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Want to end my marriage
Old 02-10-2007, 05:36 PM
 
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After 7 years, it looks like my marriage is coming to an end. I can't take his alcohol abuse and mood changes anymore, so I am thinking of asking for a separation. It is sad because he is such a great guy and a wonderful husband, we have so much fun together, but when he drinks, everything changes. He has never physically abused me, I'm just sick and tired of me feeling like I am his second choice while his drinking always comes first. Throughout all the years I have been married to him, everything we do has to involve drinking. Vacations we go on, he has to drink, even though he knows how much I despise it. I have gone to a Christian counselor to talk to about it, and he agrees that I am not my husband's number one priority in life, but drinking is. I feel like I should be first priority in his life and because I'm not, I want to end the marriage. I just don't know what to do. I've asked for him to go to counseling, but he says absolutely not.
I'm 29 years old and can't imagine starting my life over again. We have a home, cars, credit card debt, etc. and I have no idea where to even start with all that and how splitting it all works. Everything just seems so overwhelming right now. I just keep thinking about finances, splitting up everything, telling friends and family, and most importantly, what about our 2 dogs we both adore?
I know I am ranting on and on, I am just so overwhelmed and need someone who has been in this situation to please respond to what I need to do right now. We have not seen each other or really talked to each other in a week (he's staying at his parents) because we got into yet another argument while he was drinking about absolutely nothing...just him taking what I said as an insult to him.. I'm just sick of it and need someone to give me advice. I have very close family and friends, and they do not know about his excessive drinking (well, they know he drinks a lot, but doesn't think it affects our marriage) but I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this right now. Anyone who has been through this, please respond. I don't know what to do...I'm sick of crying.


 

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I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Old 02-10-2007, 05:52 PM
 
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I can't really imagine how hard it must be. I've never been through it myself, and I always try to go for keeping the marriage together. But when drinking or drugs are involved, I don't know how a marriage can survive. There is only so much the non-drinker can live with. Have you tried an al-anon group for family members of alcoholics? There would be lots of people there who have been through what you are going through. Good luck. My heart goes out to you. I'm glad you feel that you can come here with your story. You need to have someone to talk to, especially if your friends and family don't really understand how bad the situation is. Let us know how things go. I hope you find a way to deal with the situation.
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sorry to hear..
Old 02-10-2007, 05:56 PM
 
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I am sorry to hear about your situation. Perhaps if you can get some friends and family members involved and do an intervention, that might help. He probably needs to hear that his drinking is putting your marriage in danger (while he is not drinking). Before the intervention call around and find some AA meetings or a hospital that has an outpatient alcohol program. He needs to know that if he does not get help, then the marriage is over.
There are also meetings for spouse/family members of alcoholics (Alanon ??), perhaps you can check one of those out to see if they can be of some help.
HTH
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Alcoholics live in their own world
Old 02-10-2007, 06:10 PM
 
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and there is usually very little room for anyone else in it. This may sound harsh, but, since you have no children, save yourself. I know it will be difficult and scary, but do you want to spend the next seven years dealing with his behavior?

Alcoholics are married to the alcohol. They are unreasonable and self-centered. I lived around alcoholics growing up, as my mom had an affinity for male drunks. I recently watched my boyfriend's family lose his 48-year-old brother to alcohol abuse (liver and kidneys quit) and have been in relationships with alcoholics. They say that an alcoholic must hit bottom before he will pick himself up and try to change. How much further do you want to be dragged down?

Believe me, people around you know what is going on and how it affects you. How does he hold a job?

The separation of financial assets is difficult, but nothing compared to custody issues and watching your children suffer in a divorce. You will get through it. Hopefully, you have some credit in your own name, not just with him as the main holder of credit cards, with your name on as an authorized user. Things like the phone, electricity, etc., have to be in one name only. Selling a home is a pain. However, all of these issues will come out in the process. Just find a good attorney (and no, not the same one as he uses).

You are very young and a fresh start is in order. This is not to say you shouldn't try an intervention if you love him and want to keep trying. Just don't have children with him and don't stay in a condition of indecision for too long. It will only damage you. The sooner you start making the change, the sooner it will all be over and your life can restart. Good luck.
 
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Old 02-10-2007, 06:19 PM
 
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I do know a little bit about what you are feeling. I've been married for 7 years to a wonderful man too. The problem is we are only friends on my part. During our engagement I had some serious doubts that I should not marry this person because I don't really "love" him like a wife, but rather a friend. I married him in the hopes that my doubts would dissipate and the friendship feelings would grow into something stronger. Unfortuanately they haven't, but fortunately our friendship has remained.

I kept this inside for a long time and didn't even tell my friends the personal struggle I was having. My friends and family now know about our struggles and this has lifted a huge weight. I don't feel that I have to portray a certain image or hide the raw feelings I was experiencing.

I don't know if you are a religious person; I've never been until more recently. I attended a retreat and have joined a small prayer group. What has also helped me is just knowing that our Savior knows everything I am feeling. I feel that with prayer and being open about my struggles, an answer will present itself.

I will be praying for you. You can only change yourself. Take comfort right now in others and that your Saviour knows and understands. Things will work out.


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Have been in your shoes
Old 02-10-2007, 06:23 PM
 
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After being married to my husband for 6 years, I realized his drinking was a serious problem and had always been a part of our relationship. He had become an alcoholic and I allowed it to happen. I was so unsure of what to do, but knew something had to be done. At the time, we were living with my parents because I had been laid off from a job and was only subbing and he was recovering from knee surgery. We had a 3 year old daughter and I was very scared. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. First, I started to attend Al-Anon to address my codependency and to talk about everything because, I too, didn't want my family and friends to know how bad things really were. This is what really helped me to realize that the way we were living was not right and that I had no control of what he did, but only what I did. I told him he had to get help and I think he knew in the back of his head, because he agreed. He went into a treatment program that was outpatient, unfortunately, he relapsed and started drinking again. We went through a few months of this when I finally decided I had enough. He went to see his family out of town and I stayed behind. While he was gone, I told him he couldn't come back and had to deal with his drinking problem. I was in contact with his brother and his friend to warn them of this and told them I couldn't deal with this anymore and they would have to take over. They were the ones who drove him to the rehab place and he stayed there for 30 days. After that, he went into a half-way house for 6 months and got a new job and became a totally different person. We never divorced and he has been sober now for 11 years. It still isn't easy, but it was worth it. Don't think that divorce is your only option. I do recommend a separation until he faces his problem and for you to get counseling as well. You BOTH need to change in order for your relationship to survive. Try to keep strong and stick to what you know is right. Get information on what is available to you and your husband. If you have insurance, check out what kind of programs are available and be ready to use it. That is what I did for my husband. I made the arrangements and gave all the info to his brother to take over for me. Make sure you get support from your family and friends because you will need it. Remember to take care of yourself and that he is an alcoholic and it is up to him whether he drinks or not. Don't let him make you feel bad for how you are feeling. I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your husband. Good luck!
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Old 02-10-2007, 06:39 PM
 
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Wow. Tears are continually runnning down my face as I read the posts, knowing that I am not alone and people care about me to respond with their advice and own stories. You have no idea how much this means to me.
My husband does not think he has a problem at all. He says it's "only beer" and that at least he is not taking pain pills or drinking hard liquor. Earlier in our marriage, when I was younger, he saying that made me think that it wasn't as bad as I thought. I couldn't have even imagined living without him or giving him an ultimatum about his drinking until recently when I have seriously had enough. I don't want to live like this anymore. I see my friends with their husbands and how their husbands want to go out and eat and go to a movie, spend time with them, etc., unlike my husband who wants to stay home and drink or go somewhere where he can drink. I want a normal relationship in the future. And like someone said, I just can't seem to see it changing ever.
He is very stubborn and hard-headed and I couldn't see him ever going to get help for fear of people thinking he was "weak". His friends and family have talked to me about his excessive drinking, and I tell them I am worried about him, and that I have tried talking to him about it, but it leads to another argument. I swear, although I'm not that naive, if he didn't drink, our relationship would be almost perfect because all the fights we have consist of his drinking. I'm just sick of it.
I was raised in a church, my dad is even an associate pastor at a church, but I haven't been serving God like I should. A lot, I think, has to do with my husband and him not walking in the Lord. I know it is no excuse for me, but I know now, more than ever, I need to begin a new relationship with God or I won't get through this. I think that is why I feel so much alone right now.
For those who do pray, please keep me in my prayers. I definitely need to start new with God while I go through this.
 
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I have been in your shoes, too
Old 02-10-2007, 08:01 PM
 
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with the drinking and the embarrassing moments, not knowing what to expect and when to expect it. I have now been married for 10 years and yes he does still drink, but not like he once did. Do I still wonder if he will allow the alcohol to take control and will I be faced with more embarrassing moments? Of course the thoughts do go through my mind, but they no longer make me afraid to live MY life, outside of his life. He knows that the drinking is a problem and he knows that it CAN destroy our life together. I used to be the woman who cried every day and asked God Why Me? I have to say that I no longer cry and wonder why he is drinking. All I know is that alcohol is a demon in his life and in order for the demon to leave, he must want him to leave. I also used to believe that he felt that alcohol was his first priority and I was second. We have a daughter together and I have a son from a previous marriage.

My mother (who passed away in April 2006--on the birthday of my youngest brother, who also passed away in 1990), was also an alcoholic when I was growing up. I also made a promise that I would not be that person. Of course over the years my mother changed and gave her life to God, became a minister, etc.

Living with someone who lives life opposite from you, can be a challenge. Especially if it affects your home life. Husbands and wives are supposed to be striving for the same goals, possessing the same morals and values, and raising our children together to be good human beings. There came a point in my life when I LITERALLY GAVE IT ALL TO GOD. I just realized one day that my husband's problem with alcohol would not take away my spirit. I would not be burdened down and live a miserable life because of something I felt he chose to do. My mother talked to me many times and made me understood that alcoholism is a disease and the majority of the time the person may want to stop, may know they are hurting you, but cannot stop. They make attend meetings, stay sober for a while, and promise not to drink again. If there is ever stress in the home (loss of a job, family member, differencing of opinions), there is a chance that URGE will come back.

Just like sexual predators fight demons, smokers fight demons, alcoholics do too. I think these people are never really cured, because there will always be that urge when their lives are filled with sadness.

I really don't know what to tell you about your personal situation. I can truly say I know how you feel. What I did in my situation may not work for you or you may not feel that my choice would help you. I can say that PRAYER changes EVERYTHING. It is because of my PRAYER and Faith in God that I can even write this and not feel embarrassed. I am a true believer that God protects us and will never put more on us than we can bear. Just when I was giving up, HE stepped in and saved Me. He changed my way of thinking. He made me whole. It does not affect me anymore. I can live with or without my husband. If he came to me today and said, I want to leave, it would be fine.

PRAY, PRAY, PRAY.......and PRAY some more. Ask God for direction and ask him to STRENGTHEN you. In the wee hours of the morning when it is quiet and still, God will touch you, and you will know just what to do. Just try it......He can do it.

I pray that your marriage will endure, if it is God's will. I pray for your sanity and peace of mind. I ask all these things in God.
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AA and Al-Anon
Old 02-10-2007, 09:53 PM
 
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I just have to stress how these two groups really saved both my husband and myself. I started attending 2 different Al-Anon groups about 6 months before I confronted my husband. I didn't realize how his drinking was really affecting me and how I had been co-dependent on him and his alcohol. It opened the door for me to get back in touch with my "Higher Power", Jesus Christ and to reaffirm my belief in Him. My husband is probably the most stubborn human being out there. He is a "Man's Man" and I never would have thought he would admit to having a problem. It doesn't matter what an alcoholic drinks, what matters is what kind of role does it play in his life.I don't think my husband would have quit drinking if he didn't go into a program and actually detox, then spend the months away from me and our family. He needed that time to focus on himself and to realize what he was doing to himself FIRST, then looking to see what he was doing to the people around him. He attended an AA meeting EVERYDAY during the first year. I supported him throughout this and we got marriage counseling also. I continued to go to Al-Anon during that first year. After the first year, he went to AA once a week and then once a month and now, he only goes once in awhile. We both did a lot of changing for the better and he also changed jobs and we moved to his hometown. I know he will always be an alcoholic and may drink one day. But, I don't wait around wondering if today is that day anymore. I am older, and hopefully, a bit wiser and will leave if it ever comes to that. You have to do what you feel is right for yourself. It was hard for me to admit that I needed help for myself, but I am so grateful I did. I will never let my husband or any man in my future make me feel the way I used to. I used to cry a lot too, it is ok. You have the right to feel how you feel. Take care!
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Me too
Old 02-11-2007, 04:48 AM
 
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I have been in your spot too. Exactly. I didn't read all the responses because after so many years it still makes me sad. I put up with this for 10 years before it came to the point that I knew I just couldn't take anymore. I had never been around alcoholics and didn't realize when we got married what I was getting into. I was divorced at 37 years old. I had my own kids as did he, but it was hard anyway. Years of counseling (and yes he refused to go too) finally gave me the strenght and courage to say enough. After a particularly bad drunken weekend I packed up all of his things and told him either quit through rehab right now or leave. At first he said he would go to rehab. He went twice. After about 2 weeks (I refused to let him have any alcohol in the house even though in my heart I knew he was still drinking) he decided he would rather have the alcohol than his family. He moved out. We still tried to work things out. He really is a great guy when he's sober. But the damage he does when he's drunk which is far more often than when he's sober was more than I could handle. I eventually moved on with my life. It's not easy, but today I can say it was worth it. I don't cry anymore and I am a much stonger person. You're close friends and family most likely already know. I didn't think mine did either, but when I had to tell them they already knew and were very supportive. I got to keep my dogs too

Hang in there and PM if you want to talk. You don't have to live this way, but you have to make your decsion on your own. He is not going to change. I don't mean to be so blunt, but all I've learned over the years and through counseling is that they won't change unless something major happens. He did finally hit rock bottom, but after a year he went back to drinking. He is an unhappy person that tends to drag people down with him.

I'm so sorry, I know the pain you're in. Don't let material things get in the way of doing what is best for you. That can all be taken care of.

Good luck, I'm here for you, and I know many others are too.


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denial
Old 02-11-2007, 08:29 AM
 
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The thing is they will deny it at first as you said your husband is doing. That is a normal reaction. Buy by you taking action and getting the ball rolling -- he will start going through the process of accepting that he does have a problem and needs help. But first the anger on his part will come. So be prepared to go through the stages.
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Great book
Old 02-11-2007, 08:33 AM
 
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A great book that really helped me understand the process is Marriage on the Rocks. I highly recommend it.
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heartbreaking...
Old 02-11-2007, 10:36 AM
 
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It's so sad to hear on this board that so many of us have suffered through relationships that were damaged because of alcohol. I am the child of an alcoholic father (who died at the age of 49, one month before his first grandchild was born, due to complications of his alcoholism). My father and I were never close, my mother finally divorced him after more than 25 years of marriage because she knew he would never change and because his brain was damaged to the point that she feared he would resort to physical violence. You do have to act, but unfortunately, you are the only person who can decide what the best course of action is for you at this time. My heart goes out to you and I hope you are able to find a resolution that works for you.

I was fortunate not to continue that cycle and fell in love with and married a man who does not drink and is a wonderful husband, lover, companion and father.
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your post anon
Old 02-11-2007, 10:41 AM
 
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Good timing for me. I just found out about my brother's divorce due to alcoholism. It really shocked me, since I had always believed that they had the storybook marriage. He had just hidden it from us for 10 years and never spoke of it. I am even more shocked that he is only now beginning to speak of it. His e-mail to me was very sad, since he now has to sell his house and distribute his assets. However, I believe he is being kind in continuing to employ her, although at a different office (he has his own insurance business). He is also providing her with a car and a place to live. I am sad for him and his family.
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Old 02-11-2007, 11:46 AM
 
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It's not at all shocking to see so many discussions of many of us who have lived with and lived through a life that deals with alcohol abuse. We are many miles away and in some instances totally strangers, but in a lot of ways we are the same. This goes to show us that the lives we live and the situations we face, so many others face them too. We are more connected now then ever before. Despite the circumstances and how sad they are, We can find comfort in knowing we are not alone.
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I am an adult child of an alcoholic...
Old 02-11-2007, 02:30 PM
 
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I went to Al-anon for five years. It saved me. Alcoholism is really a family disease. I think if you choose to stay with your husband you should choose not to have children. I know that sounds harsh. I guess, I am just saying as an adult you can choose what is right for you but your children can't choose not to be yours. I am not usually so opinionated about things but I had such a terrible time. I don't wish it on any other child. Much peace in your decisions.

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Old 02-11-2007, 04:09 PM
 
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I married into an alcoholic family, husband included. Alcohol is the priority and always will be you will not change that, you can not change that because they don't want to change. THe abuse gets worse not better. Get out while you're still alive and relatively undamaged....I agree with Ruby if you stay do NOT have children...I too would NOT wish on any other child what my children have had to and continue to edure from their father.
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Old 02-11-2007, 04:45 PM
 
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All of you who have posted your stories and advice, thank you so much. Today was a really hard day. I have been trying to stay as busy as possible so I don't have to think about it, but every time I see someone, they ask me where he is and how he is doing. I want to cry every time someone brings up his name, but I just smile and say fine and he's working. I hate to lie, I just don't think I can say anything yet. I had lunch with some friends and of course, they have to talk about funny things my husband had done in the past and how they love him so much. I just smile and laugh with them when deep down, I know in due time I will have to explain everything.
We still have yet to talk. He came home today to get some stuff for work, but I was gone. I was hoping we could have talked today, but I guess it's too late. He has already left for his parents.
Should I call him and tell him we need to talk or continue not talking and giving us some time? I'm just so confused. It just seems like I am on a see saw. One hour, I'm confident that I can leave and want to do it, but then the very next hour, I'm crying because I want him back so much. I hate this. I can't imagine my life without him, but can't imagine living like this any longer.
 
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How I did it...
Old 02-11-2007, 11:22 PM
 
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When I finally made the decision that I had had enough, it was the hardest thing I had ever done. Of course you love your husband and want to be with him, but it CANNOT be at your expense. Don't think about divorce right now, but think of it as a separation. I had such a hard time thinking of divorce, I couldn't even say it at the time. Separating really does help for both of you to refocus on yourselves and your marriage. I also felt that writing down my feelings in a journal helped a lot. Then, when my husband and I spoke, I pulled out my journal to help me stay focused on what I needed to say. My emotions would get the better of me and I often never got a chance to say how I was really feeling. Call him when you are ready to talk, but really give yourself time to think about what it is that you want before you pick up the phone. Take care!
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I nearly left for other reasons
Old 02-12-2007, 05:31 PM
 
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and I would like to say that I think you should try counseling, counseling groups, church, self-improvment tactics for yourself, and give your relationship a chance to succeed.

Why is he drinking? What pain is he covering?

I recommend the book, The One - finding soul mate love and making it last, by Kathy Freston.

My deal didn't have alcohol abuse, but I was getting abused and giving out verbal abuse myself. I was not a happy person. When I began to work on myself and got happy I found everyone around me to seem better. Maybe they are better.

I will pray for you. You are not alone. Please keep us posted.
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Old 02-13-2007, 08:46 PM
 
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I know how you feel. I have been married for one year, and I'm already burnt out on the whole drinking thing. Lately, my husband spends all evening until late into the night at my father's house drinking. His choice of drink is liquor. I beg him to just come home, and he says I will. But it is always late, and I'm in the bed. When I try to talk to him about it, he says "I'm going to drink" as if he does not even care about my feelings. I have given him an ultimatum; which I always said I would never do. He has continued to drink despite my request. I've tried prayor, but so far nothing. I'm not giving up. He's really a wonderful husband when he's sober, and I love him dearly. We have a wonderful relationship as long as he's not drinking. He says "you should be happy because at least I'm with your dad". I've even talked with my father about the situation, but of course, men are going to stick together and I'm "just over-reacting". Best wished to you; I hope things work out for you. Maybe one day men will open their eyes and realize what they're doing to us.
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