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dietcoke99 dietcoke99 is offline
 
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dietcoke99
 
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Funny
Old 11-08-2018, 07:43 AM
 
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Since I've been the dark and dreary one lately, I thought I'd start a new thread about funny stuff. Maybe what grade you use it in. Anything education-related, that is funny-ish.

*Preferably things that all subs can use*, but whatever. I'll start us off.

Another sub liked this, so I'll start it off with...

"I'm not your substitute teacher, you're my substitute students." <high school>

I like this. "If you're absent, raise your hand." Believe it or not, several (like 5!, will raise their hand, immediately. Before I used it, I didn't think ANY would. <high school>

4 weeks ago I sent in an application for a sub job. Here is what my "letter of introduction" SHOULD have said: "I like high school teachers and students." You aren't going to believe it, and I'm almost positive that I proofread it, but sometime later I went on edjoin and was reading it <yes, I must have been horribly bored,> and it said, "I like high teachers and students." Yes, I swear to you this is absolutely true. I thought how this was a MAJOR ERROR <which it was!>

I ended up writing a new one and sending it in. Hopefully they won't hold it against me.


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mkesub mkesub is offline
 
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Old 11-08-2018, 02:31 PM
 
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I do the "if you're absent raise your hand" thing too. .
We have a lot of Spanish speaking students so sometimes I will ask someone if they would please tell me how to say "no" in Spanish. When they say "no" I say "why won't you tell me? Pleease...?" This is with little kids.
Or I'll hold the plans upside down and tell them their teacher printed them upside down and I can't read them! Goofy I know but it makes them giggle. The last one is what my dad always did at restaurants with menus. He'd complain to the waitress that the menu was 'defective'.
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c6g c6g is offline
 
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Old 11-08-2018, 02:49 PM
 
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I know there are many teachers who say this, and I often use this line on students who appear to be slacking off: "Are you working hard, or are you hardly working?" A few honest ones will answer, "Hardly working."

I love this oldie (for younger kids) when you notice from across the room that they're fooling around: "Hm . . . when the cat's away, the mice do play." They stop for a moment and look confused. Finally, someone gets it and says, "I know! You're the cat and we're the mice!"

The "If you're absent raise your hand line" is great! I'll have to remember it.

I haven't used this one in a long time, but it can work in older grades when a class won't stop talking. You hold up a stack of papers, and say, "Ok everyone, put your books on the floor for your test." They usually get quiet in a hurry, and you see looks of panic on their faces. "We're really having a test?" they ask. If you want to be nasty you can keep this going, but at that point, I usually smile and tell them there's no test. I'll then add that it got their attention!
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Sublime Sublime is offline
 
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Old 11-08-2018, 03:48 PM
 
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7th and 8th grades: If I'm in math, I write a math joke on the board, science class, then a science joke, etc. They love it even if they only give me courtesy laughs. When I return to the class there are always students who ask me if I have another joke.

3 favorites:

What do you call friends who like math? ALGEBROS
What do you call a fish made of two sodium atoms? 2na

Mountains aren't funny, they're hill areas.

Just look on the internet for jokes for any subject.
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MaineSub MaineSub is offline
 
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Are you SURE you're here?
Old 11-10-2018, 01:45 PM
 
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I had a funny one recently... I was leading an assembly of about sixty-third graders and setting ground rules... in large groups, I tend to test understanding repeatedly, even trying to trick the kids.

I stated that "Rule #1 is we raise our hands before speaking." When I asked the group, "What is rule # 1?" Most of the class called out, "Raise your hand before speaking." So I looked at the ceiling, paused, and asked again "What is rule #1?"

Maybe you had to be there, but while number calling out went down each time, it took four or five times before all the kids realized they were violating the rule by not raising their hands when they answered the question. (The teachers watching were cracking up!)

My version of the original question is "Raise your hand if you're not here?" That way I can sometimes follow up with questions like "Is your body here?" "Is your brain here?"

I like to keep the kids a little on edge and an occasional "gotcha!" seems to be quite entertaining. (Obviously, the point is not to embarrass anyone. Sometimes they "get" me too!)


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dietcoke99 dietcoke99 is offline
 
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Math Jokes
Old 11-15-2018, 09:07 PM
 
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I like the one with the assembly. I read it to my husband...

I'm doing what the poster said on here about reading [subject-specific] jokes. Tomorrow I'm "math" so I looked up some jokes. I know there are too many.

-Why did the math book look so sad? It had too many problems.

-Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.

-What do you call an empty parrot cage? Polygon

-Why did the right triangle put the air conditioner on? It was 90 degrees.

-How do cows add? With cow-culators [that's a bad one]

-What do you call 2 friends who love math? Alegros [another bad one]
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dietcoke99 dietcoke99 is offline
 
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First Names?
Old 11-27-2018, 10:03 AM
 
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I was in CVS getting a prescription filled, yesterday. One of my students from a few years ago works in the pharmacy and called me by my FIRST NAME!

I didn't say anything, but I think she could tell that I was taken aback about it .

My brother said that I must have done a good job - she's employed
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dietcoke99 dietcoke99 is offline
 
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scantron abduction
Old 12-15-2018, 10:33 AM
 
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My husband reminded me of something that happened when I was a teacher that was funny, I think.

I was giving a multiple-choice test with scantrons and I noticed that the key had disappeared and then it reappeared a little later.

I suspected the student who had done it, so the next time we had a multiple-choice test I put out a FAKE key in the same spot that the original one had been, and abducted temporarily the last time.

Needless to say, the fake key had all wrong answers on it. Sure enough, the "key" disappeared and then reappeared, again.

The student received the score he deserved (a zero).

I can't remember if I did more than that b/c my memory is not good due to treatments I am undergoing, but the general story is pretty funny, I think.
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