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Itís fine. Iím fine. Everything is fine.
Old 10-27-2020, 02:49 PM
  #1

So, DH got a ďpromotionĒ this summer. His promotion turned out to be double the work, double the hours, triple the headaches, and no increase in pay. Long story short, heís been working 80 hours a week since the last week of August.

Heís not getting to see DS. He leaves at 6:30am, 10-15 minutes after DS wakes up, and many nights doesnít get home until after 8pm when DS is in bed. Or if by some miracle he does make it home by 6pm, heís inevitably called back to campus to deal with an issue 30 minutes later. Itís really starting to affect DS.

Then thereís DHís stress levels surrounding being asked to do 3 full time jobs simultaneously. He always wants to do his job to the best of his ability and itís physically impossible for him to do it. Heís called put of class to deal with behavior issues, called off the practice field to deal with kids giving other teachers a hard time, etc etc. Heís constantly stressed that heís letting someone down (his kids, me, DS). Iím seriously concerned for his health.

Long story short, I told him a month ago to start looking for another job.

Today, he was offered and accepted a new job. Honestly, itís the type of job heís always wanted. Iím so happy for him...and relieved.

Now we have to find a house, buy a house, pack our house, and move in 3 weeks.

Nevermind telling our autistic child the home heís lived in since he was 18 months old is no longer going to be his home.

Itís fine. Iím fine. Everything is fine.


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Old 10-27-2020, 02:53 PM
  #2

Itís a lot to think about right now, but you can do this!
Iím happy for all of you that dh found a good fit for him and more time for you and ds.
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Silver cloud
Old 10-27-2020, 02:54 PM
  #3

Good luck with it all. I hope Swift helps keep your son calm. Congratulations on your DH's new job. Will you be moving far? It sounds as if the quality of life will improve once th move is complete. You got this!
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Old 10-27-2020, 02:55 PM
  #4

You got this! Keep the end in mind and take little steps. Would it be possible to hire someone to help pack up? Even if it were a high school student a hand would be helpful.

Congrats on the new job!
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Old 10-27-2020, 02:56 PM
  #5

Congratulations to DH on his new position. I hope it is less stressful and he can have a "normal" life. I know it won't be easy with DS but now that he has Swift it may go better than expected. I know you won't listen but I'm say it anyway, breathe and take time for yourself during this stressful time. You Got This!


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Old 10-27-2020, 03:01 PM
  #6

Oh my gosh! First huge congratulations to your DH, and even bigger congrats to you for encouraging him to save himself. Good luck!

ETA: Are you moving far?
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Old 10-27-2020, 03:09 PM
  #7

So by Thanksgiving you will be in your new home. And all the packing and moving will be over.

It sounds as if leaving the current job is a great relief for your husband. Not to mention you and your son. I hope everything goes well.
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Old 10-27-2020, 03:10 PM
  #8

I am hoping in a few months you will look back on this and say thank God you made the move. I know it’s stressful now. Dh and I sold our home when ds was 13 months old and moved into my parents home for a year. It was an awful year but I thank God every day we did it. We are so much happier now. We were kind of in a similar situation where we never saw dh because of work. I would do it all over again if I could. Best of luck to you! I can’t wait to hear your happy update after the move is finished! You totally got this!

Last edited by Jackie; 10-27-2020 at 03:52 PM..
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Moving is stressful
Old 10-27-2020, 03:20 PM
  #9

especially with your child. I understand. But you are doing this for very good reasons. Congratulations on the new dream job for your husband. Consider the move an adventure. If you have a positive attitude it will help your son. I hope he surprises you and makes the change well.
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Old 10-27-2020, 03:22 PM
  #10

Wow!!!!! That's a lot to do in 3 weeks! I would try to hire someone to assist if you can. Maybe a HS kid to pack boxes.

I know covid makes it tougher to think about someone being in your home, but I think you could choose wisely and get some help.

Good luck!!! Come here to vent when you need us!


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Old 10-27-2020, 03:44 PM
  #11

Congratulations! I know itís stressful, but I also know itís exciting! Tomorrow morning, ask the therapist or teacher for help with a social story regarding moving.
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Old 10-27-2020, 03:56 PM
  #12

Congratulations!!!!!! Maybe you can have your son pick out the colors for his new room. Just curious though, what did your husband's boss say about his resignation?
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Old 10-27-2020, 04:04 PM
  #13

Oh gosh thatís a lot going on. You guys have been at the school a while. Tell me more about his job. New school? Is it far? Do you need me to send Apple House donuts?
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moving
Old 10-27-2020, 04:13 PM
  #14

We made 16 moves in the early part of our marriage. One thing that seemed to help my young children was to set up their new room as close to their old room as possible. Same blankets, pillow etc.


Today you can do a lot of house hunting on line-video walk through.



Keep life simple...do the meals that are easy to fix and your son likes to eat. You can catch up on nutrition after the move.



How far away are you moving?



Deep breath you can do this!!!
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Thank you
Old 10-27-2020, 04:15 PM
  #15

Thanks everyone for the support! My mind is going a million miles an hour.

My in-laws are already planning to come help. They’ve been encouraging DH to find something else, too. (The phrase “its like they feel like they own you” has been used several times.) My brother is also willing to help. Another friend gave us the name of some movers she just used and recommends. Another friend recommended a realtor. We are so, so lucky to have made good friends here.

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Tomorrow morning, ask the therapist or teacher for help with a social story regarding moving.
I *may* have texted his team leader this weekend and given her a head’s up just in case this happened. She’s prepared. All she needs are pictures. We’re staying in the area. The school is only 20 minutes from where we are now. Luckily, DS won’t have to change schools (just have his new home school write his new IEP). It’ll just add about 10-15 minutes to our drive. We’ve driven 45 minutes to school before, we can do it again.

Quote:
Just curious though, what did your husband's boss say about his resignation?
He offered to “take some responsibilities off his plate.” Mind you, a month ago when he added yet another responsibility to his plate and DH told him he was overloading him, his boss replied, “everyone is overloaded.” Plus, I’d bet my recess the responsibility they’d “take off his plate” is the only responsibility he actually wants so thanks but no thanks. It’s just not a good situation for our family anymore.

DH blamed me being unhappy and said it was a family decision to move on. (I’m perfectly fine being the bad guy especially since I am unhappy...but I prefer the word angry. )

cruxian, SEND DOUGHNUTS!
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Old 10-27-2020, 04:20 PM
  #16

You are both under a tremendous amount of stress, but CONGRATS to DH on his new job! I am glad DS has his puppy to accompany him to his new home!

Nancy
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Old 10-27-2020, 04:25 PM
  #17

I think itís wonderful you have such a great support system. It will be chaotic and stressful now, but in a month, when your DH has a new job itíll all be worth it. Iím so happy this all worked out.
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Old 10-27-2020, 04:58 PM
  #18

It sounds as though this change will definitely be worth the stress involved in making it. I'm glad you have people to help you.
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Old 10-27-2020, 05:03 PM
  #19

Oh wow! Congratulations to your DH! You have totally got this -- just think, by Thanksgiving, you will be all settled in your new home.
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Old 10-27-2020, 05:23 PM
  #20

Congratulations to your hubby on the new job. Youíve got this!
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Old 10-27-2020, 05:25 PM
  #21

What great news about the new job!

I can hear the stress in your post, but I'm glad that you will have help! I wish you the best with your move!
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Old 10-27-2020, 05:37 PM
  #22

Seriously, message me your address. Iím feeling like a road trip and itís be a beautiful drive.
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Old 10-27-2020, 05:40 PM
  #23

It sounds like it was meant to be since the job came at just the right moment and things are moving so fast! You've got this!!! I hope the house hunting goes as well!!
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Old 10-27-2020, 08:03 PM
  #24

Holy bananas, that's a lot! But yay for a good support team and some of the pieces already falling into place. Will send all of my good thoughts for the house purchase and move.
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Old 10-27-2020, 08:37 PM
  #25

Congratulations to him! I'm glad your dh will have a change of pace and hopefully a schedule with better balance. It's too bad you have to move since it sounds like you're staying in the area. I know change can be hard. I agree with social stories and lots of prep work. I know when we moved, it helped our son to have some control over how he packed up things and what he could take with him (we were moving across the ocean, though). It will be nice to be able to go look at the new house and transition in that way.

Good luck searching!
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Old 10-28-2020, 12:55 AM
  #26

I'm proud of you for encouraging DH for the job change and move for the sake of your family. Your family support says it all - you've made the right decision Congratulations! We're looking forward to hearing the updates.
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New job
Old 10-28-2020, 07:55 AM
  #27

Iím happy for you. This new job sounds perfect and it seems it will relieve a lot of stress.

I am confused why you have to move within 3 weeks if the new job is only 20 minutes away. Also is he able to resign and break his contract at his current school that easily?

Good luck to you. Iím glad you have people to help you through the transition.
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Old 10-28-2020, 08:14 AM
  #28

I think I recall that your husband was teaching at a private boarding school that provided housing for you? That is probably why they need to move.
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Housing
Old 10-28-2020, 08:16 AM
  #29

Quote:
I am confused why you have to move within 3 weeks if the new job is only 20 minutes away. Also is he able to resign and break his contract at his current school that easily?
We live in faculty housing. If you’re no longer a member of the faculty, you can’t stay in faculty housing. It’s the one thing I really hate about having a job that includes free housing.

He’s moving from an independent school with yearly contracts that can be broken at any time for any reason by either party (aren’t independent schools fun?) to a public school. So yep, two weeks notice and we’re out. His new contract is for 3 years...hello, job security!!!

The school may give us extra time, we’re not sure yet. Waiting to hear back, but the HR person is known to be petty so I’m not holding my breath.
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Old 10-28-2020, 12:44 PM
  #30

This sounds like a great move for your family. Best wishes for a successful move!
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Housing
Old 10-28-2020, 02:00 PM
  #31

Oh so that explains the housing. Thatís a fast turn around time. Good luck! Iím sure it will all work out.
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