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first holiday without mom
Old 11-21-2019, 03:40 PM
  #1

This Thanksgiving will be the first family gathering without my mom who passed in Sept. I 'm feeling a little out of sorts. One thing that has me flustered is trying to figure out how to make her famous and delightful pumpkin pie that we all loved! She always said she just used the recipe on the pumpkin can, but mine never tastes like hers when I followed it Anyway, any thoughts on making it through the holiday?


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Old 11-21-2019, 03:57 PM
  #2

My mom always made the recipe on the can but hers was so much better than other pumpkin pie. She finally told me the secret which was my grandmas tip: add 1 Tablespoon of vanilla to the recipe. Makes a huge difference!
No advice on making it through the holidays. Just be thankful for the people you still have with you and remember the good times.
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Old 11-21-2019, 04:16 PM
  #3

Same here. My Mom died this year at 101. I'm in the airport, on my way to her younger sister's funeral. The end of the generation. And so many questions I wish I had asked.

Who is in that picture? Where is....? On and on. But most of all, I need another hug.
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I wish I could say something
Old 11-21-2019, 04:26 PM
  #4

to make you feel better. I lost my mom in August of 2018 so last year was my first year without my mom for every holiday and I felt very sad.

I pasted a smile on my face to get through each holiday for the sake of my loved ones. It helped part of the time.

I lit a candle on Christmas day for my mom. That small gesture helped me to feel a little better.

I also created a journal filled with mom memories. I did not write on holidays but between holidays and it did help me to feel some better remembering and recording happy memories.

My adult children as well as my sister's decided we needed a new tradition. They decided we should all go see a Christmas movie together on Christmas day after lunch and packages. Having something new and different to look forward to was fun. We saw the Mary Poppins Returns film.

I am sorry for your loss. And I am sorry that you are missing your mom so much with the upcoming holiday season. Just remember your mom would want you to enjoy each and every holiday as much as possible.
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Old 11-21-2019, 04:28 PM
  #5

My Dad and Mom had “their places” at our holiday dining room table. My dad passed first and at Thanksgiving I was flustered about what to do with someone sitting in his chair or not? Instead I took pictures of his beloved dogs and taped them to his chair back. Nobody sat in his place that year but we all loved looking at the cute pics and helped us moved past him not being gone. Just a thought... (((hugs)))



Last edited by MathWA; 11-21-2019 at 04:44 PM..
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Pumpkin Pie Suggestion
Old 11-21-2019, 04:29 PM
  #6

You probably already do this but real vanilla extract is much more flavorful than imitation flavoring. Good luck!

I can't make deviled eggs as good as my mom's for Thanksgiving. But I will keep trying. This year I think I will make them a day ahead of time to give the flavors more time to meld together. Maybe that was her secret.
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Old 11-21-2019, 04:45 PM
  #7

My sister died on Christmas Eve 2016 at 49. It used to be my fave holiday. It is a hard day for me.


I don't have any practical advice for you, linda. Just love on those who are still here, be gentle on yourself when it hurts.
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Old 11-21-2019, 05:02 PM
  #8

This is only my second holiday season since my mother passed. They are hard. My husband and I always had dinner at her house so we also feel the lack of having her house to go to. I share your pain and wished I had words to make you feel better.
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Old 11-21-2019, 05:15 PM
  #9

Iím sorry for your loss. Those ďfirstsĒ are so hard. Hugs to you!
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Old 11-21-2019, 05:51 PM
  #10

Iím sorry for your loss. Moms are always missed. Always.

Not really advice, but my family has changed so much in the last few years (both death and divorceóand 1 birth, hooray!) that every year is something new. Iím trying to find the joy and make new traditions. Maybe your momís pumpkin pie is irreplaceable and you start a new family tradition (pumpkin cheesecake is delicious and easy)?

(((Linda))))


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Old 11-21-2019, 06:29 PM
  #11

I am so very sorry Linda. My mom died many years ago but I miss her so very much, especially around the holidays.
I can't think of anything to say that will make it "okay" or "normal" again.
You've gotten some wonderful suggestions. I had to acknowledge that things weren't going to be the same, that I was going to be sad, and to try to figure out what was most important to me about the holidays. (I still don't always get to do that, lol.) I do try to include some things that remind me of my mom. I try to make gravy like hers. It's never as good but I try and I think of her.
I can also see the value in trying something new. I wish we could go up to Maine to visit family for the holidays. It's my mom's family and I have many early memories of holidays there and we spent some holidays there with DD when she was younger. The whole trip screams "Christmas" to me and I regret that circumstances don't allow us to do that now.
So....I try some new things with DD for the holidays. I found a great bakery nearby that makes an amazing Yule log. I like those. I take DD on a day trip to a local amusement park that does a Christmas theme thing. There's a local fire department that brings Santa around on a fire truck. I make DD go out and wave with me. We try a few new things.
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I know how you feel.
Old 11-21-2019, 08:18 PM
  #12

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom died in November almost ten years ago. That Thanksgiving was a blur. We tried to go through the motions and it was awful. For Christmas we went out of state to my brother's home for a change. It really helped to be in a different place. If you can, traveling can be helpful.
I always do certain things as my mom would. Wild rice casserole at Thanksgiving. Tall taper candles on the table. Fresh evergreens at Christmas time. It's comforting. Having said that making new traditions is fun.
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Me, too.
Old 11-21-2019, 09:36 PM
  #13

Mom died in June. My husband makes the turkey, but my mom made everything else. I would just prefer to eat out this year, but my dad needs a good home cooked meal. They were married 55 years. As hard as it’s been for me, it’s been so much harder on him. It’s going to be a miserable holiday (inside) for me. Sorry for your loss.
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Old 11-22-2019, 03:38 AM
  #14

My mom passed away last year on Thanksgiving day. This will be very hard for our family this year. My family will all be together again. I am hoping everyone will share stories and probably some tears. She always said it doesn't matter what we eat or serve - as long as we are together.
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Old 11-22-2019, 04:17 AM
  #15

Both my parents are gone. The first year is hard. We try to remember the fun times and tell funny holiday stories. Our favorite was the year my mom was so tired on Thanksgiving she cooked the turkey upside down. Enjoy the holidays with the people who are with you and remember those who are not.
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Old 11-22-2019, 06:39 AM
  #16

Thinking good thoughts for you at this time.

My Mom's still alive, but I had her fantastic stuffing recipe saved on my computer for some years now. I tried to make it once, but it didn't come out the same either. However, I think I could make it better with a little practice and I still remember how it should taste.

It's not that quick and easy to make, so I hate to ask her to make some for me this time. She lives alone since my Dad passed 4 yrs ago. I guess I'll never have it again, but I don't have to only ask her at TG to try to make a little one day. She's still spry, so who knows. Maybe one day, I'll get to have it mainly made by her hands (with my help of the chopping) one day!
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Old 11-22-2019, 07:09 AM
  #17

My mom is still with us, but she is often confused. I am going back to have Thanksgiving with them and I am thankful. However, I still miss my mom.

I didn't even want to read this post because it makes me so sad to even think about. I did though. I will send prayers for peace and contentment. I hope it isn't too hard on you and your family.

Prayers and thoughts to all of you who have had loss and are dealing with it. I lost my brother before we were 30 and it took years to get past it. Then the special days weren't quite as hard. Sometimes. It would hit me out of the blue harder than usual. Now, 30 years later, I can hit those days with little sadness and more just fond memories.
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Old 11-22-2019, 05:29 PM
  #18

I am so sorry. I understand your pain as I have been there twice. It is hard indeed. (((HUGS)))

May God's peace surround you during this holiday season.

Nancy
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Old 11-23-2019, 02:11 AM
  #19

I am so thankful for each and every one of your replies. It is helpful to hear practical suggestions as well as just knowing this is a universal experience on one level or another. Everyone has loss in life. Everyone can appreciate what we have including the memories.

Maybe I'l just buy a homemade pumpkin pie, that way we already know it won't be as good as mom's!

Thanks again to all my PT friends!
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