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Mrs. Invisible
Old 09-07-2020, 02:28 PM
  #1

I signed out. I don't want my name attached to this.
I am having a pity party today. I feel invisible. I feel like nobody in my family really sees me or hears me or cares about how I feel about anything. I feel very, very alone.
I thought I would type out some details to get it off my chest. I think I will refrain.
I guess I just need some words of encouragement and PT is a good place to get some.


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Old 09-07-2020, 05:01 PM
  #2

Take a short time and enjoy your pity party. I think it helps you get a handle on things. I too have felt overlooked and misunderstood, you are not alone. If this continues a counselor might be a good idea.

Take care of yourself.
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Old 09-07-2020, 05:06 PM
  #3

Your family does not appreciate your many gifts. Do yourself a favor and list everything you love about yourself tonight. You cannot control the actions of anyone else but you can control your own happiness .
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I am so sorry this happened.
Old 09-07-2020, 05:09 PM
  #4

I am sorry you are feeling sad about your family situation right now. I hope you can find some comfort and resolve the problems whatever they are. If not, I hope you can figure out a way to come to terms with it/them.
I think I will share a bit of what is going on in my life since you mentioned family issues. I only have my husband who tends to work in his shop or outside most of the time. I keep busy by cleaning, sewing, reading, doing laundry & other household chores, or cooking/baking/canning when necessary. We spend evenings fixing dinner together, but DH tends to drink quite a few glasses of the wine he's made over the years. After dinner, he usually falls asleep in his chair, only waking up again to toddle off to bed. This is not behavior that is recent, though it has become chronic in the last 5 years. I try not to worry about it because I have discussed it with him many times. I have come to the decision that it's his life & he has to choose how he wants to spend the rest of it. He's older than I am. We are both retired now.
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Old 09-07-2020, 05:40 PM
  #5

Iím sorry you feel alone. Thatís a very difficult thing to deal with. Thinking of you.


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Old 09-07-2020, 06:12 PM
  #6

Thinking of you, as I have been there, done that many a time! I think it's perfectly ok to have a pity party and cry until the tears no longer flow!

{{{hugs}}} to you tonight and I hope tomorrow feels better.

I still don't feel appreciated or heard many a day, but I have learned that as long as I know I"m doing the right things, spreading goodness, giving unto others, than the good feeling I get from that is worth far more than someone else showing me appreciation. Not sure if you are a christian, but living life as Christ wants us to is "thanks" enough for me. It's taken me a long time to get here, so I totally understand your feelings!!!

Thinking of you tonight!
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Old 09-07-2020, 08:41 PM
  #7

Life is hard! Family is hard! The older I get, the more I realize that there really arenít ďnormalĒ families. Or theyíre very rare. All families have their issues because people are imperfect. As the saying goes...you canít control others, you can only control how you react.

Iím really sorry youíre feeling so invisible. We see you! We hear you! We care! (((Hugs)))

Please consider seeing a therapist, especially if this persists. A good one will give you an outside perspective and offer suggestions. They really can be more helpful than talking to a friend.

I hope you figure out how to feel better. Weíre here for you!
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Old 09-07-2020, 08:58 PM
  #8

Canteach,

Thanks for sharing so honestly and openly. Youíre making me sad that youíre resigned to living like this. I donít have experience with someone who drinks daily (sounds excessively). Do you think you might try an AA meeting for family members? If Iím overstepping I really do apologize. (((Hugs)) to you!
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Old 09-08-2020, 07:01 AM
  #9

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I agree with a PP that a therapist might help - that is what helped me. I hope you find a way to feel better soon. It does help sometimes just to type it out and share here on PT. There are many kind and caring people here who share smart advice.
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Try 'Acts of Kindness'
Old 09-08-2020, 07:27 AM
  #10

I would like to suggest that you try doing an act of kindness for someone NOT in your family. Maybe for a friend, neighbor, former student, present family, or stranger. I think you will be surprised at the positive feedback you receive. This does not have to cost anything, or at least not much.


Share a bit of your cooking with someone who lives nearby. Send a cheerful mesage to someone you have not connected to in a while. Do you make any crafts you could gift. Go for a walk in the neighborhood at the likely time to see someone out you could speak to.


Find a way.


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Old 09-08-2020, 09:07 AM
  #11

It sounds like you’re in a tough spot, not unlike some of us from time to time. You don’t have to stay stuck after you’ve spent time feeling unhappy. Changing your attitude takes quite a bit of finesse but it can be done. That means different things to each of us but you don't have to be stuck where you are. If you need to set up a counseling appointment to reframe your situation.

It’s painful to feel alone and unimportant. I hope you find a way to feel better. You deserve a better life.
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Old 09-08-2020, 11:18 AM
  #12

I agree that helping someone else is a great way to help yourself. Call a local church and see if there is an elderly person or a handicapped person who would appreciate a visit. It may be that someone from the church needs to meet with you first before feeling comfortable about setting up a visit.
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Old 09-08-2020, 04:41 PM
  #13

I'm sorry you are feeling so down tonight. I have been there too. Even though you feel like it, you are not alone. I agree with those who have suggested a therapist, random acts of kindness and sharing your love with someone who is alone or needs help. You might also consider volunteering if you have the time - a homeless shelter, an animal shelter, your church if you have a church home, public library, etc. Those kinds of things can give us purpose that we may not get from just our families and careers. Do you exercise? Exercising, especially outdoors where you will see others can be uplifting even if you don't talk to each other. You might also consider that you may be depressed. A visit to your doctor to make sure you don't have a thyroid problem, hormonal changes or clinical depression may be just what you need. Perhaps some self care.....even if its just 10 minutes a day in the bathtub.

(((HUGS))) and

Nancy
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Old 09-09-2020, 04:52 AM
  #14

I assume your family's always like this and it's just finally getting to you these days? I'm so sorry! My fiance's dealt with this his entire life. He's literally the invisible family member too and I've used that term before when he and I have talked. With fiance's family, they're ALL narcissists. He first went no-contact with his dad, then then rest of them (3 siblings and even his own mother who showed her true colors in the last few years).

If you need to vent more, feel free to PM me. I've seen first-hand how horrendously they treat him.
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