viola wondering why we're all so negative about this relationship, so much of what Pink has posted about this guy has sent red flags. People have had strong concerns about how this relationship was developing. We should all realize by now that Pink is going to do whatever she wants to regardless of what anyone tells her. She asks for advice but then gets upset if it doesn't go the way she wants it to go. I see now that this will always be the case and I will be sure to refrain from commenting on her relationship posts in the future.
 
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Old 06-12-2011, 03:24 PM
 
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Sleeping in the same bed is being equated with sex?

I guess all those times I shared a bed with my female cousin meant sexual things instead of just sleeping. Who knew?

OP is fine IMO. Any guy ok with her living at home seems nice to me.
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Old 06-12-2011, 04:16 PM
 
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I guess I'm going to have to be very specific with my children, because if I allow them to live in my home as adults and they decide to go against my "house rules" when I am gone - they will be shown the door.

I guess my comment is - I hope your parents don't find out.
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Old 06-12-2011, 05:21 PM
 
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I know everyone can post what they want on here, but I'm from the school of thought that if you don't have anything nice to say you shouldn't say anything at all.

Thanks Viola and Mr. Sensai for your thoughtful comments. Much appreciated!
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Old 06-12-2011, 06:00 PM
 
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I hope things continue to be fun for the two of you! I also hope that if the L word comes up, it's true and you both feel the same way.

He seems good about your conservative values and your living at home, both things that would turn a real jerk away.

So what if it's slower or less frequent than other people's relationships?

It will develop as it develops. I do think there are some red flags in the way he changes his plans and drops you- but maybe he has turned around.

(PTers from way back will remember my "She's just not into you" drama, and they were right. So do take their advice if you really have any concerns. They are a wise group!)
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Old 06-12-2011, 06:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Sleeping in the same bed is being equated with sex?

I guess all those times I shared a bed with my female cousin meant sexual things instead of just sleeping. Who knew?
I'm thinking of all those times I shared a bed with my guy friends ~ man, I was having gay sex and didn't even know it!! Hope my wife never finds out

Quote:
We should all realize by now that Pink is going to do whatever she wants to regardless of what anyone tells her.
Isn't this really ALL of us? How many of us has asked for advice/opinions and done the exact opposite because we thought we knew better?? Or our friends have done the same thing!?!

I haven't followed closely and I don't really mean to bash anyone who has posted; but, I guess for me, if the "advice" and/or "opinion" comes from a signed out person, then it does become offensive because I wonder where the true intent of the comment comes from. If someone can't put their name to it, how is it from the heart?

As for Pink's situation. I am glad you are happy; however, I would remain cautious in the situation ~ not that you asked me but it is good you are having fun together and enjoying your time. Please don't be discouraged in sharing your moments with us as it is always good to share things you have going on!
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Old 06-12-2011, 06:06 PM
 
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You have to understand that when you post threads like this and put life situations out there for all of the world to read you will get comments. Some you will like and some you will not. After following numerous posts of yours, I am glad you are not having sex. I think you are immature in many ways and are not at all ready for that type of relationship. I also agree with the PP. In my eyes if your parents wouldn't allow this man to sleep over, then you should not be sneaking him over while they are away. You should respect their rules and their wishes. If you can't or do not want to follow their rules then you should get your own place.
 
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interesting
Old 06-12-2011, 07:46 PM
 
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PinkSparkle9, your time together sounded interesting because you seem to really enjoy being with this man. I LOVE that fact. If you don't see each other that often, when you do, you certainly are making good use of your time.

Sometimes not seeing each other every night is much more exciting because you make good use of the time you have together. You apparently are making good use of the time you have together.
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Old 06-12-2011, 10:24 PM
 
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Not sure where the rule "if you are in a serious relationship, you must see each other every day" came from. When I first started dating, I thought that way. Then I met the man that eventually became my husband. Can you believe that we would talk on the phone every Wed. night and make plans for Saturday night? Yep~~~ only saw each other once a week because of our school and work schedules. It didn't bother me at all because it just felt right. This October, we will celebrate our 25th
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Old 06-13-2011, 02:06 AM
 
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I think that the point of sleeping in the same bed is a bit different if you are with a relative, etc. But, Pink has admitted to "getting freaky" - yes, I still want to know what that entails! - so it IS different! If getting freaky is giving oral sex, then I would consider it a sexual relationship. My opinion is that Pink has become a "conquest" and that he is wearing her down bit by bit until she gives in. BUT, I only know the side that is presented!

I don't want to seem harsh or like I am attacking Pink, but when I read her posts I am reminded of my high school days when friends would call and share about a date with their latest "crush". I think there is a level of maturity that Pink just hasn't reached yet. I do agree that PTers have hearts of gold and really want to help. They have offered solid advice on many occasions. Think of the collective wisdom on this site!

If you post on a forum such as this , you need to be able to take the positive comments with the negative comments. Because this board is pretty anon. people feel more open about giving the truth. When we are with friends or face to face that is often harder!
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Old 06-13-2011, 05:53 AM
 
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I agree with a PP that you don't need to see someone everyday for a serious relationship! I was with my ex for 2.5 years and because we lived about an hour away, only saw each other on weekends.. And it was a serious relationship! Even people who are married do not see their SO everyday, and only a few times a week do to work schedules like Pink and Mr. Surprising.. Doesn't mean they are not serious about each other!!!
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Wow. In the last 21 posts I have learned..:)
Old 06-13-2011, 08:38 AM
 
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Wow. In the last 21 posts, I have learned more about some people than I ever wanted to know. Just kidding.
I enjoy reading your posts. Reading the post that mentioned about sharing a bed reminded me of something funny that happened a long, long time ago. There was a horrible storm one night when we(me and my college roommate) were coming back from a bar (okay, I know you all can gasp now...y'all didn't know I had ever been in a bar did ya? ) , and we thought it would be safer to stay put in one place, so we slept at her boyfriend's house in the woods, because if we came in after 12 am, the security cops would have to let you into the dorm, and it was raining so bad, we wouldn't make it back before then, and I didn't want to hear a soapbox sermon from the dorm mom (she was a lady that was as old as molasses and looked like she had steam coming out of her ears if she got mad at you ) (I only saw that once, and never crossed that old bat againSo, the house we stayed at had one problem. It was packed. It looked like an episode of hoarders gone wrong, and it had one extra bed, but there was a guy already staying in that one. So, I slept on the couch. My roommate, who went to bed before I did, thought I had slept in that bed with that strange guy. This is where it gets funny. During the middle of the night, there is a HUGE crash, coming from that guy's bedroom, and my roommate and her boyfriend on the other end of the hall are laughing hysterically, because they thought I had broke the bed. (They apparently thought I had slept in the bed with that guy??? Not that he was bad looking, or anything, but I wasn't in to sleeping in strange guy's beds.) The next day, I slept later than everyone else, but when I woke up, there was a red rose sitting there. The guy told me what they had thought had REALLY happened, and he thought it would be funny to play it off.
When we told them what really happened, we both had the last laugh.
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Old 06-13-2011, 09:34 AM
 
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Funny story REB!

Pink, keep having fun and doing what you do.
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