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Grandparent question
Old 10-30-2019, 07:20 PM
  #1

I called DD this evening to just say "hello". We talked a minute, then I asked if one of the girls was nearby to talk to. DD said "they're both eating supper, and i'm about to take a shower".

DD and DH did have words the last time they were here, but I thought they had patched things up. Without giving a lot of background, I took this as she's putting the girls between us.

I'm afraid the girls are going to forget us -- maybe not completely, but kind of.
Between age and health, our driving out there is limited at the moment. I love them so much that it physically hurts to think that even phone contact is going to be curtailed.

I don't want to make this too long so I'll leave it at this.

So, what do I do?


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Old 10-30-2019, 07:28 PM
  #2

My heart aches for you. I love my little grandson so much and would be so sad to not get to see him. Can you try to set up a time to talk to them on the phone or FaceTime? Is there any possibility of them coming for an overnight or weekend visit? No other advice not knowing the whole situation but I'm hoping you get to see or talk to them soon. Maybe send them cards and tell them how much you miss them with a toy or clothes so they know you are thinking of them?
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Old 10-30-2019, 07:32 PM
  #3

I feel your angst. Could it be the timing? Not sure how old the girls are, but maybe getting them to stay focused and finish supper is a challenge. Accept that she was wanting to get in a shower and Halloween is tomorrow-give her the benefit of being a stressed mom.

We have a very hard time connecting with the grandchildren in Germany. The 6 hour time difference requires some planning. We enjoy Skype time, but it doesn't happen as often as I'd like. Not sure when we get to go visit again.
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Old 10-30-2019, 08:30 PM
  #4

I live in CO and my GS's live in CA. I've decided I'll make my memories/keep the bond alive via cards and letters. I make cards for my GS's and mail them regularly. I include stickers and 1 dollar bills. I figure this is something that will have a lasting impact on them. I do get to see them 3-4x a year, but of course, that's not enough!

Being a grandparent is the absolute best thing in the world, so I know where you're coming from!

I hope you are able to find a way to stay connected!
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Old 10-31-2019, 01:13 AM
  #5

Maybe it really was a case of a bad time to talk. Evenings can be hectic. Can you text or email your daughter to ask when a good time to phone the kids is? Hopefully you can try again soon!


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Old 10-31-2019, 01:25 AM
  #6

DD is a nurse and can work as late as 7. I asked her if she had just gotten home, but she said she'd been home since 5. I called around 7:30.

We used to facetime through FB, but DD cancelled her stuff on FB. So no facetime. I think I'll look at setting up Skype, and letting her know.

Weekend visits probably would not work right now. Distance from each other and the girls' ages, 6 and 4. Not sure either would get along very well without parents.

I think I've answered questions so far.
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If she isn't being direct...
Old 10-31-2019, 02:16 AM
  #7

There is a possibility she really was just tired and needed to get everyone through their evening routine.

If she truly is avoiding contact with you and the girls, but doing so with indirect comments, maybe the right comment would cause her to give in. Once she gives in, you have a better chance of things getting back to normal. You might respond with "oh let me at least say hi to each girl. They can pass the phone around for two minutes each. I promise we won't talk long" or "please put me on speaker phone so I can say hi to the girls.

My husband and I talk with our son using through video calls on an app. Because he lives in Tokyo, we don't get to see him much, but the video calls make all the difference. Because the calls are frequent, we pass the phone around while we eat or take care of things. Basically we don't always have time to talk, but we make the time around our busy lives. Sometimes we turn off the camera if we want our privacy for a few minutes, but we continue to talk. If you can't see the girls as often as you want, maybe your daughter will allow video calls. Of course if there's tension, avoid the topics that cause the tension.

I just read your last response, we use "Line" app to talk to our son. It uses the internet and has some nice features, such as shared photo storage. We've had the app three years and haven't had any issues. I believe Google still has a video chat as well.
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Grands
Old 10-31-2019, 05:36 AM
  #8

We have grands in local states but also two in europe. We make time at least once or twice per month to FaceTime. Then, when we visit, they know us! They are a bit older so they also send little notes and we mail gifts too. The locals we spend many weekends visiting. Even the ones that are three hours away.
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Old 10-31-2019, 05:56 AM
  #9

Maybe it would work to send your dd a note and ask for a regular time to visit with the grands via phone. Explain that you know how busy their lives are however the time visiting with her and the grands is important.
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Old 10-31-2019, 07:48 AM
  #10

How about an old-fashioned approach? Mail your grandchildren “I’m thinking of you” cards with a hand written note and even a picture of you and your DH. You could send them on a monthly basis.


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Old 10-31-2019, 08:59 AM
  #11

I think 4 and 6 are great ages for a weekend with grandparents. I don't know if you are up to it, but I bet they would love it! I have my grandson once a week plus he spends the night every week or two. I realize I am so lucky to see him so often. He's 17 months and he has been at our house at least once a week since he was born. I love that little boy so much. I hope you work out a way to stay in touch with your grandkids!
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Old 10-31-2019, 03:59 PM
  #12

Elia4one -love what you’re doing to stay connected with your GC. That is a wonderful, meaningful way!
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Old 10-31-2019, 05:21 PM
  #13

Quote:
Elia4one -love what you’re doing to stay connected with your GC. That is a wonderful, meaningful way!
Thank you! I think so, too. What's really special (I think, anyway) is that I make the cards myself. They are only 3 and 1, so they have many years of letters and cards from me coming their way. I am not sure if their parents save them. I hope so...but I'm not sure and am afraid to ask.

Anyway, thanks. It's my little way of staying connected.
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Old 10-31-2019, 05:25 PM
  #14

I am so sorry for your hurt. It is so painful to go through something like this and my heart goes out to you. You and your family are in my prayers.

I do like the card and small gifts idea. I think perhaps a letter to the adults when you feel ready, or a visit may be helpful when you feel they might be receptive.

May God's peace comfort and calm you as you work through this. (((HUGS)))

Nancy
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distance
Old 11-03-2019, 08:20 AM
  #15

Distance is hard! We live in another country from our family and are 8 hours ahead. We have a good relationship with our family and it is still really hard to find a time to chat regularly.

BUT, some things that we like (my kids are almost 4 and 6.5):

Mail! We just got a card from my mom with some silly photos in it (they went to a wedding with a photo booth and printed out a string of photos for each kid). They love them! Sometimes my mom and MIL send a card with stickers in it. Or a holiday card (like Halloween, Easter, etc). My daughter (6) keeps all the cards in her nightstand and likes to reread them.

There is also a cool app called TouchNote that I like. I use it for sending postcards to their great grandparents. You pick your photo(s) and then can type a note and the company sends it as a postcard. If buying piece by piece it's not super cheap (about $2.50 a card), but it is convenient!

Does your daughter respond to texts? Like if you messaged her a photo to show the kids, would she? My mom likes to message us photos of things she knows the kids will like for me to show them.

Recordable books are awesome. Mine have them from my mom and my MIL and they listen to them a lot. Hallmark sells a bunch (not sure if they have them in store always, but Amazon carries the Hallmark brand of book) and there are other companies. Record yourself reading. There is a spot at the front to say like "XYZ Book read to KID NAME by READER" My mom also squeezes in at the end of the book right after "the end" a quick "I love you so much, KID NAME" You can either do one book for each kid or just say both their names (books run about $30-40)
https://smile.amazon.com/s?k=recorda...b_sb_ss_i_3_16
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