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Where’s the ring?
Old 09-01-2019, 05:08 PM
 
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I’m a first year teacher who just finished my first month with my students. I’ve always wanted to be a teacher and love my students. I’m at a very small close knit school where the moment you’re hired everyone knows everything about you. I’ve been given a tough group that even experienced teachers have come in and had trouble managing. This first month was rough and prepping all summer was also tough. It took a toll on my relationship and as a result my year long engagement has come to an end. The moment it happened I immediately started to think oh my gosh what will I do when my students, parents, and colleagues start asking me about my ring. This is a tough enough situation without having to explain it to everyone. So I guess my question is what do I do when the questioning begins? Any help and advice is so appreciated.


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Old 09-01-2019, 06:24 PM
 
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I think it would be rude to ask any detailed questions. If it comes up accidentally just say, “I have called it off and don’t wish to discuss it further.”

I’m sorry this has happened.
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Old 09-02-2019, 03:30 AM
 
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I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Honestly, I think it's better to give a short explanation rather than leaving everyone to guess what happened (and you know how far-fetched those thoughts can get). Just a simple answer will do. Like, "I'm no longer engaged. The timing just isn't good right now." Then change the subject (ask about them - almost always works).

Something my friend did was to wear another ring where her engagement ring went. I didn't even notice until she pointed it out.
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Old 09-02-2019, 06:35 AM
 
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I am sorry for your loss. I agree with the above. Just be blunt if someone actually asks.

Take this as a hint, too. If you only have 1 month under your belt and you have already lost a very important relationship- you need to reassess how you are organizing your life. Yes, the first year of teaching is hard, but you can't let a (poor paying) job control your personal life. You need to make some choices and give yourself the right to have a life outside of teaching. Set some boundaries now, and stick to them. You still need friends and family. Give them some of your time and nurture that part of your life.

At the end of the day, teaching is still just a job. Start out treating it as one.
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Old 09-02-2019, 08:04 AM
 
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Newbie 123

First I’m so sorry this happened to you
You should watch a video on UTube What’s it like to date a teacher and it’s also on Facebook under Bored teachers.
It’s hilarious but it also makes you think. That’s the kind of man you want a partner that works with you.
I’m not saying your fiancé wasn’t wonderful but it’s something to ponder on
Teaching is so stressful from so many points Newbie. Have a great year and keep venting here it really helps keep your sanity because we all get it current and retired we get it


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Old 09-02-2019, 08:39 AM
 
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Ditto what Kahluablast said. Admin would love for you to work 24/7, but that is not healthy at all. Also don't listen to the constant mantra from admin to " do it for the kids" as you can say that about everything in teaching. There will always be work outside of teaching hours, but know when to say enough is enough and put limits on it.

Last edited by twinmom95; 09-02-2019 at 09:21 AM..
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Old 09-02-2019, 09:25 AM
 
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You’ve gotten good advice, especially about the work life balance (probably the most frequent advice I give to my new teacher friends—-her a life outside of teaching). Truth is people probably aren’t as aware as you are.. if it were me, I’d probably say something ridiculous like “Things fell apart after he went into the Witness Protection Ptogram” or “We had a fundamental difference of opinion about the optimal number of corgis to own” but answering “it just didn’t work out” is probably better.
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Old 09-02-2019, 10:04 AM
 
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I'm so sorry. In my entire life, no one has ever been that curious about my life (other than family members), so I guess I'm lucky that I never had to deal with nosy people.

If anyone asks, I'd just say, "Well, as you can tell I'm no longer engaged" and leave it at that. If they keep pressing, I'd say, "I appreciate your concern (which is really rude nosiness), but I prefer not to talk about it."

You don't own ANYONE squat more!
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Old 09-02-2019, 06:11 PM
 
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I want second, and/or third the recommendations above.

Another thing to consider-anyone who couldnt take 1 tough month was never going to be able to deal with all the ups and downs in a lifetime of marriage. Better to know now that when times get tough his heads to greener pastures.
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Old 09-02-2019, 08:54 PM
 
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Engagement is a time period where we decide if we will marry.

"My ring? Oh, yes, that was a beautiful experience." (Emphasize the word was).

You do NOT have to make your personal life, public. Period .

I am sorry. That must hurt. You have received excellent advice. Do not let this JOB become your whole life.

"My engagement? I do not wish to discuss my private affairs, thank you."

Do not let people indulge in knowing your private business. Trust no one!!!


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Old 09-03-2019, 05:23 AM
 
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Quote:
“Things fell apart after he went into the Witness Protection Ptogram” or “We had a fundamental difference of opinion about the optimal number of corgis to own”
. I LOVE this! Follow the first one with "I am not allowed to talk about it." You will be the most talked about person at school for a long time to come!

Hope you are feeling a little better today.
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Old 09-03-2019, 11:32 AM
 
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You've had some well meaning comments about work-life balance on here. However, in my experience the first year of teaching any new position (and I've had several different teacher jobs in 40 years) is very difficult, stressful, time demanding, and overwhelming.

If your relationship could not stand up to the fairly normal stresses of a new job, could it withstand first year of marriage stresses, family illnesses, periods of unemployment, injuries to one of you, children, ill or handicapped children, bankruptcies, etc. There are many everyday conflicts in priorities during every marriage. Being able to adjust, being willing to adjust is hugely important to staying together through thick and thin--and it does get thin.

My husband and I marked our 50 year anniversary in June, so this is from experience. I don't know what led to the breakup, it's often "it takes two" but not always. It may be best to discover before you marry that there are things that you together cannot survive as a couple. The stresses of a new and demanding job are easier than the many tragedies that a couple can face--hence the warnings in the wedding vows. We have both given space and time to each other, taken what we need from each other, and forgiven fairly often.

Mourn the loss of your relationship, indeed, but consider that you may have also gained some insight into what it takes to keep a marriage from each of you, to each of you.
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I am with Broomrider!
Old 09-03-2019, 02:12 PM
 
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My husband recognizes the challenges of the start of school and supports my work. If your fiancé can't handle your new job, he/she would not be able to support you in far harder times: illness, parental care, childrearing. Some things aren't meant to be. You will find out why later and be glad things worked out the way they did, no matter how painful.

If anyone asks, keep your response short and neutral. Hang in there!
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Old 09-03-2019, 04:41 PM
 
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I totally agree with broomrider and was going to say something about that aspect too, but didn't at the time.

What kind of wussy-@s$ romantic partner can't even handle his fiance' getting a new job?! People get new jobs and work all the time. If he couldn't even handle that, he can't handle $h!t in life...excuse the expression. I hope you realize that you dodged that bullet!
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