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Iím just so sad today
Old 07-05-2020, 06:57 AM
  #1

My mom is going to die. Soon.

Long story short, the hospital and skilled nursing facility really dropped the ball with her and she declined alarmingly fast in a month. Since we werenít allowed to visit, it was difficult for my brother and I to manage her care, advocate for her, and make sure things were being done correctly. Thankfully, a doctor clued us in that we needed to get involved.

We got her back to her assisted living facility immediately once we found out, but the damage was done and within days we called hospice.

Last week, she had another stroke. She isnít talking. She isnít moving. She isnít eating. She isnít drinking. She hasnít woken up since Thursday.

The one ďperkĒ to this whole situation is my brother and I can see her as much as we want now so at least one of us comes and sits with her every day. Weíve told her itís ok. Iíve promised her Iíll take care of everyone and she can go. I just donít want her to suffer anymore.

And yet....I donít know how to be without my mom.


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Old 07-05-2020, 07:01 AM
  #2

H0kie, I am so very sorry. You must love her very much. I'm glad you and your brother are allowed to sit with her and talk to her.
My mom died a long time ago. I still miss her. I keep telling myself that if I didn't have a good relationship with her, I wouldn't miss her so much.
Hugs.
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Old 07-05-2020, 07:03 AM
  #3

That is so sad and I am so sorry. I'm glad you get your perk of saying goodbye at least.
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Old 07-05-2020, 07:07 AM
  #4

That is so sad and I'm very sorry.
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Old 07-05-2020, 07:07 AM
  #5

I think this is a tough time for a lot of people and their older relatives! I am so sorry that your lives are being changed so dramatically by our world situation. I am glad that you are now able to see your mom and spend time with her.

Treasure what you do still have left.


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Old 07-05-2020, 07:10 AM
  #6

I'm so sorry. It's the hardest thing. I lost my mom last year and still struggling. I'm glad you are able to be with her. Sending hugs your way!
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very sad
Old 07-05-2020, 07:13 AM
  #7

I'm so sorry. Your are very lucky you and your brother are allowed to be close to her. I'm thinking of you and your family.
((Hugs))
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Old 07-05-2020, 07:15 AM
  #8

I'm so very sorry, it is so hard to lose your mom. Take comfort in the fact that you are there with her and able to talk to her and tell her it's okay. That was the hardest thing I ever did with my mom, but it brings me comfort that I was able to - and I hope it brings you some comfort also.
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Old 07-05-2020, 07:18 AM
  #9

hOkie, I am so sorry. I lost my mom in February and I know how you feel. If you want to talk it out, just PM me. I had no idea what to expect so I have some insight.
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Old 07-05-2020, 07:23 AM
  #10

Your situation with Moms imminent passing sounds somewhat similar to mine because I lost my Mom who was my forever loyal best friend, only true confidant and wise advisor about life. Its been 6 years and I still think about her. A wonderful psychologist at my school told me that grief is like the waves in the ocean. After losing a loved one, grief comes and goes. Eventually the waves become less frequent. My advice is that life goes on and time is our friend. (((hugs)))


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Old 07-05-2020, 07:27 AM
  #11

I am so sorry. Losing a parent is one of the hardest things in life. I think of it as having more angels to guide me. Thinking of you and your family.
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Old 07-05-2020, 07:29 AM
  #12

I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you.
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Old 07-05-2020, 07:34 AM
  #13

I am so sorry you and your brother are having to experience this. Keep talking to her and let her know how loved she is. My mom passed away three years ago and I still miss her so much. It is like a PP suggested it being like waves. Thinking of you and your family. ((Hugs))
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Old 07-05-2020, 07:34 AM
  #14

h0kie, I hope you know I continue to think of your mom. I get it. Iím sending you love.
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Heart Breaking
Old 07-05-2020, 07:41 AM
  #15

My heart is so heavy for you! I can sense how utterly sad and lonely you are feeling. I truly feel you were very brave and selfless to tell your mother it's okay for her to go. I send you lots of supportive hugs and will be keeping your family in my thoughts as you walk though these painful sorrowful days. I'm so sorry...
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Old 07-05-2020, 07:41 AM
  #16

I am so very sorry to hear about your mom. Itís a loss like no other. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Be good to yourself, and know that with time, family and friends, it does get better. I miss my mom every day, but I know how blessed I am to have had a mom worth grieving so much.

(((Hugs)))
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Old 07-05-2020, 07:42 AM
  #17

(((h0kie))) I'm so very sorry to hear this. I'm praying for peace for all of you during this difficult time.
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So sorry to hear...
Old 07-05-2020, 07:54 AM
  #18

My heart is broken for you. May the love your Mom has given you throughout her life and your positive memories together bring you some small measure of comfort and peace as you go through this.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:00 AM
  #19

I am so sorry. It is good that you and your brother are able to be with her now.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:02 AM
  #20

My family went through this a year ago. It is so painful. I am so sorry.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:03 AM
  #21

I just want to say Iím so sorry for this situation youíre in. Iíve been in similar situations when there was no pandemic and itís tough. Itís hard losing your mom, especially. Prayers for you and your family.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:03 AM
  #22

Sending hugs ❤️
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:04 AM
  #23

I am so sorry. Hugs!
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Iím so sorry, H0kie.
Old 07-05-2020, 08:06 AM
  #24

I know that this is probably the hardest thing you will go through in your life, and I know youíve been through a lot. Iím praying for God to send the peace that passes all understanding for you and your family. I wish we could all be there to give you Our hugs and Our concern. Please know that we all care.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:08 AM
  #25

I am so sorry. I know this must be a difficult time. Lots of hugs and thoughts of peace.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:10 AM
  #26

Iím so sorry. Losing your Mom is just one of the hardest things to go through and made so much more complicated by this virus. Prayers for you and your family as you make this journey.
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your mom
Old 07-05-2020, 08:14 AM
  #27

I'm glad you are able to be near your mom. The end is not easy.
(((hugs))) Tell her the things you want to tell her-even though she isn't responding.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:18 AM
  #28

I'm sorry hokie. The impending loss of a beloved mother is a heavy burden and can be overwhelming. You and your brother are in my thoughts.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:24 AM
  #29

I'm so sorry. Hugs
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:25 AM
  #30

This just breaks my heart, as I lost my mom 10 years ago and my daughter in law's mom just passed away in June after a 3 year battle with cancer. You never forget your mother and all those special times, at the beginning as well as the end. I love reading all the wise words of other PT'ers. You all make a difference!
Sending hugs and comfort!
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:30 AM
  #31

My, I'm so very sorry. I know you're making your Mom be as comfortable as you can nowadays. I wish she'd wake up so you can talk with her!
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:35 AM
  #32

Hokie, I am so very sorry.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:36 AM
  #33

I am so sorry hOkie. I canít imagine a life without my mother in it. You and your family have my deepest sympathies.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:36 AM
  #34

Iím so sorry to hear about your mom. Iím glad she is getting the care she needs now and that you guys are able to visit. Sending hugs and prayers for her and your family.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:37 AM
  #35

I am so sorry to hear this. I realize your pain is so great right now. Treasure the time you are able to spend with her. Hugs and prayers.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:41 AM
  #36

Sending prayers for strength during this difficult time.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:42 AM
  #37

I am so sorry; losing your mom is so difficult but not being able to visit for these last few months makes it so much worse. Talk to her while she can still hear you. I lost my mom suddenly over 20 years ago and there are so many things I wish I had told her. It sounds like you and your mom had a good relationship. Treasure that, it will mean so much in the months and years to come.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:42 AM
  #38

Iím so sorry and sad. Hugs to you.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:47 AM
  #39

Iím so very sorry. My thoughts & prayers are with you and your entire family. Sending you a hug.
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Iím so sorry
Old 07-05-2020, 08:49 AM
  #40

I wish there was more I could do fir you besides offer my thoughts and prayers. It is never easy to lose a parent. Hugs.
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I am so sorry
Old 07-05-2020, 08:50 AM
  #41

My heart goes out to you. I won't lie to you. Without a mom life is never the same. Treasure your last days with her. Hold her hand and stroke her head. Sending prayers for you and your family.
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So sorry
Old 07-05-2020, 08:53 AM
  #42

I canít imagine your pain. Love to you.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:58 AM
  #43

I'm so sorry hokie! I'm glad you are getting to spend unlimited time with her now.
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Old 07-05-2020, 09:04 AM
  #44

Iím praying for your mom, you, & your family.
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Old 07-05-2020, 09:09 AM
  #45

I am so sorry. You are a very caring daughter. Wishing you strength and peace as you go forward during this difficult time.
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Old 07-05-2020, 09:13 AM
  #46

I can't even imagine the pain you ate going through. It's got to be so hard!!

Prayers lifted for you & your family!!
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Old 07-05-2020, 09:18 AM
  #47

This is sad news indeed, HOkie. It's difficult to say goodby to our parents but especially complicat4ed and painful during the current medical situation. I'm so sorry.
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Old 07-05-2020, 09:36 AM
  #48

I'm so, so sorry hokie.
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Old 07-05-2020, 09:56 AM
  #49

I am so very sorry to hear this news. Spend as much time with her as you can. When I sat with my mom, I just spoke out loud whatever I felt like saying. Sort of helped. The hospice group should have a grief counselor. You could take advantage of that.

Holding you in my heart.
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Old 07-05-2020, 09:57 AM
  #50

I am so sorry. That is so hard. I'm glad you get to visit now.

My father had a small stroke last week at 78. My mother and I absolutely feel some things were missed because we weren't allowed in the hospital and he just told them what they wanted to hear ( so he could get released), not necessarily what was actually going on. He is home now, and hopefully going to be okay.
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I am so sorry.
Old 07-05-2020, 10:15 AM
  #51

It is a very difficult thing to say good-bye to anyone, but it is very tough when your mother dies. I will be keeping you in my prayers.
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Old 07-05-2020, 10:21 AM
  #52

So sorry you have to go through this now...
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Old 07-05-2020, 10:32 AM
  #53

Sending love and prayers at this difficult time.
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Old 07-05-2020, 10:40 AM
  #54

I'm so, so sad for you. I'm glad you are getting to spend time with her right now. I'm sure she feels your presence, even if she isn't able to acknowledge it. My heart goes out to you and your brother.
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Old 07-05-2020, 10:49 AM
  #55

Iím sorry to hear about your mom. You and your brother sound like you are doing a good job of being with her. Telling her you will take care of things is helpful. If there is something specific that she worries about, let her know youíve taken care of it. Then hold her hand and rub her arm so she can feel that you are there. It helped my mom in her passing.
Peace for your family at this difficult time.
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Old 07-05-2020, 11:03 AM
  #56

Hokie, Iím so sorry to hear about your mom. I lost mine when I was thirteen and she is still often in my thoughts. I like how someone put it as another angel to look over you. When my sister passed away eleven years ago I told her the same thing you told your mom. I think it gave her piece of mind because she left as I was holding her hands.
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Old 07-05-2020, 11:29 AM
  #57

I'm really very sorry, h0kie. I'll be keeping you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 07-05-2020, 11:46 AM
  #58

Iím so sorry. Itís such a hard thing no matter when it happens. Iím glad that you and your brother are getting to spend time with her now.
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Iím so sorry.
Old 07-05-2020, 11:52 AM
  #59

Losing a parent is difficult. Many here on PT have gone through is life changing event and will be here to support you. Sending love and peace to you and your mom.
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Old 07-05-2020, 12:05 PM
  #60

I am so sorry! Sadly, yours is not the only situation I have heard along these lines. It is so sad that patients aren't allowed anyone to be with them to advocate for them during this Covid mess. I am glad that you are able to be with her now. Prayers for you and your family!
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So sorry
Old 07-05-2020, 12:07 PM
  #61

Iím sorry to read of your mom and her struggles. I, too, feel so lost without my mother almost 14 years later. I promise you that it does get easier, but at the same time you will still have moments when it seems so overwhelming.

Sending you and your brother virtual hugs and praying for the peace that passes all understanding as you travel this difficult road.
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Stay with her
Old 07-05-2020, 12:20 PM
  #62

We buried my mom one year ago July 3. She also went very fast. I also think mistakes were made. But looking back, not much could have been really done even if everything had gone normally - she was just too advanced. She was my best friend and I miss her so much.

You are very fortunate you can see and be with her. I think all the time how if she had been sick this year that I likely would not have been able to spend those last weeks with her. Spend that time - it has given me comfort.

I am so sorry.
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your mom
Old 07-05-2020, 12:33 PM
  #63

I'm so sorry . I was going through this exact stage with my mom a year ago. Hospice is an excellent organization. I am so appreciative for their support and wisdom. I could not have weathered my mom's passing without them. Sending my thoughts to you at this hard time.
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Old 07-05-2020, 01:18 PM
  #64

((((H0kie))))

So sorry to hear about your mom. I pray that you're surrounded and supported by loved ones.
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Old 07-05-2020, 01:31 PM
  #65

Iím so very sorry. Praying for your family.
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So sorry
Old 07-05-2020, 01:35 PM
  #66

hokie, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's declining health. I'm grateful you and your brother are able to see her now. Losing my mother 5 years ago was very difficult, but I was blessed to be with her when she passed at home. Hospice told us to tell her it was okay to go and so did my 89 year old father. The next morning she passed away peacefully. A day or so before she looked up at the window in her bedroom and said:"It's so pretty". These were the last words she spoke. I believe she was seeing heaven.

Prayers for your family during this time. Although I miss my mom every day, I'm so thankful we were all with her when she passed, including our minister.
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Old 07-05-2020, 02:02 PM
  #67

I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your mother, and the rest of your family.
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Iím so sorry
Old 07-05-2020, 02:38 PM
  #68

I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you
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Old 07-05-2020, 02:40 PM
  #69

(((h0kie))) My thoughts and prayers are with you and your brother. I am glad you are able to visit your mother and assure her that it is alright to let go.
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Old 07-05-2020, 02:42 PM
  #70

Oh Hokie, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. The Covid-19 restrictions that are meant to protect us also rob us of important time that need to be given to family. The time you and your brother get to spend time with your Mom must be comforting for her, and for you both knowing she is not alone.i will pray for your mother and you and your family.
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Old 07-05-2020, 02:56 PM
  #71

I'm so sorry! Sending you strength in this most difficult time.
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Old 07-05-2020, 03:38 PM
  #72

I wish I could say anything to make this feel better, but there is nothing I can say. My heart breaks for you, and you have every right to be feeling sad.
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Old 07-05-2020, 03:39 PM
  #73

I am so sorry to read your news. Becoming the family matriarch... it's strange is all I can say.
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Old 07-05-2020, 04:10 PM
  #74

I am so sorry to hear this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 07-05-2020, 05:06 PM
  #75

I understand your pain & am so sorry youíre going through this. When your mom is your rock thinking about being in a world where she is no longer is a primal type of pain. Iím wishing you strength to get through the days to come.
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Old 07-05-2020, 05:50 PM
  #76

I am so sorry to hear your mom is doing poorly. I am sending prayers your way.
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Old 07-05-2020, 06:01 PM
  #77

I've been there and I know how it hurts. I am so sorry my friend. My heart and my prayers support you and your family.

(((HUGS)))

Nancy
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:21 PM
  #78

Oh I'm so sorry. You and you family will be in my thoughts.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:29 PM
  #79

I can't imagine, and I'm just so sorry. Keeping you in my thoughts.
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Old 07-05-2020, 09:26 PM
  #80

I am so sorry. I can't think of any words for this. I'm glad you are able to be with her now.
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Old 07-06-2020, 07:47 AM
  #81

Thinking of you today. I hope you have a gentle day.
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Thank you
Old 07-06-2020, 09:48 AM
  #82

Thank you for all the support.

They started mom on oxygen this morning. Her pulse ox was 77. I worried her breathing looked weird this weekend so I’m not surprised.

The hospice nurse filling in for her previous nurse (who is on vacation this week) guesses 48-72 hours, but of course no one knows for sure.
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Old 07-06-2020, 10:10 AM
  #83

Hokie I am so sorry. It is so hard . . . I send you love and prayers at this time.
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Old 07-06-2020, 05:23 PM
  #84

I'm so sorry. Sending prayers your way.
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