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Anon_teach
 
 
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I have an unpopular opinion
Old 02-12-2019, 06:47 AM
 
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I saw on Facebook yesterday that a teacher I know (not one that I work with) posted an image with one of these feel-good quotes. It was about how there are no bad kids, just kids that need extra love.

While this quote may not be so bad in and of itself, somewhere along the lines it has become translated to mean "put up with whatever students do or say to you, you are a teacher."

I do not think we are showing love to students by giving them a toy after they hit somebody.

I do not think it is going to help the child long-term to not hold them accountable for their behavior. The expectations should be the same for every kid. If you set the bar low for expectations, the kids will pick up on it and know that they can get away with more.

Teachers who are strict and direct are not mean.

I also think there are many cases where initially a student is showing behavior issues because they need more loving care, but teachers have responded by catering to their every wish, and the student has pretty much got their number. and then they feel entitled to get whatever they want.

Also, as much as a teacher may want to give love to a student who is physically violent, has frequent outbursts, etc they simply cannot do that when they have 30 other students to teach. The teacher needs to be supported, and not questioned as to how much did they fail this kid by not loving them.


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Opinion
Old 02-12-2019, 09:43 AM
 
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I think your opinion is quite valid and I agree with you.
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I agree
Old 02-12-2019, 10:36 AM
 
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some/many kids show bad behavior because they need more loving care. The solution is not to show them loving care when they act badly. They need all the adults around them to show loving care when they are acting appropriately and show them disappointment in them when they act badly, and make sure they see the victim, if there is one, getting the attention they want.

It isn't always hard. Reward the actions you want to grow.
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I had a teacher FB friend post this article
Old 02-12-2019, 11:11 AM
 
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A friend posted this opinion article I thought was interesting.

https://www.moultrienews.com/opinion...da6cd0cac.html

Last edited by twintchr; 02-12-2019 at 11:36 AM..
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Agree
Old 02-12-2019, 11:56 AM
 
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I am in the minority with my opinion on this topic at my school. However, everyone always praises my classroom management and how I am able to “turn around” challenging students. It’s all about accountability.

That article is spot on.


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Old 02-12-2019, 12:44 PM
 
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Discipline, accountability, and love aren't mutually exclusive.

I don't see the quote meaning to say give someone a toy after they hit someone or other such ideas. I think it means that even when you discipline someone they need to know you do it out of caring rather than anger and resentment.
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Old 02-12-2019, 12:56 PM
 
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Correct. That's why I stated that the quote's sentiment isn't what's wrong, what's wrong is how some people are choosing to interpret it.
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Old 02-12-2019, 01:33 PM
 
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I know of a second-grade student who would physically attack students in her classroom. When she was referred to the office the social worker would talk with her and then carry her back to the classroom in her arms as if she were a toddler. The child would enter her classroom with a tootsie roll smiling as big as could be. It goes without saying that the student's behavior only grew worse as the years progressed. There are things that happen in some elementary schools that make absolutely no sense at all.

Your opinion isn't unpopular at all, Anon_teach. It's just reasonable and honest.
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I agree
Old 02-12-2019, 04:09 PM
 
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I have a situation very similar to Renea's...2nd grade student all of a sudden develops sever anxiety. She is afraid of everything...leaving her mom's car, walking into the hallway at school, using her pencil etc. you name it she's afraid of it. (Serious investigations did occur to check out her home life to make sure there wasn't any trauma occurring, everything checked out fine,) Her behavior escalated to the point where she was physically harming her mom, teacher, SRO and classmates. She was given whatever she wanted in order to bribe her to calm down....needless to say she just continued to get worse. Her parents finally sought outside help and did make a few steps in the right direction but every time she returned to school admin gave right into her again...it was a vicious cycle.
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Old 02-12-2019, 05:05 PM
 
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I think where people get confused is thinking that extra love means extra stuff or gifts. Extra love should not be letting them off the hook but loving them by teaching them why it was wrong, giving the consequence, forgiving, and expecting better next time. Meanwhile, praising all the positives and behaviors you want to see.


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Then - academic skills; Now - behavior skills
Old 02-12-2019, 06:08 PM
 
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Many years ago, some teachers would complain about students who couldn't learn, and how those students were affecting the whole class by slowing down the coverage of material. Now we know that teaching is not 'one-size-fits-all' and that students have different learning needs requiring different approaches and different strategies.

Now, many teachers complain about students who can't behave, and how those students are affecting the whole class by slowing down the coverage of material. Although behavior expectations should be consistent, different students require different approaches and strategies to meet those expectations.

The opinion article posted by twintchr was very interesting. Most interesting of all was the comment by Darlene Hodges, a district behavior systems coordinator. She wrote that addressing problem behaviors was already 'behind the game'. She also wrote about the need for PROACTIVE BEST PRACTICES and especially the need for explicitly teaching and modeling expected behaviors.

Yes, many teachers resent having to teach basic behaviors because a student doesn't get the teaching at home. Many families do teach appropriate behaviors at home. Also, many families feed their children breakfast at home, but we all know that we accomplish more teaching when the students who don't get breakfast at home are able to eat at school.

Yes, there is so much pressure on teachers to cover all of the curriculum that many teachers are unwilling to spend time at the beginning of the year teaching expectations and procedures. Harry Wong has addressed this in his book "The First Days of School" and Michael Linsin addresses this in his blog "Smart Classroom Management". The best depiction of the value of spending time explicitly teaching behavior expectations, however, is the old oil change commercial: "You can pay me now, or you can pay me later!"
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Right
Old 02-12-2019, 07:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Discipline, accountability, and love aren't mutually exclusive.

I don't see the quote meaning to say give someone a toy after they hit someone or other such ideas. I think it means that even when you discipline someone they need to know you do it out of caring rather than anger and resentment
A million times yes! Students need to take responsibility for their behavior. It can be done in a caring way. We have to be careful not to overdo the "rewards".
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A couple of thoughts...
Old 02-13-2019, 08:49 AM
 
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There ARE bad kids. When you have a five-year-old trying to stab you with knives he smuggled in his backpack from home, that is a seriously disturbed child who needs a lot of mental health support. Me giving him extra snuggles and telling him I love him and giving him a sticker every time we get through a day without him trying to kill someone isn't going to fix that.

While I do tend to develop love and affection for my students, I'm not sure it's my JOB to love them. It's my job to teach them. I need to listen, to be respectful, to be consistent, and to be at the top of my game professionally. None of this requires love. Students can feel safe and cared for and respected at school, but ultimately they should feel love from family. Of course we all know of school-dependent children who don't have love at home and we can support them as needed.

There's been a really "icky" twist lately of "your kids will succeed if you just love them enough" and I think that's A. untrue and B. a really unfair burden to put on a teacher. It's this constant, "Well, if you'd just self-sacrifice a little bit harder and quit getting so annoyed and upset when you get chairs thrown at you, then that child would be able to succeed."

When I started my education classes, my professor asked us, "Why do you want to teach?" and one girl said, "Because I LOVE the little children", and I said, "What is your motivation going to be when you get a child in your class that you DON'T love?" and she just sort of blew me off and said, "Oh, I'll always love all of my students." And that made me a little worried for her. Because of course there are going to be children you don't love, and you need to have a greater motivation than that or you're going to burn yourself out.

I feel like, "Just love them harder" has become code for "Things are really a disaster right now but we don't plan on doing anything about it, like having more alternative schools, doing proper diagnostic testing, adequately supplying schools with materials, or providing mental health services, so we're just going to dump it all on teachers. Kids are failing because teachers don't love enough."

It is tremendously simplistic, useless, and even harmful, to teachers and students.
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Old 02-13-2019, 10:40 AM
 
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Anon_teach, I totally agree with you and I agree that there are bad kids out there. I never had kids myself (meaning biological or via adoption) and I've always been a well-behaved child who never gave any teachers or my parents one bit of trouble.

Maybe I have shorter patience than most, but that's probably why I never really wanted to be a teacher...I stumbled into it. I love working with kids when they're kind, respectful and listen, but so many are bad. It's like I don't even have my own kids, so I sure don't really want to deal with anyone else's BAD ones especially when my job is to teach them and they don't want to listen. Eh.

I've always worked with students in small groups, never a general large classroom, although I've subbed for plenty of them.
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Old 02-13-2019, 04:11 PM
 
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Quote:
...some/many kids show bad behavior because they need more loving care. The solution is not to show them loving care when they act badly. They need all the adults around them to show loving care when they are acting appropriately and show them disappointment in them when they act badly, and make sure they see the victim, if there is one, getting the attention they want.
Amen!!......
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Great response...
Old 02-13-2019, 05:04 PM
 
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I couldn't agree with you more Emily26!
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