Why do I still feel ashamed? - ProTeacher Community




      
Home Join Now Search My Favorites
Help


      Teachers' Lounge


Why do I still feel ashamed?

>

Reply
 
Thread Tools
KatieViolet's Avatar
KatieViolet KatieViolet is offline
 
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 3,946
Senior Member

KatieViolet
 
KatieViolet's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 3,946
Senior Member
Why do I still feel ashamed?
Old 08-15-2022, 12:26 PM
  #1

I am a grown woman in my late thirties who has not lived so the my parents for almost 20 years. Yet when they just happened to show up unexpectedly to my house midday as I’m unloading groceries, I am keenly aware of the large bulk-size bottle of whiskey I bought for Dh (which will last months) and the box of wine I got for us both.

I tried to surreptitiously tuck them in the pantry, but of course, my dad made a big show of noticing them. “Why do you need so much alcohol? Who drinks whiskey in this house?” Dad was an alcoholic for many years but stopped drinking altogether when I was a teen. So while I recognize that it may hard for him, I’m still a grown up and allowed to drink it in moderation.

Still, I feel like I’m getting in trouble and now I feel like he thinks I’m just a drunken housewife. Do we have a face palm emoji here?


KatieViolet is offline   Reply With Quote

h0kie's Avatar
h0kie h0kie is offline
 
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 7,969
Senior Member

h0kie
 
h0kie's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 7,969
Senior Member

Old 08-15-2022, 12:31 PM
  #2

My father’s parents were both alcoholics and they did some pretty awful things to my dad and his twin.

Consequently, we never had alcohol in our house growing up.

As adults, I drink once in a great while (as in when we have a babysitter…which is almost never) but my brother loves craft beers and goes to beer festivals and all kinds of events with alcohol.

My dad was very worried about my brother’s drinking. He talked to him about it several times. He wasn’t judging so much as saying, “this is an issue that runs in our family…you’re potentially playing with fire.”

I totally get why you feel the way you do but, not knowing your father, maybe try to take it as him worrying about you instead of judging?

I’m betting he doesn’t think you’re a drunken housewife.
h0kie is offline   Reply With Quote
Tori58 Tori58 is online now
 
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,607
Senior Member

Tori58
 
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,607
Senior Member

Old 08-15-2022, 01:24 PM
  #3

Quote:
He wasn’t judging so much as saying, “this is an issue that runs in our family…you’re potentially playing with fire.”
This is me. I've watched so many people, family and friends, ruin and even end their lives with alcohol that it's hard for me to not worry. I think sometimes people in my family think I'm judging but, really, it's concern because I'm aware that there's a hereditary component to alcoholism and I don't want to have to grieve for any more family members because of alcohol.

Not that I'm a complete tee-totaler myself. I like a nice craft beer myself from time to time, and I don't worry too much about family members unless I have to deal with actual drunken behavior. If I were you, I would simply bat it out in the open that you understand his concern but that you are both able to drink in moderation.
Tori58 is online now   Reply With Quote
bandmom bandmom is online now
 
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 7,865
Senior Member

bandmom
 
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 7,865
Senior Member

Old 08-15-2022, 01:30 PM
  #4

We're always our parents' child. Parents will always be parents.

I'm 62 years old and my parents died in 2005 and 2006 and I still feel guilty when I do things of which I know they would disapprove.
bandmom is online now   Reply With Quote
Haley23 Haley23 is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 11,060
Senior Member

Haley23
 
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 11,060
Senior Member

Old 08-15-2022, 02:22 PM
  #5

I still want to please my parents. It's an ingrained thing! I have it a little easier living across the country. They're not involved in my day to day.

Quote:
“this is an issue that runs in our family…you’re potentially playing with fire.”
I heard this a lot growing up. My parents didn't drink for religious reasons and we never had alcohol in the house. Nobody on my mom's side drank. OTOH my dad's side had a lot of problems with alcohol. My mom worried herself sick when I turned 21 and I got MANY lectures. It was sweet of her to think I hadn't been drinking before then in college .

I decided at a young age not to keep alcohol in my house for this reason. I do drink socially, but I wanted to remove any and all temptation to slip into bad habits with having a drink here and there after work, then it becoming a slippery slope, just in case.

Now that I'm past the "party phase" of life, I drink so infrequently. I also don't drink and drive at all, and a lot of the time it's just not worth it to me to deal with uber/lyft or public transit. I went to a little wine night one weekend this summer, and before that the last time I can remember drinking was last Halloween. Younger me wouldn't believe that . Just getting old, I guess.


Haley23 is offline   Reply With Quote
ICrazyTeach's Avatar
ICrazyTeach ICrazyTeach is online now
 
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 6,529
Senior Member

ICrazyTeach
 
ICrazyTeach's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 6,529
Senior Member

Old 08-15-2022, 03:36 PM
  #6

My parents think alcohol sends you straight to hell OK, maybe not quite, but close. I am 46 years old and still will not drink in front of them or have alcohol in my house where they will see it.
ICrazyTeach is online now   Reply With Quote
love_to_learn's Avatar
love_to_learn love_to_learn is online now
 
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,254
Senior Member

love_to_learn
 
love_to_learn's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,254
Senior Member

Old 08-15-2022, 04:12 PM
  #7

My parents bring me a ton of alcohol when they visit, haha! Beer, wine, rum, whiskey all came with them last visit.

However I still hide my tattoo!!

Last edited by love_to_learn; 08-15-2022 at 04:40 PM..
love_to_learn is online now   Reply With Quote

Join the conversation! Post as a guest or become a member today. New members welcome!

Reply

 

>
Teachers' Lounge
Thread Tools




Sign Up Now

Sign Up FREE | ProTeacher Help | BusyBoard

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 04:28 PM.

Copyright © 2019 ProTeacher®
For individual use only. Do not copy, reproduce or transmit.
source: www.proteacher.net
6