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Moving back in with family?
Old 07-17-2020, 08:52 AM
  #1

My lease is coming up on my apartment at the end of September and I need to let the leasing office know by August 1st if I want to renew or not. The rent is going up as it does every year and it is becoming pretty cramped in my apartment with BF and his cat here now.

We can look for a bigger apartment, but renting prices are exorbitant right now in my area and I'm not sure when it will die down. BF's dad has offered for us to come live at his house for half the rent of the current apartment. It's not what I want to do, but I feel that it's the most practical option right now. We won't be locked into a lease and we will be able to bulk up our savings. My only concern is this puts us a little more out of the way of my district as well as BF's new job, but it may not even apply to me depending on what my district decides for the fall. Either way I think it will be doable. BF's dad and I get along, so there's no conflict there.

Have you had to move back in with family or made the decision to do so to save money? How did it go for you?


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Honestly
Old 07-17-2020, 08:57 AM
  #2

I haven't had to move back in with family, and if I had to move in with either mine or my husband's, it would be hell.

That being said, because of the situation we currently find ourselves in, I wouldn't hesitate to do it, especially if it means that you could be saving the extra money for a bigger place down the road. This would be an awesome time to bank all that extra money for your next steps. I would absolutely take advantage of this opportunity to get ahead financially!

Before moving in, though, I would talk to his father about expectations and ground rules and such.

Good luck!
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Old 07-17-2020, 08:57 AM
  #3

My dd may be moving in with me if she doesn't get called back to work soon. I know she will be miserable in our quiet little suburb after being on her ownin the city for 9 years. You gotta do what's best financially.
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Old 07-17-2020, 09:04 AM
  #4

IMO, accept the offer and save, save, save!

If you have a concern about your position next year it would lessen your money concerns and you could always rent an apartment later.

No one needs any more stress especially now. It just might work out far better than you anticipate. That's very sweet of him to offer.

Good luck, whatever you decide.
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Old 07-17-2020, 09:34 AM
  #5

I used to have several neighbors with multi-generational households. To be honest, I donít know why it isnít done more*. It saves money and there is a built in support network. I wish I had been more open to it years ago when my in-laws needed help.

My young niece and her boyfriend live with his parents and she is quite happy there.

*I do know why it isnít done more... difficult families, lack of independence, privacy, and on and on. In retrospect, I wish I was able to put my ego aside years ago and figured out a way to have a multi-generational home. I think the positives outweigh the negatives in many cases.


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Old 07-17-2020, 09:53 AM
  #6

I never had to move home for financial reasons but, after I started teaching, I spent the bulk of my summers with my mom. It didn't save me a ton of money since I still paid rent where I lived during the schoolyear, but I'm glad I got to spend the time with her.

My daughter and her husband & son lived with me for a bit over two years when they moved from Colorado. It worked out pretty well. They were able to save the money for a downpayment on a house and I got to spend lots of time with my daughter and grandson. I admit that I didn't really enjoy sharing my home with my SIL (he's so immature!) but it was a good exercise in tolerance and self-control and the plusses far outweighed the minuses.

My neighbor's son, who is in his 30's now, still lives at home. It's mostly so he can help care for his mother who has health issues.

People act as though there's some kind of failure involved in people living with their parents but I think, in many cases, it's a very good thing. I come from a background where multigenerational households are more common. My most fond childhood memories are from the years that we lived with my grandmother.
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Old 07-17-2020, 11:14 AM
  #7

Before you make any decisions, sit down and make a budget and figure out how much you can save. Discuss and make commitments to actually do it. Set a time line for moving out.

The danger is that many people move to save money and then don't do it. I've watched two extended family members do that exact thing recently and then struggle when it's time to move out. I've known other people, however, who've done it successfully, saved money for down payments, and moved out into their own purchased homes. I also know some people who simply choose to live in a multi-generational home with both generations contributing financially and both generations benefiting.

The story for success seems to be making a plan that will benefit all of you and then sticking to it. Work out who will pay what and what the actual long term plan is BEFORE you move.
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Old 07-17-2020, 12:07 PM
  #8

I don't know what I'd do because both DH and I are independent.

If I had to do it I'd make sure that that reduction in rent money was saved every single month. Put it in a separate account to utilize when you do move out. People say their going to save and in reality many get caught up in the moment and spend more.

Last edited by teachnkids; 07-17-2020 at 01:03 PM..
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Old 07-17-2020, 12:29 PM
  #9

I have not had to do that. Being independent is very important to me. I've been paying my own way since I was 19 and would not opt to move back in with my family. However, if I needed help I known parents would help me. I just value my independence.

You say it's not what you want to do. Why is that? There are a lot of problems that could happen if you move in. Do you get along well? Will they try to control what you do?

I am not sure the size of your apt, but do you really need a bigger space for two people and a cat? DH and I lived in a 500 square ft apt for a while. It was us, a dog, four cats (I took on a stray and her kittens- didn't really plan to have four cats!), and a turtle.
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Old 07-17-2020, 01:24 PM
  #10

I have done it and it gave me the opportunity to save money. I lived with my grandmom for a while and moved when I needed to be on my own. I was able to buy a home.

I saw today that mortgage rates are at 3%, so I would certainly want to save money for the future.

Just remember you will all need to talk about expectations of living together.


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Old 07-17-2020, 02:14 PM
  #11

I have a friend whose son and his wife moved in with him after the death of his wife. The daughter in law did nothing toward the upkeep of the house, did not cook, and did not do the dishes. Be sure to discuss each person's responsibilities.
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Old 07-17-2020, 02:32 PM
  #12

As long as the people involved generally get along well, and decide in advance how to deal with household chores, basic supplies and food, as well as any financial expectations, I don't see a problem.
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Old 07-17-2020, 04:17 PM
  #13

I wouldnít do it unless I had to, and that doesnít sound like the case here. Stay in your small space until you can find something that suits you better.

While I think moving in with family for certain situations is okay, I think independence is better.
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Old 07-17-2020, 04:26 PM
  #14

Since you have a good relationship with his dad, I think you should do it and save!!

I lived at home until I was 27 and was able to pay off all my college loans, auto loans, and pay for grad school out of pocket! So when I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband), I was completely debt-free (minus credit cards, which I pay off in full every month)
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Old 07-17-2020, 08:04 PM
  #15

I moved back in with my parents after college. They lived less than a mile from the school where I was going to be teaching. There were only two sets of decent apartments in the town. One only rented to older people. The other was right across the street from my parents.

I lived with them from 22 to 28. I paid for all my own expenses, and I helped out around the house. They had me pay rent to a savings account, and every two months that money went to a CD at a local bank. Once I had tenure, a new car, and my masters I decided to buy a house. My parents gave me the CDís, including the money they had saved for my college because I didnít use most of it due to a scholarship. I was able to use the money for a down payment and remodeling.

Now, I also had only ever lived with them and in a dorm. I was somewhat independent, but not so much that returning to my parents was a huge adjustment. We got along great, and I didnít feel weird living there. Fast forward over 20 years to today. Iíve had to stay with my mom for awhile after my surgery, her surgery, and when my dad was dying. After a few days we both say that we donít know how we ever lived together. It would be a huge adjustment now.
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I agree with Kahluablast.
Old 07-18-2020, 12:52 AM
  #16

I would stay in my small apartment another year. There is no crisis that makes you have to move in with family. Independence is too valuable to me.
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Old 07-18-2020, 05:43 AM
  #17

Quote:
Originally Posted by kahlua
I wouldnít do it unless I had to, and that doesnít sound like the case here. Stay in your small space until you can find something that suits you better.

While I think moving in with family for certain situations is okay, I think independence is better.
There are clearly 2 schools of thought here. Iím with kahlua.

I know there are people right here in the Lounge who happily live with their parents. I know and admire cultures where multi-generational living is the norm. But itís not for me.

My financially dependent grandmother lived with my parents until I was 14. It was fine for me, but looking back I realized it was very difficult for my mom who wanted to be the only ďlady of the houseĒ and for my dad who didnít always welcome another mouth to feed.

Iím 69. I married right out of college. I cared for others until I was 67. I loved my family and never even thought to question the lifestyle. But now I live alone and am thankful for my true independence every single day. Thanks for putting my thinking into words, kahlua. I think there are many ways to save money and, for some of us, self-reliance is a better route than depending on others.
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Thank you
Old 07-19-2020, 06:52 AM
  #18

Thanks all for the suggestions and input! I actually have two cats myself (forgot to put that in my original post), so this is another reason we are a little cramped. I am a very independent person, but I think I could deal with living at BF's dad. We already discussed rules and expectations as well as rent and everything is reasonable. I say that it's not what I want to do because ideally I would like to have a bigger apartment, but the rent on most places has spiked. I figure if we do move into BF's dad's we can control how long we stay until we can find an affordable and bigger place.

I would like to save for a down payment on a house and while I could save while staying in our small apartment though I could save double while living at BF's dad's. We haven't completely decided yet since we have about 2 weeks. We've crunched the numbers for both situations, so we will decide soon.
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Old 07-19-2020, 08:00 AM
  #19

Through most of history and even currently in much of the world, multi-generational homes are typical. I think it makes good financial sense for all involved. And we all need more in-person connection during COVID. Oh and it is a good lesson in flexibility, compassion, and compromise to share space so intimately. Best luck to you!
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Old 07-19-2020, 08:06 AM
  #20

Multi-generational family homes went out the window when society changed from it being about family to being about "me".

It is harder to live a lifestyle that goes against all of the moral beliefs of a family when you are living with them and when you don't want to hear an opinion other than your own or those who agree with you.

Sure there are family circumstances that don't bode well for multi-generational homes such as homes that are filled with addiction or abuse (real abuse).

But multi-generational homes takes compromise and many don't want to add that to their list of things to do.
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Old 07-19-2020, 08:44 AM
  #21

There have been many good points raised. I think it comes down to if you are an introvert or extrovert, and if that aligns with your BF's dad.

I would suspect you and the dad are extroverts because a true introvert (like me) would not even consider this arrangement if it weren't necessary. By introversion by extroversion, I mean if being with people drains you or energizes you.

If you're an extrovert, there are great benefits to this situation. If you're an introvert, even the best benefits will make this situation very, very challenging.
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