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I need to explain - NOT what I meant, re:infertility post
Old 03-23-2017, 09:53 AM
  #1

In my post below about the infertility, I have suffered through it as well and understand the pain. My point was not that I want to interfere or want them to tell me everything, I would NEVER push for that. I just want to know if it is possible for a condition like that to heal itself and perhaps, had the need to cry on some shoulders? I am so worried about them and so sad for them and know they will share more when they are ready. They have in the past. Its just that, my heart is breaking for them and between them and DD, I don't know how much longer I can deal with all of this. I am headed to the altar at church with pictures of all 3 of them, to pray. I know prayers there mean no more than they mean at home or anywhere else, but somehow it just seems like it might be peaceful and comforting.

Nancy


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Old 03-23-2017, 10:47 AM
  #2

Quote:
I don't know how much longer I can deal with all of this.
Nancy, I think what some people were saying on the other thread is that maybe this shouldn't be about you. I think it was suggested kindly that you back away for a while. You don't really need to "deal with" their infertility/fertility issues. Let them journey.
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Old 03-23-2017, 11:07 AM
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Nancy
Old 03-23-2017, 11:13 AM
  #3

I get that you are sad for them. As a parent you do not want to see your children suffer. That is how I took your post.
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Old 03-23-2017, 11:15 AM
  #4

Nancy,
I think I understand that your heart breaks for them. As parents we always hurt when our kids are hurting.
Keep praying.
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I know that no matter how old
Old 03-23-2017, 11:32 AM
  #5

your children are we worry just the same.

I believe it isn't the infertility so much as the not knowing what the future holds. My kids are all approaching their 40s. Yes, I actually admitted that! They have been living their own lives and making their own decisions for several decades. However, when something goes wrong I obsess about it until there is a resolution. It is easier for me to deal with the problem when I know exactly what it is.

It seems like your children are all "up in the air" about their situation through no fault of their own. You are posting here instead of pestering them or asking for information that they are not willing to talk about just now. I think that is a great decision. In a way talking about it here is "backing away" from the situation because the more you share here, the less you are asking them. JMHO

Stay strong.


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Old 03-23-2017, 12:37 PM
  #6

I think I understand what you were saying in your other post. As for your son's condition, remember with God all things are possible. In Luke chapter 18, it talks of the woman who was persistent. She did not give up. That's how we are to be in prayer. You are right to keep them all in prayer, even if it is for the same issues you've prayed about before.
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Old 03-23-2017, 01:00 PM
  #7

Is it possible they found out that you share their infertility issues with strangers on a public forum and don't want to share anymore? I know you need a place to vent, but you're not anonymous here, and a lot of this information is HIGHLY personal.
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Old 03-23-2017, 01:03 PM
  #8

(((Nancy)))

I too worry, worry, worry about my kids and their situations and choices. This worry takes up so much space in my head that I can hardly do anything else but worry. But I really have no power over these situations, so the worry is nothing but wasted energy.

Who has power over your son's and dil's fertility situation? Only God. Give that to Him. Ask Him to take charge of it. And then, try to let go and allow God the room to do His work. When I worry anyway...I am not truly trusting that God will be in charge.

You are in a challenging situation because in the case of your daughter, you do have power and God-given authority over her. And honestly, I don't believe that God has a magic "grown up switch" that he turns on at a child's 18th birthday--particularly if that child is unable to act as a fully consenting adult due to mental illness, immaturity, or incapacity. So you have responsibility there...yet there is still so much you need to leave to God.

Do you know the Serenity Prayer? I believe it could be helpful to you, as it has been to me:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Know that you and yours are in my prayers every day!
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Old 03-23-2017, 01:58 PM
  #9

Sometimes when I'm going through something difficult, one of my biggest "feelings" is that I'm letting people (often my parents) down or not living up to their expectations. I want to make people happy. I know in my head it is a silly fear, but it is definitely still a strong emotion. I wonder if perhaps they feel pressure to "make things work" because they don't want to let you down or disappoint you. They know how much you care and want you to be happy, too.

I know this might sound crazy, but I know it is a common struggle I have.

You have been through so much and have every reason to need to cry on some shoulders. I'm sure you need to vent. And I'm not a parent, so I can't begin to comment on that. However, as an adult child, I know how difficult it is to bring disappointing news to parents who care so much. (I hope this makes sense. I may not be explaining it well.)

Praying for you and your family.
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I think
Old 03-23-2017, 02:56 PM
  #10

I heard you asking if anyone else might have dealt with something similar so you were wondering if the condition could heal itself. You also wondered if they might just want you to stop worrying.

Personally, I've never known anyone who had something similar to your DIL. I went through fertility issues as well and shared the particulars with my mom and a close friend.

I didn't pick up on anything in your post that was suggesting you wanted them to tell you everything or that you were trying to make this about you.

Our hearts break when our kids are struggling. I'm glad you have your church to go to so you can find some comfort. I also know that you know you can come to PT for answers and support. Keep on praying and find activities you can participate in that might keep your mind occupied. I know your heart is in the right place.


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"let them journey"
Old 03-23-2017, 03:58 PM
  #11

I agree with some other posters.

If you want to know facts about a condition, I would research it on the internet through fact based medical sites.

As far as the emotion side to all of this, unless you are someone who feeds off of drama in your life, I would find a way to step back from your son and DDIL's personal journey.
You stated that "between them and DD, you don't know how much longer you can deal with all of this."

I say this not to be rude/mean, but for your well being!
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Old 03-23-2017, 04:14 PM
  #12

I think you are a natural worrier. I am a natural worrier and when I have more to worry about, I can become discouraged. I have learned from this and have learned to "hand it over to God" better. I think people want what is best for you on here but can sometimes say things in a way that may sound harsh when you are fragile. People really do support you on here and just want things to be easier for you. Hence, why they recommend stepping back from the worry. I have a hard time with it too and always will. Prayers for you and your family.
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From Your Other Post
Old 03-23-2017, 05:01 PM
  #13

Here's a quote from your other post -

"They talked like they were happy about their decision."

THIS is good.
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Old 03-24-2017, 01:22 AM
  #14

I do understand your concern for your son and DIL. Pray for them, be there for them. But know that things will work out the way the are supposed to. My sister went through the same thing. They ended up adopting a beautiful boy. I believe that little boy was meant for them. It is a perfect match. It will work out. Trust...
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