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How did you decide with your spouse where to go?
Old 12-24-2019, 08:43 AM
 
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Iíd like to ask if you have a resource that helped you decide where to retire? Also what helped you decide when to retire? Was it one personís choice or did you decide together? My husband wants to go back to Chesterton Indiana or Angola Indiana Area because he has family there. He wants to be within two hours of Chesterton. He wants to leave in 4 years but our kids will be in junior college then. He says weíll have no money to stay so we have to go. Iím just a sub and not currently subbing. It is very stressful for me. Currently we live in southern CA.

Do you have any words of advice that would help me not stress over this every day?


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Where to go
Old 12-24-2019, 09:28 AM
 
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I am sorry you are going through this unsupported.

DH and I have talked about it off and on. We live in Northern California. One time, he mentioned moving to Reno, NV. I flat out said no. (No offense to Nevadans but Iím not a desert girl). I said Montana or Wyoming. He said no.

Lately, we have discussed moving out of state if oldest DD moves. BUT, probably not...depends. We are both retired so to move out of state means new everything..friends, doctors, shopping, entertainment, etc. and no guarantee dd will stay there....then weíd be stuck. I can see us downsizing to a smaller place still in California.

In your case, can you visit some of the areas he wants to move to AND where you want to go? Yes, his family is in Indiana but is it still a viable place for you two to live? What about you and your family?

If you have never spoken up in conversations with him, now is the time.
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Old 12-24-2019, 11:17 AM
 
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Why do you have to go anywhere? I'm happily retired in the place I've lived for many years. DH and I travel a lot, and that's enough for me. If you want to move, however, do a search on Google for best places to retire.

Last edited by travelingfar; 12-25-2019 at 03:46 AM..
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Change is stressful
Old 12-24-2019, 12:16 PM
 
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But it is part of life. So best not to waste time fretting. Do lots of research and give lots of thought to what you want to do.

We did not decide together about when to retire. We are 13 years apart in age so our retirement dates were not going to be together. He decided when he was ready and then I decide when I was ready. He worked at a job he loved but the people were not so nice so he retired early for mental health reasons. I loved my job as well but was having health problems and staying sick a good part of the school year. So I retired early as well and luckily getting away from the germ factor of a classroom did mean improved physical health for me. We decided together to move after I retired.

We lived in Austin, TX which is a nice place but it is very expensive and has grown to the point that the traffic is horrible. (like most big cities). So we were ready to make a move. We wanted to stay within 100 miles of Austin because we have family there. We also wanted something with a smaller population but not so tiny that the shopping was poor. We also wanted a good hospital and doctor care. We looked at several places in central Texas. Almost chose one and then found out that the hospital had terrible reviews. So that was out.

We finally selected Temple ,TX which is 70 miles not of Austin on I 35. 75 thousand people live in Temple. Shopping is good. Nice grocery stores. Found a good church home. Hospital provides good care. It is more affordable to live here and homes were much cheaper than in Austin. We visited many times before buying. We shopped here before moving. We ate out here before moving. We drove around and looked at different neighborhoods. We talked to neighbors where there were homes for sale that we liked. We visited a couple of churches. We made sure it was a place we would be happy. We checked out the taxes, the electric bill costs..... too.

We found this site helpful to compare different cities to Austin.

https://www.areavibes.com/cost-of-living-calculator/

Wishing you both a very happy retirement.

Last edited by 1956BD; 12-24-2019 at 01:33 PM..
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Old 12-24-2019, 02:46 PM
 
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Quote:
How did you decide with your spouse where to go?
First, before retiring, we made sure we’d be financially stable in retirement. Our kids were done with college (we paid), weddings were done (we mostly paid), and our house was paid for. We understood our medical/vision/dental insurance. We knew we’d have enough monthly income.

Second, we knew we wanted to downsize and we weren’t in love with Northern California. We both wanted to be near water. I wanted Hawaii, DH voted no; it had to be unanimous so we decided to return to Southern California. We couldn’t afford my hometown, so we chose a different beach city new to both of us (where our DD lives—but that wasn’t the only reason, we made sure we’d still love it if she left).

Sadly, DH passed away. I decided to make the move anyway, knowing he’s with me in spirit. I moved from a 4 bdr, 3 bath family house on 1.5 acres to a 2 bdr/2 bath condo (yay, no yardwork). With the sale of our home, I was able to pay cash for the condo, so still no mortgage. I had a long and specific list of what I wanted.

I absolutely LOVE retirement, my new home, and my location. But—the most important part of my response—I love it because I don’t have to worry about money. We were frugal planners all our lives and now I get to have an ocean view and be generous to others. Every single person I know has told me—unsolicited—that I deserve this. So my best advice to you is plan carefully.

If I were you, I’d be stressing, too. Retirement is a big step and deserves a lot of planning.



Last edited by amiga13; 12-24-2019 at 04:28 PM..
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Where to go?
Old 12-24-2019, 05:49 PM
 
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We have lived in Hawaii since 1990, our children live here and our grandchildren live here. We never discussed going any where else when we retired.
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Old 12-24-2019, 09:06 PM
 
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....resource that helped you decide where to retire?
We mostly just made lists and t-charts of what we wanted and didnít want. For example, weather was very important to us. I love a mild climate and hated the very hot summers where we used to live. I love my new climate and save a boatload in electricity because I use neither heat nor AC. Safety is important. I knew the medical care I wanted and needed to live within its boundaries.

Once you narrow it down a bit, this site is wonderful! https://www.bestplaces.net/ It gives communities grades. For example, my community gets an A in climate and an F in affordability.
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Old 12-25-2019, 12:50 PM
 
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Dh had a home in Florida before and he had his heart set on retiring there. Then his first wife divorced him and they sold the house.

We were going to travel for a year and look at different states. We rented out our house and were getting ready to hit the road. Then dh got a knee replacement and decided he just wants to go to Florida. I gave up on the travel plan and we leave in two weeks to go to Florida to find places to live. I have no interest in Florida but he has had some health issues so Iím doing it more to make him happy. I can be happy anywhere.

I want to meet friendly people, be in nice weather, and have a good grocery store. I donít like Florida grocery stores but my favorite grocery store will be opening in Central Florida in a few years.

His kids are in Colorado and we canít live there because dh has issues with altitude. I donít have kids and my siblings are too toxic for me to stay where I am.
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Old 12-25-2019, 01:29 PM
 
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We stayed living in our house that weíve lived in for 24 years. It is paid for which I think is a must. It is still the perfect size. Our kidís have their own places. We changed one boyís room into the guest room and the other into my craft room. We have a pool and a nice neighborhood.
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Old 12-25-2019, 02:43 PM
 
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We moved from Seattle to Arizona when my son was in high school. We knew we wanted to ultimately retire in AZ, so we figured by moving when my son was still a teenager, he would be more likely to stay in the area as an adult. And that is exactly how it has worked out. In fact, he just moved closer to us and is only 15 minutes away. And I would never move away from my adorable 18 month old grandson! We love our house and area and have no intention of moving again.


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Old 12-26-2019, 02:25 PM
 
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We're staying right where we've been, at least that's the current plan. The main reason is that our son and his family are 10 minutes away. (We have another son, but no telling where he will end up.)

Over the years we have learned how important it is to have family available to help out when a person is elderly. That's not us yet, but my mother just died at age 101. She lived nearby in assisted living and was able to keep her own doctor, hair stylist and church friends because of help from family.
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Old 12-26-2019, 09:32 PM
 
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Well I appreciate beyond measure all you stories. I still am not doing well. My dh has his feet ground in to go to indiana, a few hours from his brother. That is his plan. I can go with or make other plans. That is my choice. So many of you have so much strength.ĒI could be happy anywhere.Ē Best words ever. I wish I could do that.

My biggest concern is that heís retiring too soon for my ddís asthma. He says she has to find her own health insurance when she graduates high school. He doesnít care is what he says. She can make it on her own. She can get college health insurance but heís done and canít pay for it. Thatís what he says. She takes 5 medicines. He says too bad so sad. I canít do it. So I fret and worry. Maybe I should try to go back to school to find a job to pay for it. I have just been a sub.
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Old 12-27-2019, 06:18 AM
 
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First, Iím sorry your DH has made a decision without your input. Maybe itís time for you to start some planning.
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Maybe I should try to go back to school to find a job to pay for it. I have just been a sub.
I think youíre in my state where subs must possess all the qualifications of classroom teachers; why spend more by returning to school? None of my business, but your kids are older, why not get a job? Iím betting youíd feel ever so much more confident if you were working. And this state has a pretty good pension plan for teachers. Please start making some plans for yourself. I said it before and Iíll say it again: a happy retirement depends on planning. Donít wait for life to happen to you, make your own life. Good luck!
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Old 12-27-2019, 06:33 AM
 
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My biggest concern is that heís retiring too soon for my ddís asthma. He says she has to find her own health insurance when she graduates high school. He doesnít care is what he says. She can make it on her own. She can get college health insurance but heís done and canít pay for it. Thatís what he says. She takes 5 medicines. He says too bad so sad.
I can't imagine feeling this way. She can stay on his insurance until age 26. Won't he keep working at least to get her through college with decent insurance? And he knows you are not happy with his decision. You should have an equal say as to where you retire. I would definitely not just go along with it. Get yourself in a good financial situation so you have choices.
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Old 12-27-2019, 08:40 AM
 
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He says too bad so sad. I can’t do it. So I fret and worry.
I’m taking your posts very seriously, can’t stop thinking about you. This statement really concerns me. If he can’t do it, then you have to. I’ve had lots of experience with my personal “I can’t do it” over the last 4 years.

When DH was ill, I had to learn to do many things I thought I couldn’t do. I never thought I would be able to pick him up from the floor and get him back into bed, but I did it. Since DH passed away, I’ve had to do even more I thought I couldn't do. I never would have imagined selling a house, buying a condo, moving 500 miles—all by myself.

I found out I’m stronger than I knew, both mentally and physically. You are, too. Start today. Take charge of your life. If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for your daughter. She deserves healthcare and a mother who is a model.

Good luck!
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Old 12-27-2019, 05:07 PM
 
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Thank you . Iíll try to be stronger. A friend said covered California may be an option for her at the time.
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Old 12-27-2019, 06:57 PM
 
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I don't really have advice, but you are right and your DH is dead wrong on this one. I am praying that things will work out for you, that you will be strong and make good choices, and that your husband will wake up and stop being so selfish.
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