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Madaly320 Madaly320 is offline
 
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Condescending Colleague
Old 06-01-2017, 01:05 PM
 
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I am in my 40's and new to teaching, although not new to working in schools. I have a fresh out of Grad school next door colleague who consistently talks down to me. I usually brush it off because, whatever. But today she really got to me. I had to remind her that I am not new to working with Sped kids and I am a mother myself. I have worked in schools for years. I am a new teacher but I am not incompetent. She takes issue with almost everything I do and reminds me of how "she" would do things.
There is more but I don't want to get into the details. Bottom line is I am feeling really down and I didn't confront her more because it wasn't worth it to cause tension this late in the year. But she really killed my confidence and I don't know why i let it bother me...but it is...


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Abbigal Abbigal is offline
 
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just my thinking on this...
Old 06-01-2017, 01:46 PM
 
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She might feel threatened by your teaching abilities.
It's sad that she has to make negative comments to you to make herself feel more competent.


In the future, a possible comment after her negative comment could be:

"Thank you for letting me know." (Said slowly-with a dry sarcastic tone. Then turn and leave.)
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insecure
Old 06-01-2017, 02:59 PM
 
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My experience with people like this is that they are insecure deep down. Either that or she's totally lacking social skills.

I think it's good that you spoke to her about it today. She knows how you feel.
If she continues to talk down to you or tell you how she would do things, tell her again. "Remember? We talked about this." Have a simple statement ready and repeat it when needed. Be that broken record but try to keep your emotions out of it. "I don't appreciate you talking down to me. We are colleagues and I'd like to be able to work together in a positive way." Or some such thing.

Good luck to you.
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Old 06-01-2017, 04:47 PM
 
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Ignore her best as possible and keep doing what you do. There are people like her who think they know it all and are NOT worth getting upset over. You can't change her, change your reaction to her.
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Old 06-01-2017, 05:29 PM
 
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My advice might sound silly/ babyish but try it out. It's helped me in the past. First of all, I think of a person like that as someone playing with snakes...you don't want to join her and get bitten. Everytime you avoid getting pulled into her snare, I would literally give myself a sticker on chart...every so many stickers earns a treat that you decide ahead of time. That way, you have a little victory with each encounter and regular times to treat yourself nice. Who knows, she may quit afterwhile and either way you are free from snake bites.


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Love It...
Old 06-01-2017, 06:41 PM
 
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I love Pausebutton's advice.

You comment to this teacher can now be, "Thanks so much for your unwanted opinion. I am so glad I get to add a sticker to my sticker sheet. It is filling up fast!"

When the whole sheet is full, I would give it to her and explain what it means.

I know...I am a bit@%!!
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Old 06-01-2017, 08:29 PM
 
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When she makes a comment give her a blank stare for a beat, then walk away. See what happens. As others have mentioned, she might lay off if she know you won't engage. She may be making those comments to get a reaction out of you.
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Ugh
Old 06-02-2017, 09:22 AM
 
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I agree that you shouldn't engage with her. There is no need to respond to any of her nonsense or to explain yourself to her. The next time she says something rude, stare at her for a moment and then walk away. If you don't get into conversations with her, she will eventually stop. She'll probably start picking on someone else, unfortunately.
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Old 06-02-2017, 12:13 PM
 
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I also teach with someone like this but one step further. She will look for any opportunity go to the office and tattle on any tiny thing or steal ideas and go to the office bragging as if the ideas are her own. It wears a person down after awhile working with people like this. You feel as if you can never let your guard down. I have been teaching for 30 years and have learned just to rise above it and seek out teachers who are positive.

Times are more stressful than when I started my career. I am also surprised at the young teachers who come in with a know it all attitude. I still don't feel as if I know it all. Teaching is such a fine balance of skill, knowledge, and classroom management. We are always learning ways to get better at the craft.
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Old 06-02-2017, 12:55 PM
 
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I have this situation, too. Focus on the positive and what you can learn from her. I haven't found a solution to this problem, except maybe "kill with kindness" and don't engage with her unless you have to.

I have to plan with my condescending colleague, and it takes a lot out of me, esp. when it takes up my only planning time.


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colleague
Old 06-02-2017, 02:32 PM
 
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It's hard to work with people who "know it all". I find it easiest to just listen to her advice and smile and nod. Then do what you want to do. If she questions you, just say you like to hear her thoughts so you can "decide what works best with your students". That way she doesn't get as offended and you can still pick and choose what advice to take.

Don't let her get you down. Unfortunately, she's doing that for the same reasons you're feeling down - she's feeling down and that's her way of feeling bigger. That's how some people cope. Don't take her way out.
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Summerwillcom Summerwillcom is offline
 
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Please do not let this person kill your
Old 06-02-2017, 02:41 PM
 
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confidence. She is the 1 w/ the problem. 1 thing I do not understand is how people can believe their new degree trumps experience. There is not a teacher in our school w/out a P.h.D or MA. It is a piece of paper that nowadays anyone who is inclined to spend a lot of $ on can get. An advanced degree is not what it once was to begin with now that we have so many online easy ways to get one if we choose. I have known teachers w/PhD's that have content knowledge,but no classroom management skills. Also,there are people who lack common sense w/ "specialty" degrees. Actual experience and personality is how most learn to be the best teachers. Most good teachers are naturally inclined at heart, I think. They learn and grow into even better teachers. It also amazes me when teachers like you describe feel the need to tell someone else what to do. If you can,stay away from her. If you can't, you need to find a way you feel comfy asserting yourself to get her to "back off." She sounds like a pain. We have 1 kind of like her,but most of us do not let her "specialty degree" make us lose confidence. Try silently (lol) rolling your eyes at her.) I mean...imagine rolling your eyes...Best wishes and realize she probably is clueless.
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Madaly320 Madaly320 is offline
 
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Old 06-02-2017, 03:15 PM
 
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Thank you everyone so much. After some sleep, i went in with a better attitude. I did have to talk to her a bit today but I never let the subject turn to my classroom. I have been reassured by you all as well as my mentor. Thanks for being here!
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