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aly7123 aly7123 is offline
 
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Family Problems at School (long story)
Old 11-14-2010, 09:16 AM
 
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I am having major problems with my stepsister at school and school-related functions. First, here is a little background on my stepsister.

She is 15 years old and a freshman at the school district I sub at. I am in the elementary school, but it is connected to the high school...plus because of lack of space, some elementary classrooms have been moved over to the high school and some high school classrooms have been put in modulars. However, the high schoolers still use the hallway that the elementary classrooms have taken over. Now, I have had this stepsister since she was in fourth grade. She was taken away from her mother because of severe neglect and because her mother is a drug abuser and was put in prison so she lived with my mom, my stepfather, and me before I got my own apartment. Basically she went from a home where she was allowed to run wild, not fed or washed, and the only heat in the house came from a kerosene heater to my mom's house where my mom took her in like she was her own daughter, gave her anything she wanted, and provided for her. She was expected to follow rules and do chores though. If she didn't she would face the consequences which consisted of being grounded usually.

Now this worked until this past May. Right after Memorial Day, she asked her father if she could go to a party...she was told no. She was also told that she would be expected to get some kind of summer job this year. This prompted her to scream that he was ruining her summer. She then ran out of the house. We didn't know where she went and I spent an hour driving around looking for her. I was a nervous wreck to say the least.

Anyways, we found out that she had run to her druggie mother's house and told her that my mother and stepfather were abusing her (which wasn't true by the way...I lived there for most of the time she was there, so I would know.) They went to the police station and filed a PFA against him and called Children and Youth, who have been harassing him nonstop for the past couple of months. Apparently, it doesn't matter that there was absolutely no proof of her being abused. It also didn't matter that there is a court order saying she is not allowed with her mother. Anyways, Children and Youth placed her with her cousin in the neighboring school district...however, she is still going to the district I work at. My stepfather's lawyer found out she is not even living with the person she is supposed to be with...we think she is with her mother...but like I said, the police and Children and Youth don't care about that court order.

Anyways, back to the problems at school...it is impossible for me to avoid my stepsister at school. When she sees me, she gives me dirty looks or turns her head or points at me and whispers to her friends. God knows what she is telling them. Last night, I ran into her at the football game. I opened my mouth to say hi because I figured it would be better to be civil and she screamed at me to get away from her and ran off. It was embarrassing and my temper definitely flared. I treated this girl like a real sister, took her places, bought her things, talked to her about problems she was having, and then she treats me like that. My friend said that she is probably being brainwashed.

My mom is telling me to stay away from her before she goes and tells the police lies about me because apparently you can get a PFA just by claiming someone is abusing you. If she went and did that, then I'm guessing I wouldn't be able to work at that school. It is the only school I sub at and I have a long-term position starting in a week. I do not want this ungrateful little snob to go and ruin my chances of getting a job there. Does anyone have any advice?

I'm sorry for the length, but it really was a long story and I am at my wit's end...I need to figure out what to do before it's too late.


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Old 11-14-2010, 09:26 AM
 
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Could you possibly sign up to work in other districts? If this is going to be a problem I would probably not work in the same school as her. Maybe, after you do your long term assignment you can add different districts or other schools.
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Phaedrus Phaedrus is offline
 
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Old 11-14-2010, 09:31 AM
 
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That does put you in a difficult situation, and I have found being proactive is the best solution. I'm not sure who would be the best person to talk to...maybe the person in charge of subs in your district, and explain to them the situation you're in. This way, if something comes up, they will not be learning of it first hand from your step-sister. (The one problem with this if you get someone who views this situation as not ideal for their school...and, your sub jobs could dry up pretty fast.) It stinks that they have the elementary and secondary schools together like they do.

I know it's something you don't want to do; but, I would personally remove myself from that situation. I know it's the only school you sub at; but, where I live, there are so many to choose from, and I would just not teach there. It might not be something you want to do...or it might feel like you're letting your step sister win...but, it could be important to your future. If she spreads lies about you, it might not only effect your job at this school district, but it will effect any future job that you might get. (After all, even if someone spreads falsehoods about you, there is a section on all job applications about if you've ever been "under review" for something that's happened at a job. Even if you are innocent and in the clear, that could haunt you for a very long time.)

Good luck with how this goes, and keep us informed on what you've done and how it's gone.
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Old 11-14-2010, 09:47 AM
 
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At this district, they tell me to come in pretty much every day. It's steady work and I need steady work to pay my rent and bills. I am on other sub lists but they do not call me because I am not established there and they have their own list of preferred subs. Basically, I am the preferred sub at this district. I'm nervous that if I try to get on other sub lists, I won't be able to pay my bills. The district I work at is currently building an extension for the elementary school so next year the problem of elementary classrooms being over in the high school will not exist.

The elementary office knows about the problem because right after it happened last year, I ran into my stepsister in the high school lobby and confronted her. When I finally got to the elementary office, I was bawling and they were all concerned and wanted to know what happened. In fact, just the other day, the principal asked me how things were going with my stepsister. So the school is definitely aware of the problem but still has me come in everyday.

I think I'm just going to pretend she doesn't exist...I'm not even going to look in her direction or acknowledge her. Maybe soon enough, the courts will realize that she's not where she's supposed to be and they'll force her to go with her cousin...then she won't be able to attend this school district anyway.
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Wow!
Old 11-15-2010, 08:36 AM
 
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Wow. What a situation.

My first response was the same as others': Be proactive and let the school know, then try to go elsewhere. But, now that I see the school already knows and that you keep them up-to-date--and they are actually being very decent to you!--I would say you could stay there, although if you can eventually get your foot into other schools it would be helpful. Yes, stay as far away from her as you can, because it will affect your day and--in others' views--your work.


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