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Ex wife
Old 08-02-2018, 02:40 PM
  #1

Short back story...my husbandís ex wife is prettier, younger, more fashionable, etc. so my jealousy is already (admittedly) very high. Itís been years and hasnít gone away I just try to deal with it. Here is my question though:

While my husband was married to his ex wife, she was in his sisterís wedding party. So ALL the family has the big bridal party picture displayed somewhere in there homes. So any house I go in, I am greeted with her picture. It kills me every time and I canít shake it. It brings me to tears in private. I feel like she will always Ďhave a placeí and I am much more disposable. No one in his family has any contact with her but Iím still so jealous and hurt by this picture. It bothers me so much I try to avoid going to their homes.

Would you feel the same way or youíd be able to blow it off? Iím sure this sounds very immature but I canít shake it and stays in my mind. Weíve been married 3 years now if that matters.


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Blow it off
Old 08-02-2018, 03:53 PM
  #2

There's a reason she's his ex-wife. He's married to you now. No one has any contact with her. There's no reason to be jealous of her. She's out of the picture. Don't waste time worrying about the ghost in the picture.
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Old 08-02-2018, 04:53 PM
  #3

I am in many wedding photos from when my ex-husbandís brother got married. I can guarantee my ex isnít thinking of me and Iím sure not thinking of him.

Your husband has surely left the past in the past. I donít know how but I hope you are able to ignore the pics.
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New photo?
Old 08-02-2018, 05:04 PM
  #4

As someone else said--there's a reason she is the EX.

The photo is a memory of a wonderful family event--the sister's wedding. It's not displayed to honor the EX.

Since you still are hurt by the picture, you may want to explore why you are so sensitive.

One suggestion would be to arrange for a photo to be taken of the current family--including you, probably some children who hadn't been born, etc. Maybe you will be greeted by that photo when you visit family. But don't suggest replacing the wedding picture.
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Photos
Old 08-02-2018, 05:15 PM
  #5

You could do what they did in this article and see if anyone notices.

https://www.thedodo.com/close-to-hom...-family-photos

Scroll down to the picture with the cat standing on its back legs.


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Old 08-02-2018, 05:24 PM
  #6

No I wouldn't be bothered. Some of my first wedding photos are up in my parents house because the whole family was in them. My husband has photos of him and his kids when they were little with his ex wife in them. They're not on the wall or anything, but they don't bother me. That was then and this is now. That's part of life well before we met. Like everyone said, they're exes for a reason. If they wanted to be together they would have stayed together. I think you need to change your mindset about this. Those pictures have nothing to do with hurting you. Everyone has a past especially if it's a second marriage.
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Old 08-02-2018, 05:51 PM
  #7

Yes, I would be bothered, but would be trying very hard to let it go as PP are correct.

There are pictures of my husband's ex wife in my stepdaughters room, and all over his familiy's walls (most with stepdaughter in them). Yes, it bothers me. But, these are important memories and aspects of my stepdaughter's life.

I've gifted frames, with more current family pics in them, and they've been added to walls, too.
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Old 08-02-2018, 06:45 PM
  #8

I've never had to go through this, so it's hard to say how I'd feel, but I completely understand how you feel. It sounds like he never had kids with her, am I right?

Well, since you married him knowing all of this, you'll just have to do the best you can to get it out of your mind and not let it bother you. I don't have any advice on how though. I know, easier said than done with all the pictures staring you in the face.

(By the way, I kind of find it a little hard to believe that NO ONE in his entire family stayed friends with her or stayed in contact with her though. Unless you've got everyone's phones tapped and/or can see in all their homes to hear/see who contacts who, that's very hard to say. Someone's probably still Facebook friends with her at the very least in which anyone can send a quick private message every now and then. How many family members are we talking about? If it's only like 2, then maybe OK.)
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Old 08-02-2018, 08:18 PM
  #9

I get it, but don't give her the power! Hold your head up high and ho about your business.

She may be the same nasty b!tch from HS, but she may have changed. I wouldn't open the door for her to hurt you until she proved herself!
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Ex wife
Old 08-03-2018, 04:12 AM
  #10

I have an ex with a new wife. She is younger, slimmer, etc. but I have to admit I really like her! My present husband and I have even had dinner at their house😂. But we have been divorced for 25 years. I think as the years go on, this will matter less and less. My ex and I consider ourselves friends. I am very happy to NOT be married to him!


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Old 08-03-2018, 04:48 AM
  #11

Quote:
It bothers me so much I try to avoid going to their homes.
Do yourself and your DH a huge favor and never ever let the ghost of the X keep you from visiting your family. Gently remind yourself that it's your feelings, not facts that you're battling. DH chose you. Your feelings will ease over time but you need to do your best to escort them out the door. As others have said, it will get better.
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Old 08-03-2018, 05:13 AM
  #12

Quote:
Would you feel the same way or youíd be able to blow it off?

I don't think it would bother me at all. Not the same, but my husband's prom picture was in his mom's house. It just made me laugh to see how he looked before I knew him.


I really don't think your problem is with the picture. There is some kind of insecurity going on and this is just how it manifests. You need to deal with that to become happy. You sound miserable and I am so sorry. I am sending you vibes and well wishes.
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Old 08-03-2018, 09:07 AM
  #13

I do relate. Similar situation happened to me. Iíd try to move on. The pic isnít leaving.
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