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Summer sadness-a little long
Old 07-16-2019, 06:19 PM
 
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I just canít seem to shake the blues since school ended and vacation began. All three of my children have completed college and have full-time jobs in their major. My oldest DD moved into an apartment one year ago and my youngest DD just moved into her apartment July 1st. My DS is still home with my husband and I. He is a pleasure to have around. (DS has mild to moderate cerebral palsy and displays autistic-like characteristics).

I am finding that I often feel lonely during the day. This feeling is made worse by the fact that I have lost a dear friend. Her son and my daughter dated for three years. It was a very serious relationship; the families became close; marriage was discussed between the kids. When my DD finished her masters program, she broke up with bf as she ďloved him but could no longer see herself marrying him.Ē Everyone was heartbroken. My DD says she needs some time to be on her own and is not interested in being in any relationship right now.

Bfís mom and I wanted to remain friends but when BF moved on very quickly with a girl who is the polar opposite of my DD (started living together, got matching couples tattoos ), the friendship became strained. She decided it would be best to cut ties and go our separate ways. I miss this friend terribly. I have tried reaching out since she made this decision, but I received no reply.

So, I am grieving the losses of the BF that we grew very fond of and his mom who became a dear friend. I am missing my youngest DD (who only lives 20 minutes away...lol) and realize that I am going through some empty nest-like depression. Summer goes so quickly and I donít want to spend it feeling this way.

Thanks for listening everyone. I guess this is going to take some time...


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Old 07-16-2019, 07:24 PM
 
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Get involved in something. Hobby, sport, exercise, volunteering. The busier you keep, the better you will feel, plus it will give you opportunities to make contact with people who could become your friend.

This empty nest time can be difficult. One of my dearest friends dumped me 2 years ago. I am still not over it and fight daily during the summer to understand it. This summer I went through the stage of "I don't need anyone." I need to make a friend, too.
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Old 07-16-2019, 09:38 PM
 
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I can sympathize, somewhat, although I've never lost a friend as you described. I'm mostly an introvert, so close friendships aren't something I really crave (at least at this point in my life).

My kids have been out of the house for 10ish years and would you believe I STILL miss them!!!!???? Being a mom and having them all together under one roof was the best time in my life. I loved everything about raising them, etc.

Am I doing great, now? Yes. I love the fact that my DH and I are so compatible and that we are really only accountable to each other.

However, I still miss my kids greatly and would live next door to them if I could, lol. But, alas, it's not to be.

So, I stay busy with various activities. Hiking club (via Next-door app), getting together with colleagues, card-making, piano playing, bike rides with DH, etc. I am a homebody, so it doesn't take much to make me happy.

It will get better (empty nest syndrome). But, it does hurt at first!

I am sorry about losing your close friend.

Allow yourself to grieve both the loss of your children being at home and the loss of your good friend. Cry if you need to. Embrace the feeling(s).
It does get easier with time.
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Understand
Old 07-17-2019, 04:08 AM
 
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I am right there with you! My oldest is leaving for college next month. I am dreading it and cry a lot about it (not in front of him). My bff has been pulling away and I have no idea why heís doing this. My other very good friend is battling her second bout of cancer. I wish I could help alleviate your hurt and sadness, but I can offer positive vibes and support. I am trying to focus on positives (more time for myself, can spend more time with my youngest and my hubby). I also rejoined the gym. Itís helped a little, but I know when he leaves Iíll be a hot mess. Talking about it helps, but unfortunately I donít really have anyone I can talk with about this. Thank goodness for the vent board! BIG hugs! I hope things get better soon.
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Empty Nest
Old 07-17-2019, 08:28 AM
 
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Your friend giving up on spending time together is pretty rotten! I expect she's letting wistfulness get the better of her when she's around you, wishing things were the way they used to be, and feeling sad. But it really is a shame!


As for the empty nest part, I'm just getting there, and have decided to embrace the positive. I love my DS like crazy, and will certainly miss him and worry about him, but since it's completely natural for him to go off to college, I'm concentrating on the good things. So far, I've got -
  • Easier to plan meals. I never know with much certainty whether DS will be home for dinner or not, and he's the pickiest eater in the family. - In particular, he hates casseroles and anything in the crock pot, so I'm looking forward to using that again.
  • A calmer house. The teen years are really not my forte. I'm really good with elementary-age kids, and was always the mom planning fun neighborhood stuff. But the pace of change in teens' lives overwhelms me, and the chaos is stressful. I'm looking forward to some predictability.
  • Time to concentrate on DH. Like most couples, we've embraced our "mom & dad" roles wholeheartedly, and rarely took a lot of time for just "us" - some, of course...but I'm looking forward to planning some dates we've put off and even to little things like watching a TV show at the same time, instead of both catching it separately on DVR.

I'm not saying you shouldn't visit with your youngest DD, of course! Only 20 minutes away is a good thing! - Arrange to meet for lunch and things like that. Enjoy relating to each other as adults.

But get involved in things on your own too. (Maybe check out the activities at your library?) You have time to do things now that you didn't before!


P.S. - I love your avatar pic! (I'm a Disney person too.) Have you checked out the forums at DISboards.com?


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You've had a lot happen
Old 07-17-2019, 02:31 PM
 
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in a relatively short period of time. Sometimes I think it is good for us to grieve our losses for a prescribed amount of time.
After that time is up ( you set the time), I like to find a way I can be of help to someone or even an agency that helps people.
It helps me put things in perspective and lifts my mood especially when I am able to be of help or make a change.
I have met some of the kindest people over my lifetime too this way.
Just an idea....Places like Habitat for Humanity, Women's Shelters, maybe a Food Bank or church project. Maybe you can look for a place that is meaningful to you.
For some reason, even though I am exhausted and thrilled for summer vacation, I get kind of " down in the dumps" for a few weeks and need to do something meaningful. ( Nothing full time or stressful...) I hope you get to feeling better soon.
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volunteering
Old 07-17-2019, 02:59 PM
 
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Good idea, Summerwillcom!!
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Old 07-17-2019, 03:25 PM
 
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Iím glad to hear that Iím not alone. Although summer goes by fast enough, I also experience a certain amount of loneliness. I tend to be more introverted, so that is part of it. I also miss having children at home. DS is married and lives out of state, and DD is in grad school across the country. I try to fill the time with tasks and activities I enjoy, DH and I do travel, and I do visit family, but there are times when things are a little quiet. I also loved the full house when the kids were growing up.
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Old 07-17-2019, 07:43 PM
 
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Thank you everyone for your kind and thoughtful replies.

I also think that the fact that I just finished the school year with the most challenging class of my career may also be playing into my general sadness. While I was very ready to say goodbye to those with difficult behaviors, I felt very badly for the other students whose school year was negatively impacted by the six handfuls. I am beating myself up terribly for the curriculum I couldnít get to, the activities that I put aside etc., due to behaviors.

I believe I may have anxiety over the coming school year. I donít think I could mentally, emotionally or physically handle another year like the last one. I have four more years until retirement.

I am taking your advice on owning my feelings and setting a time limit on my grieving. I need time to figure out what I am interested in and what hobbies I would like to pursue. My DH and I need to rediscover ourselves as a couple.

Oh..good news..my DD who just moved July 1st invited us over to her apartment for dinner this Friday!
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