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Rising Strong Brene' Brown
Old 06-20-2019, 05:52 AM
  #1

Do you believe that most people, in general, are doing the best they can?

This is a discussion in the book, and I am struggling with it. While I can allow this grace for most, it isn't a grace I allow myself.

Really hoping for responses.
Dorothy


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Old 06-20-2019, 06:01 AM
  #2

No. I think most people do only what they are willing to do, at best.
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Old 06-20-2019, 06:10 AM
  #3

Sometimes. I really think when I see people trying, yes they are doing their best. Others who just half-ass it, no. They are simply not wanting to put the work in.

This is an interesting topic. While I try to give grace to others and myself at times, it is hard. I have a strong work ethic and really try my best. It’s hard when others do not have the same.
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Old 06-20-2019, 06:16 AM
  #4

Quote:
Do you believe that most people, in general, are doing the best they can?
What a great question!

I agree with Hifi. I think most of us do only what we have to do to get by, and occasionally we do our best. I think, in today’s culture, doing one’s best is often an excuse for mediocrity.

One of the things that made me ever so happy to retire was leaving this culture of “trying.” I used to hate it when a student would do a half-a$$ job of something then give himself full credit with, “I did my best.”

I like myself when I do my best, but I haven’t got it in me to live that way full-time. And I hope I never use doing my best as an excuse for failure. I’m more the “try again a different way” school of thought.
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Old 06-20-2019, 06:38 AM
  #5

Everyone has a different definition of "best"....I've traveled and seen folks working harder than most folks in US....physically working hard all day for a few bucks a day....I've seen folks putting off things for the benefit of their young children, I've seen folks coming from very little graduating from college, I've seen folks kicking addiction, on and on.

What is doing your best? Helping others? Taking care of yourself? Doing what you want?

I think we tend to judge based on our own experience.

Maybe doing what you are willing to do is doing your best....I don't know.


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Old 06-20-2019, 06:52 AM
  #6

I'd have to read more about this statement of hers. Right now I'm a bit weary of all the feel good preacher "raking in the bucks" types who seem to give every poorly behaved person a free pass. This is what her message seems to be but I will have to read more to get a better idea of what she means.
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Old 06-20-2019, 06:59 AM
  #7

Do I perform at my utmost "best" in every sitch, at every task? Of course not. But, when it matters, I do.

I haven't read this book, so I may be way off, but it is what I tell myself when I feel some frustration about students' parents. I genuinely believe parents want what's best for their kids and they are doing their best to provide it. Some people's best is terrible, but you can't do better than your best, so I let it go. When you know better, you do better.

"Best" no longer looks like a word to me.
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The best you can
Old 06-20-2019, 07:31 AM
  #8

Do you mean going through life or just with a job?

It’s a fairly judgemental question....my best is different from yours. I might think you could be doing better....but maybe this is your best.

Day to day, I think people pull their weight, but don’t exert themselves 100% - too exhausting. But if it’s something I truly care about or am deeply invested in, then I know I will perform to the best of my ability.
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Old 06-20-2019, 08:17 AM
  #9

If what people are doing is irritating me or driving me to distraction, I find it calms me down to think "they're doing their best." Just because it isn't MY best, doesn't mean it's THEIR best.

As for giving myself the same benefit? That's harder because I'm much harder on myself than anyone else is. Maybe, as you suggest, emeraldcity, we need to give ourselves that grace more often.
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Old 06-20-2019, 08:28 AM
  #10

Do I believe most people are doing the best they can? No, I really don't. This philosophy makes it seem like your "best" is happen-chance. Everyone is just floating through life, doing the best they can.

It reminds me of the quote by Maya Angelou: Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.

I think there are lots of people who "know better." But they still don't do better. In order for it to be your "best," it has to be intentional and on purpose. It's not easy, and it doesn't happen by accident. It is a decision you make, and it is the hard work you put into achieving it. I believe this is true about anything--work, life, parenting, relationships, etc.

I think some people honestly don't know to do any better than what they are doing. Some people have never stopped to ask themselves, can I do better? Some people know better, but are just too lazy to put forth the effort. Some people are stuck in a state of hopelessness and learned helplessness--they "know" better, but don't believe they can do better, or are too afraid to take the risk of doing things differently than they always have. But no, I don't believe that most people are doing their best--myself included. Otherwise, I wouldn't be on Proteacher right now, I would be cleaning my house or something.


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Old 06-20-2019, 11:27 AM
  #11

Most of the time most of the people are doing the best they can do at that time. People aren’t trying to screw up our lives. Telling myself the Berne Brown “shi!!y first draft” about people doesn’t work and only gets me upset. Brene really is not a sunshine pumper but realistic and helps women set boundaries for others and ourselves.
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Old 06-20-2019, 02:54 PM
  #12

Thanks for responding.
Greenbunny, you summed up Breene's philosophy.
Opal, Keltikmom and Renea also align with Brene'.
As Renea stated, Breene' is all about setting boundaries and consequences. The person may be doing their best but still need to be reassigned or fired from their job. Or have distance and boundaries in personal relationships.
It is definitely not a feel good book. But it is challenging and makes you question your mindset.
When I worked as a counselor, I believed that most of my clients were doing their best. I struggled to give Grace to parents who were "checked out." I once had a phone conversation with a mom whose two boys went to foster care. She missed drug screens and visitation at CSB. Lots of excuses. I told her if she didn't have a ride she needed to walk there, even if it took hours. I told her the boys were working hard in counseling, and she was letting them down. I got a call from CSB; she walked there and cried to the case manager. There was nothing scheduled for her that day. I still wonder if it was the right thing to say to her.Up until that time I had always been an encourager, focusing on strengthening the family unit.
I usually believe people in my circle are doing the best they can. I often tell myself that people cannot give what they do,not have. It is still very painful.
For myself, I never feel I am doing the best I can. There is always something more, the shoulds, coulds, woulds.

Dorothy
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