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elle2012 elle2012 is offline
 
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did ive done something wrong..
Old 07-06-2016, 07:27 AM
  #1

8 years ive been married but all of a sudden something wrong happened. my husband suffered a serious illness and all that i did is to help him recover. i work alone,payed his hospitalization and medicines. all that i did is to ask him to fight despite of his condition.i ask him that all he have to do is to think himself and get back to normal life.i told him that he wont matter at me as long as his okay......i keep on saying that he have to avoid those food that can trigger and might cause complication to his health but he doesn't listen to what i say.but in the end he left me and went home to his parents and he doesn't call me anymore.On my part i did what i have to do and the rest will be his part.all im asking is to fight him for us but he gave up on me..


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Is it you?
Old 07-06-2016, 07:41 AM
  #2

I'm having a difficult time following your post, but I think I get the main idea.

I'm sorry that you feel he's given up on you. Can you find a professional to talk to about your feelings? It sounds like you're dealing with quite a bit.

Last edited by Renea; 07-06-2016 at 08:57 AM.. Reason: changed my mind
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(Hugs)
Old 07-06-2016, 07:42 AM
  #3

Sounds like your Spouse is suffering from depression from illness.
(((Hugs)))) not you.
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Old 07-06-2016, 07:59 AM
  #4

It is difficult to follow your post due to grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, and lack of capitalization.
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Old 07-06-2016, 08:12 AM
  #5

I was wondering the same thing.


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Old 07-06-2016, 08:18 AM
  #6

Sounds like English is the posters' second language.

I am sorry about your marriage! You can only do so much for someone else. They have to take care of themselves. Take care of you!
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Old 07-06-2016, 08:43 AM
  #7

I'm sorry this is happening in your life. I have family members like that too. They only care about themselves and do not care to hear about how their choices affect other people. Take care of you now and let go of the guilt. You cannot change him at all.
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Old 07-06-2016, 09:10 AM
  #8

Quote:
It is difficult to follow your post due to grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, and lack of capitalization.
Obviously english isn't her first language and I think it's kind of rude for everyone to keep mentioning that. I understood exactly what she was saying.

I agree that it sounds like you did a lot for him as a loving wife. Maybe as a PP said, he is depressed. Counseling maybe?
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You did nothing wrong!
Old 07-06-2016, 09:15 AM
  #9

It sounds like you did everything you could. I'm Sorry this is happening to you. You said he went home to his parents. Can you talk to them and see how he is? It sounds like he needs a lot of help, more than you could give him.

Take care of yourself!
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Just my opinion...
Old 07-06-2016, 09:46 AM
  #10

Sometimes men handle illness much differently than women. When they are unable to care and provide for their family, they may become very depressed. He might feel that he has let you down. it is very difficult to convince a depressed person to think differently unless they get professional help. You can tell him a hundred times a day to focus on getting well and he will still feel like he let you down.

Encouraging him to eat healthy food is supportive on your part but may seem like nagging to him. If he is anything like my husband he won't like being told what to do. My husband grew up on Wonder bread with Bologna and potato chips. I won't buy any of that, but every time we go to his mom's house she pulls out the Wonder bread and potato chips.

By going home to his parents, he is fulfilling a primal need to be taken care of. When my father was very ill and close to death he always called out for his mother. Even at 86 years old, his basic instinct was to look for her.

His parents will most likely give him whatever he wants and take care of him like a child again. It isn't against you but more about his basic need. You can take care of him just as well as his parents but in his mind you shouldn't be taking care of him.

I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time. Do you have any family or friends to talk to?


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Aww..
Old 07-06-2016, 10:39 AM
  #11

you did everything you could. Good for you.
His decision to go home to mother and father might not mean any lack of love for you. Illness changes the way we think. It is also hard for many men to change the relationship they have with others. He might see himself as the strong one in your relationship and could not handle being dependent on you, while he still wanted to take care of you. His relationship with his parents is that they had always taken care of him and he could be the weaker one with them without changing their whole relationship.
Try to see yourself as the good wife and person you are. If he recovers maybe the two of you can be a great husband and wife again. If not, you are still a loving kind woman, be proud of who you are.
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You can't go wrong doing what's right.
Old 07-06-2016, 12:42 PM
  #12

You were only trying to help your husband! I'm sorry the outcome was for him to leave. Be your best self, and take care of you! Try talking to your mate to see if you guys can make it through this difficult time. Glad your sought out advice/help. There is always someone who can listen and encourage you here.
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Old 07-06-2016, 01:21 PM
  #13

You did nothing wrong.

And as for a difficult post for others to follow, don't worry about it. I am guessing that it was written with shaking hands under a veil of tears and sobbing. The poster might be struggling to get the ideas out similar to how most of us struggle with our words when we are at a breaking point.
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Sending prayers
Old 07-06-2016, 01:56 PM
  #14

Sending prayers to you and your family. Take one day at a time.
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Old 07-06-2016, 07:20 PM
  #15

I am so sorry for what you are going through with your husband. It sounds like he may be suffering from depression due to his illness. I would consider talking with a counselor. It can help so much, and please take care of yourself!

Nancy
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I'm so sorry....
Old 07-07-2016, 08:18 AM
  #16

You have gotten some good advice here. I also think it sounds like your husband is suffering with depression. Don't be so hard on yourself: you have done nothing wrong! I know it might be very hard to get him to go to a counselor, but it would be helpful if you went yourself. You will be able to vent and also get some coping skills. I am praying for you both to find peace. Remember that our Heavenly Father tells us in His word that we can cast our cares on Him!
Queenie
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thank you to all
Old 07-07-2016, 04:52 PM
  #17

thank you for the prayer, and advice.. for those who cant follow thank you for your comments..God bless you all!
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Old 07-24-2016, 04:39 AM
  #18

thank you and your right i was down and cant control my tears falling down while writing what i feel at that moment.for those people who comment about my english i dont mind them.. all i want is to ease my pain..Godbless
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