Especially when they know you no longer want them there?!!!
Long story short: My aunt had to come stay with me because she was between jobs and lost her previous place. Fine. I tried to do the right thing as a family member and open my home to her (though reluctant based on some past behaviors). Well, thankfully, she's been back on her feet with another job for some time now (BTW she makes way more than me!!), but is being extremely slow about getting out! This is extremely frustrating and grating on my nerves at this point!
So I just had a conversation with her tonight where I gave her an "expiration" date. Actually this is a second one, but I'll take the blame that I wasn't firm on the original date. Hard lesson, but learned. I gave her a firm date this time, but all throughout the conversation she basically was going back and forth, back and forth making excuses with why she couldn't go and how she wanted more time (I gave her 4 weeks the first go round) and there was the expected "I didn't think this was how family treated each other. . ." statement.
What I just can't wrap my head around is why, when you know you're no longer welcome do you try to stay? She has the means to have moved out a long time ago (she let that slip during this and previous conversations; she basically said she turned down some places because they weren't her standard. She's used to more expensive living due to what she does).
So now I'm feeling like I'm being taken advantage of and just want to enjoy my doggone summer vacation (or what's left of it)! Now our relationship, while amicable, can never be the same.
What I just can't wrap my head around is why, when you know you're no longer welcome do you try to stay?
Some people live a life looking through entitled lenses. Lots of people lose their jobs and need family and friends to help them climb out of bad predicaments. This is not what you aunt is doing anymore. I don't think you'll ever get a truthful reason why. That is something a life coach or counselor should explore with her. I wouldn't attempt to tackle that with a ten foot pole.
Are there other people in your family? Can they take a turn hosting her until she makes up her mind about where to live? She needs to go and let you enjoy your summer.
You are a very kind, generous person. I'm sorry your aunt is abusing your good nature.
My son actually did this to me when he went through his divorce. Deadline approaches and no sign of moving out.
I told him he could stay longer but that it could no longer be free. I gave a rent amount and suddenly he was ready to move
In our case, it was our oldest daughter that overstayed her welcome when her family got into trouble. Things got really bad and instead of the normal "you need to find a place", I gave her a date, and made it clear that they had to find somewhere else to go, whether it was the street, another relative or friend, or their own place. I suddenly became the enemy, and our relationship was extremely strained for close to a year. Now we are family again. It took time, but one they got over the drama, they knew why we made them leave. Your aunt might get angry, but in time, she might get over it.
Another suggestion-- maybe you can be proactive in helping her find a place to move? Some people just need that extra push to get the ball rolling.
Is she at least giving you rent money? If not, you have a very good come back for any how family treats each other comment - especially since she makes more money than you do.
You could do something a little risky...tell her you're going to be having houseguests in ___ time and she DEFINITELY needs to be out by ___. I say it's a little risky because if she still slacks and doesn't see that any guests are actually coming, she knows you bluffed/lied to her. Or start demanding she give you rent then, which I don't know if she'll pay. It's obvious she doesn't take you seriously.
Other than the above and talking to her like you already did, I don't know what else you can do, except being even more firm about her getting out.
Is she your mom or dad's sister? Can your mom or dad talk to her as well and try to get her out?
Maybe she enjoys living with someone else and doesn't look forward to moving out where she will be on her own again? Or she could be taking advantage of a good thing. Maybe you could let her know that once she moves out you are still available if she wants to get together some for dinners. If you are willing to do that.
I just needed a space to vent (that's obviously not FB). She does pay me something. I wouldn't call it rent, as she doesn't pay (her) half of the mortgage, just for utilities/water. Which is unfair because if this were an apartment you're not just paying for utilities/water you're paying for the 4 walls that surround you too! However, I decided not to make that an issue, as I'd rather have her save up for the deposit and get out!
I have come to the conclusion that she has a victim-mentality (the characteristics fit her to a T) and wants people to take pity on her because of her situation therefore we should allow her to move in her own time. Not gonna happen here!
I do have people coming in September, but I can't go on that long with her. I think she really thought it'd be cool to hang around until then. When I mentioned to her that I've had to turn down no less than 5 opportunities to have people over (i.e. for lunch, cookout) she said "Oh, they'll get over it. You can also go to their house to hangout" WHAT??!!! She's completely missed the point. *sigh, sigh*
I gave her until July 23rd. I just keep telling myself "just two more Sundays, just two more Sundays. . .'
> 
07-02-2017, 06:37 PM
