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having doubts
Old 02-21-2009, 01:14 PM
 
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Have you ever broke up with someone and later had regrets? I feel really bad over this. I broke up with a long-term boyfriend and now I am having some major doubt. We were both under a lot of stress at the time and I was frustrated because we weren't devoting enough time to our relationship. I felt like it wasn't moving where I wanted it to go, which was kind of selfish on my part. We did break up in a very respectful way and we're still on very friendly terms. However, we don't spend any time together because we're not a couple anymore. That whole I love you, but I can't see you because it's too hard.

I've casually hinted at the fact that I have doubt and he has agreed. He says I'm his best friend, too (deep down I knew that because I feel the same way). That really stings now that we are not together. He hasn't given me any indication that he will want to get back together, but I guess in my heart I'm not ready to let go of him because I think we could have a great life together. Like most men, he has a lot of pride and is not really the type to take someone back. I'm not usually one to make such a rash decision, so I blame myself.

Do you think I should give him time or should I mentally prepare myself to move on? We both still love each other a great deal, so I can't imagine trying to date anyone else right now. It would almost feel like betrayal in some strange way.

I wish I would have stepped back before I ended things and really thought long and hard. Has anyone else done this type of thing? I am definitely regretful, but I also believe that everything does happen for a reason. What are your thoughts?


 

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Give Yourself Time
Old 02-21-2009, 01:33 PM
 
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You said you felt you weren't devoting enough time to the relationship. Was it both of you, or did you feel as though he was less invested in the relationship than you? It sounds as though he may not be feeling the same level of regret about the break-up as you are-that he cares about you, but is not ready to commit to a relationship with you. It''s normal for you to question your decision, especially since you no longer have the companionship of your long-term bf-your relationship was probably a huge part of your life, so now filling the time differently can be a difficult undertaking. Take time to think about your reasons for breaking up, and trust your instincts. On some level, the relationship was not fulfilling you. Give yourself time. If you're meant to be together, it will happen. Jumping back in out of loneliness won't guarantee that you will be happy to be together again, if there are unresolved commitment issues. It's a tough time. Best wishes to you.

Last edited by teach527; 02-22-2009 at 04:55 AM..
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Old 02-21-2009, 02:39 PM
 
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Hmmm...have you told him what's in your heart? It's worth a shot, because he may be feeling the same thing as you are. Just keep in mind, that if you two decide to pursue the relationship again, changes would have to be made.

Good luck to you!!
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Old 02-21-2009, 04:47 PM
 
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Before you do anything I think you should ask yourself if you miss HIM or if you miss having SOMEONE. Think back to what was good about the relationship and what was bad. If the good outweighs the bad, if you were happier with than without him, then take a chance and tell him how you feel. If it is more loneliness, then give yourself time to heal.

Good luck and I am sorry that you are hurting.
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Old 02-21-2009, 05:23 PM
 
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Quote:
Before you do anything I think you should ask yourself if you miss HIM or if you miss having SOMEONE.
Excellent advice! My former BF and I broke up 3 times before he found someone else and then broke up with me, thereby eliminating any "I miss having someone around" doubts.

Quote:
I felt like it wasn't moving where I wanted it to go, which was kind of selfish on my part.
Not selfish at all! In a marriage, you're going to have to go somewhere together, so you should pick someone moving in the same direction!

My former pastor once gave excellent dating advice. Start running your race and then look to the left and the right of you, see who's keeping pace and going in the same direction. Those are the men you want to date.


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