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Is this a new thing for dating?
Old 10-18-2020, 06:16 AM
  #1

So I went on a first date last night (the keeper wasn’t looking for a relationship after all) and we were meeting for a very early dinner- 4:30pm. It was a burger joint and I went causal- nice jeans, cute top, and a chunky cardigan because it was cool and we sat on the patio.

He showed up in a t-shirt, gym shorts and water shoes (I think).

I get the whole casual thing, but I feel like for a first impression, at least look put together. Am I wrong here?

And no, there will not be any more dates. It was not a match personality wise and in our beliefs.



Last edited by techgrad; 10-18-2020 at 06:54 AM..
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Old 10-18-2020, 06:34 AM
  #2

I wouldn't have been impressed either.
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Old 10-18-2020, 06:52 AM
  #3

If someone doesn't make an effort for a first date, I doubt they would ever make much effort in a relationship. I imagine he has a lot of first dates. Good call.
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Old 10-18-2020, 06:54 AM
  #4

I am not part of the dating scene at all, but that lack of effort would be put me off.
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Old 10-18-2020, 06:57 AM
  #5

I would not be impressed. I agree that if someone doesn't make any effort on a first date, then they are not worth a second date.


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Oh, my! He sounds like a winner!
Old 10-18-2020, 07:07 AM
  #6

How did you figure out it was not a match personality wise? Had you not discussed beliefs before agreeing to meet? What was your first clue (besides the outfit). Maybe he just didn't want you to know he is loaded, so he dressed down to see if you would love him for who he is.

BTW, who paid?
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Old 10-18-2020, 07:15 AM
  #7

Clarity-

Yes, we spoke some about beliefs and things prior to the date. But he got more into it on the date.

He started talking about conspiracy theories making there way into the schools and that a teacher has all these great benefits. When I told him the reality, he didnít believe me. He also portrayed himself differently online than in person.

He did pay for the dinner and I was grateful and kind.
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Old 10-18-2020, 07:23 AM
  #8

Yikes...what a winner.

Glad you are getting out there though!

At least he paid for dinner.
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Turn-off
Old 10-18-2020, 07:25 AM
  #9

As much as I'd like to think I wouldn't be turned off by appearance, I think the outfit would turn me off. It would make me think he just wanted friendship/casual relationship vs. something more serious.
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Old 10-18-2020, 07:33 AM
  #10

That would turn me off completely. A little effort please.


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Old 10-18-2020, 07:55 AM
  #11

Yeah. Not bothering to put on pants in October seems like a bit much. Almost like he made an effort to dress down.
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Old 10-18-2020, 09:02 AM
  #12

It sounds like you dodged a bullet with this guy. His willingness to believe in conspiracies is a deal breaker for me. Good call, techgrad.
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Old 10-18-2020, 09:24 AM
  #13

Pass!

Good call on your part.
I would have paid for half the bill especially because I wouldnít be interested in a repeat date.

Donít give up. Better luck on your next match.

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Old 10-18-2020, 10:10 AM
  #14

I'm proud of you for getting out there! I love reading your dating stories.

What happened with the one you thought would be a keeper? Did he admit/reveal he wasn't interested in anything serious? Just curious.

Keep at it!
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Old 10-18-2020, 10:27 AM
  #15

You're right.

I don't know if that's a new thing with dating, but I highly doubt it. I agree that first impressions mean a lot. It seems like a selfish way of introducing himself - since it's discreetly saying, "I just want to be comfy - I don't care how I look to you." Nope - wouldn't date him again.

Like I tell my grown children - you see the best in someone when you're dating them. If it's not good, the future probably won't be either.

You, on the other hand, sounded cute!
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Old 10-18-2020, 11:41 AM
  #16

Well, I think you both went into it presenting the person you wanted to present and it wasn't a match. I personally would want to put forth a positive first impression, but I can see the advantage of an approach that's more like "what you see is what you get." No wondering if the other person is a match.

Sorry the first guy wasn't a keeper after all- he sounded great.
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Old 10-18-2020, 01:30 PM
  #17

I don't blame you for not making another date. I won't be off by nice dress shorts but gym shorts & tee is a no go. Sorry the keeper didn't work out.
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Old 10-18-2020, 03:02 PM
  #18

I had many, many one and done dates before I met my sweetie of 18 months.

The lack of any effort regarding clothing would have made me have an appointment or meeting I forgot. Seriously? That outfit isnít even on the minimal effort scale.

Keep on trying... sometimes it takes a while.
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Old 10-18-2020, 04:26 PM
  #19

Gym shorts and a t-shirt really wouldn't bother me much, not even in October (I dated a couple of hockey players in my misspent youth) but some jack*** thinking he knows more than I do about my profession? That would be a no-go.
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On my first date...
Old 10-18-2020, 04:32 PM
  #20

On my first date with my wife (decades ago), I wore a pin-striped button down, tweed jacket, Wrangler jeans, cowboy boots.

Must have worked....

The last time we went on a date (a few weeks ago), I wore a white button down, summer wool jacket, Wrangler jeans, cowboy boots.

If it ain't broke....
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Old 10-19-2020, 03:08 AM
  #21

You can’t go wrong with a tailored button down, jeans, and cowboy boots in my book, MikeCoffee.
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Old 10-19-2020, 04:10 AM
  #22

Mikecoffee- you sound like my type!

I donít even mind a collared shirt and nice shorts if itís a casual date. At least you put in the effort.

Now dinner and drinks- jeans, button down, and nice shoes. Boots are a plus!!

But this guy did absolutely 0 effort. I think sometimes my expectations are high, but then I think absolutely not.
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Thanks Zip and Tech...
Old 10-19-2020, 10:06 AM
  #23

Thanks Zip and Tech for the compliments, though I'll admit I might have been fishing a little!

But so many times a person goes fishing and doesn't even draw a nibble!
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