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I'm so glad you feel "at home"
Old 02-07-2019, 04:37 AM
 
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Every school has cliques within the faculty right?

I'm just tired of seeing these reply-all emails about how our school is home and a safe place to all of these people on the faculty. We're family.

I don't know if I would be able to describe in just a few sentences stuff I have had to go through as a specialist who had a co-worker that was a mean-spirited bully. Administration was aware of that and just ignored it allowed her behavior to continue. My classroom space for years was a joke and not only was it not big enough actually made me sick as far as air quality goes.

Yesterday I was near tears almost the entire day because of an insensitive remark a colleague made when I didn't understand something... I really wish I could say it here but it would make it obvious who I am if somebody at my school read this. But we're family.

Just do me a favor and keep it to yourself. Go on your outings, have lunch with each other on the weekends, do whatever you feel like I'm just tired of reading about it on my email. And I'm tired of not being able to go somewhere else even though I've been trying to for years.


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Old 02-07-2019, 08:48 AM
 
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I hear you and I'm sorry you are in such a work environment. I cannot stand all reply emails myself as the intent on many of them is guilt inducing or brownie points collecting. Good luck to you!
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Old 02-07-2019, 10:49 AM
 
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But we're family.

Administration only cares about the appearance of having a school family. They don't really want to know anything that is happening amongst yourself. If something comes up, they want deniability. Make sure you document, how you brought it up and what actions they took if any. I would start looking for another place to work. However, going to another building or district doesn't guarantee a better environment.

I could have written your post word for word. I can relate to what you are going through. When I first began teaching I thought that I was going to find colleagues and people I could trust. If you still have this mentality, you will continue to disappointing. Now days, it is the mean girl show and if you aren't in it. Please remember, administration only care about the show and the show must go on.
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Been there...
Old 02-07-2019, 12:07 PM
 
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My former principal is also under the delusion that her school is a family. I think she carried that theme over from her predecessor, under whom it was closer to that. Since she took over, she has created a competitive, at times combative, and stressful school. She appears to be blissfully unaware of the stress and pressure her teachers are under, and I think she honestly believes that things are peachy keen. And the blatant favoritism she shows some teachers while ignoring others, is very sad. We definitely have an in-crowd that has a Pollyanna-like view of the school, as well. I was not part of that, so my views are definitely different.

I'm sorry that you can't get out of your situation. It is a terrible feeling to go to work unhappy and feeling bullied by others.
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Old 02-07-2019, 12:43 PM
 
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I completely relate. I often hear this about my school and I certainly don't feel like I'm part of any "family." We have a definite "in" crowd who are very supportive and kind to one another, but god help you if you're not part of that group.

I've thought about going elsewhere but I'm too afraid of jumping from the frying pan into the fire. I worked at a truly awful school once and at my least my current school is nothing like that.


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Old 02-07-2019, 04:35 PM
 
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I have a question: what's the difference between a clique and a group of friends? I'm truly asking, not being snarky. I have friends at school, but I don't think that's the same as a clique?
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Not family anymore
Old 02-07-2019, 04:39 PM
 
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The first year as our P, he referred to us as family and our school as ďhome.Ē We quickly became a team instead. Thatís ok with me.
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Old 02-07-2019, 06:29 PM
 
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Quote:
I have a question: what's the difference between a clique and a group of friends? I'm truly asking, not being snarky. I have friends at school, but I don't think that's the same as a clique?
Clique implies exclusivity-as in not everyone is welcome and some will, in fact, be shunned.

I think we all have a groups of buddies, I know I spend most of my time with my grade level team. However we are also inclusive and anyone who is around is welcome to join us and chat and have lunch and share idea. WE do cluster as grade level buddies but we dont exclude anyone or try to maintain a separateness that we dont invite others into so we are a group of friends and not a clique.
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Old 02-07-2019, 06:52 PM
 
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Phew! I'm in the clear! Thanks KinderKrazy!
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Old 02-07-2019, 07:19 PM
 
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Cliques generally have the tendency to speak about those that are not in their clique behind their back. A lot of this would be nasty comments.


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Yuck
Old 02-08-2019, 05:29 AM
 
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I'm retired, but we had a pretty nasty clique at my school a while back. Thankfully all of them ended up transferring to other schools over the years, and things got a little better. Unfortunately we had an incompetent, nasty principal, so things were still hard.

Spend time with nice people and try to avoid the toxic ones. Hang in there.
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Old 02-08-2019, 06:30 AM
 
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Yes, unfortunately, I think there are cliques EVERYWHERE no matter where you are: Work, school, church, other social groups, etc. because it's just natural for people of various personalities to be drawn to certain others and become BETTER friends with them over certain others.

It's bad when they start treating anyone who's NOT in their clique badly. I've always, always been the outsider my entire life. No matter where I was, people always already had their own set of friends and it's not like I moved around at all...just once an hour away at age 13. I've never been part of a group of friends.

Read my post #2 here and you'll see how I've felt my whole life:
http://www.proteacher.net/discussion...d.php?t=615211

My suggestion to you is just do the best you can at work and anywhere else where you have no choice to be where there are cliques. For those who obviously don't like you, ignore them. If you have to work closely with them, do the utter bare minimum of contact to still get the job done. That's all we can do!
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Old 02-09-2019, 05:33 AM
 
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I think a clique is different because they tend to exclude others instead of welcoming them into their circle. Not everyone ends up being BFF's. When you're working with a group and part of the group is not in your circle but you can still agree or disagree with everyone equally, then you're fine. When you have inside jokes that your wouldn't say to someone's face, you might be leaning toward being considered a clique by those outside your circle.
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Old 02-09-2019, 11:12 AM
 
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Yes, Iím very glad to be retired because my school was very cliquey and I was not one of the cool kids. I hated all the push to be friends with everyone. Colleagues, yes. Friends, no. My P even tried to force everyone with the same lunch time to eat together. So glad to be done with that. Who needs that nonsense on top of all the other stuff? One of my happiest moments was blocking 2 former colleagues on FB after I retired. I just didnít want to see or read anything about them and itís been great.
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I am sorry you are dealing w/ a
Old 02-09-2019, 12:49 PM
 
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mean-spirited bully. That really stinks. I think most schools do often have someone not so nice in them....just like any job. You'll find nice and mean people.
Our school has definite groups. Some are nicer than others. The people in most groups are those who have found commonalities, trust, and are friends with the people in that group.
I think some are kind of cliquish though too. The group I am with is nice to everyone, but we do plot together at times.
For example, a new program is coming and it is a BIG waste of our time. We are ready to get our 2 cents in the minute it gets brought to the table. ( Other groups maybe too. IDK.)
That way none of us are standing alone. Some groups may shake their heads in agreement with us. 1 group I know will agree w/ the program because they tend to agree constantly to meaningless, extra work to avoid conflict.
Our P quit trying to call us a family a few yrs ago . He has become more realistic over the yrs.
Now he says: We may not all be friends, but we are coworkers and need to find a way to work together. That is true to me. Calling our school a family is ridiculous just like your school.
Is there any group of friends there that you tend to agree with a lot or think are nice? Making friends with one of them might give you some back up. I do not always remember the need to be a part of a group, but the way things are now I can only imagine trying to navigate alone. It must be very hard for you right now.
When I get sick of certain emails (they are usually some negative comment from a certain person, I hit delete w/out reading anymore. ) She is 1 of those types that can be a bully. She has no filter and is super critical. Can you just hit delete and not rd the emails? It usually gives me a chuckle even when I do that!
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