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Depressed and frustrated
Old 02-04-2021, 09:42 PM
  #1

I feel like I am drowning. I am working a temporary job, it is supposed to last until May, but lately I have spent at least 5 hours a day on my phone as there is nothing to do. It is with the county Covid testing department and my supervisor has been in the office once in maybe a month as we just opened up a vaccination clinic and she has been there. I have already asked co-workers (two of whom also have a considerable amount of dead time) what can I help with and have ended up taking responsibility for things that arenít ďmy jobĒ because I have nothing else to do, so who knows how much longer it will last.

I am having minor health problems but the doctor doesnít seem to care

Considering moving into my momís house, but she doesnít want to get rid of crap so it can be fixed up. Need to register Gabriel for Kindergarten but two different districts. I am having great difficulty having her here as there isnít enough space. She wonít go home as she doesnít want to be by herself.

Gabrielís behavior has gotten worse, seems he might be ADHD. Asked his pediatrician to evaluate him and he says to write a letter to the school district to get evaluated, know a school canít diagnose. The family therapist sent us to a social worker who told me to have more play dates and that his behavior was typical preschool behavior. She was supposed to call the school and talk to the director a month ago, finally spoke to her earlier in the week. Social worker said she told me it wasnít typical behavior 😡 Gabriel and I were supposed to have a video appointment this morning, social worker was sick and cancelled. Called to reschedule, soonest appointment was March. Got angry and asked if we could see someone else. Got sent to triage who said could talk to a psychiatrist in 2 weeks and there would be a case manager assigned (whatever that means). Wrote the letter to the district to get him evaluated but unsure what district to send it to-one I am in or the one my mom is in.

I just want to sleep and be in the shower in hopes all this magically resolves itself.


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I am sorry
Old 02-04-2021, 10:00 PM
  #2

that you are feeling so frustrated. It sounds as if you are being given the runaround. That situation with your mom sounds rough. It is so difficult to give ultimations to parents. Reading other posts it sounds as if there are too many uncaring doctors right now. Hugs and good luck.
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So sorry you are going through this...
Old 02-05-2021, 06:11 AM
  #3

I hope you can find the help and support you need. Being a single parent has got to be hard in this situation. I hope you find the right doctors and can take care of your medical needs, as well. Keep us posted.
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Old 02-05-2021, 06:37 AM
  #4

I'm not completely sure I understand what is going on here, so please forgive me if I am off here.

While I believe an adult child has the responsibility to see that their parents are cared for if needed, I also believe they have a responsibility to their own children first. You need to decide how you will meet Gabriel's needs first. How will you be able to be in the best situation to take care of yourself so that you can meet the needs of Gabriel and then your mom? Some day your mom will be gone and Gabriel will need that stability to continue.

Its not easy to care for a parent. You want to be sympathetic to their wishes, but sometimes their wishes are unreasonable and intrusive on the needs of your family. Its okay to do things your way as long as your parent is being cared for in a loving way. I do believe in honoring the parent, but that doesn't mean they get their way about everything.

Take care of yourself. Sleep deprivation adds to depression, anxiety and clouded perspectives.

Last edited by twin2; 02-05-2021 at 06:57 AM..
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I am sorry you are having a difficult time
Old 02-05-2021, 07:01 AM
  #5

I hope you find a doctor who is willing to help you find solutions to your health issues. If you are feeling better you can deal with issues that come up in life more easily. Feel better! Keep eating healthy and drinking plenty of water.

I am sorry you are getting the run around with Gabriel's needs. If I were you I would start with the school district you now live in. If you do end up moving to your mother's home then hopefully his records will be moved there and whatever was in place will stay in place at his new school to meet his educational needs. Hope that makes sense.

We each want what is best for our children and it is easy to get very emotional about how those needs are being met. I hope the appointment with the psychiatrist goes well and Gabriel receives the help he needs. I think you are wise to address his needs before he starts kindergarten. Good for you! If he does have ADHD they will give you some coping techniques to use but most children with ADHD will not start medications until age 7. At least that is my experience.

When you feel like you are drowning just stop and take some deep cleansing breaths. That can really help. Also establishing a daily routine to give your life more structure may help you. Many people feel safer within a predictable routine. That should work well for your son as well. Sometimes when life is most frustrating we have to focus on that hour or minute rather than setting goals for later in time. There becomes a need to focus on the moment and just get through that. At the end of the day journaling may help you to release some of your concerns and worries so you will sleep better when you retire for the evening. You probably already know some of these things but a reminder never hurts as many of us tend to become forgetful when we are under great stress.

Sounds like you are doing what you can at work to stay busy and useful. Good for you! Hopefully that will save your position. Good luck!

Being a single parent and caring for you mom is a big load to carry. Take care of yourself and then caring for Gabriel and your mother will be a little easier. Let us know how you are doing. Protecher is a great place to come for love and support.


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Old 02-05-2021, 07:11 AM
  #6

I am so sorry that everything is happening at once.
Here's where I offer advice FWIW.
1) Put on your own oxygen mask first. I'm not sure how big your health problems are but if they're serious, you'll need to get them addressed first. You won't be much help to your mom or to Gabriel if your health is hard. Change doctors if the current one isn't helping.
2) Help Gabriel next. If his behavior has gotten worse, it probably didn't get worse overnight and it won't be fixed overnight. I'm not sure if you are feeling internal pressure to get him help now but it's a process and won't be fixed overnight. Appointments are notoriously hard to get. I'd take an appointment in two weeks or March if you can get one. You can always keep looking for a quicker appointment and cancel the other ones if needed.
3) Kindergarten registration/school districts. Registration doesn't need to start now unless you're thinking of it as a way to help with his evaluation. I'd start with where you live now. If you need to change districts later, you can change districts later.
It's a process and it'll take a while.

Sending support.
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It's difficult
Old 02-05-2021, 07:27 AM
  #7

to negotiate through everything you are dealing with right now. Cruxian's advice is spot on. I can certainly understand tough times worrying about your child. Hang in there, and let us know how things progress.
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Old 02-05-2021, 08:10 AM
  #8

Others have given you excellent advice. You have so much on your plate and it may seem like there is no end in sight. Follow Cruxian's advice and feel the care and concern that the PT members have for you. We're here as a sounding board for you.
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Old 02-05-2021, 09:35 AM
  #9

I hope you will be able to find the support you need for yourself, your son, and your mother. I wish you the best.
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Baby steps
Old 02-05-2021, 09:55 AM
  #10

Yikes! You need take one step at a time. Writing things out on PT is a good start. Pick one issue and work on that.


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Old 02-05-2021, 01:57 PM
  #11

Sending positive thoughts and prayers. Iím glad you posted because others gave excellent advice. Hope you have clarity and relief soon.
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Thanks
Old 02-05-2021, 11:25 PM
  #12

Writing it out did help.
I have asked around for recommendations for a new pediatrician for Gabriel, the one I had planned to switch to decided to retire early. My health problems arenít serious at the moment (fibroids contributing to slight anemia), I have a phone appointment with an OB in a week. I asked about a new primary doctor for myself, unfortunately no one has had any recommendations.

Gabrielís behavior this week was out of control, he was sent home 3 times. He was looking forward to today as it was the 100th day and pajama day. He had a t-shirt made especially for it. I was called originally at 10, spoke with him and he promised he would be better. He did great for a couple of hours until he wasnít picked for duck, duck goose. A friend whose son is Autistic gave me some places to try contacting. I filled out a form with an ABA provider, will see if they will evaluate him. I have a letter written and will mail it in on Monday as I forgot to print it today. I am extremely frustrated with the Social Worker, she essentially called me a liar when speaking with the preschool director. I spoke with her this morning, she apologized for canceling yesterday as she was sick. One minute she is telling me since the appointment isnít until March she will give me strategies, the next she tells me behavioral health will do a 1 to 1 positive parenting class and they will give me strategies, but that appointment is after the appointment with her. No one at Kaiser is taking it as an urgent matter. An acquaintance who is a child psychologist or psychiatrist recommended somewhere else to call. In the meantime I have kept all appointments with Kaiser as a backup.
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My $0.02
Old 02-06-2021, 04:43 AM
  #13

Here’s my $0.02, feel free to take it as just that.

First, pick a school district. You can always switch. Then, request an eval through the district for Gabriel. That will get the ball rolling on getting help for him. I got frustrated with the “wait and see” approach from DS’s pediatrician and the overwhelmedness of the district preschool program and scheduled my own assessment with the top hospital in our state. Best thing I ever did. That diagnosis opened up all kinds of doors to resources.

Second, I’ve been in the situation where you’re constantly worried about the phone ringing because it’s school calling to tell you about your child’s behavior. I learned this year that that wasn’t the right school for my DS. His new school is amazing. If he struggles, they work with him and us to figure out why and how to either help him through it or avoid it. Sounds like your current placement for Gabriel isn’t a good fit (easy to say, hard to change, I know). Gabriel should not be getting sent home multiple times a week. How is he learning to behave?

Lastly, please do a little research about ABA specifically from adults who had ABA as children. I know it’s very different than it used to be, but the basic tenets are still the same. It wasn’t the right choice for us, but you may decide something different.

Has Gabriel been evaluated by an OT? I wonder if there are any sensory issues that could be addressed to help him attend better.

Good luck! I know it’s overwhelming. If you have questions, I’m happy to share what worked/didn’t work for us.
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Old 02-06-2021, 06:38 AM
  #14

As always on PT, you’ve received wonderful advice. Iiwy, I’d reread h0kie’s post many times.

I couldn’t agree more with her wise words:
Quote:
Sounds like your current placement for Gabriel isn’t a good fit (easy to say, hard to change, I know). Gabriel should not be getting sent home multiple times a week. How is he learning to behave?
I’ve never even heard of kids getting sent home from preschool and the only reason we sent them home from elementary was to inconvenience and wake up the parents who denied there was a problem.

The DuckDuckGoose thing sounds like a big red flag to me. If Gabriel is going to kindergarten in public school, he will probably be expected to be able to cooperate in simple games. I’d move Heaven and earth to get him properly tested. I have Kaiser, too, and mostly like it, but occasionally I have to go outside the system. Again, I’d follow h0kie’s advice and find the best evaluative service for Gabriel.

I see others have advised you to take care of yourself first, but I could never properly rest when my own kids had issues (and they all have issues!). Iiwy I’d take Gabriel to an excellent facility and start getting him the help he needs. I think that will help you feel better—and you’ll be less stressed in caring for your mom.

Huge good luck wishes to you.
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Old 02-06-2021, 04:14 PM
  #15

With all that going on no wonder you are so frustrated!

With Gabriel, I think it might actually be a good idea to talk with a psychiatrist. With DD, who has bipolar, I wish we would have been sent to one much sooner. A psych can do screenings, assign a counselor and prescribe meds if necessary. Of course there is no idea this doc will be a good one, but at least see what he or she has to offer. Unfortunately when dealing with emotional/behavioral problems the system is a failure. I also agree with going ahead and choosing a district and requesting an evaluation, though I will also warn you that they often want to try what seems like a million things before scheduling the evaluation. There are good docs, counselors, social workers and psychologists out there but sometimes it takes awhile to find them. When you get a good one.,....you have struck gold!

Nancy
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