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Is this common elsewhere?
Old 05-08-2020, 07:35 PM
 
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Kids are home with their parents. I can't count how many parents who have told me that they can't get their kids to do their work or whatever. What is wrong w/ parents now a days?
These people let their kids dictate things to them. 1 parent told me: She really wanted to go to the beach. (So they went and did zero work.)
Whatever happened to saying, "We'll go to the beach when your work is done?"
When I grew up, we would not have been allowed to go to the beach just because we did our work. It was expected of us.
Do parents not realize they own the house and all of its contents?
TV, games, or toys are paid for by them and they pay the electric bill.
Their kid can use them at the parents will and timing.
The really strange thing is even kids I know were excellent students are doing this to their parents. It is a crazy world we live in!


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Yes,
Old 05-08-2020, 08:17 PM
 
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it's very common to hear this from parents! Kids rule the roost nowadays, unfortunately!
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Old 05-08-2020, 08:59 PM
 
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It's not new to the pandemic. It's just exacerbated.
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Old 05-08-2020, 11:21 PM
 
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Yes, it seems the kids are ruling the roost.
I agree it is not new, but I am seeing it "in my face" everyday. Some of the kids who do it were excellent students. I had not seen how they interacted with their parents like I do now.
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Ugh
Old 05-09-2020, 01:56 AM
 
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The kids are running the show in many households. The adults never want to use the word no.


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Our Duty
Old 05-09-2020, 04:00 AM
 
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We have to take a test in order to get a driver's license, but not to be a parent. I don't think parenting comes naturally. Much of it is emulating the way our parents parented.

When parents make a comment like "she really wanted to go to the beach so we did," I let them know they made a huge mistake. I have no filter, and I figure if I don't say anything, things will never change. At least my comment gives them something to think about.
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Old 05-09-2020, 04:38 AM
 
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Yes, I currently have about 26 F's of around 110 students, and I can't believe that there are kids who have done nothing. Seriously, you just let your kids sit around for two months.
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Old 05-09-2020, 05:22 AM
 
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I've been trying to be really kind about it, because I know how stressful the situation is for everyone. I know families where there are 5 kids at home and one parent and I could see giving in a lot in that situation.

But I have a few families where there is only 1 or 2 kids and both parents home and I'm shocked at how little control these parents exert. I mean, I know it has been this way for a long time, just based on what I usually see in my classroom. But this week I had a parent tell me her son doesn't want to do anything and she can't make him. So he plays video games all day. I talked to him on the phone and he finally went and did some math. But c'mon! I'm not the parent. What are you going to do when these kids become teenagers? You will have no control at all.

I think part of the problem is the parents think their kids are awesome, so they never correct them. This particular parent sat next to her kid when he was on the phone with me and laughed every time he said he didn't want to do work. Ok, if that's the attitude from you, then of course your son behaves that way!
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Old 05-09-2020, 06:10 AM
 
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This problem had been going on for a long time. It's blown up now because they are with the parents 24/7.

I saw it with my kids friends when they were growing up. Horrible teens and crazy behavior was what parents got in return for letting them do what they wanted during those younger years. The parents with half a brain now say they should have been tougher on him/her. DUH!!!!!!!!

In my state there is revised grading. Kids are not getting GPA points for the semester. I think it's all pass/fail. This is causing the kids who screwed up freshman and sophomore year who we're counting on this whole year to help boost GPA for college to cry out it's not fair!
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Old 05-09-2020, 07:25 AM
 
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This was going on long before this pandemic. I used to tell parents to take away video games, phones, computers, etc. until their kids did their work, and they would be shocked. I never hesitated to do this with my own kid when needed. He grew up to be responsible and successful. Good parenting is hard sometimes. Too many parents want to be friends to their kids, instead of parents.


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This situation has made it worse.
Old 05-09-2020, 07:36 AM
 
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I've contacted parents about kids who aren't doing work and only two got back to me. I've emailed kids who haven't been showing up. Growing up I never would have ignored a request from a teacher and if my mom was contacted by a teacher she would have gotten back in touch right away. One mom told me that every Monday she sits with her kids and goes through the grading portal to see what's missing. Sure enough, he made up the missing assignments. I am being very lenient about due dates and I am tired of cajoling kids to get them to come to class and hand in their assignments. Yesterday I did office hours to answer questions and to offer one on one and small group help and no one showed up. We don't end until the middle of June. Yet I am making videos, holding classes, doing office hours, and coming up with assignments they can do from home. Everyone is passing for the year no matter what. They can not earn a grade in the last marking period that is lower than the one from the previous marking period. The kids know that and don't care anymore.
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Its all about fear.
Old 05-09-2020, 07:46 AM
 
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You are completely right that kids need expectations, and they need to know their parents are ultimately in charge.

I certainly did my best to do that with my own...but I also know I got lucky. My sensitive kid actually wanted to make me happy, so he was pretty cooperative and I didn't have to turn much into a battle.

But not every child is like that. And parents nowadays can't actually "make" their children do anything. - Even physically forcing a child into their car seat (something we all agree is necessary safety feature) can get CPS called on you.

Parents are scared.

And that's where the problem is. Kids are better off with a confident parent who makes a few mistakes, than one who thinks they have to be perfect, and consequently second-guesses every decision they make.



The beach scenario described was still a mistake, of course! It's not as if the kid could drive herself there, so the mom did have the control to say "you have to do your work first".

But, sadly, that still wouldn't have guaranteed the student did the work. She might have just pouted instead - not going to the beach, but still getting nothing done. Somehow, I feel like kids have lost a sense of pride that used to have, and I'm not sure what we, as a society, need to do to bring that back.



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This problem had been going on for a long time. It's blown up now because they are with the parents 24/7.
And I definitely agree it's magnified lately!
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Parents who have no control
Old 05-09-2020, 09:44 AM
 
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I am on a Facebook group for parents of high school and college-aged kids. A few times a week —- and long before the pandemic — there is at least one post where someone vents or virtually cries about the ugly, hurtful behavior of her teenager(s) / young adult(s.) Typically the posts are by moms and the behavior is directed at mom, not usually dad. And I’m not talking just typical teenager attitude, but the kind of behavior that shows that they have absolutely no shred of respect for their mother. Kids cussing mom out, kids who don’t so much as acknowledge her on her birthday or Mothers’ Day or who don’t even bother giving her a Christmas gift (and sometimes going so far as to tell her that she is a terrible mother who doesn’t deserve anything.) Kids who tell their single or divorced mom that she’s responsible for her situation and it’s not their problem if she’s overworked and exhausted trying to pay for everything the kid wants / needs. Kids who tell their parents that it’s their responsibility to put them through college.

The common theme I see is that these are all extremely spoiled, entitled kids that the parents (moms) do not know how to say no to. The moms wring their hands and ask for advice about what to do, and it’s heartbreaking to read how shattered their ungrateful kids make them feel. But then in the next sentence they give all sorts of reasons and excuses for why they are still paying for their 24-year-old’s cell phone / streaming subscriptions / car / car insurance / rent / utilities (or any combination thereof) despite the fact that the kid is rude and disrespectful to her. Or why they are letting their very adult kid live at home rent-free, even though he / she is making no attempt to look for a job and just hangs out watching TV and playing video games all day. One mom was actually considering taking out a second mortgage on her house so her kid could go to her dream out-of-state private college because the kid said that she wouldn’t go to college at all if she couldn’t go there.

I suspect these adult or nearly-adult kids are the same ones that the parents had no control over as little kids. And I am quite certain that the parents who tell you they can’t make their kids do any schoolwork now are going to be the same ones who are wondering where they went wrong years from now when the kids are teenagers / adults and mom is locked in the bathroom crying because her kids are treating her like $h1t.
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Old 05-09-2020, 09:46 AM
 
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And even the "good" parents of "good" kids are used to outsourcing a lot of their parenting - school, sports, afterschool activities, clubs, tutors, and babysitters create a lot of the structure and 'parenting' for them. So yeah, there's plenty of parents who typically make it work just fine by being relaxed and being the kid's friend. And if you're a middle class parent of a neurotypical child with little to no trauma, that can work just fine.

But now, if that internal family structure isn't there it's REALLY hard to suddenly switch gears into a disciplinarian role. If the parent hasn't thoughtfully cultivated that relationship when the kid is young, the kid isn't automatically going to fall in line for them. And a LOT of people had their head in the sand about covid and were caught having to scramble to create that structure and relationship in the midst of a crisis.
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Kids need structure from their parents
Old 05-09-2020, 10:26 AM
 
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I have worked in education in some capacity since 2006. I am amazed at how much control kids have over their parents.
I don't have any children of my own but currently rent a room from a lady who has 2 kids (a middle schooler and a high schooler). Mom works 3 jobs to provide for her girls. The girls are basically raising themselves. Mom goes to bed at 8 or 9 to go to work at 4 am The girls stay up until 3 or 4 in the morning then sleep until noon or later everyday. Mom is always complaining that the girls don't respect her and it's really hard to handle them.
They have been doing online school since mid March. For the first few weeks, they did not complete a single assignment. One night, the girls were telling me how hard online schooling was and how behind they were. I asked what the problem was (what was making it so hard) and they replies they didn't understand it so they just didn't do it.
I told them that we would have a homework party one night a week and I would sit there with them and help them with homework. The first week, we spent almost 9 hrs doing homework (including all their missing work). Now we finish the "hard stuff" in an hour or two.

The other day, I was preparing to cook lunch and both girls wanted to try it. I told them to decide whether they want to help cook or clean up. They both decided they wanted to cook. We finished lunch and both girls helped clean up the kitchen. Their mom was observing us and she commented that they never did that with her. The oldest responded that I set boundaries for them and that I listened to them.
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Old 05-09-2020, 10:57 AM
 
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A lot of the parents are struggling to provide the structure the kids need in order to get work accomplished.

"He won't get out of bed . . . "

"He won't stop playing video games . . . "

"He doesn't want to do the work . . . "

"He won't do anything I tell him to . . . "

Yeah, those are parenting issues. I can't fix those for you.
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Old 05-09-2020, 11:20 AM
 
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No is not in the vocabulary of some for sure. Then others will say it 5 x and on the 6th say, "Well. OK." I'd have been in deep if I had argued w/ my parents like that. No meant NO!
Connie- I think you are right about most parents just emulate their own, but others make drastic changes in some areas and become opposite in ways they choose.
I raised mine mostly like I was raised, but there were a couple of areas (like supervision) that I purposefully chose an opposite way.
My parents were pretty strong parents until we hit about 13-14. Then they worked a lot, trusted us to be on our own, and make a lot of decisions for ourselves. I got in trouble due to lack of supervision at that age. I didn't want my kids to, so I was extreme about you don't go places unsupervised.
Looking back, I was probably too extreme, but they didn't get in much trouble until college years... ( Not big life changing trouble though) I think sometimes parents take extreme approaches to not to be like their parents or to do something differently IF they think about it. There is a happy medium I am sure. I just think a lot of people don't see it. I didn't.
Oh, and I did say something nicely. I asked her, "Do you think it'd help to say: We can go to the beach when you are done? She seriously thought that was a novel idea.

Last edited by Summerwillcom; 05-09-2020 at 02:09 PM..
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Old 05-09-2020, 11:30 AM
 
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This discussion is interesting. I agree with 99% of it for sure. And it's definitely not new.

But there is a point where you can't. I can take everything away from my kids, and give them every incentive in the world if needed, but when it comes down to it I still can't make them do their work. Just like when they are toddlers and you can't MAKE them eat or use the toilet.

I remember the day I realized that my teen son can physically overpower me at any time. That was a strange day! Now, he wouldn't, and he's a great kid, but it is a very humbling feeling.

I know most of the scenarios above are very different than this, but I do have to add it to the discussion.
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Old 05-09-2020, 11:59 AM
 
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Elly, Yeah! There is no way we'd been allowed to sit on our butts for 2 months doing nothing! We had chores to do from a young age that increased as we aged.
IZZY- The scary part like you say is what are these kids going to be like as teens when they've been allowed to do what they want and have no respect from authority?
1 of my parents is like yours. She wants me to get the kid to do it. Like get on the phone sternly and chew the kid out. I won't do it. It's not my job and it could backfire anyways. Oh, I'd be really annoyed if the parent was laughing like that. They'd be on their own if they were reinforcing that attitude. That would be frustrating!
I have overlooked a lot too out of kindness and understanding that this is a huge change. Most of my kids come from small families w/ 1 or 2 parents home.
I have a couple w/ a lot of kids in their families. They both have stoner/ criminal parents and have chaotic homes. I feel sorry for those kids because they miss school so bad. They get more attention and love at school than at home. 1 of them especially, I worry about. None of those kids have done a darn thing school related. They are way low academically to begin with. Right now, I think survival for those kids is more important than academics. We don't have enough foster homes around here and DFYS can't do much due to situations out of their control. I think the average work expectancy of a DFYS agent around here is 3-6 months. Then they quit because they realize as hard as they may try, the system is stacked against them.
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Teachnkids, annie, lakeside, Mme
Old 05-09-2020, 12:41 PM
 
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Teach N= Yes, the smarter ones see the error of their ways. ( Just too late,)
We are in a similar boat only worse w/ grading. Recently, parents/kids learned of our predicament.
Annie- You hit the nail on the head. Too many want to be friends w/ their kids as opposed to being their parent. I say, " Snatch those video games, phones, and toys back...along w/ control."
Lakeside- My dad had a saying, " I can't make you do it, but I can sure make you wish you had done it." I never had the nerve to push to see what he meant by that...lol Oh, this child was not pouting. She was screaming and throwing things. If she had been mine, there would have been no beach at all.
Mme- I have seen the same ugly behavior of teens directed at mothers who have given their kids everything and always tried to keep their kids happy. It is heart breaking for the moms, but the moms need to cut the bill paying out. Once those kids see how hard it is to make it on their own, they may gain some appreciation. It is interesting though because the moms think they are doing the kids favors when they really are setting the kids up to have a life of depression. The kids grow up to expect things and they are shocked when they are faced w/ the world not revolving around them.
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Old 05-09-2020, 12:47 PM
 
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Parents have more control than they think. They can leverage literally everything their kid has and does. The parents own the TV, the computer, the iPad, all their toys. Literally everything in the house. They have control over the car and where the kid gets taken. They have control over the wifi password. They have control over the phone access. They have control over the cash and what to spend it on.

But, the parents don't want their kid to be mad at them or ever be "unhappy", so they never leverage any of this. The kid learns from an early age that if they pout, cry, throw a tantrum, or act mad, then the parent will give in and give them what they want. Then, the parent is mystified at why their kid won't do anything, why their kid is disrespectful to them. They've taught them over and over that it's acceptable to act that way.
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Old 05-09-2020, 12:58 PM
 
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Quote:
But there is a point where you can't. I can take everything away from my kids, and give them every incentive in the world if needed, but when it comes down to it I still can't make them do their work.
No, but you can make the choices very clear to them. The choice is: do your work (schoolwork and chores) and you get access to the internet, use of your cellphone/ipad/computer, spending money on things you want to, transportation to the places you want to go, special items of clothing, etc.

Don't do your work (schoolwork and chores), and guess what? You get NONE of that, and have to earn it all back... by doing your schoolwork and chores. No other way. Pouting won't work. Being mad won't work. Tantrums won't work.

Very few kids will make the choice to not do their work if they know for sure their parents won't back down to them, because all of those things are very very meaningful to them.

Teenagers can be a different story, but if we are talking about kids 12 and under, parents have a lot of control.
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Old 05-09-2020, 01:03 PM
 
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Southern - Yeah, it has been the good students who have shocked me. I'd never really thought about all of the supports the parents and kids had before now. I just assumed the parents had some common sense.

Snazzy- I couldn't agree more with you about the importance of structure in kids' lives. That is way cool of you to listen to, help with hw, and cook with those girls. You'll make an impact in their lives. It sounds like you already have.
I do not know the mom, but have some sympathy/ respect for anyone working 3 jobs to survive. She's lucky to have rented to you!

Ima- Yep! Those are definitely parenting issues. I'd be tempted to ask, "Oh, why does he still have a bed and video games?" ( With a bit of snarkiness! lol) I'd refrain though!
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Old 05-09-2020, 01:33 PM
 
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It is definitely not new. I just had never seen it so up close w/ parents of decent kids.
Oh, I think you can take almost anything from your kids. You paid for it and it is your house. What is it that you feel you can't take?
I remember as kids, a friend of mine did not make her bed 1 too many times. She lost it for a month. Her dad was military. I had another friend who lost her bedroom door for slamming it after being told not to slam it.
I remember my dad saying: "I can't make you do anything, but I can make you wish you had." I knew he was honest ( followed through) and never chose to take that chance.
I agree about the toliet w/ toddlers, but potty training made fun seems to work for most people, I think. As for toddlers eating, I think they will eat if you don't make a big deal of it. If 1 of mine didn't eat, it'd go into the fridge for the next time they claimed to be hungry, but there were not any snacks given until it was eaten. I had 1 exception: Asparagus was expensive where we lived. I loved it and the kids did not. So I was selfish then. lol
Yes, I remember the day, exact moment, too that I realized my son was 2x my size. I was standing in front of the door, and he wanted to go somewhere I did not want him to go. I realized he could have picked me up and moved me or walked back and gone out 2 other doors.
I thanked God he did neither. He went to his room and slammed the door...lol I cut him slack there because he was mad and I was glad the stand off had ended like it did. I think if kids are taught to respect their parents, believe in God, and don't have some type of issues, life is a lot easier and better for everyone. They have to learn young because they do get big and it is often too late then to put your foot down.
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Teeny - I agree w/ you 100%
Old 05-09-2020, 01:59 PM
 
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"Very few kids will make the choice to not do their work if they know for sure their parents won't back down to them, because all of those things are very very meaningful to them.
Teenagers can be a different story, but if we are talking about kids 12 and under, parents have a lot of control."
That is why people have to teach their kids from a young age. You don't have to be super harsh. As long as the kid understands they are not in charge and the world does not revolve around them.
I was far from perfect and lost my temper a few times. Looking back, there are things I'd have done differently, knowing what I know now. I really believe if you don't start young, it is almost impossible to keep them on the right path as teens. Once they are teens, they still need direction.
Also, as parents you have a chance to teach your kids: life is not always fair, there will be disappointments, and hardship. Teaching these things on a small scale makes it so real life, as an adult, does not shock, overwhelm , or depress them. As an adult, we all have had our share of huge disappointments. I am glad I learned at a young age with small things that you need to be thankful for what you have.
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Old 05-09-2020, 02:33 PM
 
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Quote:
I really believe if you don't start young, it is almost impossible to keep them on the right path as teens. Once they are teens, they still need direction.
Gosh, isn't that the truth? When parents tell me that their kids won't do what they tell them, or I witness the kids being totally disrespectful to their parents, I always think to myself that if they think things are hard now, they've got some really rough years ahead of them.

I think a lot of this has to do with a notion that some parents have, that it's their job as parents to make sure their kids are "happy" (I even hear parents say it, "I just want for them to be happy") If their kids are unhappy, at all, ever, then they think they've failed as parents. When they tell their kids no, and their child is unhappy, they back down, because they think their kids should be happy always.

But, that's not reality and not at all their job as parents. Being unhappy from time to time is a natural, normal, expected part of life. Kids need to know that, but instead they're being told (or just shown by actions) that there's something wrong if they're unhappy. They're shown that it must be someone else's fault if they're unhappy.

A parent's job is not to make their kids happy all the time. It's to make sure their kids know how to be resilient, how to deal with problems, how to do what needs to be done, how to react to situations that might not be in their favor. How to deal with life in a realistic way. Saying no, and having consequences for wrong actions, is a part of teaching them that. So many parents can't seem to do it.
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Old 05-09-2020, 02:45 PM
 
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"A parent's job is not to make their kids happy all the time. It's to make sure their kids know how to be resilient, how to deal with problems, how to do what needs to be done, how to react to situations that might not be in their favor. How to deal with life in a realistic way. Saying no, and having consequences for wrong actions, is a part of teaching them that. So many parents can't seem to do it."

The 1st time this "happiness kick" was noticed by me was about 20 years ago and w/ just 1 kid. It has become an epidemic here since then. That 1st child told me nicely 1 day: You know how moms are...they just want to make their kids happy!" I was shocked, but it made sense she acted the way she did. She is in her late 20's- early 30's now, living at home, never had a job, and is emotionally unstable. It is sad because she had potential. Mom's coddling did not make her happy in the long run. It ruined her life. I wish there was a way to get this across to parents. They need to love their kids by teaching and preparing them for life!
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Old 05-09-2020, 02:48 PM
 
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I think another factor is that parents are working more and more hours (for the same or less money). Things just aren't the same as they were "back in the day." My mom stayed home and we easily lived on just my dad's teaching salary. We even had money to take several vacations per year. That's really not feasible anymore.

People get limited time with their kids so then they feel more pressure to make that time "pleasant." I've even heard fellow teachers say that. They feel like they hardly see their kids, so when they do get quality time with them, they "don't want to fight" and want the time to be happy/pleasant. They feel guilty for missing out on so much. And this is even more magnified if you're dealing with divorced parents/shared custody.
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Old 05-09-2020, 02:48 PM
 
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I remember near the beginning of my career, so approximately ~ 1991ish I called a mother about her failing daughter. The mother was very nice to me and commiserated, “I just do not know how to control her. When I picked up the phone (in those days it was a land line) and mentioned your name, she got in her car and drove off. Lord only knows when she’ll be back home.”

I never will forget that conversation. It was so obvious to me— take away her car, or at the very least, take away her car keys. Stop making her car payments, stop paying for her car insurance. In my head I was screaming, “What do you mean you don’t know how to control your daughter?”

Times have not changed.

However, take heart—Not all is lost. there are some parents out there with common sense. These people are in charge of their kids. They are not raising future inhabitants of their parents’ basements.
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Old 05-09-2020, 03:30 PM
 
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Good points! Times have changed in the sense of how families can and do live. I think a part of it is many are spoiled and don't put their kids first. I'd guess we could all live on less than what we make if we needed to.
If parents could agree they could have 1 car, or even use public transportation, a smaller home, no vacations, but have 1 stay home to raise their kids to be decent human beings.
I have wanted a dog for years, but have not gotten 1 yet because I don't feel like I have time to spend that a pet needs right now. I will soon though. Dogs are darling to me, but how much more should children be precious to their parents?
Divorce has made it extremely hard for some parents. I have seen more and more parents given = custody. Both parents vie for the kid's love and don't want the child to be unhappy at their house.
I think the courts have screwed this up majorly for kids. 2 weeks at 1 house and 2 weeks at another....I think judges should have to try to live in 2 environments w/ different rules and see how they like it.
The parents I have the most sympathy for though and understanding are those who are working their butts off trying to support their kids. They are trying to do what is right, but have nothing to give left at the end of the day. They feel guilty, but have no other way.
Our state has so many programs for single parents or low income that this is seldom the case though. Most around here, use every program at their disposal and live much better than those who work for minimum wage.
Drugs, computer addictions, and lack of parenting skills hurt these kids because they always have 1 and often 2 adults home all day. It is too bad those parents are not mandated to spend at least 4 hours a day in a center where someone teaches parenting skills and the kids play being watched by people with common sense. Parents could play games w/ their kids, read to them, and just practice common sense parenting skills.
PS I am very aware that many states do not have the revenue that ours does to help people. I lived in a state for yrs where these systems were not in place.
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Old 05-09-2020, 03:48 PM
 
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"However, take heart—Not all is lost. there are some parents out there with common sense. These people are in charge of their kids. They are not raising future inhabitants of their parents’ basements. "

I truly hope for this. I have cousins w/ younger kids and lots of common sense! It gives me hope. Part of it too is where I work making me see fewer of these high functioning parents and kids.

Oh, my patience levels for parents who buy their kids cars and let them act like that are at an all time low. When I grew up, I'd guess 95% of parents believed: Your kid needs to earn their own car. I can't even imagine giving a kid a car.
I know people here who give their kids cars at 16 because they say it makes it easier for them to participate in sports. GRRR to most because they have the time to take their kids. Plus, we have a bunch of kids driving who have no common sense!
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Old 05-09-2020, 05:06 PM
 
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My dad had a saying, " I can't make you do it, but I can sure make you wish you had done it." I never had the nerve to push to see what he meant by that...lol
Smart!

@Sothernfried, that’s a good observation about the outsourcing!

@Haley23, I think the time crunch you mentioned is definitely another reason for the change!

@Teenytiny, I also agree about the happiness factor. It reminds me of a quote I think I actually saw in the context of weight loss - “Don’t give up what you want most for what you want now.” - It’s hard but so important to invest in kids’ future happiness, even though it occasionally comes at the expense of their immediate happiness.

The lack of respect is the hardest for me to see. Sometimes I SO want to step in when a parent is letting themselves be walked all over and tell the kid to cut it out myself!
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Old 05-10-2020, 11:29 AM
 
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Yeah, I think it was smart to never "go there" too.

I had never thought so much about the outsourcing issue either. A lot of the good students are involved in lots of structured activities.

The time crunch 1 is hard for me to fully understand in some cases. If parents have "whoops" kids, I get it. What I don't get is parents who plan kids into their already overwhelmed lives.
I know a teacher and counselor who both had invetro. 1 had twins and the other had triplets. Both of them had to continue working because they kept health insurance for the family. Both sets of kids have been raised by nannies. I am not sure why people would set themselves up for that kind of situation.
Delayed gratification is something many in our society have lost.
The lack of respect gets to me too. Usually, I stay out of it, but once in a blue moon, I do say things in front of kids and parents. I get away w/ it too maybe because of the way I do it.
Unlike many, I think feelings of guilt are fine. You should feel guilty if you treat someone like crap. That feeling helps a kid learn not to continue if they don't want to have bad feelings. So....I have given a few real guilt trip speeches to kids before about the way they treat their parents. I know, it's not my job. It sometimes is just needed in a situation to me.
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Old 05-10-2020, 03:47 PM
 
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I think once kids get to a certain age, parents really can't have that control. But that's why those battles need to be won long before the teen years. Toddlers and teens can be difficult. But from 4-ish to about 10 or 11, parents can organise and manage their kids lives + train them to be hard workers. If they're letting their 6 year old refuse to do work, then they have no chance when the kid gets to 16. It's truly heartbreaking to watch.

It goes well beyond school work to basic manners, respect, and character. Parents don't seem to realise the absolute magic of saying + enforcing 'no' and this lack of understanding is ruining great kids.

The beach would have been a fine place to do some school work e.g. read together and do a worksheet sitting on the sand + then reward with a dip in the ocean. This parent missed a valuable opportunity to leverage her kid's interest and make school fun.
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Old 05-10-2020, 04:26 PM
 
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But that's why those battles need to be won long before the teen years.
So true!!

Quote:
The beach would have been a fine place to do some school work e.g. read together and do a worksheet sitting on the sand + then reward with a dip in the ocean. This parent missed a valuable opportunity to leverage her kid's interest and make school fun.
Good point.
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Old 05-10-2020, 09:55 PM
 
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Yes, I agree you have to start when they are toddlers. Never give in to a temper tantrum! When they learn no means no, your life is much easier.
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Old 05-11-2020, 07:00 AM
 
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Yes, teacher friends of mine tell me that 1/4 of their students have done nothing, 1/2 their students do some work but not all, and 1/4 do everything.

You can probably guess what these students would be like in a classroom. 1/4 would have nothing done and they would be looking around the room “getting ready” but never doing work. 1/4 would do the work completely and then take out a book to read. And the remainder would get it done with a few questions.

When I was young parents were in charge. If we misbehaved at a store, we were taken home and left with a parent while the other one went back and finished shopping. Things got worse once grandpa retired and was available to pick us up at school; he made us do work, for free, until our parents came to get us when they were done with work.
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OK I laughed at Subman's because I thought
Old 05-11-2020, 05:02 PM
 
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the twist was going to be a bit different!
We would have been taken to the car if we acted up as kids too.
I only remember 1x and I was young.
I thought you ( Subman) was going to say: Things got worse w/ my grandpa
because he'd really let us have it.
Working for free builds character! lol That's what my parents were like too.
So we both gained lots of character!
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Old 05-12-2020, 03:48 AM
 
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That is not what happened to most kids I knew when they misbehaved in stores. Most had a swift smack, a quiet (not yelling) dress down, and a threat of what will happen later if they don't stop. Parents didn't have a problem admonishing their children in public. There was no pop-psychologist telling parents you must not embarrass your child in public. The times were that is you deserved to be embarrassed because you were already embarrassing yourself with your behavior.

Now I am not saying parents were throwing the f word all around at their children or even raising their voices. They were stern and didn't care who was watching. They weren't afraid of being turned in to CPS for giving their child a swat on the behind in public.
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