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Do you talk to one best friend about the other?

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Do you talk to one best friend about the other?
Old 04-16-2017, 10:47 AM
  #1

If you have two best friends, who aren't mutual friends with each other (yes, maybe you've all hung out together at times, but they're not friends with each other), when you're having issues with one friend, do you speak to the other about it and vice versa? Not to pit them against each other (I can't stress that enough), but who else do you vent to than your best friend?!


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Old 04-16-2017, 11:24 AM
  #2

Honestly, I'm too old to have disputes with a friend. I just speak to the friend and get it out in the open. (altho, I can't remember that happening since I was 16) No, I would never talk to another friend about another friend. I guess I would speak to my dh or my sister but not friends.
I guess you can talk to us?
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Old 04-16-2017, 11:29 AM
  #3

I don't know that I've ever needed to vent about them, but I do talk about them. They know about each other's kids, families, etc. to the extent that they have common issues. x is dealing with that too with x, etc. Young adult kids, elderly parents, etc.
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Old 04-16-2017, 12:02 PM
  #4

Yes. I've needed to vent about one and I need to vent about her to someone outside of education due to her position. My other BFF is in banking so it works out well.
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Old 04-16-2017, 01:36 PM
  #5

I don't recall ever having an issue with my best friends that would be worthy of talking about with someone.


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Old 04-16-2017, 02:13 PM
  #6

Well, when talking with friends, I have mentioned other friends and things they are doing, or things I've done with them. I mean, they do come up in conversation.

But no, I don't vent or speak badly about one friend to another friend. I had that dynamic with friends in the past and it caused only problems like drama, weird power struggles where one friend really preferred if I dropped the other friend so they loved to hear bad things about the other friend and to talk badly about them, etc.

If I am having an issue with a friend now, I'd speak with them directly about it. At this point in my life, I'm not interested in playing up drama with friendships.
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No.
Old 04-16-2017, 05:03 PM
  #7

I don't do this and would be upset if I found out my friends were doing this to me.
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Old 04-16-2017, 05:15 PM
  #8

Thanks everyone for their responses. I'm surprised by some of the answers, but I'm glad I asked. Just curious, if you don't have spouse, who then do you discuss the situation with? I know someone mentioned speaking to the person directly, which does occur, as I'm sure all of us eventually do, but I imagine that some need to debrief on the situation, think it through/talk it through, and then address the person. So who, if anyone, do you do this with other than a close/best friend?

An example: your best friend borrowed a large amount of money, hasn't paid it back, says they will when you've reminded them and you've seen them buying other items, but still haven't paid you.

Who do you vent your frustration to (other than a SO, not all of us have one at the moment!)?

Last edited by chanrowl; 04-16-2017 at 05:18 PM.. Reason: added an example
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Old 04-16-2017, 05:47 PM
  #9

That's a good point about a SO. I have a DH, so I discuss things with him. If I didn't have him, I'd probably default to my sister who lives out of town since she wouldn't interface with them. Like others, not enough drama to need to vent about though.

I know that even though my two best friends don't see each other regularly, they do sometimes, so I wouldn't want to mess that up. I keep shared info to stuff that I know they would be okay with me sharing.
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Old 04-16-2017, 06:48 PM
  #10

It can be difficult. I have done it and do it occasionally, but that doesn't make it okay, I guess. I am single, as well, and I do think that everyone needs someone to talk through difficult situations with. I often talk to my mom. I know I tend to internalize, overthink, and "feel" things more than other people so I do need to talk things out.

I will say that I wish I was more careful with this with some of my friendships. Some of the times I have shared some negative stuff with my mom or another friend, my mom/friend only seems to perceive my other friend in a negative light and it can be upsetting or frustrating.

Thank you for posting this. It has made me pause and reflect on some of my friendships and how I've handled different situations.


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Old 04-17-2017, 05:00 AM
  #11

If a friend talked to me about a friends issue I would wander if they were talking about me to them. I'm not sure the trust would be there anymore. I would hope that if there was an issue they would talk to me directly.
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