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Well, it only took three days...
Old 06-08-2016, 04:08 PM
  #1

...before I got the whole "you get to sit on your butt all summer while I go to work" crap.

Let me tell you, it's a real party over here as I have slept on the floor the last two nights so I can comfort a sick baby.


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Well, if he was mine
Old 06-08-2016, 04:14 PM
  #2

I would give him a week or two of sitting on my butt while he was at work. Of course, taking care of your adorable son isn't work at all, so keep that up.
Kathy
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Old 06-08-2016, 04:18 PM
  #3

That's not right! I know around here, things run so much smoother when I am home. Cleaner house. Home cooked meals. Less stressed wife, etc. Does your DH not notice that?

My DH can be a jerk but one thing he has never done is give me crap about having the summers off! He sees how hard I work during the school year!

I don't think your DH will ever get it, so I wouldn't bother even having the conversation with him about it.

Maybe a "Yep!" and walk away? Or, "You could have become a teacher"?

Or...just don't engage!
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So sorry
Old 06-08-2016, 04:30 PM
  #4

no right at all
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Old 06-08-2016, 04:46 PM
  #5

This "sit on your butt" conversation might really be about something else. Seriously, you might want to talk with a counselor.


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It's taken my DH
Old 06-08-2016, 04:46 PM
  #6

about 30 years to finally get how hard I work all year and how much I need the break. I always do projects in the summer - he is off the hook for those, so you think he'd be pleased.

I think you should just enjoy being with Mason this summer. They are only little for a short time. Your DH will just have to get over it.
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Oh No
Old 06-08-2016, 05:00 PM
  #7

I used to get that same attitude. My hubby retired in February and since I have been out he is getting on my last nerve. I think I liked the complaints about being home all day better!
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Old 06-08-2016, 05:12 PM
  #8

My girls would tell your dh to stop being a "rude dude."

I don't understand how he can be so disrespectful to you! You do so much to take care of your son.
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Old 06-08-2016, 05:18 PM
  #9

It sounds like he loves himself most of all . I agree with not engaging. Just say, "Yep, I guess so!"
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Old 06-08-2016, 05:45 PM
  #10

He will never understand everything that goes into a successful stay at home mom/wife day. No sense trying to convince him you actually do a million things each day.

I agree with the poster who said to just go have a fun summer with Mason. Your DH thinks that's all you're doing anyway; you might as well make it so for awhile! Feel free to come visit N and me just up 35!


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Old 06-08-2016, 05:47 PM
  #11

If only he could switch places. I'm sorry he feels that way. You could try explaining that you are saving money on childcare and it's actually a vacation for dh because you are home and able to do more things at home. Everyone chooses their careers so tell him to become a teacher, then he could join you.
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Wow
Old 06-08-2016, 06:01 PM
  #12

Can not even imagine my hubby saying something that rude to me.
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Rude.
Old 06-08-2016, 06:18 PM
  #13

You've established that your husband is rude and insensitive in his remarks to you before, I'm sorry he keeps proving himself with more meaness.

Please don't buy into his bitterness. You're at home doing the most important job in the world. And the most difficult.
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Old 06-08-2016, 07:07 PM
  #14

Not the greatest idea, but I would be tempted to sarcastically say that you will look for a summer job and tell him how much the extra daycare cost will be. Then say "Daycare will cost more then whatever job I could get, but I will do it just to be fair".
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Old 06-08-2016, 07:32 PM
  #15

Your husband said that to you?
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Old 06-08-2016, 07:58 PM
  #16

I would just tell him he should have become a teacher then. Apparently, he is clueless and any response would most likely fall on deaf ears.
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Old 06-08-2016, 08:20 PM
  #17

Except for caring for Mason and doing the things you really have to do, I would be tempted to ignore what you usually do (cleaning, grocery shopping except for necessities, cooking, laundry) for at least several days and wait for him to ask about it not being done. You can then point out to him how much you really do while he is out at work during the summer months.

Nancy
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Old 06-08-2016, 08:48 PM
  #18

He's not going to change without some intense counseling and if that's not going to happen you need to find a way to not internalize his degrading comments.

At this point I think complete non-reaction and continuing to do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your baby is your best response.
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Wow
Old 06-09-2016, 03:19 AM
  #19

I think you need to find a counselor for yourself, and approach your hubbie about marriage counseling. If he will not go, go see someone by yourself. You have a lot on your plate right now. If I remember correctly, you had a difficult first marriage.

Mason is and should be your priority right now. Don't let anyone - anyone - take your joy away at spending your summer taking care of your child. Life is short.
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Think about it
Old 06-09-2016, 06:15 AM
  #20

Seriously, I'll say it again. I'm remembering your previous posts. These comments about sitting on your butt are NOT about your summer off. They are about his sustain for YOU. Ignoring the trouble in your relationship will only prolong the improvement or the dissolution if your marriage. You've told us before how shaky your marriage is. He shows sustain for your job and your opinions. This isn't new. Take time this summer while your "sitting on your butt", as your husband calls it, to see a counselor. You don't need to take him. You it for yourself. Your relationship won't improve by ignoring the problems. Why are you avoiding an opportunity for a better marriage?

Last edited by Renea; 06-09-2016 at 03:10 PM.. Reason: SUA
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Old 06-09-2016, 07:02 AM
  #21

Been dealing with that for 22 years. And Christmas and Easter breaks, too.
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Old 06-09-2016, 07:47 AM
  #22

My dh would have said something like that earlier in our marriage. If he said it now it would be because he really is jealous. He would love to have summers and breaks off, but doesn't. I realized one day though that I have similar feelings about different things. My dh can take long lunches, go shopping in the middle of the day, and worst of all, takes his time most days getting ready to leave the house. I get dressed and am leaving most of the time and he is still in his Jammies. Drives me crazy!

And let's be honest. There is nothing stopping us in the summer from relaxing and sitting on our butts. Yes, taking care of kids and house are full time+ jobs, but how many of us took the kids to the park to play with others so we could have a little "free" time? Or put a movie in so we could sit down and rest?

Your dh is a bit warped, but he isn't completely wrong. You do get some down time. You get to do things that are fun (I enjoy finger painting, going to zoo, reading books to my kids). However, I would start a list of the things I did do, and I would give it to him once a week. Make sure day care things are on there. Put shopping for groceries, meeting repair people, mowing yard, cleaning house (be very specific). I know that I spend a lot of time over the summer making up for the Little time I have during the year, and I would make sure my dh knew it.

My dh thought just like yours. I got those comments as a SAHM. But I made sure he realized all the ways it benefited him. He got over it. We went to a counselor and she suggested we trade places for a week. He do my jobs, and I do his. I was all for that (taking the trash out would leave me a lot of time), but when push came to shove, he couldn't. He knows how much I really do, and he knows he couldn't do it. He refused!

You have self worth. Show him.
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Old 06-09-2016, 09:38 AM
  #23

I have talked to him about counseling and he says we don't need it and our issues aren't that bad. I told him that's part of the problem. Will look into going without him.

Also, he hates his job and I think that's making the whole summer thing worse. Not an excuse and I told him that too.
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Old 06-09-2016, 10:22 AM
  #24

I just cannot imagine the person who is meant to ALWAYS be on my side, be my #1 supporter, saying something so disrespectful. I am legit shocked.

I am so sorry you are faced with this. Seek counseling; if he won't go, fine. Get yourself some tools to handle this. You can't change his behavior, but you can sure change your reactions to it.
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Go ALONE
Old 06-09-2016, 10:56 AM
  #25

Go to counseling alone. This is about you and your life. If he doesn't want to go .... go for yourself. Seriously. Only YOU can make this better. He is showing NO respect for you. Not with his parents and not with his perception of your career.

Last edited by Renea; 06-09-2016 at 03:11 PM..
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Old 06-09-2016, 01:13 PM
  #26

The issues aren't that bad to HIM because he gets to say whatever he wants and treat you poorly without much consequence. To him, the issues probably AREN'T that big. But you deserve respect, so going to counseling alone sounds like a good idea.

But also, let me just say, you are incredibly strong and Mason is lucky to have you.
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Old 06-09-2016, 04:13 PM
  #27

"I understand. Thanks for sharing". Big smile and walk away.
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