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My nephew's Bar Mitzvah
Old 08-26-2019, 11:33 AM
  #1

I know this is going to sound petty. I'm ok with that. My nephew's Bar Mitzvah is in November. For so many reasons I don't want to go. Among the reasons is I don't want to spend the money. I'm spending almost $500 on airfare. Then I just spent another $80 on my seat choice. And I have to spend money on a dog sitter. I'm missing a day of school. Only to get there and be ignored by my brother and SIL.

And not attending isn't really a choice.

Plus I'm at my highest weight ever so dress shopping is going to be just UGH!

The bright spot is the looks I get when all those holier than thou Orthodox Jewish women who teach in the private school ask me if I teach in a public school. Darn right. In an urban setting.

I just needed to vent. This won't be the last one.


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Old 08-26-2019, 12:02 PM
  #2

Sorry....family obligations can stink sometimes, but when ya gotta, ya gotta. You have time to lose some weight before the event....that would make you feel better about the whole thing, wouldn't it? It's hard to get started, but we'll cheer you on.

Sorry your brother and SIL sound like such jerks....I have ones like that too. Is there anything else at the destination that would be fun? Try to make the best of it....you can do this!!
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Old 08-26-2019, 12:12 PM
  #3

I agree! Plenty of time to lose a bit of weight. ( Says the girl leaving on her fabulous Europe trip without losing the weight she promised herself she would lose!)
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Old 08-26-2019, 12:23 PM
  #4

I understand FLU season is in November,so stay home with the flu and cancel your tickets. Why spend all that money and more to be ignored
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Old 08-26-2019, 12:43 PM
  #5

My mother...not worth it. Sheíd be devastated.


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Old 08-26-2019, 12:56 PM
  #6

Just think of this as a short break from work (aside from the $) and a change of scenery. By that time in the year, we can all use one!!!

Kind of like what I do when I have jury duty during the school year, lol.

And for what it's worth, I know quite a few Orthodox Jews who work in public schools, including urban ones. I'm gonna take a guess, though, that your brother does not live in NYC?? Or maybe that's just the circles they move in. Either way, hold your head up high and be proud of what you do
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Old 08-26-2019, 01:23 PM
  #7

One good thing is that you have a bunch of time to find a dress. After being so discouraged about pants, I found some great work pants at Dress Barn yesterday. Nice and professional looking, but stretchy! It really boosted my confidence to feel like I have something nice to wear. Maybe something like that will cheer you up?
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Old 08-26-2019, 01:57 PM
  #8

Any chance it is around Nov. 9th and in the Spring Valley area of New York?

My cousin is having his engagement party and while I want to go, I am the only one going from my side of the family so its going to be awkward- havent seen them in decades.

Sooooo..... just on the offset you were going to be around, lol. We could double date on these and deal with the awkwardness together.
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Old 08-26-2019, 02:05 PM
  #9

Sorry FL, it's actually in FL a week earlier.
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Old 08-26-2019, 02:35 PM
  #10

Not all Orthodox Jewish women act holier than thou...and not everyone working in a Jewish private school have attitude and/or are orthodox.

That said - sometimes you have to do things for family that you'd rather not.


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Old 08-26-2019, 03:12 PM
  #11

No, I know that. I’ve been around the Orthodox community since high school (when my brother converted to Orthodox. We were raised Conservative.). Most of them are kind and lovely. I’m saying this group acts like that. And some of that could be my projecting. But man, I say “public school” and their faces just scrunch up. It’s fun for me.
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Old 08-26-2019, 03:20 PM
  #12

I would also be tempted, as suggested here, to have the flu, or a short, unexpected tangle with food poisoning. Think of the time, and money you would save not going and, as an added bonus, your dogs wouldn't have to miss you if you go!
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Old 08-26-2019, 03:58 PM
  #13

I think its very thoughtful and considerate of you to go so you don't disappoint your mom, and for your nephew as well. I am glad you are proud to teach in a public school! You should be indeed. Many of those children really need us in so many ways!

Nancy
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Old 08-26-2019, 04:00 PM
  #14

GG, I'm so sorry. I know family and sometimes you just gotta. I must say that I admire the fact that you're doing this to be kind and supportive of your mother. You're a thoughtful and loving daughter.
I hope you can find some way to get a bit more satisfaction out of it. Maybe tell loud detailed stories about your work in public schools??
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Old 08-26-2019, 04:32 PM
  #15

The last Bar Mitzvah I had one of the worst classes of my career. I resisted the urge to tell them all the swearing stories.
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Bar mitzvah
Old 08-26-2019, 05:13 PM
  #16

Oy vey I donít envy you. Apparently I was less than slick many years ago by avoiding dhís family functions. My nephew asked if we were getting a divorce.

Maybe you need one of my special mints.....to relax you.....

Truthfully, any chance you can talk to your mom ahead of time and tell her itís just too expensive and youíd rather spend that money on a trip just to see her?
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Old 08-26-2019, 06:48 PM
  #17

I’m not Grayhound Girl, but if this were my family I couldn’t tell my mom I’m not going. She’d be relying on me to be her buffer throughout the day.
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Bar Mizvah
Old 08-26-2019, 07:40 PM
  #18

It is a good daughter that is willing to make the trip to support her mother. Plan on focusing your attention on her and your nephew.
As far as weight...maybe I don't understand the culture. Find a special outfit-hopefully one you can use for other occasions.
As far as boarding Molly and Mason have you considered taking them as your emotional support dogs?
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Old 08-27-2019, 01:21 AM
  #19

Oh GG- where in Florida? Maybe we can do a Florida PT get together with a bunch of PTers!

Atleast you are coming down not in hurricane season and it should not be in the high 90s anymore, lol.
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Old 08-27-2019, 04:45 AM
  #20

Iím going to be be in Boca. Sadly I donít think Iíll be there long enough for a PT meet up.
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Old 08-27-2019, 07:00 AM
  #21

You are in a no win situation, you have to go. If it is anything like the Bar Mitzvahs in my area it will be quite an event.

Find a way to pamper yourself while you are there. Make an appointment for a mani-pedi. Get your make up professionally done. I know it is pricey but you might as well do something for yourself while you are there.

As far as dress shopping, donít worry about the weight. Find something that accentuates your positives. When you find the right outfit it doesnít matter how much you weigh. Get something you love and wear it with confidence.
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