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Old 06-30-2012, 10:08 AM
 
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Is it just me or are people getting lazy? I sent in a movie gift card to my daughter's summer school teacher as a thank you for teaching her this summer. (Incoming Freshman taking a core class to get ahead) The teacher didn't bother to send a thank you card, email or a phone call to say he got it. This has happened to us a lot in junior high so I stopped giving gifts to her teachers. I hear teachers complain all the time about how their students never got them anything all year. Could it be because they didn't bother showing simple manners and thanking the gift giver?


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Old 06-30-2012, 10:19 AM
 
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I hear ya! We have yet to hear a thank you from a niece who was given a monetary gift for her high school graduation. Disappointing! As a teacher, I kept a stack of little thank you note cards in my drawer and made sure I jotted a thank you no matter what or how small the gift was. Just the way I was raised.
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Old 06-30-2012, 10:27 AM
 
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I said the same thing about the middle school teachers years ago. I quit giving gifts to them for that reason. I remember giving a gift card to each teacher, and not one of them (there were 7) bothered to send a thank you note. I even had my son write a personal note inside the card, also. I can't help but wonder if they didn't even open the card, or they just aren't in the habit of writing thank you cards.

We never had that issue with elementary teachers - I'm not sure what the difference is!
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Old 06-30-2012, 12:56 PM
 
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I don't really think this applies to a particular group of teachers. I have received thank you notes from ALL types of teachers--young, old, elementary, middle, high school, etc. Likewise, these same types of teachers have neglected to send thank you notes. So, it seems to be that those whose parents expected them to write thank you notes and display good manners continue to do that while those who were not expected to write thank you notes do not.
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I used to
Old 06-30-2012, 01:48 PM
 
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write thank you notes. However, after seeing them on the floor, in backpacks, in folders still not given to parents, I stopped. I make a big deal out of the gift and thank the student several times.


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there is probably a very good reason
Old 06-30-2012, 02:23 PM
 
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Every year I get several gifts with no identifying name on them. They are usually put on my desk while the class is leaving. With 160+ students, it is impossible to figure out who gave what. I can only write a blanket thank you on my website.
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Old 06-30-2012, 03:14 PM
 
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We give small gift cards to my ds's HS teachers. . . . I don't get thank you's -- and have have never felt bad. They tell my son, 'thank you' -- when he gives it to them -- and frequently make a big deal about it to him -- since he gave it to them.

Personally, I think that's enough -- of course my ds is older -- I don't know if that makes a difference.
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I gave a graduation gift
Old 06-30-2012, 04:12 PM
 
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to our good friends' daughter this June. It was a very nice card with cash ($100). She put the card on the pile and didn't even open it in front of us. Okay. I figured I would get a call or a thank you note. Nothing. I saw her a week later and asked what she got for graduation (subtle reminder) and she just said a lot of cash mostly and that was it. Again no thank you. Sigh.
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my thoughts
Old 06-30-2012, 04:19 PM
 
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I would never stop giving a thank you gift to anyone that I wanted to thank simply because I wasn't getting thank you notes...that seems pretty silly to me. If I wanted to thank someone with a gift, I would...simple as that. If I didn't...I wouldn't...simple as that.

I also don't automatically give gifts to all of my kids teachers just because they taught them...that is their job. I don't expect gifts from my students for the same reason. I have been known to give very nice gifts to teachers that have gone "above and beyond" for one or more of my children...I even gave a sped teacher that had worked for 8 years with my two boys with Autism during their high school years earrings that cost several hundred dollars. She went way over the call of duty and, in my view, deserved them and more. It has been years, so I don't remember whether I got a thank you card...but I still remember what she did for my family...and for that I thanked her.

Yes...the world would be great if everyone used proper manners...but I can only model that behavior...thanking people and saying thank you. Just because someone doesn't say thanks for the gift shouldn't mean that they shouldn't get the gift in the first place...they did the thing that they were originally thanked for.
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Old 06-30-2012, 04:22 PM
 
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I always try to send a thank you card for Christmas, birthday gifts, etc. But when I get a card/gift card as a thank you do I need to send a thank you for their thank you?


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I agree Marie2
Old 06-30-2012, 05:20 PM
 
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I also send thank you notes for holiday gifts and birthday gifts but not for end of the year "thank you" gifts. If someone is thanking me for my extra effort and time with their child then do I thank them for their thank you? Where does it stop? Do I only send for gift cards? What about cards and handmade pictures - thank you notes for those? I will thank the child and if I see the parent I also thank them verbally. JMO.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:59 PM
 
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I agree with Marie2 also. I never thought etiquette required sending a formal thank you note upon receipt of a thank you gift. I thank the giver profusely with verbal thanks, but if I was supposed to follow up with written thanks, then I've been remiss. Oops!

For all other gifts I always write thank yous.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:35 PM
 
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Quote:
I would never stop giving a thank you gift to anyone that I wanted to thank simply because I wasn't getting thank you notes...that seems pretty silly to me. If I wanted to thank someone with a gift, I would...simple as that.
I agree. It is as simple as that. I do not have any expectations if I give someone a thank you gift- I am thanking them.
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Wow!!!
Old 06-30-2012, 06:55 PM
 
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adtv: "I hear teachers complain all the time about how their students never got them anything all year."

I really feel bad about that. I have been in education both private and public schools for more than 30 years and luckily for me I have never once heard a teacher complain that they did not get gifts from students or parents. Could this be a regional thing?
I have heard teachers lament over the fact that a family sent a gift to them and they felt bad because the family was not well off financially and they could have just written a little not instead.

Back to the original post, I think letter writing, thank yous and card writing in general is disappearing from our culture.
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:20 PM
 
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I've found that the higher the grade you teach the less gifts you receive. (at least that was the case for me). I ALWAYS send thank you cards home with my students the same day I receive the gift. They hand me the gift and I grab a thank you card and write their name in it just so I don't forget. I made several hundred thank you cards on VistaPrint postcards and they have totally come in handy!
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Old 07-01-2012, 03:04 AM
 
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I don't think a thank you note is necessary in this instance. You are thanking her for something, so why do you expect a thank you back? It's like saying "thank you for saying thank you".

I understand how busy teachers are and do not expect a thank you card back. I know teachers who pre-write them and they write the child's name in. I'd rather not get a general pre-written thank you note. Just thank my child when you open it.

I am all for manners. I instill manners in my own children. They say please and thank you unprompted. My DD's first words were thank you and she was barely over a year old. Do I send thank you notes to everyone? NO! I think it's overdone.
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thank you
Old 07-01-2012, 05:55 AM
 
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I think a verbal thank you is enough. I believe that people go too far in judging people by their standards. No matter how I thank you, that should be sufficient. As for teaching, I thank the child and when I see the parent I thank them too. I do choose one time each year to send thank you notes home. This is usually around the holidays. If I received a gift, I list it. If I didn't receive a gift, I thank them for their help throughout.the year.
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Old 07-01-2012, 06:38 AM
 
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I believe in thank you notes. At Christmas and at the end of the year I send the thank you notes to the child's home. They love to get mail! for small things during the year, like Valentine's candy or a souvenir from a vacation, I put the thank you in their mailbox. My DD just graduated and she wrote thank you notes for all gifts that she received.
I find it rude to not receive a thank you note. My DH's niece never sent a thank you for her wedding shower gift, wedding gift , or baby shower gift. It makes me less likely to send a gift in the future. My nieces are extremely wealthy and always send a thank you for a gift received no matter how small. It is probably the way they were raised.
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Old 07-01-2012, 08:19 AM
 
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Sorry didn't mean to offend anyone. This was my child's first experience with a high school class and I felt the teacher did go above and beyond to make 9 hours a day fun and interesting and wanted to show appreciation for his efforts. The card was signed, it was the only thing he got, and my child directly handed it to him. He didn't verbally say thank you to her or me. My mom always raised me to write a thank you for a gift. If someone takes the time to think of you and what you would like you need to show appreciation for it. For those of you that think it's silly to write a thank you I think we will need to agree to disagree on this one.
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two diff thngs
Old 07-01-2012, 12:41 PM
 
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I think formal announcements and invites are a little different than than u gifts to teachers. It would b nice for teacher to write a thank u note but if they say it when it is given that is fine....as someone said this is to say thanks for a job well done and can stop at that. Who wants to think badly after giving a thank u!

However for graduation gifts, wedding event gifts those are very formal and a written thank youreally is expected. If grads don't write them they may get squat when they get married lol.

P.s. my mil does not write thank you notes. She is the only person I don't make my family write one to. She told me once after she read one I wrote her that they are stupid. Fine. No more for u then! I suggest to my kids they call her when they get things from her but I don't even follow up on that. Lol However to my mother we call when we receive and we write a thank u every time. To each their own I guess.
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I also agree.
Old 07-01-2012, 01:58 PM
 
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Quote:
Century46's Message:
I would never stop giving a thank you gift to anyone that I wanted to thank simply because I wasn't getting thank you notes...that seems pretty silly to me. If I wanted to thank someone with a gift, I would...simple as that. If I didn't...I wouldn't...simple as that.

I also agree.

If I want to thank someone with a gift, I will do so. I will put in their hands or send it to them and hope they enjoy it. I can't imagine thinking ill of someone I thanked when I realize a thank you note was never put in the mail. I would not assume the person is mannerless, rude, or ungrateful... after all, didn't their good deed or kindness to me (or my family, etc.) warrant a gift in the first place?

I like the trend we have for baby and bridal showers at work. We have so many women getting married and having babies there is a group shower once per month! We agreed that part of their "gift" is an understanding that a thank you card is not expected. With such a large staff that loves attending the showers, it would be a lot of cards... 30 or more, at least.

My thinking is, if I am given a gift, I thank the person when I receive it. In my view, that is sufficient, because when the tables are turned, I don't expect a thank you card after the person has already thanked me in person and probably opened the gift and gushed over it already. If someone sends me a gift, I will either call or write to thank them.

I'm surprised at the outcry of "rude" when you don't receive a thank you for a thank you gift.
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Old 07-02-2012, 02:24 AM
 
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I still believe in thanking someone for a nice gift. This summer I have attended a graduation, confirmation, and baby shower. At all of these celebrations, I had given a nice gift. I have yet to receive one thank you. It does bother me because it seems to be happening more and more. My son's teacher sent a thank you card in the mail this summer and it meant the world to my son when he got her card. I still think it shows good manners to be gracious.
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gift
Old 07-02-2012, 05:58 AM
 
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If one is truly giving a gift with the "spirit of giving", one will not be concerned with receiving a thank you note.

Also, might I very kindly say, that in my opinion, one is not "lazy" if he/she spends part of their summer teaching summer school
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Old 07-02-2012, 10:59 AM
 
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I was raised to write thank you notes. If the parent is sending a card telling you thank you, then you don't need to send a note. HOWEVER, a gift card is a gift and I would certainly send a thank you note for that gift. I also keep a stash in my desk and try to write them that same day but if not, I send it in the mail to the students.

I, too, stopped getting stuff for the ms and hs teachers for that same reason. 8 teachers per child and no acknowledgement that it was even received?? I was offended. jmho
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Old 07-03-2012, 12:53 PM
 
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I'm with the 'no thank you note for a thank you gift' card. If someone was house sitting for you and you brought them a token from your trip, would you expect a note to say thank you for the gift you got them to thank them for house sitting? It does make it kind of circular. A congratulations/holiday/thinking-of-you gift should absolutely get a note BUT I don't stop giving if I don't get one because I hate writing them and have forgotten once or twice, so I figure that's what happened Give because you want to give and because it makes you feel good, not because you want recognition.

And any teacher that complains about not getting gifts needs a priority check. Nobody *deserves* a gift. What an entitled, spoiled attitude. You get PAID, and you didn't walk into the job with your eyes closed. If you're in it for the gift cards, get out.
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I'm confused--one is supposed to send a
Old 07-03-2012, 02:21 PM
 
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thank you for a thank you? I thought the correct response to a thank you was a you are welcome. I certainly believe in sending thank you notes and expressing thanks to gifts or invitations. However, when I send a thank you note with a small gift attached to my aunt for inviting my husband and I to dinner, I don't expect a thank you for the thank you. That being said, the teacher should have expressed that you are welcome, and she appreciated that you noticed her work.
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thank yous
Old 07-04-2012, 04:46 PM
 
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In my class we write a lot of thank you letters and I hope my students will remember how important it is to thank people for giving their time, talents and money. On a side note I mail my thank you letters to my students as kids rarely get mail. I also think it is good PR and modeling of appropriate behavior.
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I don't agree that no note = laziness
Old 07-20-2012, 07:17 PM
 
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I am a middle school teacher and I don't give thank you cards. When a student hands me a gift, I open it, smile, thank him or her and demonstrate my genuine appreciation. I think verbal thank-you's are much more meaningful. Students like to see the smile, and the reaction to the gift (even if it is a little staged on my part). In my mind, I have thanked the person giving me the gift face-to-face. Why write a note? It never occurred to me that a parent would be expecting some kind of note to thank them. I trust the student to relay my reaction and appreciation for the gift.

I disagree that not writing a note constitutes laziness, but I agree that a teacher should clearly acknowledge a gift and say "thank you" (whether by card, phone call, or face-to-face conversation). There is nothing more irksome when giving a gift to get nothing but silence in return.
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Old 07-22-2012, 05:47 AM
 
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I teach grade 6 and believe myself to be an "above and beyond" teacher. I care for my students and they know that. When I receive Christmas presents, I quickly write thank you cards the day before vacation and give them to the kids to bring home. I know that many don't make them home as I see them on the floor or they pull them out of their desks at desk clean-out time.

When I receive gifts at the end of the year, I open them with the child so I can thank them face-to-face. I then mail thank you cards to their home. I do the cards mainly to send them some mail and some happiness. I also hope it teaches them some manners and etiquette about being thankful.

It makes me sad that some PP's blanketed all MS and HS teachers as being ungrateful or lazy, so they don't give gifts to any of them.
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